ORCA 83

I had believed until now that in a past already erased from my memory, there could not have been any joyful or happy events. Rather than longing for pretty and sparkling things that didn’t even exist in my memory, it was better to believe they never existed at all. My mind, which was like a blank sheet of paper, naturally only accumulated bad things. So, by forgetting and forgetting again, the weight of my memories was always the same. Only nightmares that I couldn’t forget no matter how hard I tried kept piling up.

However, things changed after I met the young master. Pretty and sparkling moments overlapped and piled up, adding weight to memories that had once been light. They pushed the bad things into the corners and took up the most visible places, radiating light. They shone more than the sunlight beating down on a lake, more than the streams of water wetting the garden on a summer day, more than the honey drizzled on a pancake, and more than the stars embedded in the night sky. So, I intended to take a handful of greed whenever we were together. I planned to hide away only what I could possess deep in my heart and cherish it. To make this wish come true, I had to hope that this stupid goldfish wouldn’t work too hard.

Niah blew, “Whew.” The candlelight vanished along with the smoke. The narrow closet was plunged into pitch-black darkness in an instant. He clutched the things in his hands tightly. Joy and fear rushed in at once, tearing Niah apart. He hurriedly closed his eyes.

The nightmares descended as promised when the moonlight deepened. Piercing through the thin lines of his clenched eyelids, they poured in memories he didn’t want to see. Niah, standing blankly, watched the people moving away for a long time. They would shriek and sob loudly. Niah looked around his surroundings. Everywhere he looked, the same scenery followed.

A roaring sound was heard, and dust kicked up. The people were moving away to somewhere. Niah was alone, and he didn’t know which of them he should follow. He just stared blankly. Soon, his vision became blurry. When the vision, which had been blinking slowly, finally went completely black, this memory became just a terrifying dream. It was a nightmare that wouldn’t be forgotten no matter how hard he tried.

“Young masteeer….”

So, he couldn’t understand why the person who came to mind the moment he escaped his dream was the young master. There was no connection between his nightmare, which repeated the same scene every time, and the young master. Not only had the young master never appeared in his dreams, but he had actually hoped that the young master would. An unwarranted sorrow rushed in. Niah, biting his lip, wrapped himself in Orca’s shirt. This was after the calls that would never reach him had continued a few more times.

Orca left the bed at the sound of footsteps coming from the end of the corridor. He had been waiting, having given up on even a light sleep, so his movements were swift. He walked with long, bold strides and grabbed the doorknob. The footsteps that announced the beginning of the day came closer, walking lightly. He waited until the presence approaching like a butterfly reached the door, then pulled the handle. That short time seemed to flow more slowly than the dawn he had spent with his eyes wide open.

“Young master.”

As he took one step out, a giggling laugh immediately attached itself to him. Only after he brought in the goldfish, who was holding a full load of items in both hands, did the morning finally brighten. Sunlight poured into the pale room, bringing with it gentle colors. The sun peeking over the mountain ridge was orange.

“Didn’t you sleep? And what is this?”

“No…. I slept well.”

The question landed softly. Orca silently stroked the corners of his eyes, where signs of sleepiness were evident. Niah, who was forcing his eyes open wide, quickly shook his head. Then, he held out the blanket and shirt he had brought down. Although they were a bit wrinkled from being hugged so much while sleeping, it was obvious that he had folded them as nicely as he could.

“I… I was going to wash them. I didn’t know if I could do it as I pleased, so I just brought them. I wanted to return them now….”

Orca looked down at the goldfish who said he was returning them but kept stealthily clutching them to his chest, and picked up only the two shirts. It seemed he was bothered by the few outfits he had received yesterday, but he didn’t seem to really want to return them. The way he kept watching him and cradling them as if hiding them in his chest looked exactly like that. It was annoying that he was agonizing over such trifles, but he let it be, fearing that scolding him would make him lose heart.

“You keep those.”

“…Really…? Is that okay? Can I keep them?”

Niah followed Orca, who turned around and walked away, trailing after him. His sleepiness had vanished completely. He couldn’t suppress the laughter bursting out. Even when he clenched his teeth, it kept leaking out with a giggle. It was just last night that he had decided to put down the greed he shouldn’t have. But at one word from the young master, his resolution became useless. He blamed himself for being a fool. But even this was useless. No matter how much he scolded himself inside, his lips danced and twitched as they pleased.

Niah, who followed him into the dressing room, pressed his nose against the blanket and sniffed repeatedly. He stood in a spot in the middle of nowhere and enjoyed his own time to the fullest. The thick blanket was held in Niah’s arms like a large cushion. Orca glanced at him and opened the closet. For some reason, he seemed to like that more than the new clothes he had custom-made for him. Seeing him sniff it again and again like a dog, he thought he knew why.

He himself was unaware of it, but Orca’s situation was not much different. He hung the wrinkled shirts on hangers. He had no intention of putting them in the laundry basket from the start. The shirts, heavily imbued with Niah’s scent, gave off a field-of-flowers smell.

Orca, who was wondering what he might have done with his clothes, found himself raising the corners of his mouth without realizing it. The corners of his mouth soon went back down, but it remained a fact that he had laughed while imagining the goldfish on the bed. Feeling awkward, he called Niah, who was still sniffing around, closer.

“Niah. Come here.”

Niah moved his feet immediately. He ran over and looked up at him. The gently folded eyes held a hint of laughter. His eyes were sparkling. Orca pulled out a new shirt and covered that blind expression. For some reason, he was overcome with guilt.

“Here.”

“Oh….”

Niah, who had hesitated at the suddenly blocked view, pulled the shirt down. The curly hair that had been hidden popped up. He was bewildered for a moment, then buried his face halfway into the shirt. He only poked his eyes out and sniffed again. The sound of Niah’s giggling, after inhaling the scent that was deeper than the blanket, was buried in the thick blanket. The eyes that met were full of joy.

“Are you giving this to me? Can I keep this?”

His voice leaked out from between the shirt and the blanket, humming. Orca let out a dry laugh. This time, he didn’t hold it back and was dumbfounded. Niah, embarrassed, wondering if he had misunderstood something, lifted his face slowly. He felt humiliated, thinking that perhaps he didn’t mean to give it to him, but to wash it. He felt feverish, ashamed of himself for getting ahead of himself with excitement.

“Ah, no… this laundry,”

Orca’s hand cut off his words. Niah was flattened under the large palm and rubbed around indiscriminately. He wrinkled his nose bridge and squinted his eyes at the touch, which was far from gentle. Weighing whether he was being scolded or not, he decided to just stay still for now. It felt less like he was being scolded and more like he was being teased roughly. He didn’t dislike it. Orca, having rubbed as much as he wanted, gently brushed the messy hair back again.

“You’re really like a dog right now.”

“Yes…?”

Niah’s eyes opened slightly, his bewildered gaze landing on him.

“Like a dog.”

“Yes… um… th, thank you….”

Since puppies are cute, he interpreted it as a compliment. No sooner had he finished speaking than a sound like a scream, “Eek,” popped out. It was a very small and timid scream. Niah wrinkled his nose bridge and the corners of his eyes again. It was because two large palms had started to tease him tremendously.

Niah often lost his focus. Suddenly going blank, he would open his mouth and fall into other thoughts at any time. When he was with Orca, he would look at him and imagine this and that, and when Orca wasn’t nearby, he would trace his memories while thinking of him. When he was blankly immersed in the moments that remained most intensely, time would often slip away without him realizing it. Whenever this happened, Orca would tap his cheeks, or Harriet would shake his shoulders. His mind, which had wandered far away, would only then be put back together. It wasn’t just once or twice.