HYUNG 48

Ham Dowon smiled slightly. That gaze fixed on me was firm and unwavering.

It’s just that I have no interest in other people’s business, so I don’t spread such rumors nor do I listen to them. To begin with, even if someone I’m not interested in tells me something, it just goes in one ear and out the other. In truth, I am selfish and individualistic. It was an excessively positive interpretation. I wasn’t that good of a person.

“Hyung, I like you. …I mean, not necessarily in that way… I just mean I like you as a person. That’s all… Hyung, I think I’m too drunk. Suddenly I feel so dizzy. I feel like I might throw up a little…”

I wondered what part of me he saw that made him like me. He’s the one who actually listens well to others. Ham Dowon had his stubborn side, but considering how clumsy he was with human relationships, his personality was actually better than mine.

After all, even as he wooed me—someone who barely listened to a word he said—he was making an effort to hide his feelings once I told him they were a burden. He’s such a decent guy that I felt sorry for drawing a line and calling him strange. That much was certain…

“You are perfectly fine.”

…But I really couldn’t stand the exaggeration. The acting was poor.

“Hyung, I’m really dizzy… I don’t think I can drive.”

“Of course you can’t drive. How could you when you’ve been drinking? I’ll catch a taxi for you. Get in.”

“Hyuuung…”

Supporting the awkwardly swaying Ham Dowon, I helped him up, caught a taxi, and shoved him inside. Ham Dowon went limp unnaturally, then soon pouted his lips with a sulking face.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah.”

“Tell me to get home safely.”

“Get home safely.”

“You have a good night too, hyung.”

With Ham Dowon’s beaming smile as the last thing I saw, Thud! I closed the car door. Watching the back of the taxi as it drove off with a Vroom, I tilted my head to the side.

Even though he said he wouldn’t make me feel burdened, he spent today pulling stunts while pretending to be wasted several times; that behavior was a bit troublesome, yet I didn’t hate it. He seemed a little cute, too. Is it because he’s like a child? For some reason, I wonder why I feel relieved. Maybe it’s because I’m used to a Ham Dowon like that. Ham Dowon, Ham Dowon…

“Strange fellow.”

Ham Dowon was a decent guy, but it was definitely true that he was strange.

‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

“Mmmmmm…”

While staring at the tablet PC set up on the easel, I groaned for a long time while tilting my head. …Did I really take his photo like this? It didn’t seem like much when I saw it back then…

“Oh, oppa, hello. I didn’t think anyone would be here since it’s the weekend… But what are you looking at so intently?”

“…Ah, just something.”

It was Jo Ari. I had been so deep in thought that I didn’t even notice someone opening the studio door and coming in. Since it was a Sunday early in the semester, I didn’t think anyone would show up. I turned off the tablet PC, but it seemed Jo Ari had already seen the screen.

“That’s the dual-major student you always hang out with, right? The photo came out really well. I always thought he was handsome when I saw him passing by, but he looks so beautiful in the photo. I don’t know who took it, but they did a great job.”

It was a photo I had received via email from Ham Dowon yesterday, on Saturday. The Ham Dowon in the photo was so radiant that I had contacted him. I asked him just how much retouching he had done for it to look like this and told him to send the original.

But the original wasn’t much different. He had just touched up the brightness and contrast slightly and cropped it appropriately. But why did it come out so beautifully? It looked ordinary when I saw it through the camera back then. Even though I know roughly how to handle a camera, I’m not exactly the type who is good at taking photos.

“By the way, how is he?”

“What is?”

“Ah, I don’t mean to gossip… how should I put it? He shouldn’t be left out just because he’s a dual-major student. It must be hard for him to approach people first. So I tried to strike up a conversation a few times, but his aura is so cold and chilly… I couldn’t bring myself to speak. But he must be very close to you, oppa? He’s always smiling whenever he’s with you.”

Jo Ari has an extroverted personality, enough to strike up a conversation with me even though we don’t really know each other. A person like that found it hard to talk to him? The Ham Dowon I knew was a child who always had some part of his face flushed red, acting slightly hyper and bouncing around with a high-pitched voice. I wasn’t unaware that he had a cold impression when he stayed still, but…

“He only looks that way. If you get to know him, he’s cu…”

“He’s cute?”

