LLU 38

The faint sound of water awakens my sleep-soaked hearing.

When I open my eyes, the room is always dark. The approaching dawn is still faint at this hour. Gazing at the pale light of daybreak seeping in through the window cracked open about a hand’s width, I let out a deep breath and close my eyes again.

Choi Junghan tends to go to work quite early. He wakes up precisely at six, showers, and eats a simple breakfast. He usually has fruit or a sandwich for breakfast, and I, too, have had to follow his eating habits.

For the first few days, I refused the food Choi Junghan gave me. But after enduring his violence with my utterly drained body, I gradually realized that this was not a wise choice.

If an opportunity to escape this disgusting house ever arose, I would at least need enough strength to run. Starving myself in protest would bring me no benefit whatsoever. So I forced myself to eat whatever Choi Junghan gave me.

“I’ll be back.”

After breakfast, Choi Junghan, who has just finished tying his tie and smoothing his hair for the last time, approaches me while giving off the scent of cologne. He plants a kiss on my forehead as I sit motionless on the bed or sofa, my ankle bound by the chain.

Forcing down my revulsion, I accept his kiss. Sometimes I manage to get him to let me wear his shirt or T-shirt, but mostly I live naked.

While kissing me, Choi Junghan naturally runs his hands over my bare body, and more often than not—two out of three times—the kiss deepens. Being taken by him right before he leaves for work, fully dressed in his suit with only the zipper down, has become routine.

After Choi Junghan leaves, all I do is sit in a daze. In the spacious room bathed in warm sunlight, I remain chained all day long. The place is equipped with a bathroom, a bed, a television, a bookshelf filled with books, a mini fridge, and even a microwave.

The chain connected to the shackle around my ankle is quite long, so within this room I can move without much restriction. It’s inconvenient, but I can even wash myself.

Has Choi Junghan already tamed me somehow? Even though my situation is worse than that of a dog kept unleashed indoors, I cannot shake the thought that this is better than a few days ago when my wrists were bound to the bed and I could not move at all.

In this room, I blankly watch TV or play around. Without a phone, if it were not for the television, I would not even know what day it is today. The TV is an extremely useful tool—it tells me the date and time and lets me grasp how the outside world is turning.

When I get bored, I read books. The chain on my ankle is long and my hands are free, so I can do almost anything—except leave this room or contact anyone.

Strangely enough, my stomach would grow hungry regularly. Despite barely moving, the hunger would arrive so punctually that it was almost laughable.

I take food out of the fridge, heat it up, and eat. Then I catch up on the sleep I lack. Since there are not many nights when I can get proper deep sleep, I have to nap in bits and pieces during the day.

Living like a caged animal in this way, I imposed two rules upon myself.

Do not think too deeply.

Do not despair over my situation.

Of course, this was difficult. Nearly impossible. Maintaining a sound mind while trapped in a monster’s domain, endlessly raped, in a state lower than a dog—such a thing might be absurd in itself.

But I had to survive somehow. The most important and urgent thing I needed to do to survive was to protect my mind from collapsing.

To do that, I had to strive to become an idiot. I had to make desperate efforts to empty my head.

Why am I here like this, where it all went wrong, what on earth did I do to meet this insane murderer, how long does Choi Junghan intend to keep doing this to me… I must not seek answers to any of these questions.

Because I cannot know the answers. Because the very process would only destroy me. Those questions are far too dangerous for me right now. Dwelling on the current situation would not remain mere contemplation—it would devour me. Once I fall into it, a massive collapse would begin from the roots, making reconstruction nearly impossible.

There is only one thing I should think about.

How can I get out of this house.

Choi Junghan comes home late. Sometimes he returns before nine, but that is rare; usually it is after that, or even at dawn.

Executive Director Choi Junghan, Head of Strategic Planning Team at CM Electronics.

I clearly remember the company and position I glimpsed by chance on his business card long ago. I had obsessively committed it to memory, thinking I might use it someday. Along with a venomous resolve that I would one day cause him great harm.

Even knowing his affiliation and title, I have no idea exactly what Choi Junghan does. Still, he seems busier than the average office worker. Even when he returns quite late, work-related calls sometimes keep coming in relentlessly.

Choi Junghan usually handles those calls in a businesslike manner, but when he is in the middle of pinning me down, his attitude changes.

“Didn’t I explain it clearly enough earlier? How did someone as unsure of their own work as Team Leader Kim climb to that position?”

Watching him viciously snarl into the phone while his naked body glistens with sweat, I can naturally picture the subordinate on the other end shrinking in fear.

Working under a guy like this must be incredibly tough. Even though I am hardly in a position to pity anyone, I automatically feel sorry for the faceless man.

“Dragging the same project for weeks and only bringing mediocre results—huh, I can’t help but question whether you are truly suited for that position. Especially since it has already passed through my hands once.”

“Mmph! Ngh, mmph….”

Because the lunatic does not stop thrusting his hips even while listening to the work report, I instinctively bite down hard on my lips. He continues the call while crudely rocking his waist.

“No excuses needed. Have the final system version completed by ten tomorrow morning. If it’s unsatisfactory again this time, I’ll kill you, so be prepared. Next time, I hope you finish your work on schedule so you don’t interrupt your boss while he’s having sex. Hanging up.”

His threat to kill does not sound entirely like a joke, which makes it all the more chilling. Finally, the fiercely snarling Choi Junghan ends the call. Tossing his phone aside carelessly, he glares with an irritated face.

