TWELVE 10

It felt like I had been submerged underwater and then finally resurfaced. While clutching my chest and coughing out a fit, I realized that I was crying.

I closed my stinging eyes. It was because the boy from back then kept flickering before my vision. A Gi Seoin who was similar in height to now, but with a face that was still boyish. A Gi Seoin who had stained his cheeks a rosy pink instead of a face turned pale as a ghost. A Gi Seoin who had eventually conquered my naive self. A seventeen-year-old Gi Seoin who had harmed himself just so he wouldn’t be abandoned by me…

“Seoin. It is hard for me to see you like that.”

The words I had said to the fellow yesterday lingered in one ear. In the other, the voice of seventeen-year-old Gi Seoin telling me not to abandon him repeated itself.

I hurriedly sought out my phone and picked it up. 5:41 AM. It was a time by which Gi Seoin would have long since woken up. I dialed his number.

“…”

As I listened to the ringing tone, I noticed something was strange. A vibration sound rang out from beyond the open door. Without hanging up, I lowered the phone and looked out of the room.

As he always did, Gi Seoin was standing in the kitchen wearing an apron.

“You do not have to make me breakfast anymore. Do not do things that are hard on you because of me. Even if you say it is not hard, do not do it…”

The guy had completely ignored my earnest request and fierce warning.

However, perhaps because of the dream that had dragged the past out and shown it to me exactly as it was, relief came to me before anger.

After pulling on a T-shirt, I went into the bathroom without even acknowledging him. As expected, my reflection in the mirror was a mess. The bedhead built on the top of my head was nothing new, so that was fine, but the problem was my face. Anyone could see I was loudly advertising, “I’ve been crying.”

Only after washing my face with cold water and tidying my hair a bit did I come out to the living room. Gi Seoin only glanced at me but did not start a conversation. The situation was as mundane as could be, but the air surrounding us was like a refined lump of lead. It was heavy and sharp. My breath felt choked, just as it had the moment I woke up.

Every time I looked at Gi Seoin, the seventeen-year-old version of him overlapped, so I ended up fleeing back to the bathroom. After finishing a shower and coming back out to the living room, Gi Seoin was nowhere to be seen. The table remained set with a modest meal, and there was one message from Gi Seoin.

[Seoin: I’m leaving for work first. Eat your meal and make sure to take your supplements. Have something nutritious for lunch, and eat the lunchbox for dinner. It’s in the refrigerator.]

It was a Gi Seoin who had not changed in a single way from before.

I collapsed into a crouch on the floor.

“What a relief…”

Gi Seoin did not think he had been abandoned by me. He wasn’t wounded, either. It seemed like my words had just gone in one ear and out the other, but that was something I could just tell him over and over again. The fellow would need time too. It wasn’t as if a habit he hadn’t missed a single day for could be changed overnight.

I realized anew that we had become adults. The Gi Seoin who was as beautiful as a glass craft but sensitive had become solid in his own way. To the point where I didn’t need to stomp my feet in worry.

Thinking about it, the high school Gi Seoin had reason to react sensitively to even small things. From what I had heard in passing, it seemed he had been under strong academic pressure from his parents.

Both of Gi Seoin’s parents are lawyers. Not only that, but both sides of his family have been lawyer dynasties for generations, and the fellow’s grandfather is the founder of one of the top law firms in our country. His parents would have wanted their child to walk the path they had trodden. Every high schooler suffers from academic stress, but the burden Gi Seoin had to endure must have been beyond that.

If not for that reason, I couldn’t find a reason why Gi Seoin had harmed himself. To be honest, even if there were other circumstances, I didn’t particularly want to dig into that incident. Because I would have to recall that horrific sight again…

Anyway, I wondered if I had been regarding Gi Seoin as a seventeen-year-old child until now and worrying excessively about him and our relationship.

Time flows unstoppably, and it had been a long time since we both became adults.

