TWELVE 9

“Gi Seoin, why are you here?”

I was truly shocked when I ran into Gi Seoin at the high school entrance ceremony. This was because Gi Seoin had said his goal was to attend a foreign language high school. Since he hadn’t said a single word about changing his plans in the meantime, I momentarily thought I was seeing things.

Gi Seoin was the type who drew attention just by standing still, and many kids besides me were glancing at him. Thanks to that, I could be certain that the Gi Seoin I saw wasn’t a ghost or a delusion.

Even though the attention focused on him could have been burdensome, Gi Seoin looked at me with his usual face. No, he also seemed a bit flushed.

“I changed schools.”

“Huh? Why so suddenly?”

He also seemed perhaps a bit shy.

“Woo Seungkyung, I wanted to go to the same school as you.”

“Whoa, really?”

Before that, since we had attended different schools, we used to feel regretful, saying it would have been fun if we went to the same one. To be able to go to school, take classes, and play after school with Gi Seoin just as we had wished felt like a dream. Another layer of expectation was added to the excitement of becoming a high schooler.

Had my dreams ever come true before? When I was very young, I wished for my deceased parents to come back to life. Naturally, that didn’t happen. After that, I wanted to be rich, and that was also realistically impossible.

But surely the small wish of wanting a fun school life could have been granted. Sometimes, I resent the heavens.

The long-awaited high school life began. Even when I was assigned to the same class as Gi Seoin, I believed everything was going smoothly.

“Seungkyung. Do you want to eat lunch together?”

“Sure! It’s okay if Seoin comes too, right?”

“…Um, you’re going to eat with Gi Seoin?”

“Yeah, I’ve always eaten with Seoin.”

“Then I think I’ll have to ask the others…”

For some reason, the kids in the same class avoided Gi Seoin. It wasn’t exactly bullying, as there were kids who wanted to get close to him, and nothing like harassment or school violence occurred. However, the majority of the kids clearly kept their distance from Gi Seoin.

While I got along evenly with almost all the children, I stuck to Gi Seoin like we were one body. Perhaps because of that, it was only much later that I learned the reason Gi Seoin was branded as someone to be avoided.

“I felt a bit awkward saying this because you seem close to Seoin… but should I say he looks down on us? He’s arrogant, so I don’t really like him. He isn’t like that to you, right?”

Gi Seoin looks down on someone?

The Gi Seoin I knew was just a man of few words; he didn’t have a personality that belittled others. He could have seemed arrogant in some ways, but fundamentally, he wasn’t a bad kid. Unfortunately, that was a purely subjective judgment. He was a good friend only to me.

Gi Seoin didn’t talk to anyone other than me. If someone spoke to him first, he would frequently ignore them to the point where the other person felt embarrassed. When I, having realized the reality, tentatively suggested to Gi Seoin that it might be good to get along with the other kids, he replied like this:

“There’s no need.”

“But the kids are misunderstanding you…”

“I came to this school because of you, not to play with other kids.”

My mistake was that, even then, I rationalized it by thinking Gi Seoin was simply clumsy at expressing himself in peer relationships.

‘Seungkyung. What were you talking about with Kim Chanwoo earlier?’

‘Seungkyung. Why is he borrowing a uniform from you?’

‘Seungkyung. Did you make plans with them?’

‘Seungkyung, Woo Seungkyung…’

Gi Seoin would call my name so affectionately while being extremely wary of my interactions with other children. He acted as if he loathed every human being in the school except for me. If I even spoke to someone, he would show an unpleasant air as if I had been stained with filth and would try to control me as well.

Even so, I stayed by Gi Seoin’s side.

Regardless, I liked Gi Seoin.

I considered it fate that we, who had no points of contact, had developed into such close friends. The time spent laughing with him had unknowingly become a part of me. He, who treated me as someone precious, was precious to me too.

Precious enough to ignore all those signals…

“Woo Seungkyung! I heard Choi Siah likes you?”

“Ooh-la-la.”

The volcano called Gi Seoin, which had already been simmering, erupted when I came to face the gateway of my first romance.

[Seungkyung. Hello? I’m Siah. I’ve been interested in you since the entrance ceremony. To get straight to the point, I like you. If you’re okay with it, do you want to try dating? Please make sure to reply.]

I was in a state where rational thought was impossible due to a fluttering heart I was experiencing for the first time in my life. If I had been even slightly more in my right mind, I wouldn’t have shown the confession letter to Gi Seoin as if to brag.

Gi Seoin couldn’t take his eyes off the letter for a long time, as if it were a letter he had received himself. Then, he tore the letter up.

“Gi Seoin! What are you doing!”

I tried desperately to stop him, but Gi Seoin had already grown much taller and bigger than me. Moreover, he was in a state of being possessed by the magic called rage. There was no way I could win.

The scraps of paper that used to be a letter lay scattered on the floor like trash.

“Hey!”

“Woo Seungkyung, you…”

“Gi Seoin…!”

“Now it doesn’t matter to you what happens to me.”

Gi Seoin, who muttered words of unknown meaning, left the spot without looking back. Instead of chasing after him, I picked up and gathered the scraps of paper. Tears burst forth because the anger that followed the absurdity felt unfamiliar and scary.

