JKA 36

“Together?”

Hanbyeol nodded.

“When I first found them, the two of them were together. But when our eyes met, the demon disappeared, and that angel started walking toward us.”

“…”

“I didn’t sense any malice, but strangely, its expression and things like that were a bit… From what I saw, it didn’t feel like an angel. That’s why I was suspicious. It was with a demon, after all.”

It’s not like he had a bad impression. If he had to say, 1129’s impression was on the good side. Of course, his outstanding looks also played a part in Jiwoon’s assessment. Looking closely, he was a handsome man so perfectly drawn that it felt uncanny, but he was good-looking nonetheless. It was a face well-suited to evoke goodwill from others.

However, since he was also a man, Hanbyeol might not have had such thoughts at all. Rather, he could have felt a strange sense of aversion toward this stranger approaching with an unreadable expression.

“You saw how much my mom liked it, right?”

When it seemed Jiwoon had no intention of changing the subject, Hanbyeol naturally changed it himself. Jiwoon noticed this but answered as if he hadn’t.

“Oh, yeah… I’m sorry for coming so, so late.”

“She probably liked it more because it was late.”

“…Why?”

“She’s someone who likes to take care of people, but her mobility is limited. She’d probably just say she feels sorry for no reason. It’s better now since it’s bedtime anyway.”

“Ah.”

“And she seemed to like that you’re sleeping over.”

Hanbyeol said, smiling. Jiwoon felt a strange sense of relief at the smile he saw from beyond the laptop. It was because he could see that he genuinely cherished and loved his family. He thought that if this feeling could just continue, perhaps Hanbyeol could shake off even a little of the bad thoughts he held.

“I’m glad I came to your house. There’s more I don’t know than I thought. An hour or two at a cafe would have been nowhere near enough.”

“It’s just because you’re not fa, familiar with it now. Once you get used to it, you’ll be fast.”

“It always takes me a long time to edit, but this really feels like starting over from scratch.”

Even as Hanbyeol said this, he somehow didn’t look tired or bored. On the contrary, he actively asked questions and offered his opinions. Although he should have been tired after coming from his part-time job, he somehow seemed to be enjoying himself a little.

“You look like you’re having fun.”

Jiwoon spoke in a small voice as if in passing, but Hanbyeol heard it and asked.

“I look like I’m having fun?”

“Ah, no, it’s just… You, you must be tired. It’s just, you’re, you’re doing a good job.”

“I’m not trying to criticize you. I was just wondering if it’s really that obvious that I’m having fun.”

“…”

“It is fun. I didn’t major in this with video editing in mind, but I’ve always found it fun while doing it.”

Hanbyeol said this as he moved his hands quickly. He listened diligently in class, and his video assignments were always good. Jiwoon knew this because he had watched him for a long time, as much as he was interested in Hanbyeol. Hanbyeol definitely had a talent for it. If there was such a thing as the kind of sense he talked about, Hanbyeol had more of it than he did.

“If you haven’t even been doing this si, since you were young, that’s really amaz, amazing. I’ve at least been doing it for a few years.”

“If I get the chance later, I want to try things like film directing.”

“Ah, um… There’s a cl, club in our department, you know.”

“Right. But I couldn’t join because I was too busy.”

“…”

“And they keep asking me to be an actor. I’m more interested in the other side of things.”

Because you’re handsome… Jiwoon was about to add, but he didn’t say it, feeling like his face would needlessly turn red. Just then, in a reverse turn, Hanbyeol’s head shot up as if he had realized something, and he spoke.

“You be careful, too.”

“Wha, what?”

“The department club sunbaes are running around with their eyes peeled. It’s a department club so they have to work with people from the department, but they’re always grumbling to me that there’s no one suitable.”

“Ho, how is that something I need to be careful about?”

“Hah. Haven’t you looked in a mirror since you cut your hair?”

Hanbyeol spoke as if he was dumbfounded, but Jiwoon couldn’t understand what he meant. He looked in the mirror often. Of course, he didn’t look closely. It was harder to meet his own eyes than it was to meet another person’s.

“You’re a tasty piece of prey. With your personality, if you get caught by the wrong person, you’ll be dragged around. If you make eye contact, run away like you did with me before.”

“Wh, when did I.”

“You didn’t run away?”

The day your liberal arts class ended, Hanbyeol added, driving the point home. Jiwoon mumbled and turned his head away. He was talking about the day his psychology class ended, and it was an undeniable fact that he had run away that day.

“Ev, even if that’s the case, I st, stutter anyway… and I ca, can’t say what I want to say well.”

“…”

“It’s cl, close to not being able to.”

Even if he were to be caught by the people in the department club and forced into taking a role, they would probably give up on him quickly. When people’s attention was on him, he would go beyond stuttering and become completely unable to speak. It couldn’t be helped, and it wasn’t a problem that could be fixed in a short amount of time.

