LLU 74

Right after Oon put on an enchanting show at the shareholders’ meeting, the furious rage of Chairman Choi turned toward Pi Jeongin, who was Pioon’s mother.

Choi Muhyeon’s heart, which had already grown coldly distant, completely hardened because of it. Immediately after the shareholders’ meeting, he clearly conveyed to her the meaning that he could not register the child in his family register. She was unable to even register the child’s name in the family register and was driven out along with the child.

However, Junghan knew well that in reality, the shareholders’ meeting incident was nothing more than a plausible excuse. Considering Choi Muhyeon’s dissolute temperament, it was actually surprising that it had lasted even that long.

Right after being driven out of the mansion, Pi Jeongin could not overcome the shock and even developed a mental illness. Upon hearing the circumstances that she had completely collapsed, Junghan clicked his tongue. If only she had inherited even half of her eldest son’s tenacity.

Junghan took her and the child in. He bought them a proper house and provided generous living expenses sufficient for her to raise the child without working. At first she refused, saying she had no right to accept it, but she was already so physically and mentally weakened that she could not refuse to the end and accepted Junghan’s favor.

Even without him specifically instructing her not to contact Oon, Pi Jeongin avoided meeting Oon on her own initiative. In that way, she lived as if she were a complete stranger to Oon. Under the shadow that Junghan provided, she quietly raised the young nursing infant while holding her breath.

Even after Oon ran away, Junghan continued to support her and the child. There was no particular threat attached to it, nor did he impose any special conditions from Junghan. He had no intention of deliberately controlling or tormenting a woman who had no power at all.

Nevertheless, the reason he kept helping her and the child was because they were beings connected to Oon.

People disgustingly longed for the concept of blood ties. To Junghan, it was an emotion he neither wanted to understand nor could understand. For such people, no matter how resolutely they tried, completely severing ties would likely be difficult in the end.

Junghan predicted that the day would eventually come when she, too, overcome by longing for her son, would be unable to bear the guilt and go to find the child.

And finally, that day arrived.

Junghan did not stop her. He did not ask how she could have the audacity to go stir up the child after having abandoned him once, nor did he forcibly hold her back from going. He merely watched from a distance as the woman, her face full of guilt, quietly waited for Oon while holding the young child’s hand.

He wanted to make Oon realize. No matter how much you struggle, the fact remains that you and I are connected. Any being even remotely related to your life, even by a single hair, is something you will never be able to escape—and now the child would have to slowly come to accept that fact as well.

And the existence of Pi Jeongin, who was receiving his help, was sufficient to convey that fact to Oon.

The moment I faced my mother’s face shining pale under the streetlight, I froze on the spot.

The princess who used to sparkle dazzlingly in love was nowhere to be seen. My mother, who had returned to being a cinder-covered Cinderella, looked even smaller and older than before.

It was not that her appearance was shabby or anything of the sort. In the neatly dressed mother, no trace of worn-out wretchedness could be found.

She simply looked endlessly small, as if the person herself had shriveled up. During the one or two years we had buried each other in our hearts as if we were strangers, the traces of the waves that must have crashed over her were fully visible.

“Mom… Cold… Cold….”

At that moment, the child who had been standing beside her holding her hand whined and spread open their small hands toward her.

“Oh, our baby, sorry. It’s cold, isn’t it? Mom will hold you.”

Mother glanced at me standing nearby and lifted the child into her arms. The whining child immediately settled down as soon as they were buried in her embrace. I twitched my eyebrows.

“…Wasn’t the name Roa?”

That was the first thing I said to my mother in several years. At my dry tone, which carried neither bewilderment nor anger, my mother flinched her shoulders.

“That’s… I changed it. Since it was before the birth registration anyway….”

Mother gave an awkward smile.

“Pioon, Pi-ouri. I thought it would be prettier if the siblings had names like that….”

After saying that in a small voice, Mother seemed to realize something and immediately shut her mouth. Then she sneaked a glance at me.

I had no choice but to let that mother and child into the house. It was not because I wanted to viciously interrogate the mother who had abandoned me and drive her into a corner, nor because I was glad to encounter family in the face of bone-chilling loneliness. Those were not the reasons.

It was simply because the child standing beside my mother was far too small to be left abandoned in the chilly autumn night air. That was all.

“I’m sorry, Oon-ah, I’m a sinner… I have no face to show you….”

As soon as we entered the house, Mother knelt before me. In front of the mother who prostrated herself and sobbed, I tried to raise her with an emotionless face.

“Please stand up. There is no need for this.”

“Even though I knew your pain… Even though I treated this little one as my only child and left you alone in that loneliness and pain….”

Mother lifted her tear-soaked face while crying like a child. But the moment our eyes met, she could no longer hold my gaze and dropped her head again.

“I’m sorry, Oon-ah, I’m sorry…. I was wrong. I really was wrong….”

“…….”

“Do not forgive me. Oon-ah. I was bad. No matter how grown up you are, I should not have done that to you… I should not have placed that heavy burden only on you.”

Endless sobs poured from her thin and frail shoulders. I looked at such an apology from my mother with the numb feeling of watching a melodramatic movie starting from the middle.

The mother who had forced her way here after several years and was now crying was not hateful. Nor did I feel resentment. Even those emotions could not take root because the land of my heart had become so barren. In an environment so barren that not even a single blade of grass could grow, no emotion toward my mother could sprout.

