TWELVE 37

I stared at the photograph the police held out and said:

“I’ve never seen him before. It’s true I don’t know him.”

The scene of the stabbing flashed in my mind, and I hastily averted my gaze from the photo of the intruder. The police asked a few more questions, and I only had to answer with the facts as they were. Even though it wasn’t difficult, it was exhausting.

The police comforted me, saying I should rest easy since the intruder had already been detained, but it wasn’t much of a consolation.

Every time I drift into a light sleep, I encounter that man. Eyes glittering with madness shine upon me, and a chilling blade pierces through me. In some dreams, I survive just as I did in reality, but in other dreams, I frequently end up dying a gruesome death.

I wasn’t well even when I was awake. I was frequently caught up in the scenes from that time, trapped in a state of confusion.

The panic attacks that used to appear intermittently when I was alone now occurred constantly. Eventually, Gi Seoin brought a psychiatrist to see me.

The doctor said that this incident was merely the trigger, and that my mental health had likely been precarious for quite a long time. To that, I neither affirmed nor denied. It was because I certainly felt that my current state was strange, but in the past, I had thought, Doesn’t everyone else live feeling this way too…?

“Wow, I’m a total walking hospital.”

When I muttered self-deprecatingly, Gi Seoin, who was sitting on the sofa attending to work, looked back at me.

On the third day of hospitalization, Gi Seoin stayed by my side without leaving for even a moment. I felt sorry and embarrassed, but in my current state, I simply couldn’t refuse his help. He played the role of my guardian perfectly without showing a single sign of fatigue.

Gi Seoin said:

“It’s okay because you can make a full recovery.”

“I guess so.”

Saying it was okay because I could fully recover was an encouragement so quintessentially Gi Seoin that a laugh slipped through my lips.

“If I had caught an incurable disease, what would you have said?”

“I’ll keep you alive as long as possible, so don’t worry.”

“Oho.”

Seeing him speak as if his tongue were greased, he really must be a lawyer. I even whistled on purpose, but Gi Seoin returned his gaze to the stack of files with an impassive expression. After watching him idly for a while, I felt a sudden impulse to speak.

“I’m sorry, Seoin.”

“…”

Gi Seoin looked back at me quietly. He had an expression that seemed to say, “Don’t say unnecessary things.” I chuckled.

“I just felt like I should say what needs to be said. Go back to what you were doing.”

“In times like this, say thank you, not ‘I’m sorry.’”

He was right.

“Okay… Thank you.”

I averted my gaze so as not to interfere with Gi Seoin’s work any further. Soon, the sound of paper turning echoed regularly with a rustling noise. Since the hospital room was a private suite, it was very quiet as long as neither I nor Gi Seoin made a fuss.

On the first day, I was so out of it that I didn’t realize the nature of the room, but on the second day, it suddenly dawned on me that a private suite isn’t easily obtained and the hospitalization fees are astronomical. Since I was in a position where I was about to default on my original debts, I couldn’t pile on another debt, so I told Gi Seoin I would move rooms.

I anticipated it even as I brought it up, but as expected, Gi Seoin did not allow the room change. He blocked all my room for rebuttal by arguing that a private suite was better for him to stay in.

In a situation where I was relying on Gi Seoin to a point that was almost shameful, I couldn’t move to a general ward of my own volition and cause him discomfort. Since Gi Seoin was acting as both a lawyer and my guardian simultaneously, a comfortable working environment had to be established even at the hospital.

I decided to leave the problem of paying the hospital bills to the future, healthy version of myself. It could also be seen that I chose avoidance because the problems my current self shouldered were already at their limit.

Because my movements were restricted, the only thing I could do was lie in the hospital bed and steal glances at Gi Seoin. I peered at him through narrowed eyes, fearing he might catch me.

The longer I spent taking in the sight of Gi Seoin, the more I felt my reality scattering and even my past becoming distorted. It was because of a doubt that brushed past me like the wind.