“Is it that thing called selective mutism?”

At Hanbyeol’s question, Jiwoon nodded. In truth, it had been much worse in the past. But by somehow leaving his room and communicating with Seungyoon, and then coming to school and meeting Hanbyeol, his symptoms had improved a lot. It wasn’t that there were no situations where he couldn’t speak even if he wanted to, but the frequency had decreased significantly now. So, it wouldn’t be wrong to say that his selective mutism was gone.

Of course, that was mostly thanks to 1129. While he would rush him and get annoyed, he would also wait until the very end for him to speak. Even when he finally managed to open his mouth after a long time, he didn’t think it was sudden and continued the conversation naturally.

Hanbyeol’s method was different, but he didn’t pry too much about the parts he didn’t speak about and quietly waited by his side until he was able to talk. That was the biggest reason Jiwoon had come to feel affection for Hanbyeol. Usually, people would get displeased, asking if he didn’t even want to talk to them, or they would criticize the quiet Jiwoon.

Because there was someone like this who waited for him to speak, Jiwoon was able to talk little by little. But perhaps because he hadn’t spoken for so long, short conversations were possible, but he couldn’t help stuttering, and it took quite a while for him to speak.

“Being able to talk to you, you means I’ve gotten a lot be, better. I ca, can’t do this much with other people.”

“…”

“It’s been a really long time since I’ve talked this lo, long with my pa, parents, too.”

“Then I guess running away well is the only option.”

Instead of saying things like “You should still try it” or “Try explaining your situation,” Hanbyeol told him to run away well. To Jiwoon’s question of whether that was okay, he replied in a tone that suggested it was no big deal, that if you don’t want to do something, you can just run away.

“There’s no need to explain every single thing, right? If you don’t want to do it, you don’t do it. It’s not something you absolutely have to talk about. If you run away, they’ll get the message on their own.”

“…”

“If they say something behind your back, I’ll talk to them for you. Well, I don’t need to tell them everything. I could just say, ‘You know he’s very shy,’ don’t you think that would work?”

At Hanbyeol’s words, Jiwoon nodded, his face visibly more at ease. If Hanbyeol made up a suitable excuse behind his back, everyone would probably just accept it and move on.

“Still, it would be fun if you did it. If you really do get scouted by the club, and you feel like it and become an actor…”

“Wha, what?”

“I’ll have to release the photo of you I took earlier.”

“…”

“Myeong Jiwoon in baggy floral pants, that’s funny, isn’t it?”

Saying this, Hanbyeol burst out laughing again until he was out of breath. Jiwoon had no idea what was so funny, but though he was flabbergasted, he soon found himself laughing along without realizing it.

“In some ways, I think we have some similarities.”

“H, huh?”

After laughing for a good while, Hanbyeol saved the file he was working on. Since rendering would take time, he stretched his arms wide and got up from his seat, meeting Jiwoon’s gaze which was directed at him as if asking what he meant.

“In a way, you chose not to talk at all since you couldn’t communicate well. Because of that, you naturally became unable to speak in other situations too. I’m the opposite of that. I’d look at other people’s faces, their eyes, and just ramble on about anything and everything.”

“…”

“To put it simply, it means I was walking on eggshells. That’s something we have in common.”

Hanbyeol opened the closed door, and in front of it lay a blanket and pillow, placed there by who knows who, who knows when. Hanbyeol, as if he already knew who it was, naturally picked them up, came inside, and set them down on the bed.

“I have to keep the laptop on… so I can’t lay it out in this room. I’ll have to put one in the living room.”

Hanbyeol muttered this, but that wasn’t the issue for Jiwoon. He was curious about what Hanbyeol meant when he said he had been walking on eggshells.

“Wh, why would you walk on eggshells?”

He asked Hanbyeol, who was about to pick the blanket back up and go out to the living room. He stopped dead in his tracks, seemed to think for a moment, then pushed the door shut with his back and stood in front of it.

“Because it’s weird.”

“…”

“Just watching TV, no, even in textbooks, the way they portray things like poverty… it doesn’t look good. To be precise, they pity it. Especially when you see those donation commercials, the situation is similar to my family’s, but they show a kid taking care of a younger sibling at a young age and making instant ramen and all that, and then they say, ‘Please help.’”

“…”

“I lived like that, too. The only thing different was maybe the house? We got this house after my mom looked around and applied for rental housing and got support. Before that, we didn’t even have a bathroom in our house.”

Hanbyeol spoke with his voice lowered significantly. He seemed to be worried that someone outside might hear.

“So, in the end, I’m someone that others would see as pitiful and all that. But adults would tell me I’m a good kid, that I’m amazing, things like that. While telling me I have to be better to my mom.”

“…”

“That was weird. Of course, those people probably genuinely thought that. At least, most of the people I saw did. They probably thought it was better than calling me pitiful or pathetic. I think so too. But is that really true?”