JKA 22

“Me? When you’re the one who made him like this and are shamelessly laughing.”

“I’m laughing because you’re funny. Do you think I’m crazy enough to laugh for no reason? In all my life, I’ve never seen a human as funny as you.”

“…What?”

“You’ve made him into a complete and utter idiot.”

1129 said this as he took out a cigarette and put it in his mouth. He then casually lit it, took a deep drag, and then blew the smoke out with a whoosh. At that, Hanbyeol, who had unconsciously reached out a hand to disperse the smoke, made a strange expression. It was because the cigarette smoke didn’t smell like tobacco at all; rather, it smelled like flowers.

“Myeong Jiwoon.”

“…”

“Come here.”

1129 called out to Jiwoon, who was standing still, looking half dazed. At that, Jiwoon, as if mesmerized, pushed away Hanbyeol’s hand that was holding him and went toward 1129. Seeing this, Hanbyeol looked flustered and reached out his hand again, but it was fiercely slapped away by 1129’s hand.

“I don’t know about anything else, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t lump me in with that low-class guy. He and I live in different worlds. To put it simply, we’re like heaven and earth.”

“I’m not really curious about you things ranking each other?”

“I wasn’t telling you to understand. I’m telling you not to run your mouth in front of me because it pisses me off.”

“…”

“Anyway, I have to take him with me.”

Jiwoon, who had staggered over to 1129, lost his balance and, thud, rested his head against his chest. 1129 wrapped an arm around Jiwoon’s shoulder, pulling him in as if to show Hanbyeol. Then with his other hand, he swept Jiwoon’s bangs up and placed a hand on his forehead.

“Your fever’s gotten worse. Hey, are you even conscious?”

Jiwoon couldn’t answer 1129’s question properly. He’d thought his head was spinning from the successive shocks, but it seemed it was because of the fever. Jiwoon was so dizzy that he was on the verge of throwing up at any moment, so he was in a state where he couldn’t even express a yes or no with a nod of his head.

“That was a complete critical hit, Mr. Im Hanbyeol.”

“What?”

“The mental shock.”

“What did I do? You’re the one who made Jiwoon like that!”

“Your evidence?”

“…That’s because, you.”

“Ah… Because you think I’m a demon? That’s just what you think.”

At 1129’s words, Hanbyeol clenched his fists tightly. He couldn’t understand what he was saying, but at the same time, he felt as if he had hit the nail on the head.

“From one to ten, it’s all just your own thoughts. If that was the case, you shouldn’t have said you understood from the beginning. You should have just asked him if he was crazy back then, just as you felt, or if that was really how he felt, what he was going to do about it, shouldn’t you have done something like that?”

“…”

“Ah, of course, you did say you didn’t think it was weird, and you did convey your feelings accurately.”

1129 pulled the hand that was wrapped around Jiwoon’s shoulder to have him lean completely into his arms, and then he exhaled cigarette smoke again.

“I do understand. He has a side to him that’s a little different. Someone like you wouldn’t have been unaware of that.”

“…”

“I’m not saying you’re a bad person. What I’m trying to say is the fact that while you claimed you didn’t think he was weird, you were actually thinking he was weirder than anyone else.”

“I don’t think Jiwoon is weird. Back then, things like you were making him…”

“Think whatever you want.”

“…”

“I’ll say it again, I’m not saying you did anything wrong. You just had the kind of suspicion that ordinary people would have.”

1129 said that and then lifted Jiwoon up in his arms. Then, without caring at all whether the people around them were staring or not, he turned his back on Hanbyeol. But he suddenly stopped walking and added to Hanbyeol.

“What if. What if he really was possessed by something. Why, of all people, would he have said those things to you?”

“What?”

“Of all those people, why was it you? Try thinking about that, too.”

With those words, 1129 disappeared from in front of Hanbyeol.

Episode 14

People always asked him what was so wrong with him. Why was it so hard to talk, they weren’t asking for a specific, grand explanation, but why couldn’t he do something that could be easily solved with just a simple answer. What was so difficult about it.

“I think it’s for the best.”

Looking at Jiwoon, who was collapsed on the bed in exhaustion, 1129 said lightly. At his words, Jiwoon furrowed his brow.

“You wanted to pretend it never happened, didn’t you? Then you can just say you were possessed by me, that you didn’t mean to say those things.”

“…”

“You’ve got a plausible excuse, so it’s for the best. Just say that a demon possessed you and made you say weird things, but that your feelings of liking him were sincere.”

At 1129’s words, Jiwoon let out a hot breath instead of an answer. His whole body was feverish, and his vision was still blurry. What 1129 said wasn’t wrong. If he could, he wanted to erase that day’s drunken confession entirely from Hanbyeol’s memory. As he said, it was a good thing that a suitable excuse had appeared.

