HYUNG 52

Since I didn’t have a proper table to set on the floor, I stacked several books and placed my tablet PC on top of them. I had thought about playing a decent horror movie like I mentioned before coming home, but since he had already seen blood today, I figured seeing more would only sink his mood further, so I put on a comedy instead.

“This one’s funny.”

“Have you already seen it?”

“Yeah. I like it, so I’ve seen it several times.”

While the scene of the comedy actors performing enthusiastically played out, I occasionally stole glances at Ham Dowon. Is he enjoying it? Although Ham Dowon was staring at the screen while diligently eating his ice cream, he didn’t seem to be focusing at all. Even though it was a funny scene, the rims of his eyes even began to turn red.

“…Hyung.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think Saja was sulking because I haven’t been able to pay much attention to him lately? While my back was turned, he was playing by hanging onto the curtains I always told him not to climb. And the moment our eyes met, he fell down. He hit the corner of a drawer and started bleeding, and I was so scared. I didn’t even think of my parents; only you came to mind… I was going to call you. But, this isn’t something that concerns you. So I just held him and ran to the hospital, but… he was whimpering so much, and crying so hard, that I was terrified. Terrified he might die. Even then, I thought of you. Hyung, you haven’t even seen our Saja in person. Saja is hurting, but I’m only thinking of you…”

Dook, dook. Tears rolling down Ham Dowon’s cheeks gathered at his chin and fell onto the pillow. Ham Dowon bit his lip and glared at nothing in particular. He looked somewhat resentful.

Is he resentful of me? Or is he resentful of himself for thinking of me in the midst of all that? I don’t know. I don’t know what I should say.

“Are you okay? You didn’t get hurt anywhere else besides your feet, right?”

I lowered my gaze and saw Ham Dowon’s feet, which were covered in patches of bandages. The fact that he had thought of me while he was so shocked and devastated—I should have found it troublesome, but it didn’t feel as uncomfortable as before.

Just as Ham Dowon was worried about the cat he had raised for a long time, I was worried about Ham Dowon, the person I had spent the most time with recently. I was worried about him.

“I’m, I’m okay. I’m okay…”

“Do you like the ocean?”

“Yes. But why…?”

“Try lying down on the bed.”

I got him up and we lay on the bed. After closing the curtains, I took out the thing I had received from Ye Hwanyoung.

“Ah, there we go.”

The ceiling was dyed in blue light. It was something he had sent me saying it was a pretty ocean light, but since it was such an out-of-the-blue gift that I didn’t need at all, I had only used it once right after receiving it and then shoved it away.

I also lay down next to Ham Dowon and looked up at the ceiling. Because the bed was narrow, our bodies were almost touching. Being like this during school hours didn’t feel too bad. The blue light shimmered like water shadows. I felt myself growing drowsy from the faint noise coming from somewhere.

“I also have a bit of an age gap with my younger sibling. Seven years. But since my parents were busy, I practically raised them when we were young. Once, my sibling fell off a swing while playing at the playground. Fortunately, it was nothing serious, and they just had to get their forehead stitched. I was crying my eyes out because I felt like it was all my fault, but my Mom asked me then. She asked if I was hurt anywhere. She didn’t even scold me. She said accidents happen inevitably, so there’s nothing you can do. An accident is just an accident.”

“Hyung, thank you for today…”

“I didn’t do it so you’d thank me. I just… did it because I wanted to. Because I was worried.”

That’s right. I was worried about Ham Dowon. I could no longer just look on indifferently, thinking of it as someone else’s business. Ham Dowon had crossed the wall I had built. He didn’t climb the wall or sneak in; he opened the door.

When I tilted my head to the side, I could see Ham Dowon’s eyes. Perhaps because of the lighting, they looked slightly blue even in the dark.

I cared about Ham Dowon. To be precise, it was probably true that I liked him.

But that probably didn’t mean it in a romantic sense. It didn’t seem that way. So I don’t know. If our feelings for each other are headed in different directions, what should be prioritized? How should I act?

“Ham Dowon.”

“Yes.”

“…Never mind. If you’re going to sleep, brush your teeth first. You’ll get cavities.”

The words asking if he could please not like me in that way were inappropriate to say right now. I should have waited until Ham Dowon’s feelings cooled down, until they moved in a similar direction as mine, but I kept getting impatient.

