TWELVE 56

“Hey, Gi Seoin.”

I withdrew my hand that had been caught and instead pulled on the guy’s wrist. At the same time, I bent my waist and tilted my head up to see his face, which was buried in the shadows.

“Are you… crying?”

He said he was sorry, and since he was going this far, I had no reason to be angry anymore. To be precise, all my energy to be angry had drained away.

“I’m not crying…”

Gi Seoin, speaking feebly, lifted his face slightly to look at me. He wasn’t actually crying, but he looked as if he might pour out tears at the slightest touch.

“Your eyes are so red, though.”

I rubbed the corners of his eyes with my thumb.

“Look at you.”

Then, Gi Seoin grabbed my hand, spread it open, and rubbed his cheek against my palm. Just like a cat acting cute toward its owner. There was a stray cat I used to look after unexpectedly at work once, and it acted exactly like this.

“Are you a cat?”

“…”

Gi Seoin didn’t even answer; he buried his face in my hand for a long while and then gave my sleeve a slight tug. It was a signal to hurry up and come out of the room.

Sometimes he acts as distant as a stranger I’ve met for the first time, and other times he acts like a cat that’s easy to tame. He really toys with me.

“Wash up and sleep with me.”

Actually, he might be a fox rather than a cat.

Since he was being so compliant, a streak of playfulness was triggered for no reason.

“No. You sleep on the sofa, Gi Seoin.”

At that, his large eyes grew even rounder.

“I sleep on the sofa… ?”

Aiyee, I felt like I’d only be satisfied if I teased him for a long while, but looking at that face, I felt like I’d become a truly bad person if I did.

“Anyway, you really live up to your face, Gi Seoin.”

“Do I sleep on the sofa?”

“No, it was a joke. You’re the owner of the house, how could I tell you to sleep on the sofa? If anyone sleeps there, it should be me.”

“Sleep in the bed with me.”

“I was planning to.”

The inside of me, which had been seething with resentment, was now calm as if it had never happened. On the contrary, seeing Gi Seoin act like a child made my heart feel like it was becoming softly damp.

I feel it often, but I think I’m weak toward him. And to a serious degree at that. If it were someone else acting like that, I probably would have gotten angrier, asking if they were joking right now… .

From Gi Seoin, who had taken a shower and climbed under the blankets, a fragrance spread out to a dizzying degree. First he made it impossible to be angry with his face, and now it was a fragrance attack.

Furthermore, as if we had never fought, the guy even affectionately put his arm around my waist. My body stiffened. I was still awkward with his touch. Gi Seoin fell asleep every day while holding me like this, and every time, I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I just fidgeted with my toes before falling into a deep slumber without even realizing I was falling asleep.

I pointlessly turned my head to look up at the ceiling, then glanced down at Gi Seoin. His eyes were closed, but I could instinctively tell he wasn’t asleep yet.

“… Come to think of it, you.”

See this. When I spoke to him, he popped his head up from my chest where it had been buried and looked at me.

“That, has your insomnia improved lately?”

“Yeah. I told you it’s okay if I sleep with you.”

“Don’t you need to go to a hospital or somewhere like that?”

“I don’t need to.”

“It’s not like I’m some kind of sleeping pill…”

“You are a sleeping pill.”

Should I be grateful for that, or think of it as a relief?

“Anyway…”

Being wedged between Gi Seoin’s forearm and the bed made my arm uncomfortable. I slowly placed my hand on him.

“I’m sorry too, for today.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No, but still… I got just as angry too.”

‘Don’t… be disappointed in me.’

At those words, I also realized that I had hurt the guy. To have a clean reconciliation, it was right for both of us to apologize. He had already done it, and now it was my turn. I wanted to tell him before he fell asleep.

“When I said I was disappointed in you, I didn’t mean I was truly disappointed; the words just came out because I was so angry.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… Ugh!”

Suddenly, Gi Seoin hugged me as if he were going to burst me. I tapped his back.

“Hey, your strength…”

Then the guy loosened his grip a little. The arms that bound me tightly were still the same, though.

“You need to live your life being mindful of the fact that you’re strong in your daily life.”

“Just hugging doesn’t satisfy me.”

“A person can’t live only doing things that satisfy them.”

“I’m going to live like that.”

“Phew.”

A laugh and a groan came out at the same time.

“Gi Seoin, you’re a child, a child.”

“I’m only like this toward Woo Seungkyung.”

“You shouldn’t be like that outside. You have a social reputation.”

“I want to throw all that away and only be with you.”

It was a playful whine, but it contained sincerity. I spoke while brushing back the guy’s hair that was tickling my face.

“I’m telling you, you really act like a spoiled child while pretending not to.”

“I’ve never pretended not to, though?”

“Ah… then I just failed to recognize it.”

“Right. Reflect on it.”

