HYUNG 42

“When I first saw you, hyung, it was to the point that I wondered if maybe it had been a dream. Because you were so pretty! I was anxious, wondering if I had seen an angel or if it was all my hallucination, and only after seeing you in person the next day did I believe that you were a human, hyung.”

“…”

This guy is a serious case. There was no way a man smelling of alcohol and swaying around could have been that pretty. And what? A fairy? An angel? This is driving me crazy, seriously… To be honest, I had often heard that I was handsome, but even so, no one had told me I was angel-like or pretty since I was very little.

“You are someone worth liking… No, you are such an amazing person that one couldn’t help but like you, so don’t say such insecure things. You aren’t trash, hyung. Do you know how anxious I am every day? Worried that someone might snatch you away, hyung.”

“…Right. Thaaanks.”

When I gave an awkward haha laugh, Ham Dowon beamed back at me. Anyway, it’s ridiculous.

“But hyung, you use an Android? Your earphones, laptop, and pad are all from the same brand. Besides, isn’t this a pretty old model?”

Suddenly, Ham Dowon’s fingertip tap-tapped the corner of my cell phone on the desk. Since it was much easier to talk once the subject changed, I answered obediently.

“I’ve used it since before I went to the military. Do I seem a bit like a Mister? But it’s perfectly fine and usable. I just don’t like throwing things away for no reason.”

It was a phone I bought after my second attempt at the entrance exam, and it was still in good condition. Recently, I had even replaced the battery and screen, and since I had never taken it out of its case, it looked like new. It’s not that I’m the type to stingy with money when it comes to buying good things, but I also don’t like throwing away perfectly fine items to buy new ones.

“Hyung, you’re cool.”

“This is?”

Ham Dowon stood up abruptly from his seat. I’d been teased for being like a Mister, but no one had ever said I was cool. And this wasn’t something to overreact about like that… Ham Dowon suddenly grabbed both of my hands.

“Yes! Not being swept away by trends is so cool! Besides, you’re even protecting the environment! I actually don’t like it when people change and throw things away frequently. I think it lacks conviction. Also, do you know that mining the coltan needed for cell phones destroys the habitat of wild gorillas? Ah, since it’s you, hyung, of course you’d know?”

“I… didn’t know that much.”

Is he teasing me right now? Or is he just squeezing out a compliment because I said I felt like trash earlier?

“It’s even cooler that you don’t know how cool you are, hyung. You pick up trash on the floor and throw it in the recycling bin, you use a tumbler, and you use things for a long time… Even while drawing, you reflect on yourself while thinking about the environment. You’re full of cool qualities, hyung.”

“…”

No matter how much I listened, it felt forced. It seemed like some things I hadn’t even done were mixed in, and it felt like he just wanted to mock me.

“Hyung, a person who protects the environment is very cool. You think so too, right?”

“Right. Very cool. So let go of my hands a bit…”

I roughly nodded and moved past the words. I was bothered by the body heat touching the back of my hands.

“Do you like people like that?”

Instead of letting go, Ham Dowon interrupted me and grabbed even tighter.

“Yes. I do. I like them, so let go of my hands.”

“I don’t want to.”

Ham Dowon acted as if he was letting go, then interlaced his fingers with one of my hands and lowered that hand under the desk.

“Hyung, they say that if you have physical contact often, love gradually begins to sprout.”

I guess he thinks that if he says it with such a pretty smiling face, it isn’t nonsense. I shook my hand vigorously to break his grip.

“Don’t do this kind of thing.”

“What is ‘this kind of thing’?”

“Touching me as you please, holding my hand, and all that.”

“You seduced me too by patting my back as you pleased and wiping things off my face, so why can’t I seduce you with ‘this kind of thing’?”

“First of all, that wasn’t seducing you, and if it was unpleasant, I’ll apologize again right now. Are we done?”

“We’re not done. Don’t apologize. Because it wasn’t unpleasant. It just made my heart flutter. A lot.”

Ham Dowon slumped his shoulders with a completely sullen face. This is where he’s like a child. Every single emotion and mood is visible. That’s why it’s more difficult. If he had some ulterior motive, I would consider him a cunning kid and cut him off more clearly, but since he’s innocent and like a child, even when I try to refuse firmly, I keep feeling concerned.

