ORCA 47

Niah suddenly raised his gaze. He felt the warmth fading from one hand that had been held so tightly it felt like the blood might stop flowing. Both his hand and his neck were free. Yet, the fear did not subside; instead, it spread even further.

The young master looked down at him with a thoroughly softened expression. His voice was gentle, as if it had been entirely Niah’s misunderstanding. It was cruel that such a tender suggestion, delivered in such a voice, was still a command.

“You need to go to sleep.”

Orca lifted his torso, which had been leaning toward Niah. A desolate sense of distance instantly sprang up between the two. Niah made no effort to hold back the tears that burst forth. He didn’t even have the mental capacity to think he should hold them back.

“I don’t want to. I don’t want to go. Hic… please don’t send me away. If you do, then again… sob, I won’t be able to see you tomorrow… I don’t want to sleep. I don’t have to sleep. Sob, Young master. I was wrong… Young masteeer…”

His two arms, stretched out in desperation, caught onto Orca’s fingertips. Where his ten fingers touched was, at most, near the fingernails. Niah tried his hardest, rubbing his knees against the bed to get closer, even closer. The bedding rustled.

Even so, he clung to him with barely two joints of his fingers, pleading. His heart was pounding with anxiety. He had already done something to be scolded for, and he feared that by being troublesome, he would be forcibly kicked out. But he couldn’t stop, wondering, What if this is the last moment before you leave?

He clearly remembered that the young master had said the exact same thing last time. He had told him to go to sleep and acted as if they would see each other tomorrow, but when Niah came the next day, the door was locked. He didn’t want that again. If he was to be punished, he wanted to be punished while remaining by his side. Thus, the only thing he could do right then was to beg not to be sent away.

Orca silently observed Niah, who was clinging to him. The pathetic sight made the area under his tongue ache. Even though he knew it would be more beneficial to send him back right away, it was difficult to keep saying it. He couldn’t readily shake off the sobs tangled around his fingers. For some reason, his mind felt hazy. It was as if someone had stolen his body and his mind. A surge of unpleasantness rose up.

He should have just come into the room and waited for Niah to leave without acknowledging him, no matter what he did. His mind, which he thought had been cleared, was disordered and dizzy again. It was only a few hours ago that he had guaranteed himself that if he just did as he pleased and then left this place, everything would be resolved. It hadn’t even been a day since he had concluded that this was merely a temporary situation.

A single impulsive action from a mere goldfish had reset everything, returning it to the very beginning. He could neither move forward nor retreat. He found himself pathetic, experiencing something on this bed that he had never even encountered on the battlefield.

He had lived his life believing that slaughter was his only instinct, but at this point, he couldn’t be sure. He didn’t even know himself what he wanted to do with the goldfish. His reason was paralyzed, as if he had swallowed poison. That was precisely why he had to send the goldfish out. Even if he called him back again after dawn, it shouldn’t be now.

“Niah.”

“I don’t want to, I don’t want to go. Hic, Young master. I don’t want to…”

Niah shook his head violently. He began to resent the young master who kept trying to chase him away. If he were told what he had done wrong, he could fix it; he could listen better if told to. He just resented him, even if only a little, for only wanting to chase him away.

And so, he became stubborn. He knew that he was the one who had disobeyed the order not to come, but that was that, and being sad was being sad. The more anxious he became, the simpler his thoughts grew. After hesitating for a long time, Niah grabbed Orca’s hand. The tears that fell in torrents soaked the back of his hand.

“P-please don’t keep telling me to go. Don’t chase me away. Sob, hic… you’re going to keep me from coming again tomorrow, aren’t you? Telling me not to come again… sob…”

Orca, taking in the sight of two hands so insignificantly small compared to his own, and the shoulders that trembled with every word Niah uttered, sighed shortly.

Niah felt even more aggrieved by that sound. It was effectively the same as being told directly that he was an annoying, bothersome existence. He let go of the hand he had gathered the courage to hold. Conversely, his sobbing quieted down. Niah, his palms pressed together in a praying position, bowed his head low.