It became certain today. Gi Seoin is different from the past. He has become a proper adult who can manage his own emotions and conflicts, someone I do not need to needlessly fret or be anxious over.

“It’s bittersweet.”

The monologue popped out due to a feeling of awkwardness.

I finished the meal Gi Seoin had prepared with a light heart.

∞ ∞ ∞

“Woo Seungkyung! What’s with your face?”

As soon as I went out to the site, the Misters all asked me the same thing. It was understandable, since my eyes were as swollen as if they had been stung by a bee. I was so embarrassed that I was busy giving vague excuses.

“I think it’s because I ate ramen before going to bed yesterday.”

“Ayy, that’s not a face swollen from eating ramen.”

“Did you break up with your girlfriend?”

“Right, that’s it.”

“No, it’s not like that!”

The Misters believed I had a girlfriend. And a scary girlfriend who bossed me around at that. Half of it was my fault for making up random excuses because it was a hassle to explain about Gi Seoin, and the other half was Mister Choi’s fault, as he had a loose tongue and loved to tease me.

“Hey! It’s finally over? This is a cause for celebration.”

Mister Choi laughed heartily and slapped my back.

“It’s sad now, but after time passes, it’ll be nothing. How about it, should I introduce you to a new girlfriend candidate?”

“No. I’m not going to date anymore.”

It wasn’t a bad idea to be reborn as a true solo for this occasion. Though that path was treacherous from the first day. I broke a sweat because the Misters kept trying to introduce me to their daughters or nieces.

Still, for some reason, it was a refreshing day.

Until I checked my bank account balance on the way home, that is.

The money I spent was more or less the same, but for some reason, holes kept appearing in my account. At this rate, I was in a position where I’d have to work a second job. Lately, it was a season with plenty of work at the sites, and there were always logistics centers that were short-staffed, so finding work wasn’t the problem. First, I should ask the foreman tomorrow if there are any extra tasks or overtime.

“250,000 won, 400,000… 600,000…”

I was roughly calculating how much more I’d need to earn to be comfortable when my phone rang. I vaguely thought it would be Gi Seoin, but the name that appeared on the screen was different from my prediction. It was a name that wasn’t welcome.

[Juseok hyung]

Seeing that name made my resolution to find more work even firmer, and having no other choice, I pressed the call button.

“Hello.”

—Hey, what are you doing?

“I was about to head home after work. Why?”

—What do you mean why, fuck. Does a hyung need a reason to call his dongsaeng?

Actually, there likely was a reason, but he always spoke this way.

—I’ll send you the address, come over.

See?

“Why?”

—Again with the ‘why’. Try yapping without that damn ‘why’ for once. Anyway, just come if I tell you to come.

The fatigue I hadn’t felt while worrying about money felt like it was rushing in all at once. As always, the call was cut off unilaterally, and I checked the time. 6:13 PM. I only hoped I could return home not too late.

Jeon Juseok called me out out of the blue like this from time to time. The reasons were varied, but not once among them had it been beneficial for me. Even so, I had no choice. I had learned through experience that defying Jeon Juseok resulted in a painful aftermath.

Once, when I refused Jeon Juseok’s demand to come out at two in the morning, a few days later, a certified mail arrived at my house demanding the immediate repayment of the money I had borrowed from him. It was always like that. So, it was easier for both my body and mind to just do what he asked—his “requests” that weren’t really requests—as they came up.

I checked the public transportation routes to get to the place Jeon Juseok mentioned. Fortunately, there was a direct bus.

I let the bus I took every day pass and boarded a different one. There was an empty seat, so I sat down quickly. Still, it wasn’t such a bad day.

Just then, my phone vibrated. It wouldn’t be a call, but a message. The sender was…

[Seoin]

This time, my prediction was correct.

[Seoin: Is work finished?]

[Yeah, about 30 minutes ago?? You?]

[Seoin: Not yet. Are you going home?]

