HYUNG 36

He must have been really immersed. A shallow wrinkle had formed between his brows. Was the content serious? His eyebrows were slightly knit together as well. Usually, his face, ears, and even his neck were frequently flushed bright red like a drunk person’s, but seeing him while he was still, he was just pale enough to be called white. There seemed to be a bit of peach fuzz too; he really is young. His skin texture looks truly good. If I were to translate this into a painting, I might get scolded by a professor who prefers hyperrealism. They’d say a person’s skin isn’t this porcelain-like and tell me to work harder on the depiction.

Looking at his sharp jaw, high and narrow nose, and the slightly upturned corners of his eyes, each feature individually gave off a distinctly cold and sharp impression. It was the same when looking at them all together. It was just that I hadn’t realized it because he blushed so often and was easily embarrassed. If seen in a still photo or a painting, he would probably look like a very difficult person to approach. One might even feel a sense of groundless rebellion. Moving Ham Dowon isn’t like that, though. One would think, “That guy is very childlike and a strange person.” Ham Dowon’s eyelashes fluttered. However, he was still focused on reading his book. I want to draw him. He might look like a classical European portrait. Even more so because the wall is a deep green.

“…You’re pretty.”

“Yes?”

“I… what did I say?”

“That I’m pretty.”

“Ah, I did say that…”

I didn’t even realize what I had muttered. I changed the subject out of embarrassment.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“I am.”

“Let’s go eat.”

Stepping outside, the evening air of full-blown autumn brushed the tip of my nose. It was cool, and there seemed to be a slight scent of trees.

“Hyung, what do you want to eat? I’ll buy dinner.”

“No. I’ll buy.”

“I told you I don’t want to waste the promise of hyung buying me a meal. Ah, or should I cook for you? I’m really good at cooking.”

Ham Dowon smiled, his eyes sparkling.

“Are you trying to come to my house?”

“Is that not allowed?”

“I haven’t cleaned, so I can’t take you there. It’s messy. Let’s just go Dutch and eat Chinese food. There’s a place right there. Is that okay?”

“…Yes. It doesn’t matter.”

I led a somehow sulky Ham Dowon to the restaurant. It was a franchise Chinese restaurant with its doors wide open, located not far away. It seemed like the food would come out quickly since there weren’t many people inside…

“Oh? Hwanoh oppa! We’re just about to go to the second round, come with us!”

Along with the smell of alcohol, I heard a voice suddenly calling my name. Turning my head back, I saw Jo Ari and faces that had become quite familiar from seeing them often in the workshop and classrooms. Ah, right. This place is near Grandma’s. Several people who recognized me bowed their heads in greeting. Among them, the class representative, who had the most energetic impression, pushed through the kids and grabbed my wrist.

“Ah, hyung! We’re going to the second round, come with us. Let’s exchange greetings and get close, okay? The dual major student next to you should come too. It’s good to be friendly with everyone. There are many people here who just returned to school after serving in the military. This is how everyone gets close.”

“Let’s go, oppa!”

My other wrist was grabbed by Jo Ari. A mixture of the smell of alcohol and greasy food wafted over. I almost got dragged away, but I quickly shook them off as gently as possible.

“I’m on my way somewhere right now, so I’m sorry.”

“Where are you going?”

“That…”

I ended up hesitating because I couldn’t think of a proper excuse.

“Aie, what’s this? You have nowhere to go! Surely you don’t dislike drinking with us?”

It wasn’t an extreme emotion like disliking them, but I didn’t feel like it. Perhaps because he was drunk, the class representative’s grip on my wrist was also painful. I forced a smile.

“It’s not that, but I really can’t. I have something to do right now.”

“What do you have to do? Don’t tell me it’s an assignment? It’s only the second week of the semester?”

“There really is something, an appointment. And it’s with me.”

Ham Dowon grabbed the class representative’s forearm, which was pulling me further. Ham Dowon pulled the class representative’s hand off me with a slightly frowning face.

“Since it’s a personal matter, I don’t think I can say more, and Hwanoh hyung has to drive anyway, so he can’t drink. Right, hyung?”

