LLU 64

The food tasted objectively excellent, but as always, I had no appetite. Still, I forced it down. After finishing the meal, I roughly stacked the dishes and tidied up. I brushed my teeth and was just coming out of the bathroom when I came face-to-face with the figure standing in the doorway.

“Hello. I’m here.”

The scent of winter wafted from the coat of Choi Junghan, who strode over with long steps. He looked quite pleased.

Choi Junghan held out a small box he had been carrying. Inside the small box, which even had a ribbon tied around the handle, were four or five dainty-looking desserts that appeared to be cakes or tarts.

“…What is this?”

“A snack. You like sweets, don’t you? A new place opened nearby, and people said it’s delicious.”

“…….”

Lately, Choi Junghan had been doing things like this often. I wondered why I could feel a chill coming from a man who always rode in a car. Without even trying to hide my furrowed expression, I shot him a look of contempt.

“Do something that suits you.”

“Try it now. They said it’s best eaten right away.”

Choi Junghan simply took off his coat and went straight to the bathroom to wash his hands. Whatever was so urgent, he did not even remove his jacket or tie before opening the box and plating the desserts.

He placed one cake and one tart on the plate and held it out to me. I stared at it—lavishly decorated with heaps of cream and fruit—in utter disbelief.

“Take it away. I just ate.”

“Just taste it. I got it especially because you like fruit….”

“I said I don’t want it! Why the fuck do you do shit that doesn’t suit you at all?”

The moment I saw the dessert topped with colorful assorted fruits, rage surged up inside me. I grabbed the dessert from the plate and threw it one by one against the wall.

Choi Junghan is neither my lover nor anything to me, so he has no reason to buy me something like this. This is nothing more than an act to mock and toy with me.

For some people, even getting through every meal requires constantly reminding themselves of a firm resolve, yet Choi Junghan keeps mocking and destroying that effort of mine with these embarrassing, sweet things.

“Just fuck me already. That’s all you want from me anyway.”

I lifted my chin and glared at him with arrogant eyes.

“So there’s no need for this pathetic effort.”

Choi Junghan stared blankly at the wall. Even though the supposedly famous fruit cake and tart he had gone out of his way to buy had lost their pretty shapes and smashed against the wall, his eyes as he looked at the wreckage were numb. He did not show the expression an ordinary person would make when hurt.

His gaze slowly shifted away from there and turned toward me. The strides he took to close the distance were steady.

“It looks like our Oon is feeling needy. Asking hyung for sex first.”

A crooked smile hung at the corner of his mouth.

“Then I should obey and do as commanded.”

The way he slowly removed his jacket was restrained yet rough. The sound of the fabric brushing was unusually loud in my ears. Looking at Choi Junghan’s smiling eyes and the prominent muscles of his jaw, I could feel the quietly condensed anger in him.

I had not intended to provoke him on purpose. I simply could not suppress the fiercely rising anger. Lately, I could not stand the bizarre behavior Choi Junghan kept displaying. To me, who had barely managed to swallow dinner, the fact that he bought such dainty desserts and told me to try them made him more loathsome than death.

What had the months of deceiving both myself and Choi Junghan left behind for me and for him? Lately, whenever sex became difficult, I had to fight the urge to cling to his neck every single time. When the nightmares that devoured the night dragged on, at the end there was invariably the reality of me being held in Choi Junghan’s arms.

And Choi Junghan kept trying to take care of me and comfort me in this pathetic way. Even when I screamed at him to get lost, he persistently asked what I wanted to eat, carefully washed me when I lay limp and dazed from sex, and sang lullabies until I fell asleep.

It was the most viciously bad habit imaginable. All the more so because the one committing these acts was an emotional void who did not even know what love was.

It would have been better back then, when he grabbed me by the hair, dragged me around, shoved my face into water, and pounded into me until my hole tore apart. At least back then, only hostility and mockery breathed between me and Choi Junghan. At least back then, he did not bestow this poisoned-candy kind of kindness on me…

Having thrown only his jacket to the floor, he stopped undressing. Ziiip, he only pulled down the zipper, took out his member, gripped the half-erect thing, and shook it with a few taps. After licking his lower lip once with his tongue, Choi Junghan looked down at me expressionlessly with eyes that had sunk murky and dull.

“What are you doing? Oon-ah. Spread your legs. We need to have sex.”

In his clear, smiling pupils, dark emotions surged and overflowed.

I stared straight at him and undressed myself with my own hands. Choi Junghan’s clothes, which were far too big for me, fell limply from my body.

Naked, I lay face-down on the bed. After all, Choi Junghan violating me every day was a fixed routine. I did not want to give him the pleasure of rape by causing unnecessary commotion and resistance.

I buried my face deep in the pillow, gritted my teeth, and waited for the disaster that would soon descend. It would pass quickly. The act repeated for over a year could no longer break me.

“We should do it face-to-face, Oon-ah.”

From behind, I heard Choi Junghan let out a short laugh.

“You used to cling so well to my neck before. Turn around and look at my face.”

“…Stop talking nonsense and just fuck me already.”

