TWELVE 88

“Hyung. Juseok hyung…”

Before the sun had even fully risen, the people helping with the funeral procession arrived. Only then did I go into the rest area to wake Juseok hyung. However, I grew anxious because hyung showed no sign of waking up at all.

“Hyung, wake up. Hyung.”

I eventually shook him, and hyung yelled while brushing my arm away.

“Fuck! Let me sleep, just let me sleep!”

“…Sorry, hyung. But you have to get up.”

“Augh, this is absolute shit, really.”

Before long, hyung clutched his head and slowly sat up.

“Fuck, it feels like my head is going to explode.”

“Are you okay?”

“Do I look okay right now?”

He snapped in annoyance, then looked at my face for the first time and wore an “uh-oh” expression.

“…What, you said I have to get up?”

“Yeah… We have to carry the casket now.”

“Moving the casket? Do I have to do that too?”

“It’s okay. The people helping have all arrived.”

“Really? Isn’t that all money?”

That’s right, it’s all money.

But since Gi Seoin and Jang Cheolwoo were the only ones to help carry it, there were no options to begin with. Even if I had known Juseok hyung was coming, the funeral home said the carrying party needed at least five people, so more people were needed anyway.

“You little bastard who doesn’t even have money.”

Juseok hyung spoke in a lamenting tone. My mouth felt bitter, but I forced a smile.

“It can’t be helped.”

“Did you pay the funeral expenses?”

“Yes, I decided to settle it today.”

“How much is it?”

“I think I’ll have to talk to them to find out.”

I asked on the first day of the funeral, but they said the cost varies depending on the scale and the number of mourners, so I only received a rough estimate.

“They might rip you off because you’re a kid. Let’s go together.”

Staggering to his feet, hyung patted my back. Sure enough, as soon as I came out of the rest area with him, a person I’d never seen before approached and brought up the settlement of expenses.

As soon as I sat across the table from him, a paper full of numbers was pushed toward me along with a quick explanation.

“…So with that, I will help you process a total payment of 5,305,500 won.”

“Pardon?”

I asked again to see if the amount I heard was correct. The man with the businesslike smile said the amount I heard was accurate and pointed out the items written on the settlement sheet one by one again. It felt like I’d been hit on the back of the head.

“Um, when I first consulted, I heard that about 2 million won would be enough.”

“That was likely an estimate for the minimum amount. Because funeral expenses vary completely from case to case, there may be a difference between the initially guided amount and the actual payment. You should have been informed of this during the consultation as well.”

I felt like I had heard something like that. To be honest, I don’t remember. My head felt like it had gone white, and nothing came to mind. How much do I have in my bank account right now? It seemed that even if I scraped together the condolence money and my bank balance to the very bottom, it wouldn’t be anywhere near enough.

“If a cash payment is a burden, card payment is also possible.”

What should I do. I didn’t even have a credit card.

“Um… Is it not possible to pay later?”

“In principle, you must pay before the procedure for carrying the deceased.”

“Wait a minute.”

At that moment, Juseok hyung stepped in.

“He is the chief mourner, but I’m also a member of the bereaved family. We’ll go talk for a bit.”

Having said that, he abruptly dragged me back to the rest area.

Click, he even locked the door, then put his hands on his waist and let out a deep sigh.

“Do you really have no money?”

“…Yeah.”

“But the funeral, fuck… No, you have to do a funeral, you have to, but. So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know either.”

It’s pathetic of me to give an answer like this, but I was in a state where I truly didn’t know anything.

“The bank… Should I try going to the bank?”

“What are you going to do at a bank?”

“See if I can get a loan…”

“Would they give you a loan?”

No. Even when I was getting a loan for Grandma’s hospital bills, I went to every single bank there was, but I was rejected by all of them.

The only places willing to lend me money were those where, even if they were legal, the interest was ridiculously high.

Even that was a desperate situation so I reached out, but now it was uncertain if I could get a loan even from such places.

“I don’t know…”

“Wow, you’re damn reckless.”

It was true. My life is reckless. Problems arise before I can even make a plan, and by the time I struggle to solve the problem, I’m already in the swamp.

A plan is something you make when you have leeway. It’s an excuse to some, I suppose.

“Sigh… Seriously, no, this is…”

Juseok hyung muttered some unknown words to himself, then looked me straight in the eye.

“Hey, Seungkyung.”

“Yeah?”

“If I lend you money, can you pay it back steadily?”

“You’re going to lend it to me, hyung…?”

“Then what else? The funeral cost is 5 million won, and you have no money and no plan. I’m your hyung in name, can I just stand by and watch? As a man, can I just pretend not to know?”

He put his hand on my shoulder, then gripped it tightly and said.

“It’s not like I have money either, okay? But my credit score is okay, so a loan will come through. Instead, you have to promise that you will definitely pay it back. Don’t just make a promise, you have to actually pay it back. I’m getting a loan and lending it to you because I trust you. Got it?”

Before an answer, my head nodded.

“Yeah, yeah. Hyung. I’ll definitely pay it back. Definitely, no matter what happens, I’ll pay it all back.”

