TWELVE 73

Moving?

I doubted whether I had heard correctly. It was such a sudden topic. Moving, all of a sudden?

Could it be that Gi Seoin knows his mother burst into the house? If so, given his personality, it would make sense for him to decide to move.

“Seoin.”

I called out to him as he remained silent after piquing my curiosity. He gazed at me intently, his lips fluttering as if hesitating.

“…I’m going to look for a safer place.”

At those words, I was certain. He knows.

“You know your mother came by, right? Is it because of that?”

Gi Seoin wore an expression as if he were dwelling on a nightmare that had woken him from a deep sleep. It was as good as having heard the answer already, but I asked for confirmation once more.

“Hm? Seoin.”

“Yeah.”

Even though it wasn’t his fault, he explained with his head hanging low. He said that for a non-resident to enter the apartment, they have to input the unit number they are visiting, and if someone inputs our unit number, a record is left. Not only the visit time but even the visitor’s car license plate number is recorded.

“I’m sorry.”

It was an apology as unexpected as the declaration of moving.

“Why are you sorry?”

Startled, I grabbed his arm.

“Look at me, Seoin.”

“…”

Slowly raising his head, his eyes were tinted red as if he were about to shed tears at any moment.

“Why are you the one apologizing?”

When I placed my hand on Gi Seoin’s shoulder, he leaned his upper body forward as if collapsing and buried his face in my shoulder.

What did his face look like earlier when he asked why I hadn’t answered the phone as soon as he got home? He seemed worried, but he didn’t feel this dejected.

“With that person…”

Gi Seoin grabbed my waist with both hands as if clinging to me.

“I wanted to make sure you never encountered her a second time.”

“I’m really okay, so don’t be upset. Okay?”

I gently stroked his back. Strength surged into the hands gripping my waist. It felt like he was trembling. He wasn’t crying, but his shoulders heaved as if he were swallowing his sobs.

“Seungkyung.”

My name was exhaled faintly like a sigh. The voice that followed sounded as if he were weeping weakly.

“Don’t leave, no matter what that person says…”

Stupidly, I only realized it after hearing those words. As soon as Gi Seoin faced me, he had endured the urge to cling and ask. He probably couldn’t bring himself to speak. Fearing that I might agree with his mother and say I was leaving.

‘I enjoyed the tea.’

At that smile that flashed through my mind for an instant, the back of my neck stiffened.

I had only experienced her for about an hour, but Gi Seoin had dealt with that woman for decades. It wouldn’t have been difficult for him to imagine what might have happened just from the fact that she had been here. However, since he was only making guesses close to certainty and didn’t yet know what conversation had passed between me and her, it was natural for him to be anxious.

“Don’t listen to that person, Seungkyung.”

“Yeah, I know. I won’t. Nothing you worry about will happen, ever.”

‘As a parent, I’m going to let him know that a good thing is good. But you’re blocking that, Mr. Seungkyung.’

Perhaps those words weren’t just a disparagement but the truth. It could be that I, with nothing special about me, am sponging off Gi Seoin and blocking his future. Someday, one of us might realize that fact and regret the time we spent together.

But even if a painful regret were scheduled, I won’t push away Gi Seoin, who is clinging to me now, telling me not to leave. No matter what happens later, hugging Gi Seoin at this moment was much more important.

Anyway, I’ve never expected a hopeful future or anything like that in my life. I’m more than willing to offer my present to Gi Seoin. Because that’s the only thing I can give him right now…

“I don’t even remember well anymore what your mother said. So don’t be anxious, okay? My puppy.”

I cupped Gi Seoin’s cheeks and made him look at me. I wanted to give him certainty. Since he knows me better than anyone, he would easily recognize my sincerity.

“You were worried but couldn’t even speak and just suffered through it?”

“…Yeah.”

Gi Seoin nodded with his cheeks squished. Because that sight was like a baby, the corners of my mouth went up on their own even though it wasn’t a laughing matter.

“Geez. You’re cute.”

I couldn’t resist and stroked his face wildly. He just looked at me with wide, blank eyes. The area around his eyes was still reddish.

“As for moving, let’s do it if it’ll make your mind feel at ease. Since being with you is what matters to me, it doesn’t matter where we live.”

The lingering urge to cry wouldn’t disappear just because I wiped it away, but I rubbed the corner of his eye with my thumb for no reason.

“Still, Seoin, don’t overdo it.”

It was a meaningless thing to say, as he’s the type to carry out a decision once he makes it even if the sky falls. Regardless, I hoped Gi Seoin would lighten his mental burden a bit.

“Woo Seungkyung.”

Gi Seoin, who had been silent for a long time as if lost in thought, suddenly blurted out.