But why was he so reluctant? If he said that, it would feel as if he had been possessed by someone that day and had poured out his entire heart. He knew the way he had conversed was not good, and that he shouldn’t have conveyed his feelings in such a way.

But in Jiwoon’s mind, that was the best he could do. When he said he liked him, he had gotten the response that he liked him too as a friend, and to prove that wasn’t the case, wasn’t that the only way? No, it wasn’t. There probably wasn’t just that one way. It was just that he didn’t know how to do anything else.

“…I was in my right mind back then.”

“Even though you said it after drinking that much?”

“No, no, that’s not it.”

“…”

“I meant that I was sincere back then. If, if I say I was possessed by someone, it feels like I, I’m lying.”

“That’s what people normally do.”

1129 said, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching out a hand. He then touched Jiwoon’s forehead. His hand, as always, was cool, as if it weren’t human. It was only natural, as he truly wasn’t human.

“They don’t live by showing everything they have. Even if the feeling of liking someone is itself sincere, and the words of wanting to have sex are themselves the truth, they don’t say it like that.”

“…”

“And you shouldn’t say it like that. In this world, there are many people who can have sex without liking someone. But there are few people who want to form a deep relationship with someone for whom that is the priority.”

At 1129’s words, Jiwoon squeezed his eyes shut.

“I, I know I was wrong. But, just… isn’t it better to be wrong? Making excuses for why I, why I did that back then, one by one, for me.”

“You just want to be a weird person?”

“That would be, be better. I…”

He didn’t want to pass off any of the words he had said that day with an excuse or a justification. Even if Hanbyeol came to despise his very existence after knowing that all of it was sincere, he would rather leave it as it was than make excuses. It was fine to call him foolish. It was fine to curse him for being a weird person.

“Eve-everyone says it like everything will be fine if I just talk… but if I say everything and they say it’s not, not my real feelings, then I.”

“…”

“What in the world is right.”

I was being sincere. Jiwoon said this as he sniffled. The area around his eyes grew even hotter. Why was he in this state? Why were things that others could do so easily all difficult for him? What was a good way to close the distance with people? What was a normal way to convey one’s feelings? And why did he not know a single one of them?

Curled up into a ball, Jiwoon burst into tears. 1129 watched Jiwoon, who had suddenly started crying, then turned his head and let out a long breath. Then, leaving Jiwoon behind, he slowly stood up and went to the bathroom mirror. At that, the wound on his cheek that he had hidden was revealed.

‘You’re bleeding? Does that mean you’re not an angel or anything anymore?’

Recalling Eggers’ words, 1129 frowned. As if he were human, the wound remained red, as if it had just been made. When he touched it with his fingertip, a stinging pain arose. The sensation was so unfamiliar that 1129 gave a hollow laugh. It was the first pain he had ever felt in his life, something he hadn’t even felt when he had torn off one of his wings.

“From what I can see, what you need right now is an image change.”

What he faced after waking up from a night of groaning in sickness was a magazine that one would likely see in a hair salon. The only difference was that the magazine 1129 gave him had not a single common advertisement and was instead filled only with various hairstyles of men whose names he didn’t know.

The moment Jiwoon opened his eyes, 1129 took him to the bathroom. Then he bluntly told him to wash up, and then continuously nagged him as he stood blankly under the water just outside the door. After a long while, 1129 even personally dried the hair of Jiwoon, who came out wet, and then took him straight to the rooftop of the one-room apartment building.

An old plastic chair, its origin unknown, was placed in the middle of the rooftop. 1129 sat Jiwoon down in that chair and then, flapping something like a white tablecloth, placed the magazine in Jiwoon’s hands.

Jiwoon, who had just been led here and there as 1129 guided him without a single question of why, finally looked up at 1129 with eyes that couldn’t understand after opening the magazine. At that, the words that came were about an image change.

“You won’t go to a hair salon even if it kills you, anyway.”

“…”

“Even if I drag you there, you’ll somehow run away. Besides, I don’t want to do that either. What, you’re not a three or four-year-old kid; forcing an adult man in his twenties who’s whining about not wanting a haircut into a salon chair is not something I’m keen on doing.”

“Wh-who’s whining…”

“Then do you want to go get it cut and come back?”

“…”

“See this. Have I only known you for a day or two?”

Jiwoon just lowered his head and flipped through the magazine pages quickly for no reason. It seemed the meaning was to choose a style he wanted from among them, but in truth, he couldn’t even tell what looked good. He didn’t really have the will to choose either.

1129 watched the pages being flipped quickly, then snatched the magazine from Jiwoon’s hand and threw it far away, then wrapped the cloth he was holding around Jiwoon’s neck and tied it.