JKA 58

Hanbyeol was silent. He was just worried about Jiwo-on. Since they were beings who appeared one day, it wouldn’t be strange if they suddenly disappeared one day, too. He thought that if you fell for such a being, all that would be left would be scars, and he wondered if it was possible to like someone even knowing that. While he felt he could never do such a thing himself, he also thought that if the being who had come to him had been an angel and not a demon, he might have been able to.

But feeling like he might be able to wasn’t the same as understanding that feeling. He knew this was Jiwoon’s business, a part he couldn’t interfere in. But he also wondered if, as a friend, he shouldn’t just stand by and watch.

“You said this to me back then. That if something happened to me, you’d get mad with me.”

Hanbyeol brought up the conversation from the day Jiwoon had slept over at his place. When Jiwoon nodded as if he remembered, Hanbyeol looked at him and said.

“Me too.”

“…”

“If anything happens, you have to tell me.”

This was the best Hanbyeol could do for Jiwoon right now.

“Because we’re friends, tell me. I can help you too.”

“…”

“There’s someone here who can help you too, so to me…”

The moment Hanbyeol said that and was about to take Jiwoon’s hand, Zeo suddenly appeared, wrapped his arms around Jiwoon’s body, pulling him close, and glared at Hanbyeol.

“…I can’t listen to this.”

Zeo said irritably, his voice hoarse and cracked.

“Mind your own business. I’ll take care of him. Don’t butt in recklessly. It’s pissing me off.”

“What?”

It was the first time Jiwoon had ever seen Hanbyeol’s face not just harden, but crumble as if it were shattering. Even when he had found Zeo in front of the pharmacy, he hadn’t made such a grim expression. Jiwoon looked at Hanbyeol with a bewildered expression before turning his head to gaze at Zeo. Zeo’s face, visible in his field of vision, was still a mess.

His forehead was soaked in a cold sweat, and the look in his eyes was unspeakably fierce. It was a moment when his blue eyes felt not just foreign, but threatening. Moreover, it wasn’t just his expression. The hand that pulled Jiwoon into his embrace was also tense with strength.

“A-are you okay?”

Zeo’s hand, gripping Jiwoon’s shoulder, was trembling faintly. As if he hadn’t fully escaped the pain yet, his straight eyebrows were noticeably crooked. He could even feel the heat radiating from his body. He looked so precarious, as if he could collapse at any moment, that it seemed necessary to support him and go inside first.

“L-let’s go… go inside first. I’m sorry, Hanbyeol. Th-thank you for helping. I’ll contact you again…”

“Thank you my ass, didn’t I tell you to stay put? I would’ve gotten up on my own… didn’t I tell you not to get me involved in unnecessary things?”

Zeo, speaking peevishly, looked extremely exhausted, but despite that, he was throwing a full-blown tantrum. In any case, he was the one who had received help. If it hadn’t been for Hanbyeol, Zeo would have been sprawled out on the dirty rooftop floor until now, not in the narrow bed of the studio apartment.

Whether he knew that or not—no, he probably just didn’t care. It was as if he’d rather spend the day lying on that dirty floor than receive help from Hanbyeol. In any case, he had a nasty disposition. Jiwoon opened his mouth to point this out, but Hanbyeol was faster.

“You want to isolate Myeong Jiwoon, don’t you.”

“Isolate?”

Zeo retorted in a tone of disbelief, pushed away Jiwoon who was supporting him, and stood in front of him. Facing Hanbyeol as if in a standoff, he let out a cynical, dry laugh.

“Yeah, isolate. How is telling me not to get involved with you any different from telling him to be isolated by himself.”

“What I told you not to get involved with wasn’t you, but the damn smell you carry around.”

As if to prove he wasn’t just talking, Zeo’s face contorted as he strode forward in front of Hanbyeol. He turned his head slightly and spat out a small curse, barely audible, then snatched a cigarette pack that had appeared in midair. Then, before anyone could stop him, he put it to his lips and lit it.

Hoo. With his exhale, pale white smoke spread like watercolor paint. Hanbyeol, who got a face full of cigarette smoke, instinctively narrowed his brows, but for some reason, there was none of the cigarette smell he knew. It was so close to odorless that the smoke carried no scent at all.

Zeo ran a hand through his disheveled hair, the cigarette held between his fingers. He let out a dry laugh at the clammy cold sweat he felt on his palm. The pain in his shoulder had subsided to a tolerable level. Though his fingertips were trembling faintly, he put the cigarette back to his lips with an expression of indifference. Then he exhaled smoke again and spoke.

“You worry about yourself.”

“…”

“Like you said, it’s not normal for an ordinary human’s eyes to see things like me or demons. It’s right that they usually don’t see us until before they die, and I don’t stick around living people either. What do you think that means?”

“Don’t give me that ‘meaning’ crap. It’s just you guys’ whim, isn’t it? Does it piss you off that I’m telling him not to be played by it?”