Should I tell him I’m going to meet Jeon Juseok?

Gi Seoin thought ill of Jeon Juseok. I had never even opened up to him about the details regarding Jeon Juseok, but it felt as if he was wary of him instinctively. Then again, looking at the way Jeon Juseok acted and spoke, it was impossible to see him in a positive light.

I thought it would be better not to say anything after all. If Gi Seoin happened to run into Jeon Juseok while saying he’d come pick me up… Even if the fellow stayed quiet, the possibility of Jeon Juseok picking a fight claiming to be my friend was too high.

It’s better if I’m the only one who steps in the shrapnel.

[I’m on the bus lol]

My heart was uncomfortable with telling an outright lie, so I sent a vague response. Besides, seeing that Gi Seoin had even made a dinner lunchbox in advance this morning, he was definitely working late today. There was no way he would chase after me in the middle of his busy schedule.

Gi Seoin read my message but did not reply further. He must be busy indeed.

—This stop is Saesan Intersection, Saesan Intersection.

It was my stop. I got out of the comfortable seat. As the bus shook while stopping, my heart wavered along with it. Knowing I had to meet Jeon Juseok, I wanted to get back on the bus. However, as if the bus had no room to wait, it closed its doors and sped away.

Reluctantly, I passed through the street lined with restaurants, cafes, and bars. The bar Jeon Juseok had told me about was hidden in a narrow alley.

“Aw, hell. Hey, you brat! Why are you so late?”

Jeon Juseok was sitting alone at the table furthest in the corner of the bar. Another empty soju glass was placed opposite him, and judging by the amount of snacks, it seemed he hadn’t been alone from the start.

“Sit, sit.”

Jeon Juseok pulled me into the opposite seat. Looking closely, there was lipstick on one side of the empty soju glass. I pushed that glass to the side.

“Let’s start with a toast, get ready.”

Jeon Juseok shook the soju bottle. I shook my head.

“My stomach isn’t great today, so I don’t think I can drink.”

“Fuck, you’re backing out?”

Jeon Juseok, scowling deeply, glared at me and then soon pretended to sigh.

“Sigh, fine, fine. Then just sit there and watch me drink.”

“…By any chance, why did you call me?”

Even a single second spent with him felt like a waste. I just wanted him to say what he needed if he had business with me and let me go.

“I called because I was bored, because I was bored.”

After muttering that, Jeon Juseok looked at me and smirked.

“Fuck!”

Then, as if acting, he suddenly screwed up his face and kicked the table leg.

“No, I mean, she acted like she was going to give me everything and then just fucking left? What a total piece of shit.”

People nearby glanced over at the noise and swearing. I don’t know why I had to be the one felt embarrassed. My desire to leave this place deepened further.

“Since it’s shitty, let’s just have a drink together. You can do that, right?”

“Like I said, I can’t drink today…”

“Damn it! Is nothing going right? Ah, this is killing the mood.”

The guy, muttering, reached out and tapped my shoulder.

“I can’t drink anymore because of you. Eh? Don’t you feel sorry?”

I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to say I was sorry. Noticing my stubbornness, Jeon Juseok swore loudly again. The surrounding gazes gathered here once more. Then, as if to show off, the fellow struck my shoulder hard with his fist.

“Ah!”

“Look at you pretending it hurts.”

When I groaned while holding the shoulder that was hit, Jeon Juseok snickered.

“Hey, stop acting up because you’re annoying, just pay the bill and get lost.”

As expected, that was his business. I stood up without a word and headed to the counter.

In a situation where I had to save even a single cent, I had to spend 140,000 won because of alcohol I hadn’t even touched. Should I rationalize it by saying it was a small price to pay for being released relatively easily from Jeon Juseok?

On the way back home, I rolled up my T-shirt sleeve to check, and a bruise exactly the size of his fist had formed where Jeon Juseok had hit me. However, I no longer felt particularly wronged or angry. I hated myself like this the most.