ORCA 16

He gently pressed Niah’s plump lips with the tip of his index finger. He suddenly regretted having sent back all the cold tea and tea sandwiches while making them clean up the broken glass and soiled carpet. He should have kept the condensed milk, and he silently scoffed at himself for the regret.

Feeling annoyed for no reason, Orca pushed his finger into Niah’s mouth. Niah, who latched onto it in his sleep, twitched his tongue. He whimpered at the finger that was relentlessly tormenting his soft tongue, but he didn’t wake up. Finding this even more infuriating, Orca stirred his finger around inside the mouth as he pleased, then pulled it out before pushing it back in, this time with the middle finger as well. As he pressed and rubbed with gentle force, a wet, squishing sound was made.

Thinking it was about time for him to wake up, he leaned his face a little closer, and listening to the whimper-like moan, he poked and prodded around the small mouth. To find this warm and wet sensation pleasant—this too made him feel like a fool.

Knock, knock.

At that moment, the tactless sound of a knock made Orca furrow his brow. He wondered if it was already dinnertime. When he had sent Niah out and summoned a servant, he had told them to bring dinner to his room.

The goldfish was still asleep, mumbling on his fingers. He had been so focused on this act that he hadn’t even noticed the presence of someone approaching the room. If the intruder hadn’t appeared, he would have continued indefinitely, not knowing when to stop.

Orca sighed in annoyance and pulled out his fingers. Then, he woke Niah in a normal way.

“Niah. Wake up.”

His whisper reached Niah’s ear closely. The goldfish, turning over in his sleep, snuggled into him and whined. Even after blinking his eyes open at the touch of a hand patting his back, he couldn’t fully wake up.

Outside, Luan pressed her ear to the door. She was in a predicament as there was no answer from inside. She had a lot of other work to do to just wait around. She had originally planned to have Niah prepare the meal, but she couldn’t find him in the greenhouse, the garden, or even his room below the stairs. There was only one possible reason.

She briefly wondered if he had really been harmed by the young master. She had already heard from several sources that he had been wandering the mansion covered in blood. But she didn’t actually believe it. Even the tough Andrian had trembled for days, so it was absurd that ‘that Niah’ had walked around perfectly fine.

In any case, when she tried to ask other servants, they all stubbornly refused, saying they were too scared, so she had to come herself. She hesitantly asked again, repeating her knock.

“Young master. If it’s alright with you, shall I prepare your meal now?”

Only then did she hear a reply to come in. Luan took a deep breath and entered the room, pulling the trolley. Her throat was dry with nervousness. She kept her eyelids lowered to the floor as much as possible and moved quickly. It was to avoid doing anything that might displease him. But these efforts were soon in vain.

“Niah…?”

It was because she discovered Niah sitting next to the young master, rubbing his swollen eyes. At the familiar voice calling his name, Niah flinched in surprise and looked at her. His dazed mind, having just woken up, quickly returned to him. Luan was just as surprised.

Why is this fool still here, with the young master, did he sleep here, right now?

“Uh… Lu, Luan…. Why, uh, I’m sorry…. Um, I was…. I was about to go to work, I was just about to leave….”

His flustered feelings came out in a jumbled mess. Without a moment’s hesitation, he apologized first and averted his gaze from Luan’s eyes. Niah, looking pitifully terrified, scrambled to get off the sofa. It wasn’t as easy as he thought.

His feet, clad in white socks, were awkwardly forced into his shoes. Before he could even put them on properly, he tried to stand up, lost his balance, and stumbled around before finally falling over. Feeling miserable, tears welled up in his eyes.

Seeing the room had grown dark, it seemed to be evening. He still had work to do back in the greenhouse, and he was suddenly terrified that he had fallen asleep like this. He would surely be scolded by Pepe.

Perhaps Luan, who had seen him slacking off, would scold him too. He couldn’t quite remember when he had last gone to the kitchen to help with the dishes. Andrian would be in the kitchen, and then he would definitely get angry at him, and he didn’t even want to think about that.

“Luan. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll go quickly….”

Niah, curled up, began to fix his oddly worn shoes. For now, he had no choice but to hurry out.

Orca’s impression upon seeing this scene was simple. He was just pissed off. The way he groveled to someone other than him, and the way he tried to leave without permission—he disliked all of it.

Has he lost his mind….

Unpleasant emotions surged fiercely.

Orca opened his mouth, looking at Niah sitting on the floor. His sharp tone landed like a sharp tooth.

“What do you think you’re doing.”

Niah, who was fumbling with his shoelaces, wanted to cry his eyes out. The young master, who seemed to be angry again, was scary, the suddenly appeared Luan was scary, there was nothing that wasn’t scary. To get scolded even a little less, he had to go quickly. But if he were to be disliked by the young master, he didn’t want to go. He would rather be scolded multiple times.

