LLU 63

I never imagined he would try to plunder me even in a place like this. As always, in the face of his confident madness, I felt an immense sense of detachment.

He tried to kiss me again. Even when I jerked my head away to avoid it, Choi Junghan persistently followed. Every time our lips met, flesh mashed together and front teeth clashed. Still, I refused to open my mouth until the very end.

“I love you. Oon-ah. So let’s kiss.”

He babbled like an emotionless robot. A cold palm wrapped around my throat. One of his hands gradually applied pressure. The snake-like tightening grip was something I had not felt in a very long time.

“…Kgh… ack.”

My attempt to slap his face and gouge his eyes with my freed hand scattered white in the face of overwhelming suffocation. My mouth, which had remained tightly shut the whole time, opened for the sake of survival.

Into my mouth that had opened grotesquely, drooling saliva, Choi Junghan leisurely invaded. He rubbed my tongue—which had stretched out long in desperate search for oxygen—with his own tongue as if it were something tender. Just before my vision turned completely black, he uncannily sensed the timing and released my lips and hand.

“Haah, cough, ack, ack, hah….”

The sudden rush of liberation was overwhelming. I gasped for breath desperately, again and again. But as my scattered mind slowly pieced itself back together, the demon-like touch of Choi Junghan clung to me once more.

“I love you, Oon-ah. I love you.”

“Kgh, urk, ack….”

“Oon-ah. I said I love you? You have to answer.”

Even more force was added to the hand that tightly squeezed my throat. He strangled me again while kissing me. A black, horrific waterfall surged before my eyes. Under the hand that mercilessly pressed my Adam’s apple and blocked my airway, I could think of nothing and resist nothing.

Pushing me to the brink, Choi Junghan skillfully mingled our mouths. He kissed my convulsing lips sweetly with little pecks, then slithered like a serpent into my widely opened mouth to rub the roof. While licking up the saliva leaking out past my lips, he repeated in a low voice.

That he loved me.

“I love you, Oon-ah. Tell me you love me too. Like last time.”

He released his hand. There was no longer any need for Choi Junghan to restrain me. On the bed, with my eyes rolled back, I lay sprawled, limbs limp, gasping for a long while.

When my vision finally cleared and I judged I could speak again, I spat toward him through gritted teeth.

“……Just go die already.”

As always with my abusive words, Choi Junghan showed no reaction whatsoever. I glared at him with eyes hot with fever.

“Do you even know what love is? Do you know what it is and still spout that nonsense?”

It was at that moment. A moment split into countless fragments.

Clearly, he faltered.

Something flashed in my hazy mind. My sixth sense sharpened razor-sharp. How could I possibly describe the ecstasy I felt then?

The emotion called hope, long buried deep in the abyss, cautiously raised its head. A thrilling joy slowly wrapped around my entire body and climbed upward. The slender possibility that I might be able to shake him brought such immense delight that it made me forget the pain of being strangled.

Feeling goosebumps prickling coldly on my skin, I stretched my lips into a wide, tearing grin.

“You don’t know, do you? You’re a monster, so you don’t understand emotions like this. That’s something only ordinary people know. It’s an emotion you have never known until now, and you will never know until the day you die.”

“…….”

“That’s why you dare spout such words to me. If you were human, you couldn’t say that to me. Got it?”

“…….”

“Even if you confine me for the rest of your life.”

Looking straight into his eyes, I emphasized each syllable.

“You will never be able to love me until the day you die.”

Until now, weaknesses had existed only for me in countless numbers. Choi Junghan was someone completely unrelated to such words. The time I spent searching for his reverse scale because I wanted to destroy him and take revenge on him had been long and arduous, yet Choi Junghan had never once exposed even a single flaw to me.

The crimes he committed, the problems that could not be free from social and ethical scrutiny. Those things could not serve as weapons to bring him down. Because the immense and overwhelming power possessed by Choi Junghan and the class he belonged to had already far exceeded the scope where laws and morals could apply.

He was an impregnable man. A person who seemed impossible to topple forever. Even when kissed in front of countless people’s eyes, he had not wavered.

And yet that Choi Junghan had just faltered at a single sentence from me.

The silence was heavy. Like lead weights shackling my ankles. But I felt freer than ever before. The unsolvable problem that had persisted from the moment I first met Choi Junghan until now had finally been solved.

Choi Junghan does not understand emotion. To Choi Junghan, emotion was merely a product he had learned for the sake of smooth social functioning.

That was why he must have wanted to punish me for repeatedly talking about love. In truth, there existed a lifelong unsolvable problem for him as well, and I had been constantly prodding at that fact.

