HYUNG 40

The conversation kept going in circles. Feeling frustrated, I let out a deep sigh and swept my hair back.

“So, what you’re saying is… even though you don’t have class, you came to school just to take me to my part-time job, right?”

“Yes.”

Ham Dowon smiled brightly and nodded. I was utterly flabbergasted.

“…Take a rest on your days off.”

“Seeing you is resting, hyung.”

“Not for me.”

“You don’t have a free day today, hyung. You’re going to your part-time job, so it’s a workday. That means you aren’t resting. But I want to see the face of the person I like on my day off. Because that’s what I want to do most.”

“…”

I was speechless. Stay calm. Don’t get sucked in. Whew, I took a deep breath.

“Never do this again next time. I have my own schedule too. I’m going to be working in the workshop for several hours today before I go.”

“Then I can just work too.”

“I’m going to eat lunch, so stop following me.”

“Hyung! Eat a lunch box. I packed one!”

“…Why on earth would you go through such trouble from early morning on your day off?”

Ham Dowon smiled brightly.

“Because I like you, hyung!”

“…Fine, fine.”

I waved my hand. There was no getting through to him.

“Hyung, I really like you. I’m an extremely self-centered person, so I originally don’t pay attention to others like this.”

Ham Dowon said that out of the blue after pulling my wrist and putting me in his car.

“Don’t you realize you’re being plenty self-centered right now?”

“They say people who fall in love suffer from tunnel vision.”

“You were like that from the first time I saw you.”

“Then I guess I’ve liked you since the first time I saw you, hyung. I must have fallen in love at first sight.”

Ham Dowon puckered his lips. Seeing his ears turn a bit red, he seemed to be shy himself after saying those words.

“And you don’t even remember exactly when we first met.”

“…”

Ham Dowon took me to the park we went to yesterday again. Today, it wasn’t inside the car parked in the lot.

“Hyung! The weather is amazing today!”

“…It is nice.”

It was on a mat spread out on the grass. Under the blue sky, sitting on the mat, Ham Dowon smiled as if he were in a truly great mood. Ham Dowon took apart and laid out that three-tier lunch box from yesterday one by one on the red checkered mat.

“Since it was rice yesterday, it’s bread today. And to recharge your vitamins.”

Pointing to the sandwiches and prettily sliced fruit, Ham Dowon smiled shyly. None of the girlfriends I’ve met until now were like this… Even my mother wasn’t like this to me… To think this beautiful scene, looking as if it were staged, was solely for me. It’s driving me crazy. I couldn’t act like a child throwing a tantrum saying I wouldn’t eat this dollhouse-like lunch box. I couldn’t just get up rudely and leave, either. I’m going to lose my mind.

“Hyung, ah.”

I ignored the fruit Ham Dowon was holding out and quickly picked up a cherry tomato with another fork and ate it. When I shook my head to signal that there was no room because of my bulging cheeks, Ham Dowon made a “Psh” sound.

“The tomato is good. Why is it so sweet?”

“They call them stevia tomatoes. And these are Shine Muscats…”

“As expected, fruit should be eaten after a meal.”

Just as Ham Dowon was about to use the opening to offer a green grape, I quickly took a bite of the sandwich. I tasted the salty flavor and the fragrant scent of basil.

“It’s a basil pesto chicken sandwich. It’s delicious, right!”

“You can’t eat chicken.”

“You like it, hyung. I only need you to enjoy eating it.”

Left with nothing to say, I just stared blankly at Ham Dowon’s face. Ham Dowon continued talking regardless of my expression.

“But hyung, you still remember that I can’t eat chicken! I guess you didn’t let everything I said go in one ear and out the other. I thought you had chewed up and spit out every single word I said. Like gum! Since you kept remembering things like that, I mistakenly thought you really liked me.”

Was he? Was he actually tormenting me like this? I was confused for a moment because the words pouring out of that smiling face were incredibly sharp.

The picnic, which had started suddenly and flusteringly, was not as bad as I thought. The autumn sky was high and blue, the wind was cool, and it was nice to even smell the scent of the trees planted throughout the park. Above all, the food was delicious. Although that part was also very uncomfortable and burdensome.

