LLU 83

My mother, who had been smiling while watching us excitedly slide down the slide, suddenly asked. Unlike just moments ago, I sharply picked up on the tension underlying her strangely stiff voice.

“How long… are you planning to keep living there?”

“I’m planning to stay until I graduate.”

I replied concisely and firmly.

“I might stay a bit longer even after finding a job.”

I answered even more sharply because I understood the implication behind my mother’s question.

My mother was still living in the house that Choi Junghan had arranged for her. He had transferred the apartment to her outright without imposing any conditions or demanding anything in return, according to what he said.

I had no intention of blaming her for accepting what was the best option available for a mother whose body and mind had been weakened, so she could raise her child in stability. As someone living in a small one-room place myself, I had neither the right nor the intention to tell her to move out of that house right away.

But it seemed my mother thought differently. She wanted to bring me to live in that house with her. The thought that struck me like intuition turned out to be correct.

“No, I… Since you’re living alone, I was wondering if maybe we could live together…”

My mother lowered her head hesitantly.

“…Seeing you living alone there… it hurt my heart a lot. It felt like I was only making you suffer until the very end… Like I was the only one shamelessly living in a nice, clean house…”

“It’s fine. I’m satisfied with a place like this. It’s close to school too.”

I replied in a subdued voice.

“So just live comfortably with peace of mind.”

After a brief silence, my mother answered weakly with a simple “Mm.” Her sunken gaze trembled. But in the next moment, at the small voice that flowed out from her like a sigh, I froze all movement.

“If only that old house from before had remained… Maybe things wouldn’t have gone that far. Mister Junghan really is a scary person…”

I slowly lifted my head toward my mother.

I had heard something I shouldn’t have. With that intuition, my entire mind froze ice-cold. Like a broken robot, I opened my mouth with difficulty.

“…What… did you say?”

“Hm?”

“What do you mean by that? What did Choi Junghan do?”

My mother openly showed a surprised expression. Her eyes widened greatly, her mouth half-open. But soon her face gradually shifted to one of dismay. Meeting my complicatedly shaking gaze, she asked in bewilderment.

“You… you… didn’t know? Oon-ah.”

“So what is it.”

My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it would roar. Cold sweat instantly began to soak my clenched fist. My mother stammered in confusion.

“No, it’s just… I thought you naturally knew. About our house where we lived our whole lives… the way it ended up.”

“Kim Cheolhyung, that man set the fire, didn’t he?”

For some reason, my voice as I pressed her sounded urgent. Rough and desperate. What answer was I even hoping for in that moment? What was I so afraid of right then?

“…Oon-ah.”

But the moment I saw my mother’s face, troubled as she lowered her gaze, I understood everything. The long-buried, stale fact that had been buried with the ashes long ago now surged back with new firepower and overran the present me.

“…By any chance.”

“……”

“…Was it Choi Junghan… who did that?”

My voice as I asked my mother trembled pitifully. It was all in the past anyway. There was no need to be shaken this much… I felt tearful at my own attempt to hold onto composure.

“Mm. …Kim Cheolhyung came to see me once after he was released. After I had moved out of that house.”

My mother said in a dark voice.

“He said he was truly sorry for harboring bad intentions toward me back then. He said that at the time, seeing me look happy with Chairman Choi made him lose his mind. But he swore on his life that he never set the fire… that he was falsely accused, and he just wanted me to know at least that one thing.”

“…He didn’t harm you, did he?”

My tone sharpened automatically. Kim Cheolhyung was the man who had come to my mother with a knife, intending to hurt her.

Memories from several years ago flared up like flames. The fire demon dancing above our house on that winter night, the blaring siren sounds, the acrid smell of burning that had soaked into my body. The memories from the police station.

“No, he didn’t. He said it was barely possible for him to come say those words to me. After his release, someone approached him. They told him that if he tried to approach me even once more, they couldn’t guarantee his future safety… But no matter what, he said he really wanted to tell me that he didn’t set the fire.”

My mother continued with a dark face.

“…So after sending Kim Cheolhyung away, I thought about it carefully, and something felt too strange. Fire spreads, doesn’t it? Yet only our one house burned down completely and cleanly, as if someone had planned it…”

“……”

“And right around that time, Mister Junghan… bought me a house. So I asked him why he was going so far for me. And then he said…”

My hands trembled finely. I didn’t want to confirm any more facts. Why was that? I already knew more than enough that Choi Junghan was that kind of person.

No, in truth, I already knew the even darker, more chilling depths of him beyond what my mother was saying. So why, in this moment, did I not want to hear the next words…

“…He just said it was compensation for his little fire prank.”

“……”

“…That’s what he said.”

But my mother delivered the verdict anyway. She finished me off with confirmation. The man I had eaten a meal with last week and walked along the lakeside with, the man who had said without smiling that he loved me in his own way, was indeed the person who had casually taken away someone else’s entire home as a joke.

A dry laugh escaped me. I recalled how just a few days ago he had woken me from a deep sleep using the sprinkler. For a bastard who could set someone’s house on fire like it was nothing and call it a prank, how easy must a mere water prank have been.

