TWELVE 13

“This is your shoulder. This part here is called the rotator cuff. You can understand it as the muscles and tendons. In your case, right here, there’s a partial-thickness tear. I would expect you to have been in significant pain for it to get to this point; didn’t you know?”

“Yes, well…”

I stared blankly at the X-ray and the doctor.

“It did hurt, but it wasn’t to the point where I couldn’t bear it.”

“I suppose you’re the stoic type?”

“A little bit.”

I laughed awkwardly.

I lived with muscle pain as a constant companion. Among the various aches, my lower back and shoulders bothered me most frequently. It was because they were the parts I inevitably used most while working. Even so, it had never hurt enough for me to think a muscle or ligament was torn. Usually, it got better if I put on a medicated patch and rested. But suddenly, this mess had happened.

“Is it serious? What should I do?”

Inwardly, I prayed and prayed that this wouldn’t interfere with my work.

“Fortunately, if one can call it that, it’s not at the stage where I’d recommend surgery yet.”

Please…

“However, you need to proceed with rehabilitation for about six months to a year. Do you exercise?”

“Sometimes. But I work at construction sites.”

“While you are receiving rehabilitation treatment, you must avoid using your shoulder as much as possible.”

“What about work?”

The doctor wore a troubled expression.

“If you keep using your shoulder without proper treatment, the pain will intensify and you’ll eventually need surgery. If you have surgery, you really won’t be able to do anything. Do you understand?”

In the end, he was telling me not to work.

“We’ll administer an injection. They’ll explain the rehabilitation treatment outside. As for the medicine…”

The doctor’s explanation no longer reached my ears.

What do I do now?

That was my only thought. I felt like I had suddenly been dropped into the middle of a deserted island.

“Woo Seungkyung…!”

Was that the expression I had at the hospital?

The moment he saw me wearing a brace on my left shoulder, Gi Seoin looked as if the world were collapsing. Closing the distance in a single bound, he reached his hand toward my shoulder and then pulled it back.

“What’s this? Are you hurt?”

His voice trembled. When was the last time I saw Gi Seoin this agitated? It felt strange. I also felt sorry. He was someone who worried about me so much anyway; seeing me in this state, how must he feel?

“It turned out that way.”

I forced a broad grin.

“I went to the hospital because it suddenly started hurting while I was working, and what did they call it… some muscle in my shoulder is torn. Ah, I remember now. The rotator cuff.”

“Suddenly? Not from an injury?”

“It was the same as usual, but this happened. I guess I overdid it a bit.”

I relayed what I had heard from the doctor and nurse as concisely as possible.

“It seems it’ll get better if I do rehab and take medicine. Oh, I got an injection today too. They said I have to get them periodically.”

I didn’t bring up the part about being advised not to work. I was desperate for money, and even in this condition, I had to do whatever work I could find. However, since Gi Seoin would stop me if he knew my exact status, it was better to pretend I was fine from the start.

“What about work?”

Of course, he wasn’t the type to let things slide just because I tried to gloss over them.

“I think I’ll be fine after resting for a few days.”

“Didn’t the doctor tell you how long the treatment period would be?”

Gi Seoin didn’t seem to believe me at face value. It was likely because he knew me too well. I couldn’t even swallow my dry spit easily as I worked my brain busily. How could I put Gi Seoin at ease?

“…He said it would heal quickly if I do the treatment well. In severe cases they do surgery, but he said I don’t even need surgery.”

It was hard to look him straight in the eye. I fled to the bathroom, saying I was going to wash up. Sighs popped out one after another as if they had become a habit overnight. Everything was bleak.

Perhaps thanks to the injection and medicine, the pain felt better than at first. However, I had only escaped the worst of it; even the simple act of taking off my clothes made my shoulder scream. I wanted to scream, too. My only reliable asset was a healthy body, and now even that had been taken away. Despair choked me.

Having to mind Gi Seoin’s reaction on top of all this meant my fatigue had essentially doubled. Come to think of it, I definitely told him not to come home today, yet Gi Seoin arrived before me and was even waiting. It felt unfair that I had to mind him when he didn’t even listen to me like this.

Encountering Gi Seoin again after my shower, he looked even more miserable than before.

“Woo Seungkyung.”

He motioned with his chin for me to sit in front of him. I approached and sat down while drying my wet hair with my good arm. Half of me was nervous about what Gi Seoin would say next, and the other half was filled with the bravado that I didn’t care what he said. I felt sorry for causing him worry, but I was also in a difficult situation myself. I didn’t have the energy to be considerate of him as well.

