TWELVE 87

“Hyung…”

Only after calling out to him in a daze did I realize I hadn’t greeted him properly. But he didn’t seem to mind.

“That look on your face, man. Am I a ghost? Did someone come back from the dead? Ah, maybe I shouldn’t say things like that at a funeral home.”

Laughing playfully, hyung tapped my shoulder.

“Have you eaten?”

“No… Have you? For now, come sit down.”

The first day had been quiet, but compared to today, the second day, it felt almost crowded. Seeing him appear in such a situation made me happier and more grateful than anyone else.

“What can I get you?”

“Soju—no, wait. Who drinks in the middle of the day? Just bring some sikhye.”

“Okay, just a second.”

Wanting to give hyung even a little more, I grabbed two cans of sikhye. When I returned to the table, he pushed one can back toward me.

“Why give me two?”

“It’s okay. They’re for you.”

“Take it, you punk. You said you haven’t even eaten.”

“…Thanks.”

In this moment, I let myself believe that hyung had come back because he was worried about me. Why else would he bother seeking this place out again?

“But hyung, what brings you here?”

“I came because I was damn worried.”

When I heard the reason I had only guessed confirmed by hyung’s own mouth, an emotion stronger than gratitude struck my chest. Even though we shared blood, we had lived further apart than strangers, so hearing that he worried enough to visit the funeral hall twice made me feel overwhelmed.

“Why? Should I go back?”

“No…! No, that’s not it, I’m just grateful.”

“You’re grateful for the smallest things.”

“Because nobody else has come twice…”

“That’s a given, am I a stranger?”

Having downed the sikhye in one go, hyung spoke as he crunched and crumpled the empty can.

“If she’s a great-aunt to you, she’s a great-aunt to me too. And you, man, you’re just a little shrimp holding a funeral alone, so would I, as your hyung-nim, just pretend not to know? What’s the point of having family otherwise?”

Since I had never felt anything from anyone except my great-aunt, I couldn’t answer the question of what the point of having family was, but the rest of what he said sounded right.

Great-aunt was family to hyung as well. Even if they had lived without contact for a long time, that fact does not change. Just because you hate being someone’s family doesn’t mean you can forcibly drain your blood and become a stranger.

“Thanks, hyung.”

“If you’re thankful, pay me back later.”

Hyung laughed boastfully.

“But don’t you have any friends?”

“Huh?”

“No, I mean, it’s true. There’s damn few people visiting.”

“I’ve lost contact with most of my friends. I quit high school and worked…”

“Working like that, well, did you save any money?”

How could I have? I shook my head.

“I couldn’t save because of Grandma’s hospital bills and living expenses.”

“Oh boy, you poor bastard.”

I had never once thought of myself as pitiful. Just as Grandma, who was barely getting by on her own, took me in and raised me, I accepted that it was my turn to support her this time. I was doing what was natural, so it wasn’t pitiful. Being tired and being pitiful were different.

But the lament that came out of hyung’s mouth felt like comfort toward me.

“Didn’t you say you haven’t eaten? If you’re sick of spicy beef soup, do you want to go out and buy something?”

“It’s okay. It’s a bit much to leave my spot…”

“Shit, nobody’s coming anyway, so what does it matter if you leave it?”

It was true, but I still couldn’t leave Grandma’s funeral hall empty.

“Living like such a pauper.”

Muttering as if it were a shame, hyung pulled out a pack of cigarettes and gestured to me.

“Do you smoke?”

“No.”

“Want to try? If you don’t smoke at a time like this, when will you?”

“It’s okay. You go ahead and smoke, hyung.”

“Aish, you boring bastard.”

Getting up, hyung disappeared outside the hall.

What if he doesn’t come back?

For a split second, I had a strange thought. As a mourner, hyung had no obligation to keep guarding the hall. No matter how long he had been here, it was his freedom to leave again.

Just because he worried about me for one day, it was ridiculous for me to lean on him this much.

I slapped my cheeks with both hands. Snap out of it, Woo Seungkyung…

Hyung is late.

I looked down at the crumpled sikhye can, then back at Grandma’s memorial photo, and checked the time. I thought it was around 2:00 PM, but it was already past 5:00 PM.

When did time pass like this? I couldn’t believe it. Lately, especially since entering the funeral hall, time had passed slowly, as if being tortured.

Then, I felt a presence behind my back. The moment I quickly turned my body.

“Hyung…!”

I met the gaze of a completely different face that wasn’t hyung’s.

“What ‘hyung’?”

“Seoin-ah.”

I stood up from my seat and went to him. I asked because his attire was the same as when I saw him this morning.

“Did you come straight after your exam?”

As expected, Gi Seoin nodded.

“Yeah. But who’s this hyung?”

“The hyung from my aunt’s family who came at dawn.”

“That person came again?”

“Yeah, I was surprised too.”

“But I don’t see him. Where did he go?”

“He said he was going out for a quick smoke, but he’s late.”

This morning, when I told Gi Seoin—who had stopped by before going to school—about my aunt’s visit, he reacted very unpleasantly. Since I also didn’t feel good after realizing the purpose of my aunt and uncle’s visit, I understood his reaction perfectly.

“Why did he say he came?”