Gi Seoin didn’t show up to school the next day. He was absent the day after that, and the day after that as well. The teacher only relayed the message that ‘Seoin is sick.’ At that time, since I didn’t have a mobile phone, I could only contact him via home phone, but in the end, I didn’t get to hear his voice.

And just one day after I received the letter, a rumor that Choi Siah and I were dating spread throughout the entire school.

I had never sent a reply to Choi Siah, nor had I met her in person to give an answer. But everyone believed that she and I were dating, and whether I liked it or not, I had to be tied to her as one.

Perhaps because Gi Seoin wasn’t by my side, other kids also tried to pair me with her without hesitation. At that time, Choi Siah and I were like a source of entertainment and a symbol of vicarious satisfaction for the other children.

Choi Siah was a girl who belonged to the popular group. When I first received the confession letter, I vaguely thought I would be happy if I dated her. However, once we actually became the official school couple, it wasn’t enjoyable.

“Seungkyung. Do you want to watch a movie after school today?”

“Ah, sorry. I have plans today…”

“What? Why do you have plans every single day?”

My head was completely filled with thoughts of Gi Seoin, who wasn’t coming to school.

After declining Choi Siah’s first request for a date, I went to Gi Seoin’s house after school.

I knew where Gi Seoin’s house was, but since he had shown signs of not being pleased about it, I had never played there. I didn’t think his parents would know me either. I hesitated and hesitated again at the thought that showing up unannounced might be rude to both Gi Seoin and his family, but in the end, I arrived there.

The high walls and heavy main gate seemed to threaten me, so I needed courage just to press the doorbell button.

—Where are you calling from?

I couldn’t tell who the person answering the intercom was, but they didn’t seem to be Gi Seoin’s parents.

“Ah, hello. I-I’m Seoin’s friend, Woo Seungkyung. By any chance… is Seoin at home?”

—Please wait a moment.

Anyway, after waiting for about thirty minutes according to my sense of time, the firmly closed main gate opened. A middle-aged woman greeted me. Judging by her voice, she was the person who had answered the intercom. She guided me politely, as if I were a VIP.

My impression of that house was ‘a place where I shouldn’t have come carelessly.’ Everything, even the corners one might consider insignificant, was grand and fastidious. Just like Gi Seoin…

“This is student Seoin’s room.”

After she stepped aside, I just stared at the closed room door for a while. I swallowed hard several times, and only after rubbing my palms, wet with cold sweat, against my school uniform to wipe them, could I grab the doorknob.

Even though it was daytime, the inside of the room revealed through the gap in the door was pitch black.

“Gi Seoin? Are you here?”

Only after getting used to the ink-like darkness did my eyes find Gi Seoin.

Gi Seoin was sitting on the bed.

“What are you doing there? Can I turn on the light?”

Gi Seoin didn’t answer. Since he was a guy of few words to begin with, and it was a situation where meeting me after several days might be awkward, I didn’t mind. Without receiving his permission, I felt along the wall and touched the switch.

The first time seeing his room since becoming friends with Gi Seoin. The impression of that place was…

It was a scene from a horror movie.

The top of the bed where Gi Seoin sat was entirely covered in a bright red color. It didn’t take long to realize that the identity of the unpleasant red liquid was the blood flowing from Gi Seoin’s wrist.

“Hey, you…!”

“Seungkyung.”

Gi Seoin called me with lips that smiled as if he were simply sitting there welcoming a friend.

“What’s wrong with you!”

“Seungkyung.”

“Get a hold of yourself!”

I grabbed his shoulders and shook him.

“Seoin, Gi Seoin…!”

My gaze naturally went outside the door with the thought that I had to seek help.

As if Gi Seoin had anticipated what I would do, he grabbed my chin and made me look at him.

“Don’t call anyone.”

“You’re hurt. I have to call. Let’s call.”

“It’s okay.”

“I said you’re bleeding!”

“I said it’s okay!”

His voice, which was always quiet and gentle, filled the entire room. I froze as if the unfamiliar vibration had cast a spell on me.

“I’m really okay.”

Gi Seoin, who conversely muttered in a whisper, leaned his face against my chest.

“Because you came. Woo Seungkyung is here. You came to see me. So it’s okay…”

Gi Seoin, who was speaking with a hint of laughter in his voice, suddenly started heaving. My school uniform shirt began to get soaked.

After our first meeting at age ten, I saw his tears for the first time. Being flustered and having no time to think, I embraced Gi Seoin as my body moved on its own. Then, the knife lying next to him caught my eye.

A chill ran down my spine. The fear that Gi Seoin could die overwhelmed me.

I lifted his blood-stained wrist. I found the injured part and wrapped my palm around it as if to stop the bleeding. Gi Seoin’s tears were cold and his blood was hot. Both were terrible.

“Seoin. What’s wrong? What happened? Hmm? Why…”

Following my subconscious, I asked why he did it as if speaking a monologue, then I shut my mouth.

“Seungkyung…”

I already knew the answer to ‘why.’

“Seungkyung, tell me…”

Gi Seoin asked in a wet voice while burying his face in me.

“You won’t abandon me, right?”