HYUNG 45

After finishing the photos, Ham Dowon stood right next to me while I was still seated in the chair, showing me my image on the camera screen. Because we were positioned so close together, the tips of Ham Dowon’s hair lightly tickled mine. I flinched instinctively but tried my best to endure it, fearing I might be overreacting.

I focused on the screen as much as possible. There were several shots where I was stiff as a board, and a few that were at least decent. After eliminating one for this reason and another for that, I finally selected the one remaining photo.

“I’ll do the retouching. Give me the SD card.”

“Sit down. It’s your turn to be filmed.”

Ham Dowon hugged the camera and took a defensive stance, acting as if I were someone trying to snatch it away. Why is he acting like that this time? It’s my camera anyway. When I stood up and actually took it from him, he even wore a look of utter desolation.

“I don’t need to be filmed.”

“Just do it. It’ll look weird if only I use a photo taken formally with a DSLR. There needs to be a sense of unity so it looks good to the professor. Sit.”

“Okay…”

Feeling a bit vindicated after my own nerves, the thought occurred to me that I would definitely make sure to film Ham Dowon too. Ham Dowon looked somewhat displeased, but he sat obediently in the chair regardless. I moved to the spot where Ham Dowon had stood and looked at the fellow through the camera. Seeing him like this felt different again.

I didn’t know if I could film him as lovely as the photos his father took. Still, I should at least film him enough so that his natural good looks don’t fade. Feeling slightly nervous, I gave Ham Dowon various directions. Lift your head, that’s too high, open your eyes more, part your lips slightly, that’s it.

“Hyung, we aren’t taking passport photos right now.”

“If we’re doing it anyway, it’s better to do it well.”

“It’s not like we’re submitting the actual photos anyway. …And it’s a bit hot because of the lights.”

After sitting there for about 20 minutes, Ham Dowon finally began to grumble. His face was indeed a bit red. Even though the long time it took to take my photos was entirely my fault, I ended up stalling for time as if for revenge, and that’s how things turned out. It was time to stop being childish, so I lowered the camera.

“Shall we stop here, then?”

“Yes!”

Ham Dowon jumped up from his seat and strode toward me. While I looked at the photos I had taken while pretending to be indifferent, he fidgeted beside me, so I finally turned my head. As soon as our eyes met, Ham Dowon asked out of nowhere.

“Hyung, are you busy tomorrow evening?”

“…Why?”

Why is he asking that? When I made a face full of wariness, Ham Dowon blinked with an innocent expression.

“Buy me a meal. That huge meal you promised to buy me before.”

“What do you want to eat?”

Ah, that. I should buy it. I didn’t know exactly which time he was referring to since there were so many meals I had promised to buy him.

“Anywhere you want to go is fine with me, hyung.”

Ham Dowon, smiling slightly, surreptitiously took out the SD card and tucked it away into his pocket. By the time I noticed, it was already too late. I had intended to give it to him anyway since he said he’d do the retouching, but I wondered why he was in such a hurry.

“Hyung?”

“But you don’t have classes tomorrow.”

“I drive around anyway. And shouldn’t appointments be made on days without classes?”

“…Fine. Come to the school tomorrow.”

“Yes.”

Ham Dowon packed his things with a satisfied look. I hope he isn’t thinking of this as a date or something.

“Hyung, please return the studio key for me. I don’t have classes tomorrow. Give me my ID when we meet in the evening.”

…I guess not. Ham Dowon, who pressed the studio key into my palm, seemed to truly have no ulterior motives.

Does he really not like me anymore? Just like that, as easily as flipping a palm? I didn’t expect much when I told him to act as if he didn’t, but I didn’t think his acting would be this superb. No, I couldn’t tell if it was acting or if he was sincere.

Both the Ham Dowon who lunged at me with blatant affection and the Ham Dowon who acted like a mere acquaintance sunbae were difficult. It would have been so nice if he had just remained a peculiar and strange dual-major student I wanted to keep at a distance. I guess I can’t go back to that time, right?

…I wouldn’t be able to. Because I could no longer act indifferent toward Ham Dowon. It was because I had already grown fond of him and become close even before Ham Dowon confessed those feelings. I found myself paying attention to Ham Dowon, feeling concerned for him, and also becoming conscious of him. Unless I kept my distance, it was already too late.

‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

“Here, your ID.”

“Hyung, thank you.”

I handed the ID I had received back after returning the card key to Ham Dowon. Ham Dowon was dressed in a coat, shirt, and slacks again today. It would be uncomfortable to go around dressed like that. I wondered if he’d be okay.

“Hyung, get in. Where are we going?”

“No. We can just walk. There’s no place to park there anyway.”

I had thought hard all night about where on earth we should go. It was different from simply eating during the gap between classes. Since we were eating out.

There had been a few times like that, but this was the first since I found out about Ham Dowon’s feelings. I led him to a place that absolutely wouldn’t look like a date spot, a place college couples would generally avoid. At the same time, it was a place with some price to it so I could buy a reasonably grand meal.

“Hyung, here?”

“Yeah, it’s delicious here.”

The rib restaurant, wafting with the scent of charcoal, was filled with families. I was relieved to see no young men or women. As expected, I chose well. Because this was a truly famous local restaurant, too.

“What do you want to eat? Beef ribs?”

“Hyung!”

“…Why?”

I was startled because Ham Dowon shouted out loud.

“You’re testing me right now, aren’t you! Do you know how massive the greenhouse gases emitted by cattle are! I know at least that much. But since we’ve already come here, let’s have pork. I can eat well even without meat, so you don’t have to bring me to places like this just for my sake.”

I wondered if he was saying that to be considerate of my wallet or if he was being sincere. Looking at Ham Dowon’s beaming face, I pondered for a moment. Given the soap thing last time, he must be sincere… Right, it would be good to reduce meat consumption if possible. He said it was bad for the Earth. …It would have been better if he had told me beforehand, though.

“I should have gone to that curry place we went to last time. They had many vegetarian options there.”

“I don’t like that place. That place is… anyway, I just don’t like it.”

He ate well back then; was it actually not that good? Ham Dowon’s expression was not great. Since I couldn’t exactly force someone who said they hated it, I just called the server. Then, while ordering food, I looked at Ham Dowon.

“Is there anything else you want? Order whatever you like.”

“Then please give us a bottle of beer and a bottle of soju, too.”

The server, having written down the whole order, turned around busily and walked away. Ham Dowon poured water into a stainless steel cup and offered it to me.

“You brought your car.”

“I can just leave it at school and take the subway or a taxi. Or call a designated driver. You don’t have to drink, hyung. I’ll be the only one drinking.”

“Drinking alone isn’t great.”

“But you hate alcohol, hyung.”

“It’s not that I hate it. I just hate drinking sessions with people I’m not close to.”

“Then do you not hate this drinking session with me right now, hyung?”

“Seems that way. …Since I think we’re somewhat close now.”

We were in a relationship where we didn’t feel uncomfortable even after eating together multiple times, and I even felt concerned for him, so we were indeed close by my standards. That was an undeniable fact. However, fearing it might affect Ham Dowon in a different way, I hesitated and only said it belatedly. Fortunately, Ham Dowon just gave a light, beaming smile.

The side dishes delivered by the server filled the table. Perhaps he was eager for a drink, as Ham Dowon sipped soju and beer using the side dishes as snacks while the meat was being grilled. When he tried to pour a drink for himself, I quickly grabbed the bottle and poured it for him, and he chuckled—hehe. Even though he was just drinking, his smiling face looked quite like a child’s. Since he was drinking so diligently, I had no choice but to refill his glass several times. Thinking he was drinking too much, I offered him a cider. Ham Dowon shook his head, saying he didn’t want it.

“You’re going to get wasted at that rate.”

“I’m a good drinker.”

“You don’t particularly look it. Your face is already bright red.”

“Only my face turns red quickly; I’m telling you, I really don’t get drunk.”

Ham Dowon only insisted stubbornly and even went as far as ordering another bottle of soju. Because he was only busy drinking, the meat, rice, and stew did not decrease much. He only ate when I picked up a piece of meat with tongs and placed it on his spoon.

“Your stomach is going to be full of alcohol at this rate.”