HYUNG 58

“Hyuuung, eat and then go back to sleep. Please? You have to eat.”

As if anyone living alone cooks and eats breakfast that diligently. Thanks to Ham Dowon, who woke me up persistently, I ultimately had no choice but to get up. While I sat there with my head hanging low, Ham Dowon grabbed both of my arms and pulled me up.

“Hyung, the noodles will get soggy. Hurry up, wash your face, and come out.”

Driven by the hands pushing me toward the bathroom, I finally ended up standing in front of the sink. At the urging voice, I had no choice but to start washing my face. After splashing cold water on my face a few times, I gradually woke up. I brushed my teeth haphazardly and came outside. Only then did I see the top of the table.

“It’s quite a feast since morning…”

“It is nothing special,”

Ham Dowon chuckled. Ham Dowon, who was acting quite as if it were his own house despite only being there for a few days, had insisted on cooking for me yesterday and led me to a large mart. Since he tried to buy this and that as he pleased again, I stopped him several times by saying that I only have one pot and one small frying pan and that I’m not good at cooking, so there weren’t as many groceries as I expected.

“What is this?”

“Curry udon!”

It seems he made it with the leftover curry from yesterday. It looked quite appetizing.

“Did we buy this yesterday, too? Did I have a bowl like this in my house…?”

The white porcelain dish containing the curry udon looked unfamiliar no matter how much I looked at it. Did Ham Dowon buy it yesterday? I retraced my memory of when we checked the items for the last time before checking out and cut out the unnecessary things, but there was nothing like this.

“It was in the cupboard?”

“My Mom must have left it here.”

I must have been really sleepy. Not even waking up while Ham Dowon was making something like this.

“Where did you find the apron?”

“This was here, too.”

I wonder when he took off his pajamas that I had washed at the laundromat yesterday; Ham Dowon was wearing a knit sweater and jeans with a navy apron over them.

“Hyung, what are you doing today?”

Ham Dowon, who rested his elbows on the table and propped up his chin, smiled brightly. He must be in a good mood. So refreshing since morning.

“I’ll roll around for a bit… then study. Review my classes. You’re going to visit Saja, right?”

“Yes.”

“He’ll be discharged tomorrow. Since your parents said they’re coming tomorrow too, you’ll be leaving tomorrow as well.”

“…Yes.”

We had only stayed together for a few days, but thinking about Ham Dowon leaving made me feel a bit strange. I ate my meal while hiding it and pretending everything was normal.

The curry udon Ham Dowon made was delicious, like something sold in a shop. It couldn’t be compared to the instant curry or udon I occasionally boil and eat. Even though he must have made this with commercial products as well.

After the cleanup was finished, Ham Dowon, standing in front of the entrance, said this.

“Hyung, I’ll be back.”

He is just a guest staying for a short while, but the way Ham Dowon spoke sounded exactly like something one would say to a family member they live with. However, it wasn’t a wrong thing to say, nor could it be called inappropriate. But for some reason, I couldn’t answer, so I just nodded vaguely, and Ham Dowon only gave a faint smile and left.

I lay on the bed that had become mine again after a long time and stared blankly at the ceiling. Come to think of it, Ham Dowon had lain on my bed for a short while before. At that time, I noticed it immediately because of the unfamiliar scent coming from the bed. But for some reason, the scent of that Ham Dowon, who had slept in this bed for several days, wasn’t there. Even when I buried my face in the pillow and blanket, I couldn’t smell any unfamiliar fragrance.

“…I’m going to fall asleep like this.”

I jumped up and sat at my desk. I should study today. Even if it’s not strictly for an exam, studying theory to some extent helps with my work.

I stacked reference books beside me and began to study step-by-step from the very first part. Since the purpose wasn’t preparing for an exam, I lost a lot of time to various things and was slow. I rummaged through reference books to read related content, searched for paintings in lecture materials to find out more about artists, and jotted down work ideas that came to mind.

I saved paintings that would be good to use as references in a separate folder. After doing that for a while, my neck felt stiff, so I pulled it to both sides, stretched, and did some light movements.

When I checked the time, over an hour had flown by. Still, I felt proud because I seemed to have concentrated quite well. Feeling that I could take a short break, I checked the messages that had arrived.