“…I didn’t say that. If you get to know him, um… Ah, he’s very gentle and kind. He’s just shy. Besides…”

“Ah, yes…”

Jo Ari nodded slowly. However, she had a face that looked somewhat unconvinced. The awkward silence that followed only ended after Jo Ari moved to her own seat.

I had thought Ham Dowon was cute, and I had even told him directly that he was cute, so I don’t know why I suddenly smoothed it over so awkwardly. …Let’s just get to sketching.

“…Hello.”

I heard a mechanical beep from the headphones plugged into my ears, so I operated the button to answer the call. Since it was Sunday, I figured it wouldn’t be a telemarketing call. I thought it might be my parents or Ye Hwanyoung, but…

— Hyung, it’s Dowon. I just tried calling you. What are you doing?

It was Ham Dowon, who had become familiar in the meantime. Since deciding not to show that he liked me, the frequency of Ham Dowon’s contact had decreased, but that didn’t mean he stopped texting or calling. Since texts came very rarely, I replied every time, and I always picked up his calls. On Friday night, after he went home drunk, I was the one who contacted him first.

You got home okay, right? You didn’t collapse somewhere?

Ham Dowon: I’m at home now. Saja is losing his temper. Says I smell like alcohol. (photo)(photo)

Don’t go provoking the cat’s temper and just wash up and go to sleep.

Ham Dowon: Hyung, have a good night. Have a deep sleep without even dreaming.

You too.

Since I had always contacted friends to check on them after they went home completely drunk, there was nothing strange about it. There was also nothing strange about Ham Dowon’s behavior of calling when he was bored. I’m not the type to talk on the phone with friends for no reason, but there are people like that. However, was it because I had been staring at Ham Dowon’s photo until just now? I ended up getting slightly flustered.

— Hyung?

“…Yeah. I know it’s you. Why did you call?”

— I told you, I just called. Are you busy?

“Not really… I just thought something might have happened.”

— Nothing happened.

“Then what’s that noise?”

I heard some swoosh, swoosh noises followed by some tapping sounds, so I asked, and only then did the noise stop.

— Ah, you heard that… I was waving a toy for Saja.

“Then you should have kept playing with the cat.”

— Saja only talks about himself. He doesn’t listen to a single thing I say. Yeah. That’s right. I’m bad-mouthing you.

Meow, meow! The sound of a cat could be heard faintly. Ham Dowon, who was speaking to the cat in a slightly obnoxious tone, soon softened his voice.

— Right. Right. I got it. I can’t give you treats. Don’t throw a tantrum. Uh. Who is it? Hyung. Do you know Hyung? No, you don’t. Because our Saja is a dummy. Dum-my.

Ham Dowon lightly criticized the cat while answering his own questions. Meow, meow! Since the cat replied, I suppose it wasn’t exactly answering his own questions. Ham Dowon’s voice when talking to his cat was higher than usual, cute, and playful. It was a bit cute, and also admirable. It felt like witnessing a child acting mature toward another child. It reminded me of when Ye Hwanyoung once acted quite grown-up toward his hoobae.

— He’s 12 years old, which would make him a fifth grader in elementary school, but he really knows nothing. He only knows treats.

Ham Dowon whispered his gossip to me. As if he understood, the cat meowed.

“Have you raised him since he was young?”

— I don’t know exactly when he was born, but I brought him in when he was a total baby, shivering all alone on the street. Back then he was so small I thought he’d die soon… but now he’s a total fatty. A fat-ty.

“He looked slim in the photos.”

— Only his head is small. He has a lot of belly fat. A fat! ty! with only belly fat!

Ham Dowon spoke while adding a melody, as if singing a song.

“He can hear you.”

— I’m talking while covering his ears. He understands everything. But what are you doing, hyung?

“Work.”

— Are you at the studio?

“Yeah.”

— I should have gone too. I have to sand down the gesso I applied. What are you drawing, hyung?

“… .”

— Hyung?

“You.”

I don’t know why I hesitated for a moment. Because Ham Dowon’s voice sounded so casual, my own behavior made even less sense to me.