TWELVE 91

It took a long time to read the next sentence. It was because my vision kept blurring fuzzily no matter how many times I wiped it. Fearing my grandmother’s letters would smudge from my tears, I did not dare to unfold the letter I had folded back up. Only after barely accepting the longing that would likely last a lifetime was I able to open the letter again.

[I write to my precious grandson, Woo Seungkyung

If I had known it would make you so exhausted, I would not have said I would live a long time and said I would go soon instead

The child who wandered from this corner of a house to that corner of a house, eating the rice of others’ hospitality, never saying he hated it and unable to even cry

I got married at nineteen and became a widow, but Woo Seungkyung is my own child

Do not envy others, do not be cold, do not go hungry, that is how I wanted to raise you

But because I was poor and unlearned, I only made my grandson suffer

Thinking about how my baby would live once I am dead and gone, it felt like I would not even be able to close my eyes, so even if I am starving and exhausted now, I saved up harshly

Shinhyun Bank 448—102—508166

Password 1580

It is under the name Woo Seungkyung

Do not spend a lot of money on my funeral, and use it for eating rice, turn on the boiler in winter, buy clothes to wear, and be sure to go back to school

If there is any left, use it when you get married

I am sorry I could not raise my precious child preciously, Grandmother loves you the most]

Each letter my grandmother had pressed down and written dug chillingly into my heart.

“I… I am sorry… Grandmother…”

I believed I had done my best, but I hadn’t even realized the sorrow that was deeply ingrained within my grandmother. I knew she worried about me, but I didn’t realize how much of a sharp awl my existence was to her. Even as I felt she loved me overflowingly, I couldn’t properly see just how immense that affection was.

The fact that the end of that love was ultimately a parting, leaving behind only worries that could never be resolved, was what I found most unbearable.

What was that money even worth. She shouldn’t have worked until her hands were blistered and her knees were worn down; she should have stayed with me longer. Why was she so worried about a grown grandson with perfectly fine limbs…

I cried as much as I wanted to cry. It was because I hoped my grandmother, who had felt sorry for my younger self for not crying, would now be at peace.

Grandmother, I, who didn’t even know how to express my emotions properly, can cry to my heart’s content now. I eat my fill every day, I run the boiler until it’s hot in the winter, and I buy clothes from department stores. It’s all thanks to Gi Seoin being by my side. So please, don’t worry.

“…Though I won’t be able to get married.”

After crying until my eyes felt stinging and puffy, my heart felt a bit lighter. Without realizing it, I let out a laugh after saying something silly.

“Married?”

Gi Seoin, who was holding me and stroking my back, asked. I replied while wiping my eyes.

“It was written in the letter. She said to use the money Grandmother left when I get married. But I can’t get married.”

At that, the fellow raised his eyebrows.

“Why can’t you? You can.”

“How? In our country, men can’t marry each other.”

“I told you, let’s go abroad and do it.”

He looked ready to buy plane tickets right away if I said okay. Chuckling, I rested my forehead against his chest.

“Then shall we? We could even just emigrate and live there.”

“Yeah, let’s do that. I’ll look into plane tickets.”

“He’s actually doing it.”

I lifted my head and looked at Gi Seoin. He looked back at me.

“I don’t say empty words.”

“True, you’ve never been one for empty words.”

Even so, to just flatly accept the suggestion of going abroad to get married. Is he simply decisive, or is he naive? Or is it both? Regardless, he’s cute.

“You’re cute, Gi Seoin.”

On impulse, I grabbed his white cheeks and stretched them out to the sides. Then, his mouth fell open weakly as he gave a broad, silly grin.

“You look like a fool.”

One shouldn’t laugh right after crying. I giggled while making another lighthearted joke. Gi Seoin seemed to be in a good mood simply because I wasn’t crying anymore. For the sake of a fellow like him, I need to become steadier. Because my tears make him sink too.

I folded the letter again and put it back in the envelope. How should I keep this so I can take it out and look at it for the rest of my life? After worrying for a moment, I braced my heart.

“I think Grandmother helped me after all. So I wouldn’t live a life of being wronged. She meant for me to use that money when I ‘marry’ you, Gi Seoin.”

“Yeah. It seems so.”

Gi Seoin gently stroked my hair. It felt as if the inside of my chest was melting softly while my head was becoming clearer instead.

“For now, we’ve confirmed that Grandmother made an account in my name and left it for me.”