Gi Seoin’s languid laughter scattered against my chest. After I finally tidied his hair, he was now tickling me with his laughter.

“Yes, I am reflecting.”

“Seungkyung.”

“Yes, yes. Master Seoin.”

“Look at me.”

My gaze had been staying on him for a while now.

“I’ve been looking at you the whole time?”

“Right…”

Replying faintly, the guy lowered his eyelids. I wondered if he was going to sleep after telling me to look at him. It was already a late hour. I gently stroked his back.

“Sleep well. Even if you wake up in the morning, just sleep more. Remember the fact that you’re unemployed right now, Gi Seoin.”

Gi Seoin did not answer. Hoping that the guy would fall into a deeper sleep than other days, I caressed his back until just before my own eyes closed helplessly.

∞ ∞ ∞

It was the rule that once yesterday’s problems were solved, today’s problems would find their way to you anew.

[Yoon Kijun Benwood: Seungkyung. How is your time on Sunday?]

Since reconciling with Gi Seoin last night, I had completely forgotten about the appointment with Yoon Kijun. I tried to send a reply quickly out of guilt, but my thumb placed over the screen only faltered. My gaze was habitually following Gi Seoin.

After dinner, when I told him not to work while looking at his tablet, Gi Seoin, who said he was going to look up some paper, looked at me as soon as I cast my gaze.

“Is there something you need?”

The guy asked. I put the mobile phone into my pocket and went to sit next to him. Gi Seoin also placed the tablet on the table.

I agonized over how to say the first words. ‘Is it okay if I go out on Sunday?’ I didn’t like it because it sounded like I was asking for permission. There was no reason I had to get permission from the guy for going out.

However, ‘I’m going to go out on Sunday’ didn’t seem appropriate either. Should I say it felt like I was being too self-centered since we’re living together right now? It felt selfish because it was like a notification.

“Do you have something to say?”

Gi Seoin, who was quick-witted, asked in a certain tone.

Since hesitating too much would also look strange, I opened my mouth. It was a ‘whatever happens, happens’ kind of feeling.

“I’m thinking of going to meet a friend on Sunday… is that okay?”

This was my best effort.

However, Gi Seoin immediately furrowed his brows and showed a look of displeasure.

“Which friend?”

“There’s someone called Yoon Kijun…”

“A Benwood employee?”

I nodded my head, and the guy tilted his head crookedly.

“Since when did you become so close? Enough to call him a friend.”

A chilly energy swept down my back.

The fight yesterday was enough. My head became busier than ever, trying to devise a way to persuade Gi Seoin.

“Because we worked together… . My shoulder wasn’t good when I started work, remember? So I received a lot of help. He’s a good guy. As a friend!”

Since there was the incident with Kim Hyunwoo yesterday, I emphasized the last words in case Gi Seoin might misunderstand. I also worried if it would have the opposite effect after blurting it out. One way or another, I was on pins and needles.

“I heard he’s quitting work this week. So it’s to say a final goodbye and all.”

It’s not like I’m getting permission from my mom to play with a friend. I felt ridiculous for watching Gi Seoin’s reaction.

But what could I do? I didn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings, and I wanted to avoid a fight with him as much as possible.

Honestly, I even thought it would be better not to meet Yoon Kijun rather than creating another situation where feelings would be hurt.

“I can’t drink alcohol anyway, so I’m just going to eat and talk for a bit before coming back. I won’t make you worry, Seoin.”

“How can I trust that?”

“What?”

It was a moment when my feelings were about to be hurt, hearing that he couldn’t trust me.

“It’s not you… I can’t trust myself.”

Gi Seoin clutched his forehead in self-reproach.

“I feel like I’m going out of my mind if you’re not before my eyes.”

It might be self-torment rather than self-reproach. It’s funny, but at this moment, I felt very sorry for Gi Seoin. I couldn’t even guess how much he was suppressing his emotions for my sake.

Without realizing it, I approached Gi Seoin and hugged him just like that.

“That…”

Once I actually hugged him, I felt embarrassed, and I didn’t know why I did it, nor did I know what to say.

“It’ll be okay. I’m telling you nothing will happen. Truly.”

I grabbed both of his hands and met his gaze. Even though I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t leave him, I wanted to reassure Gi Seoin somehow.

“Call me if you’re anxious. I’ll definitely answer.”

“Otherwise…”

The guy spoke while fidgeting with my fingers as if playing a timid prank.

“Let’s go together.”

“Huh?”

“I’m going with you too.”

Soon, the guy, who grabbed my hands with both of his, pulled them to both sides as if pestering me.

“If we go together, neither I nor you have to worry, right?”

“That’s…”

“And if it’s someone you’re close with, I’m also curious.”

Liar.

The last words were a lie.

However, I couldn’t do anything other than smile awkwardly.