HYUNG 56

“It’s just… it might not hold a special meaning or have much value… but because I like your paintings so much, I hope you’ll keep painting no matter which path you take. Whether art is your true path or not, and whether you actually have talent or not, you like painting, don’t you? Just because you majored in art doesn’t mean you’re trapped in a yoke where you must do art; you could turn your eyes elsewhere. You could take another path for a while and then start painting again… There are many branches, so let’s think about it intensely. Whether it’s your path or mine.”

“Since things turned out like this, should I double major in the Department of International Trade too?”

“Should I look into how it is for the people double majoring in our department?”

I threw out the joke because the atmosphere seemed to have become too heavy, but Ham Dowon’s reaction was serious. It felt a bit touching and commendable that a guy who doesn’t even care about people he’s not interested in would readily contact a stranger for me. So, I decided to think about it properly as well. Taking a glance at a different path.

“In your eyes, what do you think I’d be good at?”

“An actor.”

“Why an actor?”

I’m not good at being an actor. Maybe if it were just acting.

“Because you’re handsome, Hyung. Or a singer. You have a good voice. How about a voice actor?”

“…Hmm.”

“I think you’d be a good writer, too. Or since you like movies, work related to movies would be good. Although our school doesn’t have a film department, there are many related electives, and there are many directors who graduated from our school. Film art would be good, too.”

“Right. Movies would be fun. I think you’d be a good model.”

“Because I’m tall? You’re tall too, Hyung. And I can’t go hungry. Models have to be thin. …By any chance, am I thin?”

“No. You look just right. If you don’t like modeling, how about being an actor too. Ah, you’re bad at acting.”

“I’m good at acting! I was in a children’s theater troupe when I was little!”

“What role did you play?”

“…Dwarf 6.”

“You look too conspicuous to play a minor role.”

“Actually, before the performance even went up, I got cut early while we were just practicing. I didn’t want to do it.”

I talked about the future with Ham Dowon while eating tteokbokki and fried snacks. It was far-fetched, but I didn’t bother to pop the swelling imagination by mentioning reality. Because truly, I or Ham Dowon could become a great actor or a master in the film industry. Laughter kept coming out.

After clearing away what we ate and taking out the bedding to spread it, I lay on the floor (Ham Dowon insisted that he would sleep on the floor, but I won after a struggle.). And while looking at the blue light still shimmering on the ceiling, I suddenly asked.

“But why were you feeling depressed?”

I looked toward the bed. I could only catch a glimpse of the edge of Ham Dowon’s arm. Is he already asleep? There was no answer, so I was about to close my eyes too, when a faint voice was heard.

“…It’s a secret. I shouldn’t tell you, Hyung.”

That voice was so firm that I couldn’t pry any further. I just closed my eyes and fell asleep a bit late while thinking about various paths other than painting. And as I was drifting off to sleep, I felt like I opened my eyes slightly and met the gaze of Ham Dowon looking down at me. However, before I could distinguish whether that was a dream or reality, I quickly fell into a deep sleep.

Hyung, I really like you.

I felt like I heard that voice again just like yesterday, but this time as expected, I couldn’t distinguish it from a dream. It was even more so because Ham Dowon really appeared in the dream.

In the dream, Ham Dowon was smiling. Very brightly. But as I approached, he gradually grew distant, and if I approached further, he grew even further away. Then, hardening his expression, he said.

Hyung, you are a coward.

He didn’t tell me what was cowardly. Because immediately after, he buried his face in both hands and began to cry. Seeing Ham Dowon cry made me feel flustered, pitiful, and seemingly upset. I didn’t particularly want to see him crying. When I reached out to wipe away his tears, he moved further away yet continued to shed tears within my line of sight.

My chest felt very stifled. Either don’t cry in front of me… or rather, just don’t cry at all. Why do you keep feeling upset. Ham Dowon has a pretty smile. Because it was so frustrating, I wanted to scream. To tell him to smile instead of crying. Smile, Ham Dowon. Smile.

