ORCA 25

Niah tossed and turned restlessly, his eyes wide open. It was a time when he should have already been long asleep if he had no particular chores left. However, far from being sleepy, his mind was crystal clear. His head was so completely filled with the young master’s face that there was no room for sleepiness to enter.

Seeing how languid his body was, it seemed he had worked hard all day, but he couldn’t quite recall what he had actually done. After seeing the young master in the garden, he had been so preoccupied that nothing else mattered. Because of that, he was a little worried that he might have harmed his precious plants.

But the more he tried to remember something, the more he just wanted to see the young master. Tonight, no tears came. His insides just simmered and boiled like stew ingredients in a pot. It felt scorching hot, as if he had gulped down a steaming soup all at once.

He brought the shirt he was fiddling with to his nose and took a breath. The scent that made his heart flutter when he smelled it was now so faint it was almost unnoticeable. He was suddenly terrified at the thought of what he would do if his feelings for the young master also faded like this. He grew afraid that the young master might leave for good after the upcoming party.

Unwanted imaginations rushed in. He knew where the young master was, and he knew the way, but the fact that he had to endure it felt unfair for some reason. He knew he should wait quietly, but the soles of his feet throbbed as if his heart had dropped. It was an unbearable feeling.

Niah pulled his knees up and curled his back. The expression buried in the shirt was on the verge of tears. He chewed not just his lips but the soft flesh inside as he whimpered. It had been bearable when he couldn’t see the young master at all, but now that they had met once, suppressing the desire to see him became more difficult.

‘Why don’t you just go see him? Huh? I bet he won’t be angry.’

‘But, if I do that, I’ll be scolded…’

‘I don’t think you’ll even get scolded. If he does happen to scold you, you can say I told you to do it. So,’

‘I won’t. I won’t tell on you. What if Harriet gets scolded because of me…’

‘Huh? But that’s fine? If I get scolded, well… what can I do. It’s okay. I’ll be the one to get scolded. If you don’t like that, then just go secretly and peek at him. At this rate, Niah, you’re going to wither away before the young master even calls for you.’

Niah fidgeted and pulled the blanket over his head. Whenever Harriet said such things to him, he always answered that he couldn’t. He didn’t want to be scolded by the young master, nor did he want to be disliked, so he would shake his head vigorously until Harriet gave up.

Then Harriet would let out deep sighs and gently stroke the back of his head. Not now, but later in the afternoon, later in the evening, not today but tomorrow, she would persistently whisper that he must go see him tomorrow. She did that several times a day. He listened quietly every time, but she probably didn’t know that he secretly resolved to never do such a thing.

‘Why don’t you just go see him? Huh? I bet he won’t be angry.’

Niah, who had been swimming about under the blanket, sat up with a jolt, his chest heaving. Harriet’s voice spun around, as if mocking his resolve. As his blocked vision cleared, his gaze naturally turned.

The square frame, illuminated by the moon, showed off its dim presence. It was close enough that if he leaned over and stretched out his arm, he could immediately reach the doorknob. Other than that, not a sliver of light came in, and it was pitch-black. The spilled darkness filled the small room to the brim. The outline of the door grew increasingly bathed in a brighter light. A ragged breath escaped him.

Harriet was a good person. Kind, gentle, and she never tormented him. That was why she made him hold onto expectations he shouldn’t have. He found himself wanting to believe her words more and more. The anticipation broke through the frozen ground and sprouted little by little. It was agonizing and, at the same time, refreshing.

“The… uh…. Ah, the greenhouse, yes, the greenhouse. I should go check on the greenhouse…. I should go and confirm they’re all right. Since I don’t remember well…. Yes, I should do that.”

Niah, who had been mumbling to the empty air, slipped his feet out from under the bed. Hurriedly putting on his shoes and getting up, he grabbed the doorknob. Even as he did so, he added more mumbled excuses.

“I’m going to the greenhouse. That’s right.”

Coming out into the hallway and pushing open the door to the staircase, Niah moved with light steps. The moonlight was bright, making it easy to walk. There was no need to grope his way. Perhaps thanks to that, even though he hesitated for a moment on the 4th floor, he quickly reached the 1st floor.

He headed cautiously toward the greenhouse, occasionally looking back. The mansion looked particularly magnificent today. The garden at midnight was silent, without a single breeze. Even the singing of insects couldn’t be heard. He suddenly stopped and gazed at the sleeping mansion.

Standing there, startled, it felt as if he were the only one in the world. Even though it was no different from usual, it felt lonely for some reason. His stomach felt like an empty kidney bean pod.

Starting from the very bottom of the mansion, he counted his way up, and his gaze stopped at a window on the fourth floor. He squinted his eyes and stared intently, but naturally, he couldn’t see beyond the window. A round light pooled on the pitch-black glass just twinkled like a star. It wasn’t something to be disappointed about, but his heart twisted on its own.

“I can’t see anything.”