However, he still had a lot of his own work left. He had to finish repotting, and he had to clean up the spot where he was going to plant new flowers. If he didn’t finish it all this evening, he would be left alone late at night or until dawn tomorrow.

He knew that, but the thought of wanting to stay with the young master made his head spin. He didn’t know what to do, and tears just kept seeping out. He felt foolish. No matter how hard he tried, he was just a foolish goldfish. Useless, like a flowerpot with a broken bottom.

As the frustrating situation, which seemed to have returned to the beginning, unfolded, Orca let out a sigh. He left the sobbing Niah for now and threw a glance at Luan. Luan, feeling a chill from his sharp gaze, quickly bowed her head.

Orca’s expression hardened even more. She showed no sign of leaving, so he tapped the table to make her understand. Tap. When he gestured with an annoyed tilt of his head, Luan took the hint and quickly unloaded the dinner she had brought from the trolley.

Orca waited in silence until everything was unloaded, then waved his hand dismissively to chase her out. Her questioning gaze remained on Niah even in the final moment as she closed the door.

Luan, having left the room, hurried down the fourth-floor hallway with quick steps. The hallway, with only her in it, felt eerie for some reason. She looked back every couple of steps and quickened her pace even more. She almost tripped, but she didn’t stop and poured all her energy into getting away.

Orca, who sensed that the presence outside had completely disappeared, spoke in a quiet voice. He was contemplating how to educate a goldfish who seemed to have no learning ability whatsoever.

“Come here, Niah.”

Niah, who had been crying silently while curled up, carefully raised his head at Orca’s call. After a moment of hesitation, he placed his knees on the floor and slowly crawled over. In the process, his loosely worn shoes tumbled onto the carpet.

Niah crawled between his master’s legs. Then, he snuggled against his thigh and naturally rubbed his cheek against it. Orca looked down at the round, small orange with a look of disbelief. It seemed he had already forgotten all about his stubborn refusal to approach for fear of smelling fishy.

“Niah. Just how many times a day do you cry.”

At the goldfish’s action of gripping his thigh tightly and rubbing his cheek, his displeasure completely dissipated. It was instantaneous. It was a separate matter from the pathetic sight of him groveling and crying to someone other than him, or trying to run away without permission. For now, he was confident that this weak and fragile attitude would be shown only to him. The proof was the goldfish’s face, which, unlike when he was dealing with the servant named Luan, clearly wanted to be spoiled.

The goldfish was sniffling continuously, trying to hold back his tears. In between the sobs, a call for him was mixed in like a plea. His submerged voice was endlessly low, either from all the crying or from just having woken up.

“Young master…. Young master, uuek…. Young masteer….”

“This is why I feel wronged.”

Niah couldn’t stop his tears because, no matter how much he rubbed against him, the stroking hand didn’t come. He turned his head to the other side, leaned his cheek, and looked at the young master’s handsome hand resting quietly on the sofa.

Orca knew exactly what he wanted but didn’t do it. Niah’s tears, which seemed to well up endlessly without stopping, dripped down. He just fidgeted with his fingers for no reason.

“Young master….”

Then, his hesitatingly moved fingers caressed the sofa before finally, little by little, extending out. Niah, flinching on his own, lightly touched Orca’s fingernail. But there was still no reaction.

Fear and disappointment surged from deep within his body. If he was disliked by the young master too, he would have nowhere else to go. He was sure, absolutely sure that he had said he would protect him, but now he suspected that might not be true.

His memories were always uncertain anyway. Everything might have been a misunderstanding. The young master stroking him, calling his name, treating him kindly—it wouldn’t be strange if all of it was a fantasy he had created.

He was someone who couldn’t even remember things from just two or three months ago properly if he didn’t desperately try to remember them for a long time. Sometimes, when he wasn’t feeling well, he would forget everything that had happened just a few hours ago, or even a few minutes ago. But if all of this was truly his misunderstanding and misinterpretation, he felt he wouldn’t be able to bear it.

“I was wrong. I was wrong…. I won’t do it again. I mean it. Really, now, heuk….”

Niah, who had lifted his leaning body, brought his two hands together and joined them. The ten fingers, loosely intertwined, fluttered wildly with each cross of his palms, pleading. The self-doubt overflowing in his mind pushed Niah into a corner. Having reached a point where he couldn’t judge anything properly, the only option he could painstakingly come up with was to beg blindly.

Niah, of his own accord, rolled in the mud. Orca’s expression turned grim.

“Please, forgive me…. I’ll work hard. I won’t forget, and I’ll help a lot with other things too. I won’t cause any more trouble, so, so…. Please forgive me. I’m begging you, Luan…. No, um, Pepe…. No, that’s not it…. Uh…, uh….”

