JKA 81

As Haneul, who had been crying so hard the tissues were soaked, asked her question, Jiwoon spoke firmly.

“That, that will absolutely never happen. D-Don’t think like that.”

“……”

“H-He got hurt. We’ll treat him and g-go home together. Y-You know ho-how healthy your oppa is.”

“No. He broke his leg last time, too.”

“H-His leg?”

“Dad was…”

“……”

“Dad was about to hit me, but oppa tried to stop him.”

As if this had happened more than once, Haneul cried as she rambled on disjointedly about how often Hanbyeol had gotten hurt when he was in high school. Jiwoon had thought that something like that might have happened, but hearing the whole deep story made him feel wretched.

Jiwoon slowly got up, sat next to Haneul, and simply listened quietly to what the child was saying. The story of her mom collapsing, the story of Hanbyeol getting hurt. Hearing that she had been all alone each of those times made his heart ache. These things had happened when Haneul was even younger than she was now.

Haneul remembered all of it in detail. She probably couldn’t forget it even if she tried. Jiwoon knew this to be true as well. He, too, had tried everything to forget his own painful memories, but everything from that day was still vivid. It wasn’t something you could forget just because you wanted to.

“I-It must have been hard.”

Jiwoon, who had been listening silently to Haneul’s story, carefully opened his mouth. He didn’t know what to say. But Jiwoon had a thought. What did he want to hear when he was young? What words would have brought him some comfort?

“Y-You couldn’t t-tell your mom or oppa, right? B-Because you were worried about them?”

At Jiwoon’s question, Haneul, who had stopped crying a little, slowly raised her head and met his eyes.

“Yeah. I couldn’t tell them…”

“I, I u-understand that feeling. I had a s-similar experience when I was young.”

“Did your dad hit you, too?”

“N-No. Not that. M-My hyung got badly h-hurt once because of me.”

“How badly?”

At Haneul’s question, Jiwoon fell silent for a moment as if in thought. It seemed better not to say that he hadn’t just been injured, but had died in the accident. So, Jiwoon fabricated a suitable version of the situation at the time.

“A l-little bit more seriously th-than now?”

“……”

“I was a-alone then, too. W-Well, my mom w-was there. But my mom was also so s-shocked and s-sad that she c-couldn’t really pay much attention to me.”

Jiwoon fidgeted with his hands and lowered his head as if he had returned to being eight years old. For some reason, Haneul was staring intently at him, and though he could feel the gaze, he found it difficult to meet her eyes.

“H-He got hurt because of me. I was so s-scared, too, but I c-couldn’t say anything. Actually, I s-still c-can’t tell anyone what happened back then.”

“Is your oppa okay now?”

“……Yeah.”

Jiwoon lied, managing with difficulty to meet Haneul’s eyes and smile. Then Haneul, who had stopped crying, hesitated a little before speaking to Jiwoon.

“It must have been hard for you too, oppa.”

“……”

“Right?”

“I-I’m o-okay. I d-didn’t say that to talk about my own struggles. I w-wanted to say that I u-understand.”

“Yeah.”

Jiwoon felt as if tears were about to burst forth, but he choked them back and spoke. Haneul nodded, clutching the wet tissue tightly. It didn’t look like she was just mimicking him; she truly seemed to understand, and for some reason, Jiwoon felt as though he were the one being comforted instead.

“Actually, when my oppa hurt his leg before, I wrote him a letter saying I was sorry. That I was sorry he got hurt because of me. But oppa said it wasn’t. He said he didn’t get hurt because of me, and that I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“……”

“If you write a letter too, don’t you think your oppa will say the same thing?”

“I-I should do that.”

“You have to. Okay?”

Haneul patted Jiwoon’s shoulder with her small hand as if making a promise. It was so comforting that he could hardly manage a smile out of shame and guilt. It was a funny thing, to have brought this up to comfort Haneul, only to be comforted by this little child himself.

“But earlier, Mom told me not to call you, oppa, but I did.”

Haneul’s voice trembled thinly, as if confessing a sin. Jiwoon swallowed back the old, pent-up emotions that were surging up and making his throat sting, and faced Haneul. Tears welled up in Haneul’s large eyes once again.

“If I tell my oppa this too, will he say it’s okay?”

“O-Of course.”

“Even though I was the one who called?”

“Your oppa would have been more u-upset if you hadn’t called, you know?”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Really.”

“Still… if I hadn’t called, he wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

Tapping the floor with the tip of her toe, Haneul pressed her lips firmly together. Seeing her tear-streaked face droop, thud, downward, Jiwoon summoned his courage and carefully placed a hand on Haneul’s head.

“It’s not your fault, Haneul.”

“……”

“You didn’t do a-anything wrong.”

As Jiwoon stroked her hair, Haneul burst into tears of relief as if this were some great act of forgiveness. Though she had done nothing wrong and therefore had nothing to be forgiven for, Haneul nodded at those words and cried, and at some point, Jiwoon saw himself in the girl.

Why couldn’t he do this simple thing for himself, and why was it only after receiving it from this child that he was able to? How nice would it have been if he had done this for himself sooner? That you did nothing wrong, so there is nothing you need to be forgiven for.

