LLU 45

What my mother’s crying contained was clearly a polite refusal of my suggestion that we all run away together. It just couldn’t come out as words.

In the face of the distant future of a child who hasn’t even arrived yet and the long, endless years of endurance that would come upon my mother, what exactly were the obvious abuse and pain I had already suffered? Were they nothing to my mother? If so, then what on earth was my existence to my mother…

What exactly had all the foolish endurance I had shown until now been for?

“…I’m leaving.”

With a sharp, grating screech, the chair was pushed back. I coldly snatched the envelope of money lying on the table.

“Take care.”

“O-Oon-ah, wait just a moment!”

There were no more words I wanted to hear. I turned my body away from my mother and started running with all my strength. Instead of going down to the first floor, I pushed open the door connected to the second floor and went out.

The cold air pooled in the corridor rushed at me. I immediately got into the elevator and pressed the button for basement level 1, connected to the parking lot.

The moment I stepped out of the elevator connected to the underground parking lot, I ran straight into the parking management office. I knocked on the door without thinking and begged them to let me hide here for just a moment, to let me use the phone for one call.

The manager initially looked quite flustered, but upon seeing me deathly pale and shedding tears as I pleaded for help, he asked if I needed him to call the police. I shook my head vigorously.

“No, it’s okay. Just please call a taxi for me. To come down here to the basement.”

Choi Junghan’s bodyguards had probably assumed that my mother and I would come out through the first-floor cafe entrance. They wouldn’t think that I, with no car, would come down to the underground parking lot.

I could only hope that was the case. If the snake-like cunning Choi Junghan had been waiting for me in person, he would probably have had every entrance of the building watched, but by some miracle he wasn’t here right now.

I hid my body under the desk and waited for the called taxi to arrive. In the narrow management office that was less than half a pyeong, the wall clock ticked and tocked. Biting my lip hard, I stared endlessly at the clock while waiting for the taxi. Only then did I realize my whole body was trembling violently.

The manager uncle cautiously opened the door, came back in, and said in a worried voice.

“No one’s here yet. Oh, look, a taxi is coming in over there.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much, sir. I won’t forget this kindness.”

I bowed my head frantically in thanks and practically threw myself into the taxi, crumpling inside. I didn’t know where to tell him to go. Suddenly I remembered there was a major express bus terminal nearby.

But at the same time I recalled Choi Junghan’s bulldozer-like execution power and audacity. If I went to a large terminal or train station in this area, people sent by him might be waiting.

“…Please go to Suwon Station.”

Still, no matter how capable he was, it was impossible for him to have planted people at every train station and terminal across the country in such a short time. As long as it wasn’t blatantly near Gangnam Station, it should be fine, I thought.

While the taxi was leaving the building, I lowered my body as much as possible. I practically lay flat on the floor. When the driver uncle asked why I was doing that, I lied and said I had dropped a ring. I deliberately pretended to grope around on the floor, dragging out the time as long as possible until we were away from the area.

How much time had passed? Slowly lifting my head, I breathed heavily and looked at the rearview mirror. With a pounding heart I watched for over five minutes, but no suspicious movement followed.

Could I really escape this time? From Choi Junghan…

My head slowly leaned back against the seat. I closed my eyes and felt the overwhelming emptiness rushing in. It felt like something enormous inside my chest was collapsing with a huge noise. The reverberation of destruction was so great that for a while I couldn’t open my eyes.

I couldn’t even properly gauge what emotion I was feeling right now. Was I glad that I had finally seen the possibility of escaping Choi Junghan’s grasp, or was I sad about the fact that my mother had abandoned me?

I didn’t want to think about anything. No—I couldn’t. The months that had passed had been too harsh and cruel to me to go back and examine every single event and feeling one by one.

Until I could safely hide myself somewhere, I had to avoid sinking into emotions. Right now was the time to keep my head as cold as possible.

I arrived at Suwon Station, paid the taxi fare, and got out. I bought a hat and put it on, then walked quickly to the ticket counter and bought a KTX ticket. I vaguely chose Busan as the destination because it looked the farthest.

