ORCA 70

The voice, heavy with sleep, rang out resonantly. The light spilling from the room illuminated him hazily. Niah set his feet toward the hand that was stretched out solely for him. The steps he had taken along the hallway, filled with half-anxiety and half-worry, now gained confidence. When he had first stumbled down the stairs, he had debated turning back several times, but now that he saw his master, his heart—which had felt like a heavy stone—sunk comfortably into place.

“I, the candle ran out, and but it was dark…. And the morning wouldn’t come, so, therefore….”

“Niah. If you talk like that, I don’t know what the problem is.”

While Niah tried to organize his jumbled words, Orca swept his damp hair back. He checked his eyes, wondering if he had been crying. Feeling relieved that he only felt soft skin, he wiped the beads of sweat from his forehead. His whole body was damp from how much cold sweat he had broken into. Seeing he had no fever, he didn’t think he was sick, so he wondered why he was like this. On the contrary, he felt that if he left him like this, he would fall seriously ill just like last time.

“Get inside first.”

He led Niah in. However, Niah collapsed into a sitting position before he had even taken a few steps. Once he was certain he had escaped the nightmare, his entire body went limp. He didn’t have the strength to lift a finger. Yet, strangely, giggles kept leaking out.

“Master… I have no strength left….”

Orca was displeased that the Goldfish, who had collapsed before he could even catch him, was giggling, but he didn’t show it. He unnecessarily placed the back of his hand to his forehead to check his temperature again. His skin, far from being hot, was cool and clammy. Irritation flared up at the sight of him rubbing against him, looking happy despite not being able to stand on his own. Of course, he didn’t show this either, swallowing it down inside.

Folding his knees and bending his waist, he had Niah wrap his arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around the back that clung to him with such obedience and supported him under the hips. Niah hugged him gently, saying, “I’m sorry.” Orca didn’t say a word and headed straight for the dressing room.

Orca sat Niah down at the dressing room table and turned on the lights. The bulb under the long stand’s shade emitted a yellow glow. He only turned on one, thinking it might be bad if it were too bright. Even though the Goldfish was giggling, he was unsettled. He reached for his collar in silence. Niah flinched and shivered.

“I’ll do it. I can do it now. Look.”

“Do what? Just stay still.”

Orca made Niah, who was waving his arms around, stop and calm down. Niah became submissively quiet. He pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth and breathed shallowly. The lips that had been twitching went still. Tonight, he didn’t want to go back to his own room.

“I’m not angry.”

Orca let the words slip, sensing the silence of the Goldfish whose thoughts were plain to see. Niah nodded his head quickly. Both hands gripped the edge of the table while his mouth remained shut, nodding his head repeatedly.

Orca, stroking his chin as if to rebuke the Goldfish who still didn’t trust his words, began to undo the buttons of his top one by one. He intended to change his damp clothes. Thinking it would be better to put him to sleep than to bathe him, he only brought a dry towel. His plan was to wipe off the sweat and change him into new clothes. Yet, for some reason, the more his skin was revealed, the slower his hands moved. Since he couldn’t let him do it alone now, he kept his hands moving steadily. He was glad he had only turned on one light in the dressing room.

“Come down. Can you stand?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I can stand.”

Niah was just as embarrassed. It was naturally troublesome, as he was about to show his entirely naked body. If it were daytime, he would surely have been caught with his whole body flushed red. Niah suppressed his voice to hide his shame. It was fortunate that the lighting was dim so that only his silhouette was visible.

Orca, who had taken off his top, hesitated for a very brief moment before hooking his fingers into the waistband of Niah’s pants. He could feel him flinch in surprise, but he had no leisure to pay attention to it. The problem was his thin body, which had begun to shiver faintly, perhaps because he was cold. Since he had sweated so much, it was natural for him to feel a chill.

“Are you cold?”

“Yes? Uh… a little…. Not a lot, I’m fine….”

Orca grabbed his underwear and pants together and pulled them down. The clothing slid smoothly and easily over his curved parts. He turned his gaze away as much as he could from the naked body that was glimpsed. Niah, holding his breath, clenched his fists tightly, not knowing what to do. He covered his front with his hands in an awkward gesture and shifted his hips slightly back. Orca, pretending to be nonchalant, sat with his legs folded to pull off the underwear and pants that had fallen to his ankles.

“Take your feet out. The shoes, too.”

Niah followed his instructions while his mind was a blur. He began to get confused about whether he was cold or hot. Outwardly, he felt as if he were facing a cold winter wind, but inside, he was boiling like a pot on a stove. He shook his head to force himself awake as it began to grow foggy. He slipped his feet out of the curled-up clothes and took off his shoes. His movements were sluggish because it was hard to keep his balance with both hands gathered in front of him. Eventually, Niah staggered and grabbed onto Orca. Heat rushed to his face. He wished he had just fallen over instead. Although it was hard to see clearly, he was embarrassed by his exposed body.

Orca, who had stood Niah, who had been leaning on him, upright, searched the closet, found new slippers, and put them on him. Niah was busy flapping around, trying to cover himself. He didn’t realize that that only drew more attention. The air in the dressing room, which had been silent since earlier, felt strange. Orca dried his hair first. Since it wasn’t soaked in water, it dried relatively quickly.

His body was more urgent than his hair. There was no time to lose, as he had to wipe him clean to dress him. Orca demanded, putting more force into his voice than was typical for him. He found himself unbearably ridiculous, but he felt that if he didn’t, he would end up speaking in a pitiful tone.

“Put your arms like this.”

While the large, thick towel passed over his body, Niah looked up. He couldn’t disobey the command, and he was too embarrassed by his bare skin touching his master’s hands to think of anything else. He chewed on his tongue. At some point, he had forgotten that he had run away because of a nightmare. When the soft texture touched his hips after passing over his arms, chest, and back, he felt something snap inside his heart. It was the first time he had ever wanted to cry in this way. He would have preferred to faint.

“There. Put your arms in.”

Orca, who had wiped his body thoroughly, brought out a winter shirt from the wardrobe. He omitted the pants and underwear, figuring they wouldn’t fit anyway. Niah, half-dazed, moved creakily like a broken marionette. Only when a thick blanket was draped over his shoulders did he look up at Orca. The blanket flowed down to his calves, wrapping his body completely. As soon as he noticed that, the cold receded, and he felt instantly cozy. His boiling insides felt calm and settled instead.

Niah couldn’t hide his dilemma. Last time, he had fallen fast asleep without even knowing it, but today was different. He couldn’t fathom sleeping in his master’s bed while fully conscious. Even if his master said it was fine, he, as a servant, could not simply accept that it was fine.

“The carpet is soft too…. And it seems like it would be uncomfortable for you, Master….”

“Don’t say such nonsensical things.”

“The floor is fine, too. Ah, or the sofa…,”

“Niah. Do you hate me? Is that why you’re doing this?”

“No. I don’t hate you. I like you, Master. Why, why are you saying that? It’s not true. I like you. I love you.”

“Then why don’t you listen to me…. Huh?”

Niah, leaning into the hand that was gently stroking his cheek, tucked himself into the blankets and lay down. He also hugged the blanket tightly. Orca walked around the bed and lay down next to Niah. The mattress swayed.

He shouldn’t be using him; he shouldn’t be provoking him like this; he knew he was cowed by guilt—yet, knowing all that, he couldn’t abandon his selfish attitude. He liked the sound of the words that popped out whenever he prodded him. He liked the desperate expression on his face, where his mind was so entirely filled with him that nothing else mattered.