JKA 17

‘You said that the sensation of standing with one’s feet on the ground is important. Because walking is the act of pushing off the ground to go where one wants to go.’

The gently floating orbs brushed past right in front of 1129’s nose. Not a single one had the same color; they were each sparkling with a different light.

‘There is no gravity where we live, but there is gravity where humans live. It is pulling everything down. To keep them in place.’

‘…’

‘But to live is not to stay in one place. To teach that method, I made it so that all life that is born moves. I made them constantly defy it.’

‘Defy what?’

‘Anything and everything.’

He said that and quietly came to a stop. Then he spoke to 1129.

‘Try touching one.’

‘Which one?’

‘Whichever one your heart is drawn to.’

1129 didn’t know where this place was, nor did he feel like touching anything. So he simply put his fingertip to the closest orb. The moment he did, 1129 heard a great cry. No, it wasn’t hearing; it was as if he himself was bursting into tears.

After that, 1129 felt everything that remained in that orb. The first cry was the first breath of a newborn baby. His lungs filled up with air. The first breath he took in was sharp and cold. So he cried. The tears were hot, and the feeling of them flowing down his cheeks was strange.

The next was warmth. All the sounds he heard were unfamiliar and sharp, but as all of it grew quiet, the thumping, thumping sound of a heartbeat he heard was strangely peaceful. So he stopped crying. And everything continued.

The emotions stirred by the unfamiliar sensations that came from every touch that brushed his skin were diverse. The feeling of his own weight when he stood with his feet on the ground. The pleasure of taking one step, then another. The faces that smiled at him. A gentle scent. 1129 grew little by little within it.

He came to know the types of tears and could distinguish the branches of sadness. It was the same with love. Emotions became even more differentiated, and later, they became so numerous they could not be named. It was the same with hatred. Despair and frustration were born within it. Sometimes he felt love-hate, and he also knew the sorrow mixed within elation. And at some point, he became detached. It was when he had death right before his eyes.

Finally, when he had glimpsed the entirety of one human’s life, the world receded into a black dot. 1129 took his finger off the orb, and he set 1129 down. 1129 stood in the middle of that vast, dark space where countless orbs still shone, and met the eyes of the one who was meeting his gaze.

‘Why are you crying?’

1129 was crying. Tears kept streaming down, and he couldn’t control them. He, who was kneeling on one knee, wiped 1129’s tears and asked.

‘Are you sad?’

‘No.’

‘Then why are you crying?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘…’

‘Why must it end with them knowing nothing?’

He said nothing to 1129’s question. But 1129 was curious. After letting him know so many things, he couldn’t bear the curiosity of why one must close one’s eyes in the end, knowing nothing.

‘Whose question is that?’

‘…’

‘Is the one who is curious 1129, you? Or is it the life of that person you have lived?’

1129 could not answer. It was something he had not been curious about. Humans are granted life, and when a set time passes, they are likewise granted death. In fact, it was not something granted later. Death came first, and then there was life. Because they were granted death, they could obtain life. Life is made by someone’s choice, but death is inevitable.

But because he knew all of that, death was strange. It was strange to live knowing that you will surely die. Even if you live to the fullest, even if you realize and come to know many things through that life, even if you create a family by giving birth to someone else, you could not escape death. It was the same for the one you gave birth to, or the one who gave birth to you.

‘This… is strange.’

‘Is it?’

‘It is a strange thing to ask how one will live after telling them the end from the very beginning. Don’t you think so?’

‘So that is what you think.’

‘Everyone will think that way.’

1129 was making a much more varied expression than when he had entered holding his hand. Instead of answering, he took 1129’s hand. It meant it was time to leave this place.

Unable to defy his touch or the force with which he led, 1129 repeated his questions as they went back the way they came.

‘That person wanted to live longer. So why couldn’t he live longer?’

‘…’

‘There were also people who could live longer, but gave up on doing so. That person despaired so greatly then. He did so even while knowing that all people die eventually. He could not understand and could not accept it. Even while understanding death, he found that difficult.’

‘…’

‘Even after becoming detached about death, he struggled every time a person who was growing old with him died. Even while knowing that he himself could be like that too. Why is death the very first gift to be bestowed? No one could accept it. Why?’

‘…’

‘Please answer me. Why is that a gift?’

He did not answer. He did not open his mouth to any of 1129’s questions. He just walked. He just kept walking with 1129. 1129 followed him with quick steps. Eventually, he was out of breath. It was certain that neither walking nor flying was difficult. He was a being made that way. But from some point on, everything became difficult.