“…Yeah. I have to drive, so I can’t drink anyway. I decided to drive his car for him.”

“Then we’ll be going.”

“We’ll be off. Have fun.”

With a stiff, hardened face, Ham Dowon abruptly grabbed the wrist the class representative had been holding. It was the same spot, but the feeling was different. He was careful, as if handling glass. As if it would fall away immediately if I lightly shook it off. I didn’t know the reason, but Ham Dowon seemed angry for some reason. Walking through the dark street after sunset, I finally spoke first.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

Ham Dowon stopped. We were right under a streetlamp. Ham Dowon, who had been firmly pressing his upper teeth against his lower lip, finally opened his mouth.

“…Hyung, are you hungry?”

“A little.”

“What do you want to eat?”

“Let’s let go of my hand first and then think.”

I did want to eat Chinese food, but if I went back that way, it was obvious we would run into them again, so I couldn’t do that… What should I eat… However, my thoughts were scattered due to the hand gripping my wrist. I could have shaken him off if I wanted to, but I didn’t want to further upset him since he already seemed to be in a bad mood, so I spoke clearly. I told him to let go now that he’d noticed. But Ham Dowon gripped my wrist even tighter.

“I don’t want to. I’m not letting go.”

“What?”

“I said I’m not letting go. I know I’m narrow-minded… but you should have been careful too, hyung. I’m angry.”

Ham Dowon’s hand that was grabbing my wrist moved down, gripped my hand tightly, and interlaced our fingers. Why, why are we holding hands… And why is he getting angry? I tried my best to calm my mind and speak composedly.

“Just why on earth are you angry right now?”

“Are you criticizing me for being narrow-minded right now? Of course, it’s natural to be angry when the person you’re dating keeps getting touched by someone else!”

“Are you dating Jo Ari?”

“Who is Jo Woori? What on earth are you talking about?”

“Ah, okay. I’ll pretend not to know. I don’t even know who Jo Ari is. But my hand hurts.”

I just went along with it and brushed it off. Honestly, Ham Dowon’s hand was gripping so tightly that it hurt, and I didn’t have the leisure to care about anything else. Seeing his eyes wavering intensely, Ham Dowon seemed confused. I don’t know exactly why.

“Ham Dowon? I told you my hand hurts. Aren’t you letting go? We aren’t in a relationship where we should be doing this on the street out of nowhere. I’ve been extremely flustered for a while now.”

“Hyung, that joke isn’t funny.”

“It’s not a joke, it really hurts.”

What does he mean it’s a joke when he’s applying enough pressure that the bones on the back of my hand are bulging white? And didn’t the strange joke start with Ham Dowon suddenly grabbing my hand? Even though I lightly shook my hand, he wouldn’t let go at all.

“Hey, Ham Dowon.”

I was getting a bit angry, so my voice got a little louder. Since he still wouldn’t let go, I eventually shook him off forcefully. My hand, finally free, throbbed.

“Hyung… I’m so confused right now.”

“Just about what.”

“You said you liked me, hyung. I said I liked you too.”

Ham Dowon was almost on the verge of crying. I don’t know why he’s acting like that.

“What on earth are you talking about? Are you… dating me or something?”

Feeling a bit annoyed, I threw a sarcastic joke, but the response that came back was utterly absurd.

“Yes!”

“What?”

“We’re dating!”

Is he joking too? I frowned slightly and stared at him. But… Ham Dowon’s face was too serious. To a serious degree.

“Dating… you and me? Just when… No, first of all, do you like men?”

“Yes. You’re a man too, hyung, so you like men. And we’re already in a relationship. What on earth have you been saying for a while now?”

“I’m dating you? Why on earth did you make such a misunderstanding?”

The fact that Ham Dowon likes men is absurd enough to kill me, but he even says I was dating him. Why on earth such a delusion. I felt like I was going to die right this second.

“When we went to the theater last time! I confessed! And you said okay, hyung! You said you liked me first, so I answered after thinking about it seriously… You even said it was our first day!”

“I… said I liked you? You mean, in that sense… With the meaning that I want to date you?”

Ham Dowon’s expression distorted to a fierce degree.