Ye Hwanyoung: Oppa! ♡♡♡

Ye Hwanyoung: What are you doing?

Ye Hwanyoung: Our household cutie says they have something to say to ♡Oppa♡!!!! ♡♡

…It seems she wants something again or has a favor to ask. I left them all on read. What “household cutie.” It’s making me cringe. There are hearts everywhere, so it makes my eyes dizzy.

Son, you aren’t feeling uncomfortable anywhere lately, right?

I sent a reply to my Mom’s text.

Yeah. I’m not. I’m doing well. I’ll come down one more time after midterms pass.

I also sent a reply to a KakaoTalk message from a military comrade I occasionally contact, and I didn’t even read the message from an unwelcome former classmate asking why it’s so hard to see my face. I clearly thought I had blocked him, but I guess I was mistaken. I definitely blocked him this time for confirmation.

I deleted advertisement texts and then blocked those numbers, and after tidying up my KakaoTalk friend list and phone book, I read the very last message, the one from Ham Dowon.

Ham Dowon: Hyung, do you like waffles?

This is really out of the blue again. But I sent a reply.

Yeah, I like them.

The reply came instantly.

Ham Dowon: Me too!

Ham Dowon: I like them too. Truly, so, so much!! ♡♡

“… .”

It felt like he was saying it to me, not necessarily about waffles. The hearts are a bit excessive, too. Did he feel that way himself? The message that arrived once more was a bit pathetic.

Ham Dowon: Waffles. Truly a lot.

“… I don’t know.”

The fact that Ham Dowon likes me—both Ham Dowon himself knows it and I know it—and yet he’s trying to hide it was quite funny. Since he shows signs of it from time to time even while pretending not to, it was impossible not to know. Nevertheless, I pretended not to know. Because it’s comfortable that way. Because I want us to be just comfortable friends.

Is it truly my selfish heart? Should I cut it off? But it’s not like I dislike Ham Dowon. I like him too. It’s just not in that sense.

“I’m really… only thinking of myself.”

These things are truly difficult. It would be nice if there were an answer like an exam. I opened the book again, but I couldn’t focus on studying. After surfing the web for no reason, I plopped onto the bed. I should sleep for a bit now, even if it’s the sleep I couldn’t get earlier. And after resetting my brain, I should do it again. Whether it’s studying or pretending not to know Ham Dowon’s feelings.

I closed my eyes. I heard noises coming from somewhere. The motor of the laptop that had been left on went whirrrr… I heard it faintly, and then it soon disappeared. It seemed the laptop had entered sleep mode. Thump, thump, thump… I don’t know what was happening, but I heard a regular hitting sound, and then the sound of footsteps, step, step. That sound gradually grew louder and soon led to the beep-beep-beep sound of the door lock being pressed. The person who would open the door to my house with a clear chirp sound, without ever making a mistake or hesitating, was only one.

“Hyung?”

I didn’t open my eyes or respond. I just pretended to sleep. I hadn’t fallen asleep, but I was sleepy.

Even without looking, I could tell Ham Dowon had gotten closer by the sound of footsteps approaching the bed. One side of the bed tilted. It seemed he had sat on the edge.

“… Hyung.”

My cheek felt ticklish. It was Ham Dowon’s touch. Ham Dowon stroked my face and brushed back my hair several times. Since it became more awkward to open my eyes, I worked hard at pretending to sleep.

“Hyung, Hwanoh Hyung…”

Ham Dowon’s voice sounded excessively loud and clear. As if he were whispering in my ear. Whether he was actually close, his breath touched me and made my ear ticklish. I almost flinched and trembled.

“… I like you. Truly, a lot.”

At that close distance, I could smell Ham Dowon. It wasn’t the mysterious fragrance that always came from him.

The black rose scented diffuser sitting somewhere in my room, the lavender scented body wash and lotion, the rosemary scented shampoo, the fragrance of the moisturizer I use… I recognized my own scent late, which I hadn’t been able to notice even if it came from my own body because I was already used to it. By Ham Dowon getting closer.

Warmth drew near. Something soft and warm touched my lips. That thing, which had touched very briefly, pressed down firmly on my lips several times, press, press, and then pulled away. I wasn’t naive enough not to know that it was a kiss.