ORCA 89

Sitting on the greenhouse bench, Orca spread his thumb and index finger to gauge a size. He moved the gap, which was quite wide, back and forth, narrowing and widening it as he traced his memories. When he stopped at a length of two of his finger joints, it felt just right. Orca, who had been quietly observing the size of the gap, stroked his chin with his other hand. He wondered if it was too small this time, but he didn’t try to estimate it as any larger. As he stared intensely into the space created by his fingertips, a goldfish appeared and swam through it. The orange illusion that had manifested in the air shook its fins, greeting him happily.

Here we go again.

He acknowledged his state of mind with indifference. It was his first time seeing the illusion of a goldfish instead of Niah in human form, but he took it in stride. Having already experienced the symptom of it appearing at all hours and calling out, “Young Master, Young Master,” he wasn’t even surprised anymore. Him losing his mind wasn’t a matter of a day or two. In fact, he felt quite satisfied. He wished it would appear more often.

The goldfish flickered its fins. It even rubbed its forehead against him, acting affectionately. After wiping away the illusion as if hiding it within his palm, he stood up from the bench. He began to feel like returning to his room.

“When will you be done?”

Niah, who had been crouching a few steps away, fell backward onto his bottom. At the sudden voice, his face, startled, looked terrified. Orca twisted his eyebrows. Even putting aside the loud, chaotic thumping of his heart or his ragged breathing, the way Niah looked up at him was truly grating. The emotions flying toward him and piercing him were sharp. It looked just like fear.

It resembled the looks he had seen from other servants in the mansion, soldiers in war zones, or troops from enemy nations, so he recognized it easily. Seeing the fear he inspired was nothing new. Orca bent his knees with a calm expression.

“Uhh, I’m almost, done…”

Niah replied while curled up on the ground. He hung his head low, afraid that if they made eye contact, all the things he had done would be discovered. Cold sweat dripped down. It felt like he wouldn’t be able to do anything like this. Only frustrating situations kept happening, leaving him in a daze. He had tried to rush around, focusing on his daily routine, but it was difficult to shake off the dream.

Just looking at the young master, even just smelling his scent—no, just the fact that the young master was nearby made his lower abdomen pull tight again and again. At the slightest moment of letting his guard down, his lower half would abruptly become stiff. Before he could be caught as a pervert and kicked out, it seemed more likely that he would go insane first.

He had reached the limit of making excuses to distance himself from the young master for a while. Niah needed time to calm his heart, even if it was just for a moment. He was already exhausted because his heart had been fluttering in fear. It was barely the afternoon, but his body was already weary.

“Um, Young Master…. Would you like to go, ahead…? I’ll follow, right behind you…”

The underlying meaning hidden beneath the cautiously spoken suggestion was closer to a demand than a request. At least, that was how Orca felt. Wondering if he had done something wrong, he carefully traced back the events of yesterday. If there was any reason he had made him afraid, he intended to clarify that it hadn’t been his intention.

However, no matter how much he chewed over it, there was no corner that hit home. He had only done as he asked, as he ordered. He looked down at Niah, who was huddled tightly.

The goldfish’s fingertips were trembling. He was scared and squirming. Why? The question arose, and then a guess—that he had learned of the gloomy desires within Orca—followed as if it were the correct answer. It was a reason that lacked nothing to explain his changed attitude overnight.

His sensitive hearing had brought him useless information. If he watched the goldfish, he would hear conversations grumbling about him from somewhere. The topics were almost always the same. There were many types of rumors drifting around the mansion, but the most absurd one was that he was a cannibal. Different stories were added every day, but in the end, it always ended with that. With everyone talking like this, it was impossible for the goldfish alone not to know. If he hadn’t heard the rumors by now, that in itself would be an excessive coincidence.

He had hoped that even while knowing, Niah would come find him every time. He had hoped that even knowing all those rumors without exception, he would come running and cling to his embrace. But seeing his reaction now, it seemed that had been his own excessive greed.

It was the moment he realized that the reason Niah could have been defenseless and smiling in front of him until now was simply because he didn’t know the rumors. If he had expected that even the goldfish would feel fear of him, he would have clarified the facts when he noticed the rumors were circulating.

Niah was still curled into a ball, waiting for his answer. Orca slowly wiped his face. He doubted that if he corrected him and said it wasn’t true, Niah would just believe him outright. Although he had a simple nature, he didn’t seem likely to be easily swayed. He might say he believed him with his words, but he would surely feel fear the whole time they were together.

He even doubted if he had the right to say it wasn’t true in the first place. Every time he looked at the goldfish, every moment he was in his sight, he had done nothing but scheme about devouring him. Even if he had no intention of putting it into actual action, that was a clear fact.

Perhaps the rumors weren’t the problem, but he himself was. It could be that he had once let slip a thought he only meant to keep to himself, or that he had been too obvious, causing this. Since he had even spewed the nonsense a few days ago that he would eat him all up, there was sufficient possibility.

Either way, it meant the goldfish wasn’t at fault. Since he was naturally timid, feeling afraid and avoiding him was a natural instinct, not a flaw. Seeing that he had been standing outside for a long time, it seemed he had agonized a lot before coming, and it was admirable that he hadn’t run away and had come to him regardless. However, Orca couldn’t help the feeling of disappointment that flooded him.

‘But I still like you. Even if you’re strange, I like you. Even if you’re not human, I like you. I just… I just like you.’

You said you liked me back then. You said it was okay if I was strange, and okay if I wasn’t human.

Orca asked in a tone uncharacteristic of him. He felt ridiculous and scoffed at himself for being heartbroken over a few words and a few actions.

“…Niah. Are you afraid of me?”

“Pardon? No. I’m not. It’s not like that…”

As expected, the immediate denial felt untrustworthy. The goldfish’s gaze turned toward him for a moment. The sideways glance that had brushed against him fell away quickly. His eyelids, opening and closing repeatedly, were frantic. His cheeks puffed out in a circle because of his lips, which were fidgeting because he was nervous. It wasn’t even that hot, yet his cheeks were flushed. The breeze fluttering in through the open door disheveled the goldfish’s hair. A few strands of his bangs stuck to his forehead, damp with sweat.

Is there a straw hat in the dressing room? Probably not.

He felt a pang of regret that he hadn’t ordered one when the tailor had come.

“If it’s not, then why…”

He extended his hand, nursing trivial regrets. He had no intention of scolding him for a lie that was plainly visible in his eyes. He was just curious about the exact reason. If it truly was because of the cannibal rumor, he intended to set the record straight, even if Niah wouldn’t believe his explanation. If it wasn’t because of the rumors and Niah had simply discovered his gloomy desires, he intended to promise he would never eat him. But before he could even finish his sentence, his thoughts froze.

Startled by the approaching touch with a shrill gasp, Niah hid himself between his own knees. It was before Orca’s hand could even reach him. Niah clutched at his chest tightly to do something about his pounding heart. If he kept acting like this, it was no different from pestering him to notice.

He didn’t want to be found out. If he were caught, he would be kicked out, and he hated that more than anything. It would be better to be eaten instead. Since the young master was huge, he would surely be able to devour a person like him in one gulp. If he were eaten, he thought it wouldn’t hurt and would be okay. A few days ago, he had even said he would bite him from his fingertips and eat him all up. Perhaps it would be better to ask to be eaten before he was found out.

Orca, who had withdrawn his hand that had stopped in mid-air, wiped his face once more. His eyes, tinged with a different light, were gleaming. He quickly covered his eyes. The boundary between reason and instinct, shattered in an instant by him just avoiding his touch once, shook him haphazardly. His reason became chaotic, and his instinct became gloomy.