Fortunately, there were about forty minutes left until the next train. It was a short waiting time, but just in case, instead of loitering near the ticket counter I hid in the bathroom. I squatted on the toilet to kill time, then hurried down to the platform when barely enough time remained.

Only after safely boarding the train did the breath that had been trapped in my chest finally escape.

“Haa…”

At last my strength drained away completely. The tension I hadn’t been able to let go of even in the taxi earlier now belatedly left my body. At the same time my body became unbearably heavy.

Suddenly I looked down blankly. My smooth ankle with nothing tied to it. The thick wad of money stuffed in my pocket. My wrist that Choi Junghan wasn’t holding. Not the stark interior of the house filled with Choi Junghan’s scent, but the window scenery flowing vibrantly with brilliant sunlight.

Right now, in this moment, I could go anywhere.

“Haha…”

A small laugh leaked out. After letting out empty laughs several times, my chest pathetically heaved and then sank. The person sitting next to me glanced at me repeatedly, but I didn’t care.

Was it really this easy?

Escaping from Choi Junghan—was it really this meaningless…

Objectively speaking, the time I had been confined by him wasn’t actually that long. Yet during those few months of being bound to him, I had lost far too much. The university life I had dreamed of, the ordinary daily life I had only hoped to live through without major incident, and in the end even the one family member I had.

It could be said that everything was gone. Just a few months ago he had been a complete stranger to me, yet he appeared in the form of a merciless invader and trampled and took away everything.

“…….”

I squeezed my eyes shut. My clenched fist kept tightening; I repeatedly took long breaths in and out.

In this space that had become ruins after losing everything, I had to start again. But how. Where. In what way… I didn’t know how to begin daily life again.

Right now I was heading to Busan with absolutely no plan. I had simply chosen it as the place that looked the farthest I could go.

How long could I last there.

When I opened the envelope while waiting for the train in the bathroom, there was about 1.5 million won inside. Seeing that an envelope had already been prepared in her handbag, it seemed my mother had originally come intending to give me pocket money. Then she had added everything from her wallet on top of that.

If I didn’t spend it wastefully, this amount should last me for a while. Whether I moved from jjimjilbang to jjimjilbang or rented a goshiwon. It was bleak, but it didn’t matter. As long as that damn shackle wasn’t chained around my ankle anymore… I could manage somehow.

I slowly repeated deep breaths in and out. Forcibly calming my wildly racing heartbeat, I turned my head to look out the window.

The scenery outside facing me was rough and wild compared to what I had seen inside Choi Junghan’s solid fortress walls. Yet it was incomparably more beautiful.

The moment I got off at Busan Station, I caught a taxi. With no phone to check public transportation and nothing good about lingering long near a crowded station, I decided not to skimp on taxi fare.

When the taxi driver asked where I wanted to go, I hesitated for a moment before asking to be taken to the quietest, least crowded beach possible.

The taxi drove for about forty minutes before stopping in front of a subway station. First I went inside the station and, while wondering where to find lodging, decided to look for a nearby minbak.

Without a phone it was inconvenient in many ways, but fortunately the travel booklet provided in the station listed phone numbers for minbaks, pensions, and hotels in a long row. I borrowed the station staff’s phone and booked a minbak. As expected, since it wasn’t peak season and it was far from the main tourist areas, I was able to stay at a cheap price.

This time I took the bus listed in the pamphlet to head to the minbak. While blankly staring out the window in the rattling, shaking bus, I arrived at my destination after only a couple of stops.

I got off the bus along with a few other people. Right in front of the stop was the sandy beach. Under the blue sky, an even bluer sea could be seen. Kree-ah, kree-ah—the seagull cries came close then faded repeatedly.

The white sand was leisurely empty. Only a couple of tourist groups were sitting here and there sparsely. Instead of heading straight to the minbak, I stood blankly in that spot.

The weather was dazzlingly good. When I had checked the clock at the station earlier it was past five, so it was probably around five thirty now. The days had gotten longer, and the sky showed no sign of turning red yet.

As I looked at the sparkling grains of sand and the blue waves surging, suddenly a promise I had buried deep in my heart came to mind.

