TWELVE 23

“Dating?”

Gi Seoin asked back. He had completely wiped away the annoyance that had clouded his face just a moment ago, leaving only an expression of pure bewilderment.

“Where is this coming from all of a sudden?”

If this was a lie, Gi Seoin was a natural-born actor; if it was the truth, then it was my own delusion, misunderstanding, and mistake. I trusted him, but right now, I couldn’t be sure of anything. When I couldn’t even trust myself, whom was I in a position to judge?

“I misspoke. Sorry.”

“Woo Seungkyung. You’re the one being strange.”

“Why me?”

Gi Seoin parted his lips as if to answer immediately but then closed them again. I was unpleasantly curious as to exactly why he thought I was strange, but I didn’t ask further. Since both he and I seemed excessively sensitive right now, it was beneficial to save our words.

I hadn’t realized it, but Gi Seoin’s car had already arrived in front of the house. I unbuckled my seatbelt.

“Thanks for the ride. Is there anything of yours left at my place? Should I go get it?”

“I’m getting out too.”

“I’ll bring it out to you.”

“No.”

Gi Seoin said, his lip twitching on one side.

“I’m sleeping over.”

Again. Deciding and announcing things as he pleases.

I felt a bit exhausted by it. I didn’t even have the energy to bicker anymore, so I simply let him trail behind me into the house. The funny thing was that even though I was angry with him, I felt relieved that I wasn’t entering the house alone.

I laid out a futon for Gi Seoin to sleep on in the room, then came out to the living room and asked.

“Do you want to wash up first?”

“Later. I have some work to look at. You wash up first, Woo Seungkyung.”

His eyes were fixed on his tablet as his fingers moved busily. It was already well past 3:00 AM. Do all lawyers live buried in work like that? Since Gi Seoin is the only lawyer I know, I have no one else to ask.

I expected him to still be immersed in work by the time I finished washing up and came out, but upon seeing me, he closed his tablet and spoke.

“You didn’t eat the lunch box.”

…So that was why he was annoyed. Regardless, I couldn’t look him in the eye, so I pointlessly dropped my gaze.

“Sorry. I didn’t have much of an appetite.”

“Are you sick somewhere?”

“No, it’s not that… I guess I’m just tired.”

Ah. The herbal medicine Gi Seoin had brought, telling me to take it when I was tired, flashed through my mind. I went to the sink and quickly grabbed a pouch.

“I can just drink this.”

“…”

When Gi Seoin stares at me silently like he is doing now, a chill runs down my spine for no reason. Though he had a pretty face, his gaze was on the fierce side. It might have felt scarier than usual because I had a guilty conscience. I did feel bad for turning the lunch box—which contained the time and sincerity of someone whose every minute must feel like a second—into a cold, rejected meal. This time, it was clearly my fault.

I transferred the herbal medicine into a mug as he had instructed, ran it in the microwave for 10 seconds, and then sidled up next to him.

“As expected, our Seoin is the only one who looks after my health. Thank youuu.”

“Drink it slowly. Don’t get indigestion.”

“Yes sir.”

Gi Seoin didn’t take his eyes off me until I had finished every drop of the medicine.

“Kwah, it’s bitter. But it’s manageable. Honestly, I was a little scared.”

When I grinned, Gi Seoin took the empty mug as if snatching it and placed it by the sink. Couldn’t he have left at least that much for tomorrow? The difference between Gi Seoin and me was clearly revealed in moments like this.

“Should I dry your hair?”

He asked upon returning. Instead of answering, I turned on the fan and sat in front of it.

Ugh, it’s definitely cold to dry my hair with a fan now. My shoulders shivered. I should buy a hair dryer as soon as I get my paycheck. Now that my income is becoming steady, I can afford such small luxuries. Since I feel this way, I can somewhat understand why Gi Seoin said things like wanting to pay off my debt.

“Ah, Seoin. I get my paycheck next week. I’ll pay you back, so send me your account number via message.”

“I’m going to wash up.”

As soon as I brought up the money, the guy who had been watching me like a hawk quickly turned his back.

Look at that, look at that. He’s avoiding it?

Well, it wasn’t a problem, as not knowing his account number didn’t mean I couldn’t pay him back. Besides, money feels more real when you handle it as cash.

I expected Gi Seoin to act like that. Even after saying…

“If you hate just receiving it, pay me back later.”

It was absurd to have a creditor whom the debtor had to beg, saying, “Please, take my money.” No matter who it is, borrowed money must be repaid, but if only Jeon Juseok were even half as decent as Gi Seoin.

“Sigh… I shouldn’t expect the impossible. Just my luck.”