“Shall we emigrate?”

…Even if she hadn’t raised her child like a child, it seems that woman saw right through Gi Seoin.

‘Did Seoin ask you to live together? Maybe go abroad and register a marriage, too?’

And then what else did she say? Ah, I remember.

“Why? To go abroad, register a marriage, and even adopt a child to raise?”

At that, Gi Seoin’s eyes widened.

“It’s not that I haven’t thought about it.”

“…Haha.”

A hollow laugh escaped me.

The feeling of it being preposterous gradually turned into resentment, and further into anger. I felt like finding that woman and demanding answers. How could she not love him, knowing Gi Seoin so well?

I took Gi Seoin’s hand.

His hand, slender and elegant as part of him, showed no trace of hardship. If the hardships experienced in the heart were revealed on the outside, this hand would also be covered in scars.

Just because it isn’t visible doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I want to touch his pain, soothe it, and make it heal.

“I don’t know about adoption, but emigration seems like it could be okay.”

Does the emotion of love originally include pity?

“Just in case, I’ll study English hard.”

“You don’t have to learn English.”

“I have to learn it to live abroad.”

“It’s actually better if you don’t learn it.”

Gi Seoin said as he pressed the back of my hand with his fingertips.

“So that you can’t talk to anyone.”

“…Are you telling me to live as a caveman?”

“No.”

Gi Seoin, who brought my hand to his face, rested his cheek on my palm, closed his eyes tightly, and said.

“Live as mine.”

If it had been in the past, I would have frowned at those words. I guess I’ve finally gone off the deep end, too. Seeing as I felt like answering that I would willingly do so.

∞ ∞ ∞

[Hyung, I sent this month’s money]

After sending the message, I checked the remaining balance in my account once more. Even though I knew it was meaningless, I repeatedly counted the listed numbers. A sigh burst out.

Since it’s a situation where I can’t even work right now anyway, I vowed to clear my mind and focus on studying, but once the bank balance got close to the bottom, I became impatient. I started to doubt my past choices, wondering if I had forgotten reality because of some vain whim.

Gi Seoin said he would give me money for fixed expenses until my body was fully recovered and I passed the high school equivalency exam. After much deliberation, I said okay, but my heart was still uncomfortable.

“Sigh.”

Since the frustration wouldn’t go away, I even felt irritated. Even though I knew no answer would come, I held my head in my hands.

“This isn’t the time. Let’s study, study.”

I forced myself to pick up the pen.

I repeated reading the same problem over and over.

While I was concentrating, a vibration was transmitted through my arm. I turned my gaze reflexively. The four syllables ‘Juseok hyung’ were floating on the cell phone screen.

Even if he’s a guy who pestered me to death normally, he was quiet on the days he received money. But him calling meant there was a problem.

What could it be? I definitely sent the correct amount, and the date hasn’t passed either.

“…Hello?”

—Our Woo, Sseung-kyung!

He’s drunk.

If smell could be transmitted through cell phones, the reek of alcohol would have spread thick through the study room right now.

“Uh… Hyung. What’s up?”

—You, you fu-fucking bastard! Does there have to be something up for family to call? Khaaak, ptooey…

It was close to twelve noon. To be dead drunk from broad daylight, he really is something.

—Hey, come out for a bit.

“Huh? Come out?”

—Yeah, fuck. Don’t talk back.

“Is something wrong?”

I sent the money.

—Woo Seungkyung! You’re really a son of a bitch. Aren’t you?

But why are you tormenting me…

—You don’t even know it’s hyung-nim’s birthday today!

Ah, was it.

Right.

Gi Seoin’s birthday is December 19th. Jeon Juseok’s birthday was earlier, in early December.

Almost every year on his birthday, he would call and act out, telling me to buy him a gift or pay for the drinks. That day had come.

—Hurry over while I’m being nice. Hyung-nim is near Gangnam Station right now, okay?

“Hyung. Right now is a bit…”

—Otherwise, should I go there? Should I?

Jeon Juseok knew where I was staying, and since he was already out of his mind normally but was currently drunk, it wouldn’t be strange if he actually showed up. I couldn’t let that happen.

—And go give our great Mr. Gi Seoin! A housewarming gift…

Pressing my brow as my head throbbed, I cut him off.

“I’ll go. Where near Gangnam Station?”

—Yeah, yeah. You should’ve said that sooner.

He let out a disgusting laugh.

—You saw my girlfriend last time, right? Her friends say they want to see you. Do a good job. Don’t come looking like a beggar and embarrass me.

The guy, who babbled with a twisted tongue, recited the address and hung up as he pleased. Before I changed my clothes, I swallowed some headache medicine first.