TWELVE 65

—Along with the news of rain, tomorrow morning’s temperature in Seoul is expected to be -2°C, 6 degrees lower than today, with the wind chill dropping as low as -5°C. This year, the cold wave is expected to arrive earlier than usual…

Before the weather caster could even finish the forecast, raindrops tapped against the window, tap, tap. At first, it fell like a passing shower, but soon it began to pour terrifyingly.

I set my phone down and quietly focused on the sound of the rain. The sound of rain heard from my house was different from the sound of rain heard from Gi Seoin’s house.

At my house, the roof had been repaired with slate, so it was quite noisy when it hit the rain. Even that had its own charm, though.

In contrast, at Gi Seoin’s house, the sound of the rain was well-behaved. Even though the downpour was fierce, it didn’t feel unpleasant at all. The sound of thick raindrops hitting the floor-to-ceiling windows, tap, tap, sounded small yet rhythmic. Above all, the view was wonderful.

“Where are you going?”

When I suddenly stood up, Gi Seoin followed me and asked. I stood in front of the living room window.

“I’m going to watch the rain.”

Gi Seoin made a face as if wondering why I would watch something like that. His slightly dazed expression was so cute that I burst out laughing.

“It’s cool. The night view of Seoul in the rain.”

“…”

“I guess it’s just normal for you since you see it every time it rains.”

The fellow tilted his head slightly.

“There is only one thing I don’t get tired of even if I see it every day.”

“What’s that?”

I took my eyes off the window and looked at Gi Seoin. As soon as our eyes met, he spoke.

“Woo Seungkyung.”

“What’s with that…”

A grumbling sound came out for no reason. The corners of my mouth twitched involuntarily.

“If you put it that way, I don’t get tired of you the most either. You’re new every day. How can you look like this?”

When I poked Gi Seoin’s cheek with my index finger, he laughed silently, caught my wrist, made me open my palm, and rubbed his cheek against it.

“Stop looking at the rain and look at me now.”

“I didn’t look at the rain that much.”

“I didn’t look at it much either.”

Gi Seoin pulled my hand gently. I was pulled along as if unable to resist his strong power and sat on the sofa.

Standing with one leg tucked between my thighs, Gi Seoin wrapped both hands around the nape of my neck. Then he looked down at me intently. He looked as if there was something he wanted. I could immediately sense what it was.

I lowered my eyelids while holding onto the wrists of the fellow who was still stroking the nape of my neck. Before my eyes closed completely, his shadow covered me.

Smack.

The sound of Gi Seoin sucking on my lower lip intervened between the sounds of the rain. That one small sound, which was soon buried, set me on fire.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. He grabbed my chin and made my lips part further. His tongue, moist as if it had held rainwater, slid in while pressing against mine.

Gi Seoin was more passionate than at other times. I was pushed back and back until, before I knew it, the back of my head and my back were stuck to the sofa.

Far from breathing, even swallowing saliva was a struggle. I felt as if my consciousness was gradually becoming distant. From some point on, the sound of the rain disappeared, and only the smack, smack sound of moist lips clashing touched the back of my ears.

Gi Seoin, who had been continuing a kiss so deep I wondered if he intended to swallow me whole, suddenly pulled his lips away and licked up my lower lip. It was a habit of his before finishing a kiss.

Feeling a lingering regret, I looked up at him, but Gi Seoin buried his face under my chin. Thinking he might be trying to act cute as he often did, I slid my hands down from the nape of his neck to pat his back as he liked…

“Ah.”

Teeth grazed my neck. No, it wasn’t grazing; it was a bite. Very lightly. However, it felt as if a large hole had been pierced by a massive fang, and all the blood in my body instantly rushed to that spot. My heart tingled.

As if to treat the bite he had made, he kissed it lightly and then stuck out his tongue to lick upward. At the same time, he vibrated the knee he had placed between my thighs, pressing as if to squeeze my groin. Now, my heart beat at a speed where it wouldn’t be strange if it burst right this second.

It was the first time Gi Seoin had acted beyond a kiss. Since there was no sign or warning, I was flustered. Yet, expectation began to crawl up.

Finally, is he in the mood to do it…?

The period of staying in the same house as Gi Seoin would soon complete a month. During that time, we only pecked or kissed. Although it was so good every time that I felt regretful when it ended, I wasn’t satisfied and kept wishing for more.

The problem was that the fellow didn’t show any such signs at all.

Thanks to Gi Seoin nursing me with utmost sincerity, my body was recovering at a top speed that surprised even the doctor. As the injured areas healed and I regained my physical strength, my desires rose along with it. It was to the point of absurdity that I wondered if my sex drive was always this strong.

