TWELVE 104

Until now, I had consciously tried not to think about my parents. It probably started from the time I began living with my grandmother. In my young heart, I considered missing my parents to be a betrayal of her.

“We have to perform the ancestral rites. Everyone does it.”

“You don’t have to. It’s hard on you, Grandmother.”

“I can’t do that. Your father and mother adored Seungkyung so much. I have to give them an excuse to come see you.”

Even my parents’ ancestral rites, which my grandmother insisted on preparing as a matter of course, were to me nothing more than empty formalities that exhausted her. While one side of my heart always thirsted for my parents’ existence, I stubbornly insisted on looking after my grandmother over those who had left me.

As I passed through puberty, I came to realize that no one—not my parents, not me, nor my grandmother—was at fault for our parting. However, my habit and stubbornness of trying not to recall my parents for such a long time did not crumble easily.

The moment I truly felt the reality of my parents’ absence, the moment I admitted the fact that I desperately wanted them, I think I was perhaps afraid that I would collapse.

After my grandmother’s health deteriorated, we no longer held the rites for my parents. The anniversaries of my parents’ deaths were no longer written on our home calendar.

Could it be that I was trying to completely erase the existence of my parents from the world? My heart ached at that thought. After all this time…

“I think I’ve lived too indifferently all this while.”

The intoxication rose from just a single can of beer, and a lament that wasn’t quite a lament leaked out of my mouth of its own accord.

At my grumbling, Gi Seoin, who had been clattering about saying he would make me a snack, looked back at me.

“Woo Seungkyung is the person furthest from being indifferent among everyone I know.”

“Really?”

“If anything, the problem is that you have too much interest in everything.”

“I guess so…”

Since it was an evaluation from someone who had watched me closely for a long time, it could be objective. But my thoughts were different. I had used jumping over the hurdles of life as an excuse not to look around me. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do it, but that I chose not to.

“Is it because you’re thinking of your parents?”

The quick-witted guy asked as he approached. In his hand was a plate with steam rising from it.

“Is it stir-fried sausages?”

“Try some.”

I took the chopsticks Gi Seoin held out and tried a sausage. It was an ingredient that couldn’t possibly taste bad, but it was truly delicious.

“It’s good. Your cooking skills seem to have improved lately.”

“Really?”

A look of joy spread subtly across his face. He’s cute, in any case. Thanks to Gi Seoin, my mood, which had been sinking endlessly, seemed to float up gently.

“Our Seoin, did you practice cooking in secret or something?”

“It was about time.”

Evaluating himself as if he were a stranger, he changed the subject.

“Do you want to go pay your respects to your parents?”

It was an unexpected question.

“My parents?”

He nodded. Come to think of it, there was no reason to pay respects to his parents.

Now, where were my mom and dad…

It took quite a while to recall the location of the charnel house. When was the last time I went? It felt like it had been more than ten years. Still, it was a relief that I somehow hadn’t completely forgotten where it was. No, should I even call this a relief?

“I really feel like an unfilial son.”

“I didn’t say it so you would blame yourself.”

Rebuking my gloom with a dry tone, he followed up with a question.

“What do you want to do?”

“Ummm…”

I wondered if it was right to suddenly go pay my respects after not observing the death anniversary even once during the period it takes for mountains and rivers to change. It felt like I was acting hypocritically just to make myself feel better. I started to dislike myself.

Then I caught a glimpse of Gi Seoin, and I felt bashful because it seemed like he had read all my inner thoughts.

“Am I thinking too much, by any chance?”

“To be precise, you have a lot of ‘useless’ thoughts.”

“Right…?”

“Go when it comes to mind.”

“Will you go with me?”

At my question, Gi Seoin smiled. Then, he answered while stroking my hair as if combing it.

“Ask something worth asking.”

In his tender voice, I finally gained courage.

∞ ∞ ∞

In the middle of being absorbed in virtual driving practice on my cell phone for a long while, a new message notification popped up.

[Seoin: There will be a lot of calls today. You can turn your phone off. Stay home if possible.]

I tapped the notification and wrote a reply immediately.

[What does that mean??]

[Seoin: I’ll call you during lunch break.]

I was extremely curious, but I couldn’t rush him while he was working, so I decided to wait for now.

However, even before hearing an explanation from Gi Seoin, I came to realize what those words meant.