His unfocused eyes looked at Orca. He couldn’t quite distinguish what he was saying, who he was with, or even why it had come to this. His mind was hazy. The fragmented pieces were scattered carelessly and flew around in a mess.

Even so, he couldn’t stop rubbing his joined palms and only trailed off his words, gradually shrinking. His whole body ached as if he had been beaten by someone. He suddenly became anxious that a shriek of ‘fool’ would come flying at him.

“Niah, look at me.”

Even at Orca’s call, Niah only shrank further and did not give the proper response or action he wanted.

“Now.”

Niah’s gaze, caught by the nape of his neck, was pulled back up. Orca leaned his upper body forward so that no gap could be felt and pressed close to Niah. His left hand slowly stroked Niah down. The cloth wrapped around his right hand was cumbersome. If he had known this would happen, he would have injured his forearm instead of his palm, what a failure.

The goldfish’s pupils reflected him and yet did not. He was annoyed that he should have just soothed him and tormented him later as he wanted. He couldn’t understand why he was so furious. The familiar sight of him rambling on with apologies and begging was unpleasant to see.

“Why are you taking the punishment alone, hmm?”

Orca, who had been fidgeting with his right hand, not knowing what to do, finally gave up. The cloth that had been painstakingly wrapped with clumsy skill swayed as if it would come undone. Instead of stroking the nape of his neck, he grabbed his thin waist and pulled him into a hug. He held him firmly, whether Niah struggled or not, lifted him up, and settled him on his left thigh. And as if that wasn’t enough, he pressed him tightly against him.

Niah, who had been scared, not knowing what was what until now, flailed his arms and legs, trying to escape. Orca held the small body that fit perfectly in his arms with both his arms and applied light pressure. It didn’t take long to stop his struggling.

The goldfish was trembling just like when they first met at the lake. No, back then he had at least recognized him, so now it was a situation more similar to the one in the vegetable garden.

The goldfish, who just a few minutes ago had been saying, ‘Young master, young master,’ had changed in an instant, and it was infuriating. He wanted to split his head in half and observe what was inside to see why he changed his attitude so quickly.

The goldfish, who had become completely stiff, had calmed down but did not lean against him as he usually did. As if he were a stranger, he looked past him. He couldn’t tell where he was looking. In the end, he completely averted his gaze. Not liking that, he deliberately pressed his head down to make him lean on his shoulder. The stiff body, which could have been mistaken for a stone statue, touched him, trembling finely.

“Niah. …Niah. Niah….”

Orca repeated only his name until Niah regained his senses. He knew intuitively that this was not something that could be resolved in an instant by rushing him. The helpless pain that had accumulated over long years revealed its presence so clearly that it was difficult not to notice.

He lowered his mouth to the round top of the head that was about a handspan below his chin. He pulled the inconsolable Niah closer and whispered, “Niah,” once more, and an immature emotion thumped against his heart and suddenly reared its head. For him, it was by no means a familiar sensation. He dared not define it with any word.

It was a kind of error that had the pronunciation ‘Niah.’

At the warmth that seeped in over a long time, Niah unconsciously burrowed into Orca’s embrace. As he did so, he pulled up his legs that had been dangling below the sofa. Niah curled into a ball like an egg.

Orca changed the position of his arms to match the movement of the already small body shrinking even smaller. He held Niah in a cage like a giant fence.

As if the winter cold had passed, buds had sprouted, and spring had come, a gentle energy flowed from his fingertips, from his toes, up his calves, along his shoulder line, from the top of his head to the depths of his chest. A single thread of indistinct longing, seeping in from the warmth of a person, arbitrarily took root and also arbitrarily bloomed.

Niah felt as if he had glimpsed a part of his past, which had long been painted black, in the brightest color. It was something from a long time ago, a time he couldn’t remember. Only then did he hear the gentle and firm voice calling his name. The gentle warmth that enveloped his entire body breathed life into Niah’s pupils, which had become distant. Without a chance to hold it back, tears burst forth.

“Eu, euheuk…. Young master… Young masteer…. I was wrong, I was wrong….”

The goldfish let out short breaths and wriggled into his arms. At the same time, his slender fingers, which had come closer, gripped his shirt and trembled. He was absurdly relieved at the sight of him leaning against him with his full weight. He had been wondering what he would do if he treated him like a stranger forever.

The thought that his clear memories could simply evaporate inside the goldfish made him feel truly devastated. This was the first time he had felt this way. It was different from simply boiling with anger. It was as if a well-sharpened harpoon, heated in a fire, was being stabbed into his skin. For a goldfish who was only as big as two of his finger joints, its influence was threatening.