In front of my mother, who was cautiously watching my reaction, I changed the subject and babbled about anything. But it was hard to hide the new murderous intent that began to rise in my chest. Even if it was all in the past, I felt that I had to address it and move past it.

“Oppa, but… there’s something I want to ask.”

Winter days were short. By the time the sunset cast a dim glow, I had finished my last lecture and was walking side by side with Yeon-i toward the school main gate.

Yeon-i, walking beside me, spoke to me in a hushed voice. I thought only that what was coming had finally come. I calmly responded with “Yeah, Yeon-ah” and accepted her question.

I already knew what Yeon-i was going to ask. Because right in front of me, Choi Junghan was clearly visible, parked at the main gate and looking at me. His striking appearance in every way was perfect for drawing people’s gazes.

Sure enough, Yeon-i whispered softly while nodding toward Choi Junghan.

“…That, you know, the really tall and handsome guy… Is he someone you know, oppa?”

“Yeah. He is.”

“But, um… sorry if this is rude to ask.”

Yeon-i lowered her voice as much as possible.

“…Isn’t that person… the executive director of CM Electronics…? I happened to see his photo in an economics monthly while studying. He’s really famous, apparently. People say he’s so handsome you can’t tell if he’s a businessman or a celebrity.”

“Yeah. That’s him.”

When I calmly confirmed it, Yeon-i let out a strange “Hiek” sound.

“But oppa… what kind of relationship do you have with him… that he’s always coming to pick you up…?”

“…There’s a reason for it.”

I gave Yeon-i an awkward smile. She still looked puzzled, but eventually nodded slowly.

“Okay. Sorry if I asked something uncomfortable, oppa.”

“No. What’s there to be sorry about? It’s not uncomfortable.”

Yeon-i didn’t seem to know. About how I had turned the CM shareholders’ meeting upside down. Well, after it appeared in the news a few times back then, the whole incident vanished without a trace, so it made sense. The company had handled the aftermath so perfectly that now not even one article came up in searches.

After our short conversation, I waved to Yeon-i.

“Then go home safe, oppa.”

“Yeah. You too.”

Feeling Yeon-i’s gaze still clinging to the back of my head, I trudged toward the sedan parked near the main gate. Choi Junghan, standing outside, lifted the corner of his mouth when he saw me.

“Hey.”

The moment his greeting landed, I jerked my chin toward his car in an overbearing way.

“Get in. I have something to say.”

Choi Junghan silently raised an eyebrow but didn’t ask anything more. Instead, he obediently got into the driver’s seat as I ordered.

I sat in the passenger seat instead of the back. Unlike the past few days when I had gone along with whatever he wanted and let myself be dragged around lukewarmly, I had no intention of responding that way anymore. Today, I planned to settle everything completely with Choi Junghan.

“You’re especially forceful today. What’s the reason for the change of heart?”

“Shut your mouth and just drive. To your house.”

It was an extremely insolent command, but Choi Junghan only let out a low chuckle. Then he really did start the engine and grip the wheel as I told him.

He was probably thinking he’d see how far I would go. The thought that every word and action of mine must seem laughable to him made my mind sink even colder.

Not a single word passed between us until we arrived at his house. In an atmosphere as thin as ice, we got out of the car side by side. The same held true while scanning my fingerprint and riding the elevator up to his place.

The moment the front door opened and only he and I were left in the private space. I grabbed him by the collar and slammed him against the entryway wall.

“Whoa, whoa. Calm down. Why are you so angry?”

Choi Junghan smiled slyly and raised both arms as if in surrender.

“Rough looks are sexy too. I almost crashed the car earlier.”

“Shut up, you fucking bastard.”

The resentment that had pooled in my chest for days burst out in a rush. The voice I had intended to use to question him straight came out trembling pathetically.

That made me even angrier. That I was letting Choi Junghan hear my shaking voice. That even the tiniest thread of it felt like I had given him a sliver of leeway called emotion. As if I had newly come to harbor disappointment toward him.

Disappointment works when expectations are shattered. In the relationship between Choi Junghan and me—where we endlessly devoured and wounded each other—expectations should never have been allowed to creep in from the start. No matter how small the amount.

Until just a few weeks ago, when Choi Junghan began persistently coming back to me, that’s what I had thought.

My violent invader had stormed into my heart without permission, just like in the beginning. So violently that the one year we had spent without touching, drawing parallel lines, felt colorless.

The only thing that had changed was the method of trying to open me. Instead of tying me up and raping me like before, Choi Junghan had chosen the method of persistently following me around just to eat one meal together. In a way that was unlike him—normal. In a way that was unlike him—inefficient.

To me, who had never intended to forgive him, to me who was always ready to pounce and condemn him, he had said in a voice whose intentions I couldn’t read.

“You might find this hard to understand. But some people love in that way.”

If only he hadn’t said it with a voice and eyes that didn’t know how to lie.

“I’ll wait. Until you acknowledge your own feelings and accept mine.”