“…Smile.”

“Hyung?”

“I said smile.”

I grabbed Ham Dowon’s face, which I finally reached, and forced the corners of his mouth up with both thumbs. Ham Dowon blinked his wide-open eyes.

“You… stop crying.”

Even though those eyes were not wet with tears, I spoke with determination, knitting my brows.

“…Am I ugly when I cry?”

Ham Dowon let out a dejected voice with slightly slurred pronunciation. It’s not that…! I raised my voice out of frustration.

“No. You’re pretty, but when you cry… it’s upsetting! So stop crying.”

“Yes. Hyung. I won’t cry.”

Ham Dowon smiled. It wasn’t that I forced them up, but he naturally pulled up the corners of his mouth himself and gave a smile.

“But Hyung, there are 20 minutes left.”

“For what?”

“Class. Maybe it’s because we slept with the curtains drawn, but you didn’t wake up until morning, Hyung…”

“…Ah. Ah, ah…!”

“Ugh! Hyung?”

I accidentally pinched Ham Dowon’s cheek, which I was holding. Ham Dowon grimaced as if it hurt. Ah, ah… It’s, it’s not a dream… It’s not a dream…

“What… time did you say?”

“9:38 AM. I don’t think we can eat breakfast.”

Ham Dowon rubbed the cheek I had pinched hard, and I jumped out of bed. I spent about 4 minutes washing my face and brushing my teeth, and 2 minutes changing clothes. Without even thinking about the fact that Ham Dowon was watching, I threw my clothes off. And when I came out with a hat pressed down low, there were about 15 minutes left.

“Run!”

Leaving the studio apartment building, I ran hard across the campus with Ham Dowon. Fortunately, the time we arrived at the printmaking room was 59 minutes past.

‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

“Oh.”

“What is it, Hyung?”

“Class is canceled tomorrow. The professor went abroad.”

At the unexpectedly happy news, I only turned off the phone screen after reading the text twice.

“Then are you resting tomorrow?”

“I plan to. I’ll do my work on the weekend.”

“Are you working today?”

“Hmm, no. I’m thinking of going to the laundromat to do laundry.”

The amount of laundry piled up at home was quite a lot. I think I need to wash these clothes too, which got dirty with clay because of the sculpture class that just ended. Even if I wore an apron, some part always ended up getting dirty.

“Maybe I should buy one of those too. A jumpsuit. There are quite a few kids who walk around wearing those as work clothes.”

“Those are okay in winter, but if you wear them over your clothes, they’re hot in summer and fall.”

“I can just buy several and wear only those on days I have practical classes. Clay is fine, but getting paint on new clothes is a bit stressful.”

It was annoying because acrylic or oil paints wouldn’t come off once they dried. Besides that, art had too many elements that dirtied clothes. Every time this happened, I felt envious of the design department kids who used computers. They could walk around in pretty clothes without worrying about getting dirty while working.

“Then I’ll buy one too. Following you, Hyung.”

“Do as you wish. Are your parents coming the day after tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going for a visit today too?”

“No, I’m going tomorrow. He gets discharged on Saturday, and my parents are going to pick him up then.”

“Then are you going to stay at my house until then?”

“Is that not okay?”

Ham Dowon made a slightly tearful face, and I let out a chuckle looking at that face.

“If you’re going to stay, at least help me with the laundry.”

“Yes!”

It was just doing a bit of laundry, but Ham Dowon followed with an excited face. As soon as we took the laundry from the house and entered the self-service coin laundry nearby, he looked around here and there with curious eyes.

“Is it your first time here?”

“Yes. Since I never had a reason to come… But don’t you have a washing machine at your house too, Hyung?”

“I have one, but I don’t have a dryer. Besides, if I set up a drying rack, it takes up the whole space. So if the amount is large, I wash it at the laundromat, and if the amount is small, I wash it in the machine. I want to move to a house where I can put in a dryer.”