HYUNG 34

Ham Dowon wore a wide smile across his entire face, beaming brightly. Seeing him that happy made me feel proud for some reason. I should bring him more later.

I stared blankly at the road, which had become familiar after traveling it several times. Ham Dowon was quite good at driving. It wasn’t a long distance, but I never once felt uncomfortable.

“Hyung, but you know.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think I can have dinner with you today. I’m supposed to see a friend… It’s an appointment I made before the semester started, so I couldn’t get out of it. I’m sorry.”

“Sure. Enjoy your dinner.”

So he actually did have friends. There was no need to feel sorry. It wasn’t as if we had made a promise to eat dinner together. Even so, Ham Dowon looked excessively apologetic. I tried telling him several times that it was fine, but his expression remained the same.

“You don’t have to try to act like that for my sake. This is my fault.”

“You didn’t really do anything wrong. I wasn’t planning on eating dinner anyway.”

“Hyung, if you’re even skipping a meal… I’m really sorry. I’ll make sure this never happens next time.”

“I said I don’t care?”

“Hyung, let’s definitely have dinner together next time.”

“I said it’s really okay.”

“Hyung, I know it’s not okay. I’m upset too. It just had to overlap like this…”

He was a brick wall. Eventually, I gave up. Ham Dowon’s car, which had been soothing me—someone who wasn’t upset at all—with repeated apologies, soon reached the neighborhood where the academy was located. Since there was a large university nearby, there were many young people as usual. Ham Dowon stopped the car where he always parked and unbuckled his seatbelt.

“Hyung, let’s get out together. But since there’s some time left until my appointment, please stay with me for just about 10 minutes.”

“Well, alright.”

The way he spoke as if it were a given that I would stay with him was a bit strange, but I followed him obediently. I also had time left until my part-time job.

The place I entered with Ham Dowon was a bookstore in the basement of a building connected to the station. I saw a book with a cover illustration I liked, so I opened the book jacket to check the name of the artist who drew it. It was somewhat familiar… Ah, I know. It was the instructor who came for a lecture when I was a freshman. He was also a senior at our school. To think I’d see his work like this. I wonder if he’s doing well.

Books these days all have pretty covers, so they were fun to look at. As I peered at them one by one, my eyes stopped on a painting everyone knows well. It was Van Gogh’s landscape, “Green Wheat Field with Cypress.”

“Van Gogh again. I think Koreans really love Van Gogh. I think a life that only finds honor after death would be very painful. You’d have to fight constant self-doubt throughout your entire life, wouldn’t you? And so he eventually fell ill. Though the illness might have come first.”

Van Gogh was often mentioned as a representative of the artistic life. That was why, even though I had longed for art since I was young, I thought I wouldn’t be able to become an artist. I didn’t want to experience a life that was so depressing and chaotic. I didn’t think I could understand art that comes out of pain. I love movies, but I didn’t want to live a life that becomes a movie like Van Gogh. I liked a daily life that was just ordinary and calm, the kind that doesn’t make for a special story.

“I got too serious all of a sudden. …It was just some useless talk.”

“It’s not useless. …The things you say are interesting, hyung.”

The corners of Ham Dowon’s mouth and his slightly curved eyes felt truly sincere. It wasn’t just empty flattery. For a moment, it felt like my heart gave a sharp throb. In an unusual way. Feeling embarrassed for some reason, I quickly changed the subject.

“…But isn’t it time for your appointment?”

“Ah. The appointment… I don’t want to go… I want to keep staying with you, hyung.”

“But I have to go to my part-time job.”

“Psh…”

While Ham Dowon’s phone rang with a pouting sound, I struggled to settle the strange, tingling emotion that vibrated near my chest.

“Yeah, I’m at the bookstore. Jinpung Books. Huh? Nearby? …Ah, I see you.”

Ham Dowon waved his hand over my shoulder. When I turned around reflexively, I saw a man who was small-statured and pretty-looking. His hair was long enough that if it weren’t for his Adam’s apple, I would have thought he was a woman. Fortunately, Ham Dowon’s friend was not an imaginary friend.

“Hyung, see you tomorrow. I’m going now.”