“Fine, I trust you man to man.”

“Thank you, hyung. Truly… thank you.”

It felt like I might cry, but I held it back by biting the inside of my cheek. I didn’t want to show a weak side. Not for any other reason, but I was afraid that if I looked like a weak person, he wouldn’t lend me the money.

He was the rope of hope lowered down to me. I was afraid it would slip away due to my mistake. To me, luck was a mirage accompanied by anxiety.

“First, I have to go to the bank, so you stay here and talk to the staff.”

“Yeah. I’ll do that, hyung.”

“And this…”

He, whose voice was always loud, spoke as if whispering.

“Let’s keep this a secret known only to the two of us. If my mom finds out, she’ll flip. I came here secretly by myself too. You lived at our house in the past so you know, Mrs. Hwang’s temper.”

I knew that my aunt became sensitive when it came to money. Even he, who seemed to fear nothing in the world, seemed to fear my aunt. I thought there must be a reason. I nodded my head vigorously.

“I’ll do that. I won’t tell anyone.”

“I’m off. Oh, you have a phone, right?”

After taking my phone number, he made me save his phone number too. And he told me to send him my account number. He said as soon as an emergency loan came through at the bank, he would wire the money to me immediately.

It wouldn’t happen, but just in case he changed his mind, I grew anxious and sent the account number quickly.

Since they said the casket could be moved only after the settlement was completed, I waited anxiously only for hyung’s contact.

It was about an hour and a bit more after that.

[Juseok hyung: Sent the money. Check it.]

Without even a moment to reply, I went into the bank app, and after checking the balance, I bit my lip.

[Juseok hyung: I sent plenty so just keep it, use it, and pay me back lol]

[Juseok hyung: Something urgent came up so I’m going to go take care of some work lol Do the cremation well]

Not because of sadness, but because of a strange emotion that’s hard to explain, it felt like I might cry, but I pressed it down. There was still a lot of work left to do.

I had cried plenty last night, and there were opportunities tonight and tomorrow night as well. Right now, more than anything, safely and properly seeing Grandma off was the priority. I wanted to do it so there were no regrets.

After finishing the settlement, I called hyung to let him know, but he didn’t pick up. Not long after, Gi Seoin and Jang Cheolwoo arrived.

After performing the funeral rites together with the two of them, myself, and two people who came as helpers, we began carrying the casket. The casket wasn’t as heavy as I thought, and my heart fell to the ground more easily than I had prepared for.

The path to the crematorium remained vividly in my memory. However, from the farewell ceremony after arriving, the memories were faint. Only the sound of crying—which I was confused about whether it was mine or not—and the sight of the casket holding Grandma entering the cremation furnace were stuck in my chest, heavy and painful like an axe.

When I woke up, I had already returned to the house where I lived with Grandma. I hoped that I had escaped from a long nightmare. I prayed that Grandma was alive, if not at home, then even in the hospital.

But Gi Seoin said that I had fainted and only just woken up now. The moments I had desperately hoped were a nightmare were all reality. Grandma was no longer by my side.

I couldn’t know how long it took until I returned to my senses. Fortunately, it didn’t exceed a day. No, it didn’t matter if I stayed collapsed for two or three days. I was just worried about Gi Seoin, who wouldn’t leave my side.

“Seoin, can you keep staying here? You have to study for your exams.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve already done a lot.”

Now, even saying I was sorry made me feel sorry, so I rather kept my mouth shut. Gi Seoin didn’t particularly strike up a conversation with me either. He simply prepared meals when the time came, put me to sleep, and for the remaining time, he studied with a small table set up next to me.

When he had to go to school to take an exam, Gi Seoin took me with him. I sat in a cafe and waited until he came. It was okay because even though I sat blankly, not thinking of anything and doing nothing, he returned quickly.

Thanks to Gi Seoin’s care, I slowly but surely emerged from the sadness. After that, my heart ached as I wondered belatedly if he had even slept properly all that time. Why did he go that far for someone like me?

“These are all side dishes. The rice is in the freezer. How many minutes did I say to microwave it?”

“2 minutes… 30 seconds?”

“That’s right. Make sure you eat. I’ll check again when I come back.”

Gi Seoin stacked the side dish containers neatly inside the refrigerator. His back looked busy. Today was the long-awaited last day of exams, but he said he had to go to his parents’ house because of a call from them.

Even though I said I was fine, he made it very obvious that he was worried sick about me.

“Seoin, I’m really fine. So go see your parents happily.”

“If you’re really fine, make sure you eat all the food. But don’t force yourself and get indigestion.”

“I get it, I get it. Go quickly. You’ll be late.”

“Contact me if anything happens.”

“I told you I would.”

“Do it even if nothing happens.”

“Understood, teacher!”

I answered playfully on purpose, and fortunately, it worked. Only then did Gi Seoin put on his shoes.

To be honest, I hoped he wouldn’t leave.

“Seoin.”

Why is it that I only harbor emotions that are difficult to blurt out?

I wanted to hug him for no reason, but I only managed to wave my hand.

“Good luck on your exam.”