However, since I was now saying that Juseok hyung had returned without explanation, it was only natural for him to be suspicious.

“He said he came because he was worried about me. My aunt and uncle didn’t come, hyung came alone.”

“…”

Gi Seoin still looked displeased, but he didn’t go out of his way to speak.

“Want something to drink?”

Gi Seoin, who only shook his head, placed something wrapped in a plastic bag on the table.

“You haven’t eaten, have you?”

“…Yeah. It just turned out that way.”

With a face that said ‘I knew it,’ he unpacked the plastic bag and took out the contents. It was a lunch box bought from outside.

“There wasn’t a suitable place nearby. Eat this for now, and I’ll buy you something proper tonight. Is there anything you want to eat?”

“This looks delicious too. I’ll eat on my own tonight, don’t bother dropping by. You have to study for your exams.”

Gi Seoin had been in his exam period since last week. Unlike high school, college exam periods were long. I felt sorry that he, who was in a situation where he had to immerse himself in exams for days, seemed to have his concentration taken away because of me.

In fact, he repeatedly woke up at the crack of dawn to study, stopped by the hospital before going to school, and then came to the hospital again before going back to study. Since yesterday, the hospital had changed to the funeral hall, and he was obsessively worrying about me. I was uncomfortable with that.

“I hate that you’re struggling because of me. So don’t overdo it, Seoin-ah.”

“I’m not overdoing it.”

“You’re not even sleeping properly.”

“I’ll have time after the funeral procession tomorrow. It’s fine.”

Ultimately, he was saying he would stay with me until the procession at 7:00 AM and then go take his exam. I wondered if that was only natural from Gi Seoin’s perspective, but I worried first that it might be a burden to him.

“Woo Seungkyung, you take care of your own body.”

One way or another, I know he won’t break his stubbornness. I only said it even though I knew.

I was grateful to Gi Seoin, but my guilt was just as large. I was also puzzled. Do people go this far in a normal friendship?

What do other people usually do in these cases?

Since I only had Jang Cheolwoo and Gi Seoin left as friends, it was hard for me to know the “case of a normal friendship.”

Jang Cheolwoo stopped by yesterday afternoon and said he would come again for the procession tomorrow. He felt sorry, saying he wanted to stay together the whole time but couldn’t because of work. As I felt it, Jang Cheolwoo was doing the best one could do in a normal friendship.

Then what about Gi Seoin?

Would it have been different if Gi Seoin had a job? I’m certain it wouldn’t. Even if he were doing work that his livelihood depended on, he would have acted no differently than he was now.

Gi Seoin only left after repeatedly urging me to make sure I ate the whole lunch box. I felt sorry for him, but after trying one bite of each side dish, I put down my chopsticks. It felt like if I shoved in any more, it would get stuck.

While I was thumping my chest that felt tightly blocked, only then did Juseok hyung return.

“Hyung. Where have you been?”

“A friend said he was right out front for a second. What’s this? A lunch box?”

“Yeah. A friend bought it for me.”

“It’s a perfect snack for a drink.”

Having said that, hyung brought over some soju and chopsticks. I tactfully pushed the lunch box toward hyung.

“Can you handle your liquor?”

Hyung asked as he pulled out a paper cup, and I shook my head.

“I’m not a good drinker.”

“Have a glass, won’t you? Since the mood is gloomy.”

“Then I’ll just have one glass.”

“Two glasses, damn it, make it ten. Who’s going to say anything?”

“Still, I’m the chief mourner, so it’s a bit much.”

It didn’t seem like anyone else would visit anyway, but I still didn’t want to be drunk.

As we tilted our glasses, I was able to stay quiet thanks to hyung rambling about this and that. The incidents hyung said he had experienced were things that would only happen in movies, so they were quite interesting.

As promised, I had exactly one glass, and hyung was already on his fourth bottle.

“Ah shit, I’m tired. I can drink more, though. Did I tell you my limit is eight bottles of soju?”

I think he’s told me over ten times already. I also heard the story of him drinking thirty bottles of soju alone with a close hyung-nim who is a gangster at least five times.

“Ah… my head, damn it. Maybe it’s because I’m not in good condition today.”

“Hyung, do you want to go inside and sleep for a bit?”

“Okay. Keep the rest!”

Hyung stood up, pointing to the soju bottle he hadn’t finished yet. He stood up quite steadily, so I thought he would be fine. But seeing hyung stagger as soon as he took a step, I quickly approached and supported him. We almost had another funeral on our hands.

After laying Juseok hyung down in the chief mourner’s rest area, I came back out and sat in front of Grandma’s memorial photo.

Even without mourners, it wasn’t bad to spend this last time alone with Grandma. I gazed at the face of Grandma, who would become a person forever unrelated to this earth by tomorrow.

I didn’t even have time to take a proper photo. So Grandma’s memorial photo was a picture taken at least 20 years ago. The appearance in the photo was younger than the one I knew, which made it even more devastating.

“Grandma…”

Because I didn’t have the confidence to speak while watching Grandma enter the crematorium, I opened my mouth now.

“You’ve suffered because of me all this time. Please rest well.”

My vision blurred.

“I love you.”

Instead, I lay flat on the floor and covered my face.

Don’t go.

The sincerity I couldn’t voice turned into tears and flowed. All night long…