Ham Dowon, who tilted his head toward me and said goodbye close to my face, looked at me lingeringly before turning around and walking slowly. Then, as if he had been scolded by his friend, he finally walked straight. I watched Ham Dowon’s receding back and frowned slightly at the bizarre sensation of an itch in my solar plexus.

‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

Ham Dowon: Hyung, I hate Nietzsche so much. 10:02

Ham Dowon: I want to see your face, not the professor’s. The professor has a beard too. I think he researched Nietzsche so much that he wants to become Nietzsche himself. 10:02

I checked my phone during the break in the middle of class and found a Talk message sent by Ham Dowon. Sent only 2 minutes ago. Ham Dowon was currently taking a general education course related to Nietzsche in a nearby classroom.

Ham Dowon: Hyung? 10:04

I sent a reply.

Try to love Nietzsche during this semester. That way you’ll get a good grade. 10:04

Ham Dowon: But this mister only says boring things. The professor’s voice is so terrible too. I wish you were the professor, hyung. Then I’d be able to focus well. 10:05

Ham Dowon: Hyung, do you know that your voice is extremely pleasant to hear? It’s the best among all the voices I’ve heard so far. It’s low, soft, and calm, but there’s a very slight huskiness to it so your personality comes through. Usually, you often draw out the ends of your words, but sometimes when you talk about movies or paintings, your speaking speed gets faster as if you want to say more? At those times, you look so excited and happy that I feel happy along with you. Still, whether your words are fast or slow, small or loud, I can always hear what you say even in noisy places, as if you’re whispering in my ear. Hyung, do you like singing? I think you’d be good at singing too. I even looked to see if there was a general education course for singing. So I could take it with you if there was. 10:06

“…”

You won’t get anything even if you praise me. 10:08

I was flustered and agonized for two minutes. I can’t believe he’s praising someone’s voice like this. Even though there weren’t many flowery metaphors, it was detailed and specific. Perhaps that’s why it all sounded sincere.

Ham Dowon: I’m serious… Hyung, let’s go to karaoke later. I want to hear you sing. 10:08

“Why is his typing so fast?”

I was surprised because the reply came so quickly. In the meantime, there weren’t even any typos. Is it because he’s young…

Ham Dowon: Hyung, do you know how to play an instrument? 10:09

“We will begin the class.”

At the professor’s words, I quickly put my phone away. It was only after the class was over and I was leaving the classroom that I checked the subsequent Talk messages from Ham Dowon.

Ham Dowon: I can play the violin and the piano a little bit. I’m not that skilled, but my mom forced me to go because she wanted to help increase the sales of a music academy run by her friend.

Ham Dowon: I was terribly bad at the violin, but thanks to learning it for a long time, I can play it enough so it doesn’t make an unpleasant sound. The piano is a bit better. 10:10

Hmm, I could easily imagine both a Ham Dowon playing the piano and a Ham Dowon playing the violin. It suited him. While being pushed by the crowd coming out of various classrooms, I felt a familiar scent and turned my head.

“Hi.”

I raised my hand to greet Ham Dowon. Ham Dowon walked through the people without hesitation. He was so unstoppable I thought he might even hug me. But when he actually got within arm’s reach, he just stared at me fervently. His gaze was so intense it felt like he was glaring at me.

“Hyung! As soon as I woke up this morning, I missed you so much. Really, so much.”

“Uh, yeah. Right…”

I responded dazedly to the words that poured out somewhat urgently and quickly.

“Hyung, let’s go eat lunch. What should we eat?”

“I should just eat school food.”

“Aren’t you tired of school food?”

Ham Dowon frowned slightly. Look at him, he’s got quite the spoiled appetite for a college student.

“It’s only the second week since the semester started; what are you going to do if you’re already tired of it?”

“We can just go out and eat every day.”

“Everyone has the same thought, so won’t every shop be crowded?”

One had to absolutely avoid restaurants near workplaces and universities during peak lunch hours. Because you might go to eat and return having only been shoved by people instead of filling your stomach.

“Then what about lunch boxes?”

“There’s no such thing for someone living alone. I can’t cook.”