If I were living alone, I would have at least masturbated, but because I was living in close contact with Gi Seoin 24 hours a day, I couldn’t even dream of it. Moreover, doing such a thing in his house while thinking of him felt strangely unpleasant and brought on a sense of guilt.

I was at the point of being sincerely worried about what I would do if I had a wet dream after things kept piling up like this.

“Ah…”

Gi Seoin nibbled on my earlobe and then licked it, just as he had done to my neck. Furthermore, he thrust his hand under my T-shirt and toyed with my waist. A strangely ticklish feeling pulsed and surrounded the small of my back. My waist twisted of its own accord.

“Ah, it tickles… hng.”

Startled for a moment, my breath was cut in half. The hand that was kneading my waist moved up to my chest and touched my nipple as if brushing past it with his thumb.

The sensation was unfamiliar, and because it was the first time he had touched my body so earnestly, my face flushed hot. Even though it was just a single movement of his hand, it was more stimulating than a kiss.

And that was the end of it.

Gi Seoin raised his head, looked down at me, and brushed my cheek with the back of his hand. And then what he said was…

“Aren’t you hungry?”

The knee that had been heavily pressing between my legs was already withdrawn.

“…I’m not hungry.”

The heart that had been inflated with expectation seemed to shrivel up with the sound of escaping air.

“Are you hungry?”

Gi Seoin shook his head. It was a relief. To be honest, if he had said he was hungry now, I thought I might get a little angry at him. Thinking, You have the nerve to be hungry after you just, just shook a person up like that?

“Tell me if you get hungry. Not too late, though, or you won’t digest it.”

Smack. Gi Seoin, who kissed my forehead, sat in the spot next to me. I turned my body and placed my legs on his thighs. He naturally pushed up the hem of my pants and toyed with my ankle. Every time his fingertips touched, my skin rose up sensitively.

Gi Seoin opened the book he had left on the table. One moment he acted like he was going to go all the way, and the next he was suddenly lost in reading. Even in the midst of that, he didn’t take his hand off my ankle.

I wondered if he had taken a lecture somewhere on how to make a person’s heart burn. Or if he misunderstood and thought I would be perfectly fine even if he acted this way.

“What are you reading?”

At my question, Gi Seoin showed me the cover. Philosophy something… It was a book that created a sense of distance just from the title. I wasn’t even curious about the content.

The sound of the rain, which had stopped while we were kissing, and the sound of pages turning calmly eased the silence that had settled in the house. On the outside, it was a very peaceful moment, but my heart was completely twisted. An impulse arose to disturb Gi Seoin while he was reading. It was childish, but I wanted to be spiteful.

Why does it feel like I’m the only one anxious like this? We are clearly in the same space, but right now I was in the position of drifting in the middle of a sea with a tidal wave, and Gi Seoin looked like a scholar playing like an immortal while receiving sunlight by a calm lakeshore.

I nudged the book slightly with the tip of my foot.

Thud…

I only intended to touch it a little, but as if I had kicked it, the book escaped Gi Seoin’s hand and fell to the floor.

Gi Seoin didn’t pick up the book and looked back at me without a word. He had an expression that asked, ‘Why?’ For an instant, I regretted doing something useless. I was embarrassed of myself for acting out of petty spite.

“Why, Seungkyung?”

When I avoided his gaze, the fellow moved the hand that had briefly stopped and asked while fumbling with my ankle.

“Are you hungry?”

That damn question of whether I’m hungry. I wondered if he had ever let someone leave him in a past life because he couldn’t feed them.

“No.”

“Then why? Do you need something?”

“No…”

I did need something.

I needed a much deeper communion than what I had shared with Gi Seoin until now.

Mental communion, and physical communion. I didn’t know because I had no dating experience until now, but I realized recently that both are very important. At least it was that way for me. Because I like him, I want to touch him, and I want to be intertwined more deeply than we have touched.

Even so, I don’t want to go as far as forcedly changing the other person’s opinion to do it. Since what I’m desperate for is ‘communion’ in the literal sense, Gi Seoin’s thoughts were more important than anything.

We don’t have to do it right now.

It’s just… I wanted to know how much Gi Seoin wants me.

In truth, I was still uneasy. We had been hiding under the shell of being friends for 18 years, and even after taking off that shell, we haven’t properly talked about being in a relationship. It was a man and a man, and I was a person who was so lacking for him. That’s why I keep wanting to check and gain certainty.

“Honestly, there’s something I’m curious about…”

Since I had already used up all my courage just to open my mouth, there was no courage left to look at him.

“Gi Seoin, you…”

I asked while keeping my eyes on his neat fingertips resting on my ankle.

“Besides kissing, have you never… wanted to do anything else?”