A small complaint slipped through his lips. He corrected his posture, which he had turned to look back. The massive greenhouse, which had drawn near before he knew it, filled his field of vision. Pools of light also collected on the slanted glass roof, dimly illuminating what was behind the transparent walls.

The pale moonlight had a bluish tint. The colors of the gathered flowers, leaves, and tree trunks were in harmony. He looked back at the mansion once more. He thought it would have been nice if the mansion had been built with glass instead of red brick. Even he thought it was a ridiculous thing to say.

“Stupid goldfish…”

He quickened his stopped pace. A short shadow peeked out from the tips of his quiet steps.

Every few steps, he would squat down to carefully check the condition of the plants. No matter how bright the moon was, it wasn’t bright enough to inspect anything, but he opened his eyes wide and observed steadfastly. He could have just looked around, but he purposely took his time with each one.

The greenhouse was so large that checking them one by one became burdensome, so later he just gazed at the moss phlox and thought about how cute they were. He also stared endlessly at the wide, long cacti, the succulent plants that looked like small grapes, and the lithops with their split tops.

When even this became difficult, he sat on a rock by the central pond and tapped his knees. He also threw some food to the carp that noticed him and moved their mouths. The backs of the school of carp rose above the water’s surface and then sank down with plopping sounds.

He remembered playing in a large bathtub, splashing around with fluffy bubbles. He wondered if he should slip in and swim and play with them. But the pond carp were thicker and sturdier than his calves, so he had to give up. It would be a disaster if they tried to eat or bully him. It was a little different from the times when he would stick right to the edge of the lake and frantically devour waterweeds.

Come to think of it, these days Luan served him food on a full plate, so he never went hungry. He was still intimidated by Pepe or Andrian’s presence throughout the meal, but it was bearable thanks to Harriet. The other servants also left him alone, pretending not to see him.

Perhaps because of this, Pepe and Andrian only glared at him occasionally and didn’t scold him harshly. Except for when they came to him when he was alone and acted frighteningly, he could spend a relatively peaceful day. The sudden change was just awkward.

The downside was the dreamlike wishes and precious memories that seeped through that peace. The young master constantly came to mind. While other things were breaking into pieces and scattering, the young master only grew more vivid. He had wished every day to get through the day without being scolded and without anyone bullying him, but now that it had actually happened, he was wishing for something else even more desperately.

“Greedy.”

The carp seemed to be sending him a signal, urging him on as they opened and closed their mouths. Some of them came right up to the edge of the pond and stuck their faces out. As they flailed and demanded, he ended up throwing them a little more food. He set down the food pouch and hugged his knees to his chest.

The carp, realizing there was nothing more to get, soon disappeared among the water hyacinths on the opposite side. It wasn’t as if it would hurt them to play with him for a moment; they were petty.

Bored by the now calm surface of the water, he brushed off his bottom and stood up. He wasn’t sleepy and didn’t want to go back, so he went deeper into the greenhouse. In truth, there was nothing in particular for him to do.

He looked around as if exploring every nook and cranny, then settled in front of the snake plant pots he had repotted last time. The young snake plants, which he had chosen from the prettiest pots and moved, had now grown quite plump and had firmly taken root.

When he touched them with his fingertips, the cool energy unique to plants felt pleasant against their smooth surface. This was the pot he had originally intended to gift to the young master.

He knew that all the children here were not his, so he wasn’t in a position to single one out and give it as a gift. But he had hoped that maybe one of the children he had cared for with all his heart could be in the young master’s room, that perhaps he would be allowed that much.

The night deepened, rushing towards dawn, and his surroundings sank into silence. It seemed as if all the people, plants, and wild animals were asleep, and he was the only one awake. A sudden surge of confidence rose within him, that he could get away with anything right now. No matter how much the carp’s eyes sparkled, they wouldn’t be able to follow him once he left the greenhouse.

He unconsciously lifted his head and saw a golden-brown pancake. The moon, stuck in the sky, looked down at him with a bite taken out of it. He came to his senses, shot to his feet, and picked up the pot. It was a pale teal pot that fit perfectly in his arms.

The young snake plants were gathered together, waiting for their next home. His heart pounded with a weak sense of mission.

It’s okay if I just put it there secretly. It’ll be okay.

The young master would surely be asleep as well.

Niah took the central staircase straight up to the 4th floor instead of the servants’ staircase. This way was faster. He tried to calm his hurried steps, which grew more urgent with every footstep, and slowly moved his feet. He held the body and bottom of the pot tightly so as not to drop it.

His ankles, tense from walking with bated breath, trembled. The closer he got to the young master’s room, the drier his mouth became. Light coming through the windowpanes sparsely decorated the path ahead. After light came darkness, and after darkness came light. Walking along the hallway that had become a stepping stone path, he soon reached his destination.

He had been full of confidence when he had brought the snake plant out without a plan. But after actually arriving, he felt a little intimidated. He repeated the action of reaching for the doorknob and then hesitantly pulling his arm back several times. He paced back and forth, rubbing the carpet with the toe of his shoe. He even ran all the way to the staircase at the far end of the hallway to call the whole thing off, only to return. As his 고민 continued, his courage gradually dwindled.

