HYUNG 61

Have you heard anything from Ham Dowon? Is he okay? He keeps missing class.

If it’s Yoo Hwajung, he’d know. They’ve known each other for a long time. It must be dawn in France right now. Then he might see the message late. Right, since it’s dawn… But for some reason, I felt impatient, tapping my fingers tap tap tap on the table while staring at the screen.

“Why isn’t he looking?”

While the udon noodles were becoming bloated and soggy, I kept staring only at my phone, and only when there were 10 minutes left until class did I hurriedly get up and head to the studio. Even by the time attendance was called for the painting class I take with Ham Dowon, Ham Dowon had not arrived.

“This student, Ham Dowon, hasn’t shown up for two weeks in a row. Does anyone know if he’s withdrawing? Anyone?”

“He said it’s because of personal circumstances. He didn’t come to the morning class either, but he said he’d come next week.”

Everyone shook their heads at the professor’s question, and I kept my mouth tightly shut. Only Jo Ari, who takes the same class, answered.

In Ham Dowon’s seat next to mine, there was a Saja on the canvas atop the easel, with only the rough silhouette drawn. I stared intently at what would be the eye sockets.

What is your owner doing? Is he crying again?

Even if I asked a painting that wasn’t even properly drawn, there was no way it could speak. The response came only from my phone.

Dowon isn’t coming to class? I heard his cat got hurt; is it because of that? But he said it was okay. That it wasn’t a big injury. He usually doesn’t skip class. Even if he looks like that, he’s the diligent style. Hold on, I’ll ask his noona. Wait.

He says he’s sick.

Reading the DM from Yoo Hwajung, I frowned mercilessly. What am I supposed to do if you just say he’s sick! You say he’s a close younger brother you’ve known since childhood, so why is your tone so lighthearted?

Where does it hurt?????

He has a fever. He’s like that sometimes. When he gets too stressed, he gets a fever—like he’s a kid or something. But he’s so much of a “my way” type that he usually doesn’t get like that; the cat getting hurt must have been stressful. The cat itself is perfectly fine, so why is he the one getting sick and making a fuss?

You don’t even know how much Ham Dowon cried because of that cat. I glared at Yoo Hwajung’s profile picture, where he was smiling brightly against the backdrop of the French sky.

But why are you asking me in France instead of asking him directly?? I’m tired since it’s morning. — —

I could almost hear Yoo Hwajung’s grumbling voice just by looking at the characters.

There’s a reason for it. Don’t tell Ham Dowon I asked.

Did you guys fight??

What is there to fight about. We aren’t even that close.

You must have fought. He usually doesn’t fight with people, so he must really like you. He only deals with people he wants to deal with. Whether it’s fighting or talking. Anyway, got it. Get along. You’re not kids.

I felt uneasy. It felt like at any moment, he would go to Ham Dowon and say, “Did you fight with Ye Hwanoh? You’re not a kid. Still, he’s your hyung, so you should listen to him.”

After sending another firm message telling him absolutely not to mention that I contacted him, I looked into the canvas long after class had started. The paint marks, which were nothing more than two dots, felt like they were looking at me like eyes. Saying I was quite pathetic.

What.

With a crooked heart and a scowl, I covered those two eye-like marks with white paint. Still, it was annoying that they looked at me faintly through the white paint, so I piled on even more thick layers of paint.

‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

Ye Hwanyoung: Oppa, I think I’m sick. I’m so dizzy and I have a cough. Cough cough hack cough wheeze cough hack cough hack wheeze cough hack cough hack wheeze cough hack cough hack wheeze cough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ye Hwanyoung: Your younger sister is sick and you won’t even look at her??? Huh??

Ye Hwanyoung: And you call yourself an oppa????

Ye Hwanyoung: I’m saying I have something really serious to tell you?????? Huh?????

13 Missed CallsYe Hwanyoung

No matter how frantically she coughed via text, she didn’t seem sick at all. On the contrary, she just looked healthy and perfectly fine. Anyway, she was incredibly stubborn too. Seeing how she kept bothering me because I wouldn’t reply.

But I guess I’m really stubborn too. Usually, I would at least send a single dot, but seeing how I’ve become so stubborn that I won’t send a single reply. I thought we didn’t have a single thing in common, but I guess we are alike in this way.