“Um, I, I won’t be a bother. I won’t be a bother… I’ll listen well… And I, I don’t need you to protect me, it’s okay. I won’t even cry to annoy you… Ah, if you don’t like the Stuckyi or the pot, I’ll take them away. So please, please, can’t you let me come tomorrow too…? Just, just that. I just, until you leave, young master… can’t I keep coming here?”

From behind the hesitantly lifted eyelids, light Dazzling-colored eyes looked up at him. The wet pupils reflected in the light sparkled like transparent honey. Suddenly, he was reminded of the rays of light he used to see when moving from the deep sea toward the surface. He was reminded of the ocean surface shattered by the sun.

The peaceful scene, which had held no particular interest for him until now, colored his mind in detail, as if it were some great memory. It was ridiculous to be thinking of the sea while holding a goldfish that couldn’t survive in the ocean. In the midst of this, the goldfish was shimmering with the same light as an aurora beneath a sun-drenched sea. Just by watching it, he was swept up in an entirely strange mood.

“Did I do something wrong…? I’ll fix it. I can fix it…”

Orca reached out and covered Niah’s eyes. He had intended to make it so Niah could no longer see him, but instead, their gazes met, stark and raw. The eyelashes fluttering in surprise, the ragged breaths, and the flushed lips were all directed solely at him. The cheeks, flushed with heat, were warm. They were like freshly baked bread.

“Please don’t hate me…”

The goldfish, mumbling with hot breaths, said it slowly and with great care. His locked voice vibrated small inside Orca’s palm. Somewhere deep within his body, something he couldn’t control surged upward.

Orca could not define this, even with a lie. From the beginning until now, it had always been an unnamed emotion. He felt regret when he tried to chew and swallow him, and he couldn’t look away when he thought to kill him. He couldn’t do anything to the goldfish. Now, it had become difficult even to send him outside the door.

Orca withdrew his hand. Niah was still looking up at him.

“…Come here.”

At that single word, Niah moved closer at once and clung to the hem of his clothes. There was no time to hesitate. He pressed his forehead against the solid forearm and rubbed against it to his heart’s content. It felt as if his empty stomach had been filled; he felt satisfied. It felt as if his tightly blocked, agonizing breath was finally being released. He was crying and laughing at the same time. The emotion he was experiencing for the first time since birth felt wondrous.

Indeed, the young master was a good person. Whenever he asked, he would eventually grant everything. He gave punishments, but in the end, it was fine since he gave rewards like this, too. Niah carefully opened his fingers and wrapped them around Orca’s arm. After reading the room for a while, he even hugged him slightly. Suddenly, drowsiness poured over him.

Orca, who had been patting the goldfish’s back, stopped and gripped his waist, pulling him into his embrace. It was a slender frame that felt insufficient even after wrapping his arm around his flat stomach to the other side of his waist. His thigh was pressed lightly. This time, it wasn’t a hallucination; it was real. However, before he could even savor the petite sensation fitting perfectly into his arms, he was immediately displeased.

“Ah, hurts, ah! Ugh.”

Niah twisted his body. Orca had no trouble recalling a similar situation from earlier. When he intentionally applied force to his grip, the goldfish clung to him and whimpered. A shallow dampness welled up in his pained moans. He didn’t stop Niah’s behavior of whining and burrowing into his chest.

Instead, when he rolled up the upper garment, the goldfish was startled and tried to escape his embrace. The strength in the arms struggling to pull the clothes back down was pathetic. There was no sign that he would give up. He just kept repeating the futile act.

“Uh, w-wait a moment. Young master, Young mas, ter. Young masteeer.”

Watching Niah struggle to somehow cover the lightly exposed bare skin, Orca, unable to bear it any longer, pushed Niah down. The leg draped over his body hadn’t known what to do until now.

Niah, flustered by the sudden change in position, blinked his eyes open and shut. His back was soft. The dim ceiling looked too far away. It was an unfamiliar scene. The ceiling soon changed to the young master’s face.

“Stay still.”