Choi Junghan still had eyes as motionless as a preserved reptile, just like always. But I could sense with my entire body that he was shaken. That fact excited me far more than when I had kissed him at the shareholders’ meeting.

“Doesn’t matter.”

Finally, Choi Junghan spoke.

“Anyway, the fact that you will have to stay with me from now on doesn’t change.”

Muttering that, he reached out. He yanked off the loose patient gown bottoms in one motion, threw them to the floor, and spat saliva onto my exposed private parts.

The metallic sound of his zipper descending sharply scraped the dawn air. The sun had already risen fully. The morning sunlight streaming through the window illuminated starkly what he was about to do to me.

Choi Junghan, fully clothed except for his fiercely erect member exposed, pressed it against my saliva-wet entrance. The thick flesh forced its way through the tightly closed, densely wrinkled opening. The sensation of tearing below was horribly vivid.

“Ugh… hng.”

My vision turned white in an instant. My clenched jaw trembled. Breath was choked off by the violence that invaded without any foreplay whatsoever.

For a moment, out of habit from months of deceiving him, I almost wrapped my arms around Choi Junghan’s neck. To stop myself, I gripped the sheets so hard my fingers felt like they would break and endured the raw pain.

Sex with Choi Junghan had been as familiar as breathing, but over the past few months he had treated me very gently. So the rape I was experiencing after so long was inevitably overwhelming. All the more so because it reminded me of the first time I opened my body to him.

The hard pillar pushed straight inside, spreading me open. My narrowly closed inner walls trembled in shock and tightened around the invading pillar.

A low groan leaked from between Choi Junghan’s teeth. Furrowing his brow fiercely, he thrust his hips hard. Without giving the entrance gripping his member time to relax sufficiently, he pulled out unhesitatingly and slammed back in.

My bitten lips parted and a scream escaped. Unconsciously, I wrapped my trembling thighs around Choi Junghan’s waist, then gritted curses and released them again.

Immediately, self-loathing surged. My entire body was filled with memories of throwing myself at him and gladly being embraced.

But I will wash it all away. The bad habits engraved like brands will someday be forgotten.

“You… think… hng, ugh… that by doing this… you can tame me.”

Even while spreading my legs wide to receive him, I glared at him as he mercilessly thrust his hips as if punishing me.

“Don’t make me laugh. No matter how much you climb on top and crush me, I will lie beneath you mocking and cursing you.”

“Yes, Oon-ah. Do that for me.”

“I will follow you for the rest of your life. I will ruin your life until it falls into ruin.”

At those words, a smile finally spread across Choi Junghan’s previously expressionless face. That smile, crinkling his eyes sweetly, was exactly the same as the face that had gently held and soothed me for months.

“That sounds ecstatic.”

While roughly stirring me with his swollen red member, he whispered hotly into my ear.

“I’ll be waiting, Oon-ah.”

His butterfly-wing-like voice fluttered at my ear. Even as he relentlessly struck the innermost sensitive spot only Choi Junghan knew, even as I ultimately spurted clear fluid like a fountain from my member, I only choked back sobs and never wrapped my arms around his neck until the end.

The sky darkens to black. It will soon be time for Choi Junghan to arrive.

It has already been over an hour since I sat here blankly gazing out the window. Watching the intensely burning sun gradually diminish its strength, dye the sky in five colors, and finally be buried in complete black darkness is the only moment in my dry routine that carries any color.

I tore my gaze from the window and barely lifted my heavy buttocks that had stuck to the sofa. I did not want to get up, but I had to. When I returned to this house, I had promised myself never to skip a meal. I had no appetite at all, but to prevent my muscles from wasting further, I had to eat.

Every time I walked, the chains around my ankles clanked noisily. The length of the chain was sufficient that there was no difficulty living in this spacious room. All household necessities were fully provided as well, so I had no need to leave this room.

And at the same time, I could not leave this room.

Here, I could eat, sleep, and wash as I pleased, but my freedom ended exactly there. The position I once held, commuting with Choi Junghan every day, had once again fallen to that of a sex doll locked in a room.

I have no desire to lament. Nor do I miss the situation from a few months ago when I accompanied Choi Junghan everywhere every day. Every action resulted exactly as I intended, so I neither loathe myself nor despair over my circumstances.

I familiarly took food out of the small refrigerator. No one cooks in this house, but what I eat is always high-quality. Breakfast is still fruit or sandwiches, while lunch and dinner are mainly Korean food.

Tonight’s dinner was seaweed soup, rice, and various side dishes with different kinds of meat. As always, the variety was excessively abundant. I picked a few moderately, warmed them in the microwave.

I set the food on the table and hurriedly picked up the spoon. Because I wanted to avoid Choi Junghan bursting in while I was eating, I shoveled the food in without pause.