JKA 39

However, from the night spent with Hanbyeol yesterday, Jiwoon was certain. He liked Hanbyeol. Although he had told Hanbyeol that it wasn’t just liking, but liking to the extent that he wanted to rub his lower body against him, that wasn’t all. No, it wasn’t that. Rather, he himself was firmly misunderstanding something.

Because he didn’t know how people trust other people, and because the most intimate relationship he knew was a physical one. He had only mistaken that embracing bare skin tightly and listening to the sound of the heart was the way to get closest to him. He liked Hanbyeol, and he still did. But now he could classify that feeling a bit more specifically.

“Um, I ad, admire Im Hanbyeol.”

“……”

“I respect him, so that’s why, th, this kind of thing.”

“You respect me, yet you brought me here and had all sorts of imaginations about possessing me?”

“That’s….”

At 1129’s words, Jiwoon was momentarily at a loss for words. That was right. Even if he had realized yesterday that his feelings were admiration, there was an inconsistency that didn’t quite match up. But no matter what contradiction there was, to him, that alone was the truth. He still didn’t know well what a friend was, what a lover was, or which relationship could be more intimate and eternal.

If one could call the side that comes to know everything about something in detail, without missing anything, more intimate, then Jiwoon wanted to become that kind of relationship with Hanbyeol, even if it meant staying with him forever. He hoped that light would continue to shine on him by his side. That was perhaps some possessiveness and greed.

Even if he formed that kind of physical relationship with him, there could be no relationship that Hanbyeol alone would give to him forever. The one who had taught him that was none other than 1129 right in front of him. When his feelings wavered, and 1129 had advised him to say, while drunk, that everything he said to Hanbyeol was a lie, Jiwoon had said that those feelings were absolutely not a lie.

Then 1129 had recommended that he think about those words. That no one spits out all their true feelings, and that even if what you said was sincere, the other person wouldn’t think of those words in only a good light. That not everything would be resolved with just a simple physical relationship.

And that was correct. Jiwoon could now understand his own feelings to some extent. At the very least, he could clearly explain the reason why he had made that mistake back then. Yes. The feelings at that time were sincere. But at the same time, it wasn’t a good method, and after thinking and thinking about the reason why such thoughts had arisen, he had arrived at this current answer.

He wanted to have a special relationship with Hanbyeol. But for that, it didn’t have to be a physical relationship. He had learned that fact last night. While lying side by side with Hanbyeol and spending the night, while sharing the past time in a small voice like a whisper, Jiwoon had already realized that he and Hanbyeol had become a sufficiently special relationship. And then he could understand the meaning of the words Hanbyeol had said, ‘I like you as a friend.’

In that moment, Jiwoon suddenly realized something. Then, grabbing 1129’s wrist tightly, he said.

“What are you……”

“Uh, yesterday!”

“……”

“Yesterday, I co, couldn’t sleep a wink, right? It was really uncom, uncomfortable. Ye, next to me, Hanbyeol and I slept side by side.”

Jiwoon’s heart felt like it would burst. If he exaggerated a bit, it was right on the verge of jumping out of his mouth. He couldn’t understand why he was trembling so much over something like this.

“You, you know, right? You sa, saw it all, right? That’s why you talked about the nameless angel, th, that kind of story.”

1129 narrowed his eyes. He could feel the hand of Jiwoon, who had grabbed his wrist, trembling. Feeling that trembling, somehow his own churning insides, which seemed about to burst at any moment, gradually settled down.

“I, it was really un, uncomfortable. I di, didn’t think about wanting to die. And so, th, that’s why, with Hanbyeol, I didn’t have those kinds of thoughts at all. I didn’t think ‘I’m going to die because I can’t do it.'”

“……”

“There were no complaints, right?”

Jiwoon swore he hadn’t thought that way at all. After repeatedly falling asleep and waking up, and once his eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness, Jiwoon occasionally turned his head to gaze at Hanbyeol’s peacefully sleeping face. But even seeing his defenseless sleeping face, such thoughts didn’t arise.

He was just curious about the secret Hanbyeol had left with him right before falling asleep. It was something related to Hanbyeol’s father. Whether he was really dreaming such an extreme wish, and what would happen if he handed over his soul for it. He had those worries. And after those worries, he kept thinking about 1129.

In the middle of the night, in the morning, throughout the entire bus ride home with Hanbyeol, and even after arriving home and encountering 1129, Jiwoon had been preoccupied with only those thoughts. What was 1129’s name? Did he really not have one, or had he just not taught it to him? If he hadn’t taught it, then what was the reason?

“I, I was just cu, curious about your name.”

“……”

“So, ca, can’t you let me know your name?”

At Jiwoon’s question, 1129 made a slightly dazed expression. Then, as if he now thought such a state was meaningless, he instantly regained his own appearance that was not Im Hanbyeol. Even if it was his own appearance, from head to toe, it was nothing more than a shell created in Jiwoon’s mind, the one Jiwoon had desired.

He was asking such a self what his name was. What use was something like a name? If he just made one up here, could he even distinguish whether it was a real name or a fake one? To begin with, angels didn’t have names. He wasn’t an existence born early enough to have a name.