A scared child calling someone, a child taking someone outside because she wanted ice cream—these things could never be a sin. What happened simply happened, that’s all. Jiwoon stroked the hair of his sobbing, eight-year-old self and of Haneul.

“Where did you go all of a sudden!”

When Jiwoon, who had abruptly run out of the filming location, returned about 20 minutes later as if nothing had happened, Yeongeun flared up in anger. But for some reason, Jiwoon opened his mouth calmly, without any sign of being flustered.

“I acted impulsively and left because I couldn’t stop worrying about Im Hanbyeol.”

“……”

“No… H-His younger sister called, so I was w-worried. His sister is very y-young, you see.”

At the sight of Jiwoon speaking so clearly, Yeongeun momentarily forgot she was in the middle of being angry and stared blankly, and when Jiwoon sensed this, he began to stutter awkwardly.

“I-I’m sorry.”

“Do you know how many scenes we have to shoot today? You’re not just helping out anymore; we’re doing this together. You can’t act irresponsibly.”

“That’s enough, cut it out. We were worried about Hanbyeol the whole time, too.”

Heechan stopped Yeongeun and patted Jiwoon’s shoulder as if to say it was okay. Jiwoon repeatedly apologized and entered the small room, which was packed with club members and props. Everyone said it was a relief he came back quickly and hurried to prepare for the next scene, but for some reason, only Egarsia was looking at Jiwoon with a strange expression.

Jiwoon checked the script scene that Heechan showed him and quickly memorized the lines. He lightly ignored Egarsia’s persistently following gaze and focused only on Heechan’s directions. Jiwoon’s lines were usually only a few, even in long scenes, but this scene had quite a few lines.

It was a scene where the twin brother in the movie is reproached by his hyung’s apparition. It was the only part where he had to deliver long lines, so Heechan and Yeongeun looked at Jiwoon with concern. It was because Jiwoon stuttered and struggled with long lines, so they had planned to give him plenty of time to practice, but they couldn’t because he had suddenly run out.

But they didn’t have unlimited time, so they had to shoot this scene today, one way or another. It was one of the important scenes in the movie, so they couldn’t cut it, nor could they force themselves to shorten the long lines.

This was because every single line spoken by the apparition of the hyung, created by the younger brother’s guilt, had a huge impact on the entire film. It was the scene where Jiwoon appeared the longest, and it was no exaggeration to say that they had cast him to match the image of this scene.

Having cut various other scenes, made revisions, and even added non-existent plot points just to have Jiwoon in the movie, this was the biggest reason for it all, so Yeongeun and Heechan were filled with worry.

“It might be tough, but I’d like you to deliver the lines straight through here if possible. In other scenes, he’s supposed to be similar to the original dead hyung, but this scene here is to show that the hyung isn’t a real ghost, but an apparition created by the younger brother…”

“Okay.”

“The audience needs to think, ‘Ah, that’s an apparition. The younger brother was feeling that kind of guilt!’ That’s what we need. Do you know what I mean?”

Jiwoon nodded as if he understood, but Yeongeun secretly sighed, feeling unconvinced for some reason. At first, she had thought that anything was fine, as long as he agreed to be in it, but as they filmed, she had grown more ambitious. This was also partly because Egarsia, the other actor they had brought in, was so good at acting.

“We’re out of time. Let’s just try shooting.”

At Heechan’s words, Yeongeun, who had been explaining over and over, reluctantly let Jiwoon go, and Jiwoon put down the script and headed in front of the camera. Egarsia, who was standing opposite Jiwoon, just moved his lips, looking at him.

‘You’re not Myeong Jiwoon, are you?’

Though no one else noticed, Jiwoon read his lips perfectly. But before he had a chance to answer, the filming began with a shout of “Action!” Jiwoon—or rather, as Egarsia had said, 17, who had disguised himself as Jiwoon and not Myeong Jiwoon—spoke in a low, clear voice.

“Is this what you wanted?”

“…Wait, that’s not the line, is it?”

Egarsia replied with annoyance and looked around, but everyone was focused as if nothing was wrong. It wasn’t as if time had stopped; they were all holding their breath and watching everything, yet no one noticed the anomaly.

“You’re really pulling all sorts of tricks. Did Myeong Jiwoon run away saying he couldn’t act? So you’re going to do it for him?”

“……”

“It’s truly tear-jerking. Is an angel some kind of machine for wiping human asses?”

“Just answer me. I’m asking if this is what you wanted.”

“……”

“Isn’t playing a pathetic human a bit damaging to your pride as a demon?”

At 17’s question, Egarsia’s face contorted fiercely. He was wondering what on earth he was talking about. But he soon realized the meaning of the words and burst into laughter.

“Bullshit. Are you any different?”

“……”

“Are you, for fuck’s sake, doing anything different from me? You’re doing it too, pretending to be human.”

“At least I haven’t forgotten what I’m supposed to do. But you have, haven’t you?”

“Nope? I’m doing my job just fine. I got to screw over a human, and while I was at it, I did something that might get me a soul, right? Don’t tell me you’re asking me to stop doing bad things? This is my job, isn’t it?”

“No. I’m not questioning your actions. In fact, I’m grateful.”

“……”

“Thanks to you, it looks like I’ll be able to get what I want without lifting a finger.”