“Turn around. Oon-ah.”

Clearly his command carried a trace of amusement, yet it felt somehow chilling somewhere. I shook my head while gritting curses.

“Fuck, if you’re gonna do it, just ram it in qui— ugh!”

Something roughly invaded. It felt different from usual. Even without foreplay, he would at least squeeze in enough gel, but today I belatedly realized there had been no sound of gel being squeezed.

Two or three fingers plunged in without warning and stirred inside carelessly. My hips contracted involuntarily, and tension flooded my entire body. The moment I realized what was coating Choi Junghan’s fingers instead of gel, and what he was shoving inside me now, my eyes flew wide open and my mouth fell agape.

“What the, what the hell are you—!”

“I bought this thinking of you, but if you don’t even taste it, hyung will feel hurt.”

“You crazy bastard! Stop, stop this!”

While spouting madness, he injected the foreign objects into me. Different fruits one by one prodded and entered the entrance. Bumpy ones, lumpy ones, smooth round ones…. I never wanted to know exactly what he was forcing into my body, even in death. Yet the sensation of each fruit being shoved inside below was maddeningly vivid.

A sweet scent spread all around. They endlessly invaded my insides. The feeling of receiving fruits, cream, crushed and mangled pie through another opening instead of my mouth was utterly horrific.

I cursed, thrashed, and tried to get up. But Choi Junghan was already sitting astride my prone body, gathering both my hands together and holding them firmly.

“Eat a lot. Oon-ah. You like sweets, don’t you.”

Speaking in a gentle voice, he reached for the plate again. Unlike earlier when he had carefully arranged the desserts on the plate, this time his touch was violently rough. He held the cake right in front of my eyes as if showing off, then crushed it in his large hand.

“Eat more. It’s delicious, isn’t it. Oon-ah.”

Murmuring in a kind voice, he brought his cream-covered hand between my buttocks. Into the opening that was already drenched in cream and writhing, struggling to expel what was inside.

Choi Junghan’s fingers, clutching the fruit, pushed deep inside. A curse escaped me involuntarily. The sensation of soft fruit swollen with juice being crushed inside my stomach made me writhe. Even the sour-sweet smell that thoroughly permeated the air was nauseating.

“You crazy… bastard! Don’t fuck around with food like this, hng!”

“If you throw it away like earlier, it would be a waste. So taste it this way at least.”

“I’ll eat it with my mouth, fuck, so just stop!”

“Too late, Oon-ah. Your greedy little hole already ate it all.”

He chuckled playfully. He pulled his fingers out from inside the hole where they had been poking and playing hotly. With his cream-smeared hand, he slapped his member a few times, then violently pressed down on my thrashing body. Bound helplessly with only my ruined buttocks exposed, I shook my head and exhaled hot breaths through my teeth.

My near-self-hypnotic conviction collapsed so easily. The arrogant certainty that Choi Junghan’s rape could no longer destroy me. He was someone who could drag me to the bottom and still break me further.

“…Ah! Ah, ugh…!”

The tip of his fiercely erect member pierced straight through the hole. The inner walls that had been writhing violently to push out the foreign objects accepted Choi Junghan’s member and trembled powerlessly.

“Haa… it’s even tighter today. Is it because there’s so much inside your stomach?”

A languid laugh spread behind my back. He slapped my buttocks with a sharp smack.

“Oon-ah, are you full? You have to eat hyung’s cock too.”

“Fuck, you bastard. I’m really gonna… hng, hng… kill, kill you.”

“Yes, Oon-ah. Eat a lot. I like eating delicious things with you too.”

Cold hands kneaded my buttocks as if to burst them. He shoved his member in so hard that our lower bodies pressed completely together, then slowly pulled the pillar out before slamming it back in. The things inside were crushed soft and mushy by the fierce thrusting and clung to the inner walls.

Burst fruit juice mixed with cream liquid streamed down my thighs. Every time he roughly thrust, the liquid soaking my buttocks and thighs splashed with wet slaps in all directions.

“…Ah! Hng, ugh, you crazy bastard…!”

Every single thing inside my body felt excessively vivid. The tiny crumbled pieces of pie, the texture of fruits spitting out sour-sweet juice, and even the disgustingly sticky sensation of the cream…

I had done all kinds of things with Choi Junghan countless times while our bodies mingled, but this grotesque act was a first. Even when I strained my whole body to throw him off, it was useless. The disgusting wet slaps echoed noisily between my buttocks. My fingers clutching the bedsheet turned white.

“You fucking dog. Hng, worse than a beast, bastard. Fuck, just go die.”

I spat curses without pause, but Choi Junghan seemed completely unaffected. Seeing him even hum a little tune while pushing his member into my hole, I ground my teeth fiercely.

I wanted to kill him. Among all the emotions piled up layer upon layer during the time spent with him, the purest was, after all, murderous intent.

I was truly desperate. I wanted to wound Choi Junghan. I wanted to put even the tiniest scratch on the massive iron door of his heart that had no gaps at all.

“You poor bastard.”

That was why I spat it out like that.