Kim Junwoo and I had said we’d come to the sea together when summer came…

We had spent years together in utter poverty. Even after being friends for such a long time, we had never once gone on a proper trip.

Whenever vacation came, our peers would noisily talk about going to the sea or going abroad, but Kim Junwoo and I were always the exception. How much comfort it had given us both that my closest friend was in the same situation, and that we didn’t even have to explain it to each other.

We had quietly waited together for the day we would become adults. So we could become a little freer from the poverty that weighed us down so heavily. Even if we couldn’t completely escape it, at least with the money we saved from part-time jobs we could go see the sea together, just the two of us.

But in the end I came here alone.

The sea I was looking at alone after escaping from the one who had bound me was brilliantly beautiful, but my heart wasn’t joyful. Instead it felt empty and hollow.

“…….”

After quietly taking in the gently rippling small waves for a while, I soon turned away. I started walking heavily toward the minbak visible right in front of me. The wind mixed thickly with the salty sea smell rushed in and tickled my head gently.

I paid for two nights’ stay at the minbak and looked around the room. In the room with old linoleum flooring there was only a small TV, one set of bedding, a coffee pot, and some simple dishes.

After simply washing my hands and feet, I spread out the futon and flopped down on it. Bright sunlight poured in through the wide-open curtains of the window.

In summer I could probably sleep here with the gentle sea breeze coming in through this window. Thinking that, I slowly blinked.

I stretched my arms out wide and lay still, staring at the ceiling. I, who had just been mixed into the busy world moments ago, was once again isolated here alone.

Yet the helplessness I always felt at Choi Junghan’s house was not present. This was isolation I had chosen, and therefore it was rest.

Slowly sleepiness crept in. Come to think of it, today was Saturday… and as always, on Friday nights I had endured Choi Junghan’s frenzied assaults like a mad male dog until dawn broke. After a short rest in the morning I washed up, prepared, had lunch at the family home, and suddenly fled all the way here.

Looking back on today, it felt unrealistically long. Perhaps because of that, my body belatedly lost all strength. Deep fatigue dragged me down to the floor. Without resisting, I closed my eyes and took a short early-evening nap.

When I opened my eyes it was already pitch dark. Checking the clock, it was past eight. I wandered out slowly and bought simple daily necessities like a toothbrush and underwear at a nearby convenience store. Before returning to the minbak, I sat down heavily on the white sand and stared at the dark sea.

Splash. Shwaaa, splash.

The blackly surging sea held no romance at all. Rather, it even felt frightening—as if a giant hand might suddenly reach out from within and grab my ankle if I got too close.

Unconsciously my hand went to my ankle. The white ankle with nothing wrapped around it. Carefully I stroked and stroked that spot again. The fact that nothing heavy was pulling at me still felt unfamiliar.

It was slowly getting to be dinner time, but I didn’t feel hungry. I just blankly watched the waves crashing. Apart from how the black seawater looked frightening, the sea had an inexplicable power to endlessly draw a person’s gaze.

What must my mother be thinking right now.

It was a question I had wanted to avoid and dodge all day. What an idiot. It was laughable that I was still thinking of my mother even so. The sound of my mother crying so wretchedly still rang clearly in my ears.

Had she confronted Choi Junghan perhaps? Or told Chairman Choi? What if because of that my mother ended up getting hurt by Choi Junghan. What if even the child ended up suffering something bad together with her…

I let out a long sigh. I had to stop the ominous flow of imagination that kept stretching out.

No, my mother probably wouldn’t have confronted Choi Junghan. My mother had chosen the child over me. If she was going to live in that mansion from now on, she must know that doing such a thing would not be beneficial. As long as she pretended not to know about my situation and covered it up, she could continue living comfortably and at ease just like she had until now.

Then what about Choi Junghan.

He was not the type of person to quietly let the fact that I was gone slide. He was definitely looking for me right now. By what means, by what methods was he searching for me. If by any chance that direction ended up harming my mother…

I exhaled a long breath into the sea breeze. I forcibly stomped out and extinguished the worry that had secretly begun to ignite in my heart.