So now, what do we do?

“We have to confirm if it’s true that hyung Juseok took it…”

“First.”

Gi Seoin said succinctly.

“Let’s go back to the bank.”

Without delay, we left the house and got into the car. I didn’t forget to leave a greeting in my heart to Grandmother, saying I would be back soon. I had never believed in things like religion or psychic phenomena, but I felt a certainty that Grandmother would be watching over me.

As we were leaving the neighborhood, heading down the narrow hill road, Gi Seoin asked.

“Did you ever give your ID card to someone else around the time the money was withdrawn?”

“I did.”

There was no need to think about it. A face came to mind immediately. As expected, it was Jeon Juseok.

“To hyung Juseok. He said we should write a contract saying I would definitely pay back the money I borrowed for the funeral expenses. He took it then, saying it was necessary.”

Since he had lent money to me when I was penniless, I thought it was understandable for him to be anxious. Even if I couldn’t pay back all the money right away, I wanted to give Jeon Juseok trust. That’s why, naturally, I wrote the contract and handed over my ID.

On the other hand, I was also afraid that if I said I couldn’t write the contract, hyung would change his mind.

Only now did I realize poignantly that Jeon Juseok had thoroughly exploited my lack, anxiety, and fear.

“Where is that contract?”

“It’s at home.”

“Let’s look at it later.”

“Okay.”

Once again, Gi Seoin felt reliable. Since he was a lawyer, reviewing a contract would be a simple task.

For what purpose did I turn away from Gi Seoin’s hand for such a long time? I gripped Gi Seoin’s hand even tighter. I had wandered so much to get to this point.

Returning to the bank, following Gi Seoin’s advice, I asked which branch the withdrawal had been processed at. Then, we headed to that branch. It was in the Gangnam area, and as far as I knew, it was the neighborhood where Jeon Juseok had lived his whole life with his aunt and her husband. It wasn’t far, but since I’d had no reason to go there in the meantime, it had been a very long time.

Arriving at Branch B, I asked the pre-prepared question without much expectation. It was whether I could see the CCTV from the time of the withdrawal. The employee replied immediately with a troubled face.

“It is difficult for an individual to view the CCTV; you can check it if accompanied by the police for an ongoing investigation and such. But the date… too much time has passed. The retention period for CCTV is two years.”

“Do you not back up the CCTV footage separately?”

“No, we don’t do that.”

The employee returned my ID and the withdrawal statement as they continued.

“You’re saying someone else withdrew your deposit without authorization, right? Then I think it would be good to report it to the police. I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help.”

“It’s alright.”

It was something that had happened over eight years ago. Since I hadn’t expected the CCTV footage to remain, I wasn’t disappointed. However, I was at a loss as to what to do next.

“Then for today…”

After getting into the car, Gi Seoin, who had been quiet as if deep in thought, spoke up.

“Let’s just rest. There’s nothing good about overdoing it.”

He was talking about my physical condition. I agreed. In any case, I didn’t think it would be resolved immediately or that I could find a clue equivalent to that. It was going to be a difficult battle. To reach the conclusion, I had to take care of my health first.

Gi Seoin and I decided to have steak as we had promised when we left the hospital this morning. However, the place he drove to was not a restaurant, but a grocery store.

“Is there something you need to buy?”

“I’m going to shop for groceries.”

“Suddenly?”

“I’ll make the steak for you.”

“No, we can just buy it and eat…”

“Rest in the car. I’ll be back soon.”

He closed the car door before I could say anything more.

I really could have just bought a steak to eat. In fact, buying it might be more delicious…

Hmm? What kind of wicked thought was that?

Gi Seoin’s cooking is plenty delicious. The history of me eating well and digesting it safely until now was the proof.

Of course, there were times when the food Gi Seoin made was salty, sweet, or bland. But that was an unavoidable choice made while adjusting the seasoning out of concern for my health. He had never said so, but that must have been the case regardless.

It wasn’t that I was worried about whether Gi Seoin could grill a steak deliciously, I just felt sorry for making the fellow, who had suffered following me around all day, stand in the kitchen again. Truly.

I almost made him feel hurt.

…He’ll probably buy expensive meat, too.

I pulled out my phone and searched for ‘How to grill a steak deliciously.’ I intended to find out what the standard recipe was beforehand and give him a subtle suggestion if Gi Seoin’s method seemed a bit peculiar.