It was close to 1 PM. Suddenly, the phone rang. Thinking it might be him, I looked at the screen and felt my facial muscles stiffen.

The caller was my aunt, who had not contacted me at all since the day she flew into a rage telling me to drop the lawsuit.

I thought that my aunt and I would never be able to narrow our differences anyway, and since her family had that great lawyer, there would be no reason for them to ever contact me.

Gi Seoin’s message about being able to turn off the phone and staying home if possible came to mind. If the contact was for something good, he wouldn’t have said such things.

For the time being, I didn’t turn off the cell phone since he might call. I simply set it to silent, brewed a cup of tea, and sat at the table.

How many times did those two characters, ‘Aunt,’ appear and disappear from the screen? Finally, instead of those two characters, the three characters ‘Seoin’ caught my eye. I pressed the call button immediately.

“Seoin. Is it lunch break?”

—Yes. I just came out now because of work.

“What are you going to eat?”

We first shared a mundane conversation. It was thanks to realizing through experience that there was no need to make a fuss.

After briefly discussing lunch menu options, just as I was about to bring up the topic, Gi Seoin asked first.

—Did you get calls?

“If you mean Aunt, then yes. A ton of them. They might even be coming in now.”

—You don’t need to answer them.

“Yeah. But why are they calling? Is it because of the lawsuit? Did something progress?”

I was puzzled, knowing that a lawsuit couldn’t possibly progress that quickly.

When I asked out of curiosity, Gi Seoin said.

—Because that side is in a desperate situation now.

“Desperate?”

A hollow laugh escaped me.

“Aunt’s family, toward me?”

—Because the hill they were leaning on has disappeared.

It seemed like Gi Seoin laughed lightly. And…

—The lawyer who was handling Jeon Juseok has resigned.

“Huh?”

To think that ‘the hill they were leaning on has disappeared’ meant that.

“Why?”

—Jeon Juseok’s father was fired from the law firm.

It was quite shocking news.

After hearing the brief details from Gi Seoin, my aunt started calling again almost as soon as I hung up. There were messages too.

[Aunt: Seungkyung, are you busy?]

[Aunt: Let’s talk for a bit..]

[Aunt: You’re on the phone.. call me when you check this]

There was even contact left from an unsaved number. When I checked, it was my uncle.

For even my uncle to reach out, I could tell how much that house had been turned upside down.

It was bound to be that way. My uncle was kicked out of his position overnight, and even the lawyer who was defending Jeon Juseok had pulled out of the case. The weapon, or rather the shield, they trusted more than anything had completely flown away.

Even so, the reason they were contacting me to this extent was not understandable.

They could just find a new lawyer, and no matter how much my uncle lost his job, that couple should have enough financial leeway. If not, then so be it.

Yes, that was my stance. ‘If not, then so be it.’

It was disgusting how people who hadn’t even hidden their eagerness to trample me to death if given the chance suddenly changed their attitude because the situation turned unfavorable. Even if they take a low posture toward me now, I know it is absolutely not sincere.

When I was passing through my darkest time, Jeon Juseok pretended to pull me out of there while shoving me into even deeper darkness. He even tried to kill me. My aunt and uncle were no different from that guy.

If there had been an unavoidable reason for hurting me, if they had felt guilt while looking at my wounds, if they had offered a sincere apology… I would have answered the calls coming from them.

However, those people wounded me to satisfy their own selfish desires, mocked my pain, and insulted my people who had nothing to do with them.

Having done all that, the reason they want to cling to me now is probably one thing. They want to put out the immediate fire. They intend to ask me to drop the lawsuit.

If I were to forgive them when they already think of me as a fool, it was certain that what would return would be another mockery.

I have not the slightest desire for revenge. Just because they become unhappy doesn’t mean I can get back the things I lost.

However, I did want to tell them. That they had a chance to apologize to me, but that it was too late now.

Would even this be a childish sense of revenge?

I stared at ‘Aunt’ which was persistently appearing on the screen.

And after much deliberation, I blocked my aunt, my uncle, and even Juseok hyung.

I was not a fully mature adult. I was worried that acting impulsively on what I believed to be right might look like a mistake when I looked back later. I was cautious lest the efforts of Gi Seoin, who was helping me, become trivialized.

The future I wished for was not that the people who made things hard for me would become unhappy, but that I would become happy together with Gi Seoin. I reflected only on that. Then, my heart, which had been fluctuating with petty emotions, soon became calm.