HYUNG 20

Ham Dowon was now smiling brightly with his whole face. Having pressed the down button for the elevator before me, he spoke in a slightly high-pitched voice.

“Then I will give you a ride! My house is near there anyway!”

“Is that necessary?”

It was a single trip by subway, so it wasn’t particularly troublesome. I stepped into the elevator that had just arrived.

“Aren’t you getting in?”

“Since it is on my way! That way we save money, save gas, and protect the environment too!”

Since Ham Dowon was just standing outside, I pressed the open button. Only then did Ham Dowon hurry inside, spouting some logic that seemed to have jumped a few tracks. Well, technically speaking, it didn’t seem like he was wrong…

“Hyung, you bought lunch earlier. Please do not make me into a shameless person who just keeps getting treated.”

There was no need for him to pay me back. I was grateful to him for introducing such a good restaurant, and the food had been delicious. Besides, I had only paid because I was the one who ordered so many things after being famished from skipping breakfast. On the contrary, Ham Dowon, who had suggested going together, ate so little that I felt sorry to even take his money. I pressed the button for the first floor. The elevator doors closed.

“You said you would help me buy the bread and cake.”

Right. That alone was such a huge help. I could buy him dinner about five more times for that. Only someone who has experienced it would know how terrible that jerk Ye Hwanyoung is when she gets properly sulky.

“But you bought me a meal before…!”

“Before? You mean that time I bought you ramyun and a shake? That wasn’t even 10,000 won. You think I’d actually take money for that?”

“Besides that… Ah, you bought me curry too! And bubble tea!”

“I’m pretty sure you paid that back in full when you raided the convenience store.”

“What about the gamjatang!”

“I wanted to eat that anyway, but it’s hard to eat alone, so it’s fine.”

“It is just a gesture of goodwill… Is it burdensome? It is just that I can easily do that much for you, hyung…”

Ham Dowon suddenly became gloomy. Ah, did I draw a line again? But if I really intended to keep my distance, I wouldn’t have shared a meal with him several times. Regardless of what Hwajung said.

Since it was on his way, refusing his offer for a ride might seem like I was trying to distance myself, which could be unpleasant for him. I don’t know if he really has a shy personality like Hwajung said, but the way he keeps sticking to me makes it look like he wants to become close. Right. It would be good to be friends.

Ham Dowon seemed like a decent kid. Though he is very unique and has a considerably bloated ego… Ding! Ah, we arrived at the first floor. Stepping out of the elevator as the doors opened slowly, I looked at Ham Dowon, who was still standing behind me.

“I might be in the library for a long time, but if you can wait for that, we can go together.”

“…Yes! Of course!”

“Okay, then. Thanks for the ride.”

Only then did Ham Dowon beam at me, and I smiled back at him.

The central library was about a five-minute walk away. As I opened the door and entered, I felt somewhat overwhelmed by the quiet atmosphere. I looked for the books while checking the screenshots I took during my search earlier. Here is social science, here is philosophy, here is literature, and art is… Ah, found it. Muttering the call numbers under my breath, I looked through the books on the shelves one by one.

“Hyung, what are you looking for?”

“This.”

I showed my phone screen to the whispering Ham Dowon. After reading the call numbers a few times as if memorizing them, he also stuck to the bookshelves and started searching. Then, Ham Dowon suddenly stopped at a certain spot and gestured toward me. As I approached quietly, Ham Dowon’s finger tapped, tapped at an empty space between the shelves. We crouched down side by side and looked into the shelf.

“I think someone checked it out.”

Ham Dowon whispered. Since he was leaning in close, his breath tickled my ear. Glancing sideways, I saw him looking at the wrong spot, muttering, “Or is it not? Is it tucked in somewhere else?” His hair swayed slightly as it hung down. The tips of those strands felt as if they were tickling my skin. The profile of his face—running from his forehead to his nose, philtrum, and chin—was shaped quite ideally. His long eyelashes were even more visible from this angle.

“Hyung?”

“You really are pretty, now that I look at you again.”