Whether he had made enough for himself, Ham Dowon also ate the sandwiches diligently. He looked very satisfied with the food he had made.

“Hyung, I’m good at cooking, right?”

“You’re good.”

“I even made all the bread used for the sandwiches myself.”

“…Really? To that extent?”

The taste of the sandwich in my mouth suddenly felt too intense and heavy.

“I’m joking. It’s bread from my auntie’s place.”

“That’s a relief.”

“Why is that a relief? I’m good at making bread too. I learned directly from my auntie. Should I bring some next time?”

“It’s fine. No thanks.”

Ham Dowon looked as if he were ready to go home and preheat the oven right this second. It was only after I told him several times that it was okay and repeatedly soothed him by saying that even without seeing it, I knew his baking skills would be good, that he calmed down.

‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

I arrived at the workshop, put my headphones on, and moved my pencil. I had to revise the sketch I hadn’t liked.

“Mmm…”

But I didn’t know. I’d been touching it for hours… but it just felt like I was making the canvas dirty with the pencil. I felt like I needed someone else’s eyes… I glanced at Ham Dowon. He didn’t have anything in his ears; he was holding his phone in one hand and a brush in the other, sketching. What is he drawing? It looks like an animal…

“What is it?”

Ham Dowon, who was standing, suddenly looked down at me as I sat. When I laughed awkwardly for no reason, Ham Dowon tilted his head.

“Do you have something to say?”

“What are you drawing?”

“A Saja.”

“It’s too small for a Saja… Ah, the cat at your house.”

“Yes. Our Saja.”

Ham Dowon held his phone out toward me. I saw a yellowish cat lying on a chair.

“He’s lucky. His owner even draws a portrait for him.”

“There are already many at home. Ones drawn by my noona, ones drawn by my mom.”

“He must be loved very much.”

“Maybe that’s why he acts so spoiled. He’s stubborn, too. He keeps pestering me to touch him, to love him. He’s at an age equivalent to an elementary schooler, but he throws tantrums. Like a child.”

“He resembles you.”

Comparing a cat to a person was funny, but it was even funnier because the personality of the cat Ham Dowon described felt exactly like Ham Dowon himself. Especially the part about being like a child. Whether he was upset or not, Ham Dowon’s face turned bright red, and he lowered his head deeply.

“Hyung, why are you laughing like that?”

Was he truly offended and picking a fight now? Ham Dowon’s voice was quite sharp.

“I wasn’t mocking you. If you felt bad, I’m sorry.”

Ham Dowon glared at me from that position and then shouted.

“It’s because your laugh is so pretty, hyung! It’s so pretty it makes my heart flutter. My heart is thumping. You told me you weren’t trying to be pretty for me. But why do you keep doing that? You’re driving me crazy!”

“…”

I didn’t know if I should apologize or what… While I was being flabbergasted, Ham Dowon kept stealing glances at me by himself until our eyes finally met; then he crouched down and curled his body into a ball like a woodlouse.

“…Hyung, what time is it now?”

“4:19.”

His voice sounded strange, like a dying person’s. Is he sick… probably not. Every time he acted like that in front of me, I asked if he was sick, but the answer was always no. He’s probably just… fluttering by himself.

“Let’s go. You have to go to your part-time job, hyung.”

Ham Dowon jumped up from his seat and walked briskly toward the workshop door with his head hung low. He didn’t lock eyes with me once, and it seemed like he was trying hard to avoid me. Even though the tips of his ears were bright red.

“Hey, Ham Dowon. You have to wash your brushes.”

“…Ah.”

Dried oil paint cannot be dissolved, so you have to wash them with oil before they dry. Ham Dowon rinsed all his brushes in oil right next to me and washed off the remaining paint on the brushes and his hands thoroughly with soap before he finally met my eyes.

“Hyung, let’s go.”

“You have paint on your face.”

“It’s okay.”

Ham Dowon rubbed his cheek with the back of his hand. It was on his forehead.

“It’s on your clothes and hair too.”

“…I said it’s okay.”

“If that dries, it won’t come out. Go wash it off.”

“It’s fine.”

“Are you going to throw those clothes away later? Throwing away perfectly good clothes is environmental pollution. I’ll wait, so wash up. Go look in the mirror again.”