I did not shake off the hand of the mother who was holding my hand and crying. I simply sat silently in front of her.

“I’ll bring some tea.”

When her crying had finally subsided after a long while, that was the only thing I said.

When I rummaged through the shabby cupboard, there was only mix coffee and cheap green tea. Since brewing coffee in the middle of the night felt a bit much, I steeped green tea. When I came back carrying the warm mug, the baby was sitting beside Mother, babbling something.

“Mom. Mom.”

“Mm, yes. You were really startled, weren’t you, our baby.”

Mother spoke in a nasal voice and smiled awkwardly. Watching her lift the child and seat them on her lap, I felt a stinging pain in my heart for the first time. Did Mother hold me like that when I was little too?

I placed the mug in front of Mother. And once again, the uncomfortable confrontation with her began. I silently waited for Mother’s next action. I thought I had no obligation to break the silence or soften the atmosphere, so I simply stayed still.

While soothing the whining child by patting them on her lap, Mother, now in a much calmer demeanor, cautiously began to tell the story of what had happened in the meantime. Unlike when she apologized to me, she continued speaking in a calm tone with her emotions subdued.

From the moment she said the name Roa had changed to Uri, or rather, from the moment Mother stood in front of my house holding the baby’s hand, I had vaguely guessed the content, so I was not greatly surprised.

However, at one point even I, who had remained calm throughout, could not help but startle and waver.

“…I’m sorry. I should not have received such help from Mr. Junghan….”

Tears welled up again in Mother’s eyes as she tried hard to maintain composure. Her thin shoulders trembled slightly as she lowered her head, letting tears fall.

“At that time I… I was too struggling. Both mind and body were so broken… I really could not work. How pathetic… While you, who did nothing wrong, somehow managed to live on.”

“…….”

“If it were just me alone… it would not matter, but this little one still needs to live. So… without any shame, I had no choice but to receive help….”

“…….”

“I’m sorry, Oon-ah. If this is still holding onto your ankle….”

Mother broke down sobbing at that point. Even though she made a loud commotion, the child resting their head on her lap slept soundly.

“…There is no such thing, so please rest assured.”

I spat out abruptly after keeping my mouth shut the whole time.

“That person supporting you has nothing to do with me, so please do not worry about it.”

The fact that Mother was receiving help from Choi Junghan felt to me as distant as the existence of some planet several billion light-years away in the universe. Therefore, I felt no sense of betrayal or discomfort toward Mother.

Because that fact had not influenced my relationship with Choi Junghan to the extent that I had been completely unaware of it until now. However, the fact that the support continued even after I left and still continued to this day was slightly surprising.

But soon my head cooled down. For the first time, I opened my eyes toward Mother in a defensive attitude.

“Why say such things now? Did Choi Junghan tell you to? To come meet me?”

“…Huh? Oon-ah. It is not like that….”

“How did you know I live here? Did that bastard tell you? Did he tell you to come check if I really live here? What did he tell you to say? That he is helping your mother so be grateful and crawl back now?”

“Wait. Oon-ah, it is not like that!”

Mother’s cry, close to a scream, cut off my thorny words that had been pouring out endlessly. Mother shook her head desperately.

“It is not. How could I…! How could I do such a thing between you and that person? Mr. Junghan does not know I came here. It has absolutely nothing to do with him.”

“…….”

“That you live here… I am sorry, but with the money I had saved little by little… I hired a private detective. That person told me. That you are attending university here and living alone near the school….”

“…….”

“I am sorry, Oon-ah. Though it is shameless… I wanted to see you even like that. I wanted to meet you and say I am sorry….”

There was no trace of anything suspicious in the way Mother covered her face with her hands and cried. I, who had unconsciously widened my eyes and questioned her, suddenly let out a deep sigh at the overwhelming emptiness that rushed in.

The name I had tried so hard to forget clung to me persistently and refused to let go. Like the blue and red nights I create with my own hands. Like a sticky and vicious swamp.

No, can I even say that I created it with my own hands? The nightmare-like nights, the densely packed scars on the inside of my forearms, and the emotions that sit quietly inside me and suddenly erupt like a volcano—all of those were made by him.

Everything shabby and persistent that makes up the current me was created by Choi Junghan. Therefore…, I am something like a product of his madness.

“I will go now. Oon-ah. I am sorry for appearing suddenly. …And.”

Finally, Mother stood up holding the child and spoke with a dark face.

“If you are okay with it, …very occasionally, really only very occasionally….”

“…….”

“…May I come to see you?”

I gave no answer. However, Mother, holding the child, waited anxiously in front of me for a response. When I reluctantly nodded slightly, Mother finally left the room.

After the two left, a terrible silence settled over the dim room once again.

This place had originally been a solitary space. Except for the groans I let out during the blue and red nights and the curses directed at Choi Junghan, no human voice ever rang out here all day long.

Today, too many conversations had filled my room. I was extremely exhausted.

Feeling an unknown suffocation, I opened the window to ventilate. It was already close to midnight, and a thin moon floated in the night sky.

I could see Mother walking away carrying the child who had fallen asleep at the end of the alley. The taxi I had called earlier was parked on the roadside waiting. Only after the taxi departed did I turn away from the window.

“Ha….”

The sigh that burst out felt like a switch. At the same time, all strength drained from my body at once. My legs gave out and I collapsed right there.

In front of the spot where Mother had sat was the untouched mug. I stared listlessly at the cold green tea, then buried my face sharply on my raised knees.