As I rested my chin on my arm atop my knee and began to stare in earnest, Ham Dowon must have felt my gaze because he glanced at me. When our eyes met, he was so startled that he cast his gaze downward; it was so funny that I let out a small chuckle. Right. Seeing him like this, he does seem a bit shy after all.

“You hear that a lot, don’t you?”

“No, uh… well…”

Since we were in a library, I was mindful of other people and brought my face close to his. This way, he would hear me well even if my voice was low. Wouldn’t he be tired of hearing that he’s pretty? I even told him he was beautiful last time. Ham Dowon didn’t answer properly and just fumbled his lips.

“By the way, you have some dust here.”

“Where?”

“Close your eyes and stay still. I’ll blow it away for you.”

Something seemed to be dangling from the tip of Ham Dowon’s eyelashes. It was some thin piece of dust. Because his lashes were so thick, it wouldn’t fall off even though Ham Dowon blinked several times. I didn’t like it; it felt as if a beautiful painting had a scratch on it. I blew a breath—whoosh—toward Ham Dowon, who had his eyes closed with a dazed expression. Ham Dowon’s bangs, which were hanging down covering his forehead, suddenly swayed, and Ham Dowon snapped his eyes open.

“It hasn’t fallen off yet. Right here.”

I pointed with my index finger to where the dust was attached. But instead of removing the dust, Ham Dowon pulled his face way back as if avoiding me, striking a ridiculous pose. Unable to even look me in the eye, he moved his gaze here and there before eventually falling back on his butt. Since he had been crouching and the floor was carpeted, it wouldn’t have hurt.

“Get the dust off. If it goes inside, it might scratch your eye.”

“…Yes. I’ll get it off. I will.”

Since he started rubbing the eye with the dust quite roughly, I quickly grabbed his forearm. Rubbing your eyes like that is really bad. That jerk Ye Hwanyoung always rubs her eyes too, so I had to stop her every time.

“Don’t rub your eyes like that. It’s bad for them.”

Ham Dowon had a startled face. I quickly let go of his hand. I uselessly clenched and unclenched the hand that was awkwardly hovering in the air before reaching it out toward him.

“Get up.”

Ham Dowon looked back and forth between my hand and my face, bit his lower lip hard, and then grabbed my hand. As I pulled him up with force, Ham Dowon was drawn in and our bodies lightly bumped. It was like a hugging position.

“The dust is still on your eyelashes.”

I whispered toward Ham Dowon. Because our bodies were pressed close together, it was as if I were speaking directly into his ear. At the tip of Ham Dowon’s trembling eyelashes, the dust hung on precariously.

“…Hyung, are you a player?”

“What are you talking about now.”

Ham Dowon suddenly murmured in a small voice. He spoke while standing as if he had rested his chin on my shoulder. His tone was cautious, but the content was not. What kind of out-of-the-blue nonsense is this again?

“Just get the dust off.”

“You… You take it off for me, hyung.”

Though our bodies had moved apart, Ham Dowon pressed close again, leaned his face toward me, and closed his eyes tightly. He had asked me to wipe him before, too. Is he really okay with me touching him? And yet, there was that time he practically jumped because our hands touched once. I suppose it’s okay if he’s the one requesting it. I couldn’t understand his mind at all, but the dust stuck between those thick lashes was annoying, so I finally reached out my hand. Because his eyelids and lashes were trembling slightly as if he were nervous, I also moved my finger in a very cautious manner. The dust, which probably came off some fabric, was white and curly, looking like a tiny hair. After blowing on it—phew—to send the dust flying, I brushed my hands off.

“There. It’s gone.”

Ham Dowon opened his eyes very slowly. The area under his eyes was truly red. More so than usual.

“…Hyung.”

“Yeah.”

“Hyung. You are…”

“Shh.”

Perhaps his whispering was too loud, as I felt the gazes of passing students. I put my index finger to my lips to signal him not to talk anymore, and with my other hand, I searched for the book on the library’s mobile page. It seems someone checked it out in the meantime. The text that had been green and said “Available” before had changed to “Unavailable.” I searched for the other books mentioned in both the History of Modern Art class and the Painting class, but they were all “Unavailable.” It seems someone taking the same classes as me had been quick to borrow them.

“Let’s go.”