Could it be that I had misunderstood Gi Seoin? Was it that I got scared beforehand and tried to run away while hurting Gi Seoin? If I had just followed what Gi Seoin wanted, couldn’t we have been happy without any problems instead…?

“We will begin the anesthesia now. You might feel a stinging sensation as the medicine goes in. Please relax and close your eyes comfortably.”

On the morning of the fourth day of hospitalization, I lay in the operating room and closed my eyes as instructed. It had only been four days, but perhaps because the only thing I could do autonomously while staying in the room was watch Gi Seoin, I had the illusion that I was still seeing him even with my eyes closed.

And I doubted the past again.

‘If you’ve brought me all the way back to life, and now you say you’re going to die because of me, then what about me?’

What if I gave him unnecessary scars back then because of my misunderstanding?

Anesthesia was similar to getting drunk quickly. In my hazy mind, I even end up dragging out thoughts I shouldn’t have.

‘Gi Seoin! If you keep crying, I’m seriously going to kiss you!’

‘You were looking only at me back then too instead of studying.’

‘But, by any chance… are you dating?’

‘Honestly, I thought Gi Seoin liked you.’

‘Woo Seungkyung, just live with me.’

If I hadn’t been afraid and had expressed my true feelings to you for even just one of those countless moments, could we have been different?

If so, what kind of answer would you have given me?

“The surgery went well. There was no nerve or blood vessel damage that can occur during surgery. The part from the initial emergency surgery is also being well maintained. Look. This is the X-ray taken the day before yesterday. Here, the fractured part of the collarbone…”

The screen switched from the X-ray taken the day before yesterday to the one just taken.

“Like this, it has been fixed with a metal plate and screws. Generally, the bone starts to fuse after about 6 weeks. We will check if the bone is fusing well through regular follow-up exams. Until then, please be careful not to move your arm much. Even if it’s uncomfortable, please wear the arm sling properly.”

After a long explanation, it was finally my turn to ask a question.

“Um, until when do I have to be hospitalized?”

Assuming the doctor must have done a good job, I wasn’t particularly curious about whether my shoulder was okay. Above all, I wanted to know most how many more days I had to stay in the private suite, and therefore how much new debt would accumulate.

“I recommend being hospitalized for ten more days, but if you want an early discharge, I can say at least 5 days from now.”

“Yes, then…”

“Does the metal plate have to be removed?”

I nodded with the intention of ending the consultation, but Gi Seoin cut in and asked.

“If there is discomfort, we will do removal surgery after a year, but it is fine to live with it permanently inserted.”

Besides that, Gi Seoin asked about detailed maintenance methods, points to be careful of, and even diet management. By the end, the doctor looked a bit exhausted. After coming out of the consultation room, I nudged him in the side.

“Doing that makes you a nuisance guardian.”

“Asking a few questions doesn’t make me a nuisance.”

“It’s because it wasn’t just a few questions. Why did you ask about the sleeping direction and the water temperature when showering?”

“You have to be sure about even the trivial things for it to heal quickly.”

It wasn’t a wrong statement, so I was the one who was left speechless instead.

Upon arriving at the hospital room, I lay on the bed with Gi Seoin’s support. A nurse would have helped if it weren’t for him, but even if there were someone to replace him, for some reason, I couldn’t imagine Gi Seoin being absent.

“Seoin, thank you.”

This time, I chose those words instead of ‘I’m sorry.’ Gi Seoin also smiled faintly, as if remembering what he had said. After telling me to rest, he went to the sofa, which had now become his designated seat. I was also about to close my eyes as sleepiness began to wash over me.

“Your phone.”

“Huh?”

I looked back at him.

“Did you find my phone?”

“No, I went to look for it, but it wasn’t anywhere.”

“…You went to my house? When?”

“I went while you were having surgery. To pick up some necessary items as well.”

Just hearing that Gi Seoin had gone to that house alone made my heart sink for a moment. Soon, my breathing quickened and my whole body began to tremble as if having a convulsion. The fear that I might die soon pierced through my heart. It was a panic attack.