“To my little brother who waited for me all day—hngh—I’m just trying to let him suck my cock a little.”

“Argh! Ah, hngh!”

“Those idiot bastards who can’t even do their jobs properly… haa… are getting in the way.”

Violent sex continues every night. Especially when I confirm through the news screen that it is Friday, I can only sigh.

The day before the weekend, Choi Junghan becomes an even greater lunatic. He spends the entire weekend holed up, doing nothing but having sex. From the moment I open my eyes until I close them, I must receive his penetration and ejaculation.

In between, he washes me, sings me disgusting lullabies to put me to sleep, asks what food I like, orders it for delivery, and feeds it to me. After such “maintenance,” the act repeats again.

Day after day, meaningless time passes like that. The sun rises and sets without missing a single day, and the date displayed at the top of the news screen steadily increases.

As time goes on, an uncontrollable anxiety grows. March is approaching. The start of the university life I had so desperately looked forward to and waited for.

If… if March arrives and Choi Junghan still does not let me go.

Just thinking about that ominous possibility sends shivers down my spine. No matter how hard I try to become a thoughtless idiot, no matter how much I want to avoid thinking about this case and try to shake it off, this last dreg stubbornly refuses to be cast away until the very end.

Because contrary to my expectation that he would get bored after playing with me a few times and discard me quickly, Choi Junghan seems far too immersed in and enjoying this madness. Muttering things to himself about “kitty” and “newlyweds,” he truly seems like someone suffering from delusional disorder.

“Until when… do you plan to keep up this insane bullshit.”

So one day, I asked that from the head of the dining table. I was afraid to hear the answer, yet at the same time I could not help but ask. Choi Junghan, who had been eating with neat and proper chopstick movements, tilted his head calmly.

“Hm, well. Until I get tired of it?”

“…I have classes starting soon.”

My mouth went completely dry. My mind keeps clouding over. Hiding my trembling hands under the table, I lift my lowered gaze and glare at him.

“This is enough now. I have to… move into the dorm, and I have to attend classes.”

Choi Junghan laughs out loud.

“So that was what our Woonie was worried about. You have to move into the dorm, and you have to attend classes. Right?”

“…I’ll come whenever you tell me to come.”

My parched, cracked voice desperately clings to him. Even I can see how servile I look, but cursing does no good and resisting gets me hit, so this is the only option left.

“Anytime… I’ll do whatever you order. If you want to do it, I’ll come right away every time, so now… please just stop… and let me go.”

“Really?”

He flashes a mischievous, boyish glint in his eyes.

“Then even during class, if I call you, you’ll crawl over like a dog?”

“…Yes.”

“I won’t let you go all night. You’ll go to school the next day covered in hickeys all over your neck?”

…Conversations with this perverted bastard are always like this. I force myself to nod.

“…Yeah.”

“If I tell you to pull down your pants in an empty lecture hall and send me a photo of your hole?”

“……”

I simply cannot nod to that. My face honestly crumples. I nearly let “you fucking bastard” slip out of my mouth. Choi Junghan laughs softly.

“Your reactions are cute anyway.”

“…Then you’ll let me go,”

“Depends on how you behave.”

The stubborn wall leisurely cuts me off. By now I know exactly what Choi Junghan is subtly hoping for and pushing me toward.

He wants to see my tricks now. He wants to see with his own eyes how obedient I am to him, how ready I am to lick even the soles of his feet if he says so—he already knows, yet he wants to enjoy watching it.

Honestly, I am anxious. I am gradually losing confidence in the decision I made. Is my blind obedience really the way to protect my mother’s safety? How can I trust a promise from someone no different from the devil? How can I be sure he will keep his word even after he gets tired of me…

The quiet regret that began subtly keeps rising in intensity. Like incoming water, it heavily presses down on my chest. The chilling, horrifying realization that my decision to hide everything from my mother and handle it alone might have been wrong.

Yet, nevertheless, as long as I remain helplessly bound to Choi Junghan like this, I have no other options. I cannot even meet my mother, let alone call her. Until a decisive opportunity to turn the situation around presents itself, the only choice I have is to obey him as if I were dead.

I quietly set down the spoon I had been eating with. I crawl under the table on all fours. A heavy, dull sound rings out from the shackle around my ankle.

He spreads his legs with a satisfied smile. Slowly, I pull down his pants and take the half-hardening flesh into my mouth. Performing an act that now feels almost familiar, I try—as always—to force myself to think of nothing in this moment.

That day, I knew from the moment I opened my eyes. Something was clearly different from the previous days.

It was a certain presence that I sensed very keenly. As if a tiny knock was coming from very far away. I had a baseless conviction that that small sound might be the one to shatter this horribly repetitive daily life.

First of all, Choi Junghan was not there. Usually I would wake up to the sound of him washing, but when I was sleeping very deeply, he would leave quietly without waking me. Today must be one of those days.

And as I slowly rise from the bed, I soon realize the cause of the premonition I had instinctively felt upon waking.

“…Why is this.”

A bewildered voice escapes me. I blink for a moment at the smooth ankle with nothing wrapped around it.

Am I dreaming?

Wondering if I am seeing things, I slightly bend my ankle. I pull my toes toward my body as if stretching, then extend them fully.

But there is no mistake. There is definitely no restriction on movement. The cold metal that had mercilessly clamped my ankle—about half an inch thick—is not there today.