He had only inherited a number that someone else had used. When his two wings had grown as large as his body, he had inherited that number. Before that, there wasn’t even a term to call himself. He just recognized a call through some signal. Because he wasn’t human, there was no need to distinguish. No one knew how much time it would take, but after that much time passed, the number 1129 would become another existence’s.

“What are you going to do knowing that?”

1129 asked in a cold tone. Then he shook off Jiwoon’s hand that was holding him. At that, Jiwoon’s gaze shook wildly and then stopped on his own two hands that had been thrown away.

“What are you going to do knowing something like a name?”

“……”

“I don’t have one.”

“……”

“You keep forgetting, but I’m not human, so something like a name doesn’t exist. And even if I did have a name, I don’t really want to be called by it by you.”

“Why, why?”

Jiwoon asked, stammering. However, instead of answering, 1129 coldly turned around. He had driven himself into a corner. He didn’t know what answer he wanted from him, but Jiwoon racked his brain and came up with an answer. But the result was this.

What answer had 1129 wanted from him, anyway? If he said he wouldn’t look at Hanbyeol with those eyes anymore, what would he gain? Jiwoon pondered again, but this time he couldn’t come up with an appropriate answer. He was just angry. Jiwoon glared at 1129, who was silently organizing the laundry bag with his fists tightly clenched.

Then 1129 folded the bag neatly and, without even looking at Jiwoon, said.

“Would Im Hanbyeol think the same?”

“……Why, why bring up that topic all of a sudden.”

“I’m afraid I should tell the demon attached to him. That tonight, he should take on your appearance and visit in a dream.”

“……”

“Aren’t you curious what result that would bring? Then your answer might change again.”

You don’t know anything, so you keep giving different answers every time. 1129 added that. Because of his endlessly serious expression, no words came out telling him not to make such a bad joke.

“Do, don’t do it.”

Jiwoon said, clutching his fists tightly.

“Why?”

“Don’t do it.”

“Are you afraid your feelings will change? Or are you afraid that he’ll be so bewitched that he’ll sell his soul outright? No, Im Hanbyeol is different from you. He’s a very smart guy.”

“……”

“Probably nothing will happen in that dream. He’ll just come to find you. Saying he seems to like you, just like you did. No…… The words would be a bit different.”

“……”

“He’ll say it seems like feelings have arisen, something like that. What do you think you’ll do when that moment comes? Won’t the conclusion you just reached change then too?”

“Wh, what meaning does that have for you?”

Jiwoon asked with difficulty. It was because he was curious why he wanted to do such a thing. Unlike Jiwoon’s voice, which sounded squeezed out, 1129’s responding voice was excessively clear.

“Because that’s the best for you.”

“……”

“He’s human, and as you said, he’s standing at a crossroads where he doesn’t know what choice he’ll make right now. You’re the only one who knows all of that.”

It’s an ending as beautifully and appropriately drawn as a painting. 1129 added that. He still didn’t even give a short glance toward Jiwoon. At that, Jiwoon stormed into the house with angry footsteps and flipped open the bed covers. Then, lying down in his outing clothes as they were, he pulled the covers over himself.

Only then did 1129 turn his head and look at the bed, where the middle was bulging up as if it had been rolled into a round shape. Only the sound of heavy breathing, as if trying to suppress his anger, could be heard. Looking at such a Jiwoon, 1129 said.

“Take off your socks. What are you doing with feet that stepped on the entrance floor?”

At those words, Jiwoon started wriggling under the covers. Then, after a short while, he lifted the covers just a little and threw the socks down to the floor as if tossing them away. 1129 let out a hollow laugh at that sight. But even at that sound, Jiwoon said nothing.

“The complaints have noticeably decreased.”

Even at 17’s words, 1129’s expression, as he sat in the chair, was listless. 17 flipped through a few pages of the already processed collection of complaints, then stared at 17’s side profile, who was looking silently at another place. They worked as God’s agents while moderately imitating human appearances. Especially when they had to meet humans, it was even more so.

In the past, they had met humans in their created forms as they were, but every time, things hadn’t gone well because of that. As time passed and human thinking developed, angels and demons began to imitate human appearances, almost simultaneously.

Because they had learned that when they took on the same appearance as them, humans opened their hearts more. But because of that, there were restrictions on demons appearing like humans, whereas angels faced no such restrictions. Thus, angels could imitate the appearances of dead people or living people alike and stand before humans.

In that regard, 1129 and 17 had appearances that could be considered sufficiently beautiful by human standards. But that was limited strictly to ‘appearance,’ so it was a separate matter from whether they properly utilized and performed with those bodies.

Although they had legs and practiced walking separately, there was no walking in heaven, and they mainly used wings. 1129 had broken one of his own wings, so now only one remained, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t fly. Yet, these days, the days he walked were increasing more than the days he flew.

The same went for expressions. He imitated expressions just for smooth communication in conversation, but in fact, it was possible even without such methods. Because conversations that required emotions were only for play, not necessary for real life.

But 1129, sitting with his legs crossed, tapping his toe, and furrowing his brow deeply, looked unmistakably human. He was gradually becoming like a human. This was separate from the fact that his appearance had become much more specific and realistic according to Jiwoon’s wishes.

17 approached 1129, leaving Jiwoon’s collection of complaints behind, and sat down opposite him. Then he quietly observed him. He was changing. That wasn’t a guess; it was a fact.