It’s only been a few weeks, but I must have gotten used to going to my part-time job in Ham Dowon’s car; after taking the subway for the first time in a while, I was so exhausted that I ended up taking a taxi back. Even so, I had no energy, so I couldn’t even wash up and just lay blankly on the bed.

I threw away a lot of trash over the weekend, but the things I couldn’t throw away were still piled up, an eyesore. They were all Ham Dowon’s things. I could throw away a used toothbrush, but I couldn’t throw away clothes. I thought about telling him to take them, but I didn’t want to contact him over something like this when I’d already blocked him. It feels like an excuse. I’m afraid Ham Dowon might get his hopes up at every single action like that.

The pajamas Ham Dowon had been wearing, stained with blood while he cried, were hanging neatly on the wall. A bit of the bloodstain remained; even after searching for ways to remove it and hand-washing it several times before putting it in the laundry, a faint stain remained. I had told him to just buy a new one, but he insisted on wearing it, saying you shouldn’t throw away clothes easily because it all causes environmental pollution.

Leaving that at my house, what is he going to wear at his own place? Besides that, there were a few shirts, sweaters, and pairs of pants. I just told him to stay for a few days, but he had packed so many bags that I had clicked my tongue in disbelief. Ham Dowon countered that cleanliness is important.

What do I do with all that? Putting aside the fact that it’s someone else’s property, throwing away perfectly good things is environmental pollution. …Ham Dowon would definitely say that. My heart was already heavy just from throwing away the snacks I hadn’t even opened.

Ye Hwanyoung: Ah, oppaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, I have something to say. Something important!!!!!!!!!!! Huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????? Oppaaaaaaaack!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ye Hwanyoung: ▶ 00:11

This time, she even sent a recording. When I played it, Ye Hwanyoung’s screaming suddenly erupted.

— Oppaaaaaaaack! Cough hack cough cough cough! Ah, oppaaaaaaaack! Oppa-ack! Oppa, oppa, oppa, oppa, I really have something to say. Something to say. Something to say. Oppaaa-ack! Something import—!

My ears felt muffled by that voice, which cut off before she could even finish her sentence.

“…Should I just block her?”

When “Oppaaaaaaaack!” played again because I accidentally pressed it, I blocked her on KakaoTalk immediately. I’ll have to unblock her later when I’m feeling a bit better. Right now, I didn’t have the capacity to deal with even a crazy younger sister.

‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

There was no chance of running into Ham Dowon while taking elective lectures, no chance of going to lunch together, and no chance of seeing Ham Dowon’s face in the 2D art classes, but I had to stare intently at Ham Dowon.

“…”

Specifically, at the Ham Dowon inside the tablet PC. Ham Dowon was smiling brightly at the camera. He was pretty. The Ham Dowon on the canvas, which had been sketched and base-coated, had to resemble that photo, and I had to observe Ham Dowon as closely as possible. But my stomach felt nauseous, so I couldn’t look him straight in the eye.

I enlarged the photo as much as possible. Starting with the ear. So that it just looked like a single body part and not Ham Dowon’s face. I was working hard on drawing just the ear when I got a scolding from the professor.

“Mr. Hwanoh. You have to look at the whole thing. Detailed depiction comes later.”

The balance was all broken, so it looked like an ear had just popped out of a face that looked like plain white flour dough. The position was wrong too. It wasn’t something I could cut and paste to the side like in Photoshop; I had to draw it anew.

“By the way, where did Mr. Ham Dowon, who takes this class with you, go?”

“…I don’t know.”

“You’re group members.”

“I suppose so…”

I slunk away from the professor’s gaze, which was fixed on me.

“Anyway, work hard. There’s going to be a midterm evaluation the week after next. Tell your group member too.”

“Yes…”

I guess I have to tell Ham Dowon about the midterm evaluation. This class doesn’t have a group chat, and there’s no class representative, so there’s no way for Ham Dowon to find out on his own. If I ask Hwajung to pass this along too, he’ll get annoyed, and word will get to Ham Dowon that I contacted him. Yoo Hwajung will probably just click his tongue, saying Ham Dowon and I are fighting at our age.