“Hyung, my heart is always fluttering the whole time I’m with you. The fact that you don’t like me makes my heart hurt like it’s being torn apart and makes me upset, but I still like being with you, hyung. I really like you, hyung.”

It was even more so because he said these things without any shame. No, he was actually ashamed. His face was bright red. Despite that, he stared at me fixedly, and when our eyes met, he looked down in surprise, but soon he put strength into his eyes and met my gaze again.

“Ham Dowon.”

“Yes. I’m Ham Dowon. Hwanoh hyung.”

“Even if you do that, I can’t reciprocate your feelings.”

“How can you be so certain? I didn’t know I would end up liking someone either. I thought I would never like anyone in my whole life. But I like you, hyung. You aren’t a god, hyung, so how can you be sure that you’ll never like me forever?”

“I…”

As I was about to answer that it was because I’m straight, Ham Dowon cut me off sharply as if he didn’t want to hear it.

“Don’t be so easily certain about everything. Because you’re going to end up liking me, hyung. Honestly, I’m quite decent. I’m handsome enough, I’m tall, and while we aren’t billionaires, my family has quite a lot of money. I’m good at housework besides cooking. And I like you so much, hyung. You’re a truly cool person, hyung, but you won’t meet another person like me in your life.”

Ham Dowon had a flushed face that looked like he was about to cry. He was wooing me and appealing for himself with that kind of face; it was so desperate and pathetic that I felt a bit concerned. I felt sorry for him. Yeah. I don’t know why a guy who doesn’t fall short anywhere is acting like this toward me.

I had never once looked for a partner who was handsome, tall, and had quite a bit of money. It’s a bit embarrassing to say, but that’s because I was like that. I was tall, my appearance wasn’t bad, and while not a billionaire, I grew up quite comfortably.

“I don’t date men.”

“Hyung, why is a person doing art so narrow-minded! Open your heart more. I won’t accept that excuse anymore. And if you’ve never dated one, you can just start dating one now! Do you know how much diverse experiences help with your work!”

“Ham Dowon, being stubborn doesn’t solve everything.”

It was almost time for other students to arrive. If his voice was that loud, it would be heard all the way in the hallway. I replied as calmly and quietly as possible. Whether Ham Dowon noticed my intention, his voice became smaller, but his tone didn’t become soft.

“You’re the one being stubborn too, hyung. Stubbornly insisting like a square that men are absolutely out of the question.”

“…Are you crying?”

“I’m not crying. I’m just… a bit upset. I’m not going to cry.”

Ham Dowon put on the glasses he took out from his bag to hide his red eyes. He really didn’t cry. However, throughout the class, his face was full of misfortune, causing the professor to take notice of him.

‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

“Hyung, the lunchbox.”

As soon as class ended, Ham Dowon pulled on my sleeve with a shyly smiling face.

“Eat it by yourself. I’m fine.”

I told him I wouldn’t eat it, but he went and packed it again anyway. I let out an overt sigh and shook off his grip. But Ham Dowon grabbed me again urgently.

“Ham Dowon. I said I’m fine.”

Ham Dowon flinched and shrunk back for a moment, but he shouted back without backing down.

“Hyung! If you don’t eat this, I have to throw it away. I can’t even take it home. It’ll probably spoil by then? And I can’t eat it alone.”

“Eat it with a friend.”

“I don’t have any friends at school… I only have you, hyung.”

“…Hah.”

I just want to ignore it… Why doesn’t he have any friends, and why is his face so sullen? Even though he’s a grown-up, I keep feeling concerned because he’s like a child. I also remembered Yoo Hwajung’s request.

‘He’s like a younger brother I’ve known since elementary school, so I’m asking a favor. If he’s eating alone, please eat with him.’

Does that jerk Yoo Hwajung know that Ham Dowon, who supposedly had zero interest in dating, is chasing me around because he likes me? He probably doesn’t. If he knew, he wouldn’t be able to say such things.

“Hyung, let’s eat together. I packed a lot.”

“…Fine. Let’s go, let’s go. Instead, I’m going to send you the money for the ingredients, so send me your account number.”