“It does piss me off. The one being played isn’t Myeong Jiwoon, it’s you, and you’re acting out like you’re taking your anger out on the wrong person, so isn’t it obvious that it’s annoying?”

The cigarette smoke veiled Zeo’s face. Even within that hazy smoke, the sharp glint of his blue eyes was intensely clear. The sky, which had been at dusk when he helped Jiwoon move Zeo, had now become a pitch-black night.

“You’re smart, unlike him. But you still don’t understand what I’m saying?”

“…”

“I said I usually don’t stick around living people. So think carefully, are you two closer to living people, or are you closer to dead people?”

At Zeo’s words, not only Hanbyeol, but also Jiwoon, who had been listening to his story in silence, showed eyes that wavered greatly. Zeo saw Hanbyeol unable to answer right away and let out a sneer. Then he flicked the half-burnt cigarette into the air.

“It’s fine for you two to sit together and chatter on and on. Have I ever bitched about you two hanging out? Today’s the first time.”

“…”

“Now, answer me. You probably get the reason why I’m stuck to this bastard’s side, right? Then you.”

“…”

“Why do you think a demon bastard is stuck to your side?”

Zeo pressed the silent Hanbyeol. Jiwoon grabbed his arm and pulled, as if to stop him, but Zeo didn’t budge.

“You can’t say it, can you? It’s not that you don’t know, it’s that you think you fucking know, but you’re too scared to say it out loud.”

Zeo pushed Hanbyeol away, pressing his chest with his fingertips. Despite the offensive action, Hanbyeol simply stepped back little by little as if pushed by the force. Jiwoon wrapped his hands around Zeo’s outstretched hand as if to say ‘stop’ and pulled it toward himself. Only then did Zeo stop pushing Hanbyeol as if cornering him.

“Those bastards, you see. They wander around and pick something to eat. Just like you guys walk around a food court and pick a decent meal. At that time, you’ll pick a certain food because you’re particularly drawn to it. It could be because it’s a taste you know well, or it could be because the smell is just so damn good.”

“…”

“That’s the superficial reason. He chose you because the smell coming from you is so damn good. It can’t be helped that flies are drawn to a ripe fruit. But is that fruit common? No, it’s rare. You’re a damn rare human. There aren’t many humans like you.”

Zeo irritably wiped his forehead again. A cold sweat kept breaking out on his body. As he began to feel a chill run down his spine, Zeo reached a point where he could no longer tell what he was.

“Then do all rare humans live seeing demons? That’s not it either. You’ve probably already guessed, but they can’t force anything. They were made that way in the first place, that’s their fucking rule. If they break it, far from eating a delicious soul, their throats will close up and they’ll die.”

“…”

“If there’s no opening to dig into, they don’t even touch it. So the point is, there was an opening in you for them to dig into.”

“Is it my fault that my life is unhappy?”

“This isn’t about your life. I’m telling you, you’ve lived damn well. That’s why the demon that wants to eat your soul is rutting around you like a dog in heat.”

“…”

“Fuck, stop beating around the bush when you’ve understood everything. Do you really want me to say everything with my own mouth?”

Zeo pushed away Jiwoon’s hand that was holding him. Then with that hand, he abruptly grabbed Hanbyeol by the collar. Hanbyeol’s face at that moment was strange. It was as if he had realized something, and also as if he were frightened. The face of a cornered human was too complex to be easily described.

But Zeo’s wasn’t. He understood all the implications revealed in Hanbyeol’s expression in an instant. Im Hanbyeol understood everything he was saying. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth carelessly. It was unclear whether it was because he didn’t want to admit it, or because he thought it didn’t matter anyway.

Even so, Zeo had no choice but to address this point. It had reached a point where it grated on his nerves to just leave it be and pretend not to know. He was annoyingly and precariously trying to cross the line. Hadn’t he, lost in his own conclusions, tried to separate him from Jiwoon?

Whether the reason was good or not was not important. His body was breaking down. Ever since he had been with Jiwoon, no, to be precise, ever since he became aware of this improper feeling toward Jiwoon, his body had begun to crumble irreversibly. He didn’t know how much longer he could hold on.

At some point, he had vaguely known. The fact that the time he had been given was not very long. It might have been since the moment he cut his wing. That moment, which he could almost but not quite remember, was undulating just below the surface of the water, which was so dark and murky that the inside couldn’t be seen, as if it would surface at any moment.

He didn’t know what would happen when he remembered everything. That was Zeo’s intuition. Therefore, in the time he had left, Zeo had to do his best to convince Jiwoon. I won’t disappear. Even if I have to grab God by the collar, I’ll stay by Jiwoon’s side. He had resolved to do so, but unlike a human, all the decision-making power of his, an angel, lay not with him, but with God.

If God were to summon him right now, he could never return to Jiwoon’s side. It was possible that this was happening because God had already let go of him. Without Him, he could not exist. To make him, who was disappearing because he could not be established, exist again was a difficult task even if God were to change His mind.