Niah eventually crouched down in front of the door and opened and closed his mouth slightly. His lips, without a drop of moisture, cried out in sharp pain with even the slightest movement. His chest rose and fell. He half-buried his face in his hugged knees.

The snake plants placed below his gaze seemed to urge him to go in quickly. He took out one hand and stroked the blunt tops of the snake plants. All of them deserved to be treated preciously, but the young sprouts especially needed affection. That was the only way they could grow up big and strong without dying.

He felt inexplicably sorry for the snake plants, which were only as long as his palm. It seemed like the children who should have grown up well on the young master’s windowsill, receiving plenty of sunlight and wind, had been kicked out with him for no reason. It was because he had been disliked by the young master.

“…Let’s go. I’ll take you there. It’ll be okay if we go quietly and secretly. Yes.”

Niah stood up awkwardly and pressed his ear flat against the door. Not a sound could be heard from inside the room. Only after confirming this for a long time did his stiff heart begin to soften. He calmly took a deep breath and pulled the pot into his arms. This time, he grabbed the doorknob without hesitation and pulled it down. The unlocked door let him in easily. His heart fluttered as if he had received permission.

The windowsill closest to the bed was the pot’s new home. Niah’s lips twitched as he smiled with satisfaction. Thinking he should return before being caught, he quickly interlocked his ten fingers and squeezed them tight. He also squeezed his eyes shut and prayed inwardly.

He hoped they could grow up big and strong here. He thought he would be happy if they grew sturdily and bloomed beautiful flowers. He prayed that if, someday, the flowers bloomed, the young master would return again that year. He didn’t know who to ask, so he just kept repeating it blindly.

He thought it would be nice if the stars or the moon, or some great angel, heard his wish and granted it. It would be fine even if it happened later, after he had completely forgotten the young master.

Slowly lifting his eyelids, Niah hesitantly approached Orca. The moonlight cast shadows in the shape of the snake plants, jaggedly crossing the bed. Just once, he wanted to stay by his side for just a moment. Niah knelt right beside the bed and looked at Orca’s face. He couldn’t dare to get any closer. He just tried to shorten the distance, even a little.

Supporting himself on his thigh with a clenched fist, he stretched out only his neck. His lower lip jutted out. It was because he wished the young master hadn’t slept in the middle, but had slept on this side instead. He resented the bed, which was as wide as his entire room.

Niah, whose eyes had been tracing Orca’s facial features, suddenly ducked his head and fidgeted. Raising only his gaze, he furtively sized up the situation. He couldn’t take his eyes off the large hand that was just barely within reach if he stretched out his arm. He bit down on his tongue.

Seeing as the young master hadn’t moved at all since a while ago, he thought it might be okay, but then again, it might not be, so he hesitated. Above all, it was the first time he had seen the young master asleep. He knew he had to get out quickly, but his body wouldn’t get up. This might be his last chance. He held his breath and tightened his throat.

He carefully placed one arm on the bed. His advancing hand trembled. But the bed was high, and no matter how much he stretched, he couldn’t reach. He leaned his other arm on the bed and half-raised his knee. Only then could he faintly feel a warm body heat.

Niah was so excited that he didn’t even realize his upper body was leaning so far over he was practically lying on the bed. He gently touched the fingernails and knuckles before subtly slipping his hand under the palm. He suppressed the giggle that threatened to escape. Heat rose on their touching skin.

“Oh, oh…”

Niah, who was eventually lying down completely and enjoying the long-awaited contact, flinched and tried to pull away. It was because a sudden grip had enveloped his hand. He reflexively tried to pull it out, but it didn’t go as he wished. It was gripped even tighter.

“Yo-young Master…. Um, it’s just…. You see…”

The excuse failed to come out and got lost. It was a situation of his own making, but he couldn’t help being scared. He should have just left the pot and gone. He had made a mistake again.

Orca, without letting go of Niah, sat up and leaned his back against the headboard. His eyes were fixed on one spot. The flattened goldfish moaned meaninglessly. As Niah tried to escape with his feeble strength, Orca pulled him up with a swift tug as if in response. The small body that came flying lightly was gently placed on the bed.

“I’m sorry. I, I was, about to leave right away… I was, but, um…”

At the mumbling he heard, he almost burst out laughing. Orca leaned toward Niah and turned on the light. As the area around the bed brightened, they could see each other clearly. Orca, still holding Niah’s hand, opened his mouth in a low voice.

“Niah.”

Niah’s shoulders flinched, and his head drooped low instead of answering. Orca pulled Niah closer. Niah, curled up like a withered flower, obediently followed as he was told. Contradictory emotions swirled wildly. It was good but scary, and he was trembling and his heart was pounding at the same time. He felt like he was breaking out in a cold sweat all over.

Orca reached out his free hand and made Niah look at him. He didn’t like that Niah had gone through so much trouble to get in, only to show him the top of his head.

“What are you doing here.”