It seems I really have taken a liking to him, more than I thought. Seeing as I’m hoping we can quickly shed the affection we have so we won’t be troubled anymore and become close, good senior and junior. It had been a long time since I felt such a thoroughly selfish heart. I was always comfortable adjusting to others and giving. But this time, I wanted Ham Dowon to do what was convenient for me.

My relationship with Ham Dowon was too difficult. I couldn’t even imitate movies or dramas like friends or lovers do. Ham Dowon is… with Ham Dowon… I don’t know. I wish someone would tell me. What one should do at a time like this. These were emotions and situations that I couldn’t understand through everything I had experienced and learned so far.

Ham Dowon lay on his side for a moment, using his arm as a pillow, and met my eyes before blinking slowly twice as if nodding. Ham Dowon’s white cheeks were dyed blue, making them look as if scales had sprouted. I let out a soft chuckle, and Ham Dowon followed suit, slightly lifting the corners of his mouth. It was a twisted smile, as if he were still in a sunken mood.

“Stop looking at me and look at the ceiling.”

I moved my gaze away from Ham Dowon and looked up. The blue light on the ceiling wavered, the noise coming from somewhere was rhythmic, and the shoulder touching mine on the narrow bed felt solid. The speed of my blinking gradually slowed, and my breathing followed suit. My eyelids grew heavy and I eventually ended up closing my eyes. I felt as if I could actually hear the sound of the ocean, shwaaa, shwaaa.

Hyung, I like you.

I felt like I heard words like that vaguely, but I couldn’t distinguish if it was a voice I heard in reality or in a dream. My ears just felt particularly ticklish. It was the same for my cheek, where something had touched and then pulled away. I didn’t know if that sensation of something warm and soft touching me for a moment was something I experienced in a dream or something that happened in reality.

‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

…When did I fall asleep? Did I brush my teeth? When I slowly opened my eyes, I saw darkness, and as I gradually grew accustomed to the dark, Ham Dowon’s silhouette became faintly visible. It seemed the light had turned off in the meantime. No, did Ham Dowon turn it off? The curtains were drawn back.

Ham Dowon was asleep, resting quietly on his arm with his eyes closed. I felt like I could even hear his rhythmic breathing. I also lay on my side, resting on my arm in the same posture, and stared quietly at his face. His eyes were swollen from all the crying. His lips were also poking out a bit like a duck’s. Suddenly feeling mischievous, I tapped his lower lip, and he made a “Uoong…” sound and smacked his lips. I did it a few more times before stopping with a start. We aren’t in a relationship where we should be playing these kinds of pranks.

“Doesn’t his arm fall asleep?”

Watching him resting so demurely on his arm made my own arm feel numb. I certainly didn’t remember resting my head on anything, but I picked up the pillow that had been softly supporting my head at some point. Then, I carefully pulled out Ham Dowon’s arm, changed his posture, and lifted his head to put the pillow under it. I was about to stretch and get up when, suddenly, I was grabbed by the neck.

“Ugh!”

It was such a sudden action that my strength failed and I ended up flopping back down. But the posture was strange. It was as if I was lying sideways, half-prone, using the shoulder of the straight-lying Ham Dowon as a pillow.

Ham Dowon’s hand gently stroked and brushed back my hair. I was frozen stiff in embarrassment, but Ham Dowon was smiling broadly with his eyes closed as if something was wonderful.

“So cute…”

He even went as far as kissing the crown of my head. Is he… doing this on purpose right now? Or did he mistake me for someone else? If he did, then for whom…

“Hey, Ham Dowon.”

“Uu-ung, you’re even calling my name…”

Ham Dowon let out another chuckle.

“Ham Dowon. Hey.”

I tapped his cheek. Ham Dowon’s eyelashes fluttered, then he frowned and pulled me into an even tighter embrace.

“You should call me Oppa.”

Is he dreaming about an ex-girlfriend? But he said he’s never dated anyone. Getting a bit annoyed, I tapped his cheek with a little more force than before.

“Hey, Ham Dowon. Wake up. I’m telling you to wake up! Huh? Hey. Ham Dowon!”

“Uu-ung…”

Since I hit him a bit painfully, Ham Dowon shook his head violently with a frowning face. Then, his eyelashes fluttered, and upon meeting my eyes, he took on a startled expression.