Since my hair was mostly dry, I figured I should sleep. I felt like Gi Seoin would only sleep once I did. I dove into the blankets.

I pulled the covers over my head, then peeked out only my eyes at the sound of someone. Gi Seoin, having finished his shower, just stepped into the room. He was wearing only his underwear. Even though I had seen it every day during my week-long vacation, I couldn’t get used to it at all. Then again, it was the kind of physique one doesn’t just get used to.

“The pajamas you left behind are in the first drawer.”

Watching his back as he took clothes out of the drawer to put them on, the incident from my commute suddenly came to mind.

“Seoin, something interesting happened today.”

Gi Seoin, who seemed to have no intention of wearing a top and had only put on his pajama pants, lay down toward me.

“What happened.”

“No, I was on my way to work when someone talked to me. They said my mask was good. Then they gave me a business card. That person said they work at TY Entertainment. They asked if I had an agency, and if not, to try talking to them. Funny, right?”

Gi Seoin didn’t laugh at all. He wasn’t the type to make a fuss anyway, but right now, he had the expression of someone who had heard something they shouldn’t have.

“So, what did you say?”

“Me? I just said I wasn’t interested and had to go to work, then I left.”

“Do you still have the business card?”

“No. I threw it away.”

I omitted the part about giving it to Yoon Kijun. It was as good as thrown away anyway.

“Next time a person like that talks to you, ignore them.”

“There won’t be a next time. I could tell just by looking that he was a scammer. Me, a celebrity? Maybe you, but…”

I instinctively started to reach out toward his face, then stopped.

Why, at a time like this, did I have to imagine a scene of him lying face-to-face like this with someone else?

The temperature of my heart, which had been simmering quietly, seemed to have reached its peak. Beep— an alarm sounded, warning me to put out this fire immediately.

“…Seoin, you know.”

However, because I didn’t know the nature of the fire burning my heart, I couldn’t put it out.

“Don’t pack lunch for me anymore. You don’t have to come to my house either.”

“…Why.”

“Just, I already told you. I’m well enough to work now, so you don’t have to help me. Please just say okay. That way, my mind will be at ease.”

Am I going to be charred black like this?

“Still, if you hadn’t been here this time, I really, I really would have had a hard time. Thank you.”

I’m afraid.

“I’m sleeping. Good night to you too.”

I turned my back to him.

Previously, I thought he was the problem. But looking back now, I was the problem. It wasn’t him; it was me who wasn’t ready. Ready to be independent.

I needed to practice standing alone. Only when I am mature can Gi Seoin return to the life he deserves without worrying.

‘Seoin… what do I do? Grandma… I’m so scared…’

If I keep leaning on Gi Seoin as I have until now, I will never be able to become resolute. At the same time, Gi Seoin would never be able to enjoy the happiness he was born for. It shouldn’t be that way. I shouldn’t be… this selfish.

“Woo Seungkyung.”

“…”

“Are you sleeping?”

I desperately pretended to be asleep.

Even when Gi Seoin moved his pillow next to mine, even when he hugged me, even when he pressed his lips to my back and repeatedly called my name…

“Good night, Seungkyung.”

Even though I heard his tender greeting, I pretended not to know.

Even this heart that wanted to cry.

I couldn’t close my eyes for even a moment. Because the body heat of Gi Seoin, who didn’t pull away for a single second while holding me, was overwhelming, and because his presence, as he kept tapping my back, shook my heart.

It was only after Gi Seoin got up and left me that I fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up, it was close to the afternoon. I ran out to the living room and checked the inside of the fridge.

“I told you…”

Even though I had told him so firmly not to do it, Gi Seoin had left another lunch box behind. The only difference from usual was that he hadn’t sent a nagging message. I didn’t contact him separately either.

Thud. The moment I closed the fridge door, the appliance blocking my view felt like a wall that had suddenly risen between him and me, and my heart sank. I slumped down as if pulled to the floor. My eyes grew hot.

“I’m not crying, I’m not crying, I’m not crying.”

I stood up, repeating the unsightly monologue to myself.

There is no reason to be sad. I was alone to begin with. It wasn’t because my parents, my great-aunt, or Gi Seoin left me; humans are originally alone.

So there is no need to cry. I just have to live as I was born. So that I, and everything surrounding me, can return to their original states.

I changed the house passcode. Now, I was the only person in the world who could freely enter and exit this house. It should have been like this long ago.

I should have kept my distance from Gi Seoin from the beginning. If I had, I wouldn’t have had to suffer from the pain of drifting apart again…

The days of Gi Seoin and me, and the season we live in, have naturally entered a cold period.