‘Please, answer me. Why must they live so arduously? Why must they walk? Why must they keep defying? If they can defy everything, why is it that they cannot defy death? Then why did you teach them how to defy in the first place?’

1129 held his hand with both of his and hung on, trying to resist. He was determined not to leave this place until he heard the answer. But there was no being that could defy him. He knew. 1129 was under more constraints than any of the orbs here. But when had he realized this? 1129 couldn’t tell. It felt like his head was going to explode.

‘Please let me see more. Then at least let me see more. I want to see other people, other humans too. Please…’

‘1129.’

‘…Please.’

‘When you grow your third wing, you will work here.’

At those words, 1129 relaxed the strength he had put into his body. Then he lifted 1129 up and once again placed him on his shoulders. Then he turned toward the many orbs they had already passed. 1129 was so exhausted.

‘How is it.’

‘…’

‘Isn’t it so very beautiful.’

1129 shook his head with all his might. It wasn’t beautiful. It wasn’t beautiful at all. It seemed that no life could be beautiful. Every single one of those things was nothing more than a struggle. They only seemed to shine because they were thrashing about here and there. It was merely a rolling bead catching the light and reflecting it in every direction.

‘…It’s cruel.’

1129 kept pushing up his drowsily closing eyelids. He wanted to capture even one more of those lights in his eyes. Do all angels who are becoming adults come here? Do they come to love humans because they glimpse someone’s life here? Is that why they act so infinitely generous? Because they feel pity for them, because it’s heart-wrenching to see them struggle to escape death.

Is that not deceit? We live lives close to eternity, we are not even given such joys and sorrows. We can look down on everything without experiencing hunger, sadness, or frustration; the compassion possessed by such beings was truly a product of arrogance.

‘You are indeed the right person for the job.’

1129 closed his eyes after hearing his words. It was a blackout, just like the end of the human life he had briefly glimpsed. The fact that this vast and cruel space was heaven was something he would only learn much later, after he had sprouted his third wing on his back. It was the day 1129 was given the title of Guide.

“I think you’ve come to the wrong place. There are no souls here for you to take.”

1129, who had been lost in thoughts of the past, slowly opened his eyes. What he saw then was a man in gaudy clothing, floating in mid-air.

“But you can see from here to there? Angels are amazing.”

“I thought I smelled something disgusting…”

“…”

“It’s a smell that shouldn’t come from a living person, but just as I thought.”

1129 clicked his tongue, tsk. As he carefully observed the being loitering in front of him, there was not a single thing that deviated from his expectations. From the half-naked clothing to the proudly revealed long, black tail. And even the horns on his head—it was so perfect it was almost stereotypical.

“He’s possessed by an evil spirit.”

“I’m a demon!”

“A demon or an evil spirit… Don’t open your mouth, it stinks.”

At the sight of the demon who came right up to him and yelled, 1129 stepped back and put a cigarette in his mouth. Then he fixed his gaze past the demon to the one he had originally been watching. Since when had his mind been elsewhere? He hadn’t even noticed this stinking thing snooping around.

Days like this had increased since he came to Jiwoon. He would get dazed and become helplessly lost in that memory of the past. Perhaps it was a side effect of cutting off his wings. After all, there had never been a being who could cut off his own wings and live on as a proper angel.

“That’s my line. Aren’t you going to get lost? It smells truly disgusting.”

“It’s because I’m smoking to chase you away.”

“Get lost while I’m asking nicely. I called dibs on that one.”

“Listen to your tone, so tacky.”

The demon, unable to get close to the smoke 1129 exhaled, covered his nose and flapped his wings wildly. It was to blow away some of the smoke. 1129 looked at the demon and slowly opened his mouth.

“Just like a demon, you’re spouting lies the moment you open your mouth. It’s not him, it’s his mom, isn’t it?”

Episode 11

“Am I wrong?”

At 1129’s question, the demon stopped moving and stood still. The demon said nothing, and 1129 flicked the cigarette he was smoking into the air. Then the cigarette disappeared without a trace.

“Wearing something so filthy… you’re a rookie, aren’t you?”

“A ro, rookie? Hey, mind your own business. You stopped time yesterday, didn’t you? Are you allowed to use it just like that?”

“What would you do with that information.”

“…”

“Even if you knew whether it’s allowed or not. Can you even use it?”

“You’re ridiculous. Do you think I’m you? To do something so stupid.”