“I looked into it, and I heard that treatment takes at least six months. Didn’t they tell you that at the hospital?”

Oh boy…

“Where did you look into it?”

“My aunt is a doctor.”

It was the first time I had heard that. Then again, it wasn’t strange for a family of lawyers to have a doctor in the mix. Even if, at this moment, it was a spiteful fact that added to my crisis.

“Well… that’s true, but since I’m on the healthy side, they said it might take less time than that.”

“Regardless, it means you have to be treated for several months.”

‘Right?’ 

Gi Seoin’s eyes seemed to be seeking my agreement. He seemed to want me to promise with my own mouth that I would take a break from work. I inevitably let out a sigh before answering.

“I know what you’re saying, but I still have to work.”

As expected, Gi Seoin furrowed his brow.

“What kind of work can you do with that body?”

“Whatever work is possible, I have to do it.”

“Don’t talk nonsense. You absolutely have to rest. If you don’t treat that properly, later on…”

“It’s because it’s a problem right now, not later on. Do you think I’m like this because I want to work?”

Being cornered made me easily angry. I wanted to quickly end this argument that I didn’t need right now.

“I’ll take care of it, Seoin. Let’s stop talking about this.”

“If you want me to stop, then make it so I can feel at ease.”

Whether it was because he was also agitated, Gi Seoin spoke faster than usual.

“This is the result of me letting you take care of it.”

Gi Seoin glared at my left shoulder and then looked me straight in the eye.

“If you insist on working, I’ll find a position at the law firm. Work there.”

A hollow laugh escaped me at the words ‘law firm.’

“Is there anything a middle school dropout can do at a law firm? Forget it.”

“Work in my office. That’ll do. There’s always work to be done.”

“I said forget it. I’ll just…”

“Woo Seungkyung, please!”

I was startled. His voice, which echoed to the ceiling, seemed to remain in my ears.

“Just listen to me.”

Gi Seoin grabbed my right arm.

“Just this once. It’s not like I’m being stubborn for no reason.”

I know.

The one throwing a tantrum right now was actually me.

Even though I knew it, I was reluctant to do as Gi Seoin said. I felt that if I started leaning on him once, there would be no end to it. I felt like I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. I was in such a precarious state right now.

“If you hate that too… just let me help until your shoulder heals.”

Gi Seoin, who had been venting his anger enough to raise his voice—an uncommon occurrence—was now murmuring as if he were about to cry.

“If you were me, you would have done the same, Woo Seungkyung.”

A denial didn’t come easily.

It was true. If our positions were reversed, I would have willingly helped Gi Seoin. Gi Seoin was just doing the same. My head throbbed. I think I finally understand how this frustratingly taciturn guy works as a lawyer. This is how he catches people off guard and shuts them up.

“For now…”

I dropped my gaze, unable to look at him.

“Give me some time to sort things out. I have to go to the site tomorrow and explain my condition, and ask if there’s any side work I can do with one hand… anyway, a person is missing because of me, so I have to take responsibility.”

As he listened to me, Gi Seoin bit his lower lip. He must be incredibly frustrated. It was understandable.

The awkward air traveled back and forth between us. I just rolled my eyes… then handed him the towel I had placed on my head.

“Dry my hair for me before you go, Seoin. I think it’ll be hard to dry it with one hand.”

It weighed on my mind that I had only offered Gi Seoin rejections. I decided to ask him for things I could ask for. Something like drying my hair seemed okay.

Gi Seoin grasped the towel instead of my wrist.

“Turn around.”

“Okay.”

He turned on the fan and gently rubbed my hair with the towel. I remembered the time I dried his hair before. It would be nice if the range of things we could do for each other was always equal like this.

“Tell me if it’s uncomfortable.”

“Your touch is veeery skillful, I’ll tell you.”

We are friends, but we didn’t live on parallel lines. Gi Seoin stays way up there, and I stay way down here. Gi Seoin keeps reaching out his hand, telling me to come up. I have no choice but to refuse. A fish that lived underwater dies if it goes up on land. But I can’t exactly drag Gi Seoin down, can I?

I felt sad that we couldn’t mix.

I felt pathetic for not being able to grab Gi Seoin’s hand even if it meant risking my life.

I hated the mire called fate, which grabbed my ankles and wouldn’t let go.