JKA 80

Once he saw that face, he would touch all sorts of crystals as if addicted, resent that he could not go back, and sink endlessly. Just the thought of it brought a wave of unbearable pain. The pain that bloomed from where his wing was cut off would not even dare compare.

But knowing all that, 1129 could not pull back his fingertips that were just about to touch the crystal. Why would He have sent this small, shabby thing to the archive? What meaning could there possibly be in this crude crystal that looked like it would break and scatter just by touching it lightly to take a peek?

Perhaps God had even factored in that he would read this crystal. No one knew how many moves ahead He was looking. Perhaps God knew of a place so distant and far that it could not be counted in numbers. There must be an end for everyone that only He knew.

In the end, no matter how much he struggled, he was under God’s palm. No matter how hard he tried to escape, he would end up touching this crystal. For some reason, it was just like how he had left the memory archive, found Myeong Jiwoon, and saved him even at the cost of one of his wings.

No matter how hard he tried, this crude crystal might be the only clue to recovering his faint past memories. If so, he would gladly be played with. What else could he do? He might be able to find a trace of Jiwoon inside this. If his forgotten memories came back, an answer would emerge one way or another.

He couldn’t bear this loneliness. He had lived his whole life without knowing that this was loneliness. Without someone to miss, loneliness couldn’t exist, and without knowing love, there could be no such thing as joy. Now that he had lost Jiwoon, 1129 was floundering in a flood of too many emotions.

He wanted to escape. If not being able to meet Jiwoon was his punishment, he wanted to at least clutch a piece of that longing. Before the swirling, raw emotions were refined, he wanted to sink deep with all these rampaging things. Only then, he was sure, would he be able to swim towards the surface again.

In the end, 1129 touched the faint light. At that moment, the crystal shattered and devoured the darkness that filled 1129’s vision. At the same time, he seeped into someone’s memory.

When he slowly pushed up his eyelids, which had automatically closed from the overwhelming brightness, the first thing he saw was Myeong Seonwoo standing opposite him. Faced with an unexpected identity, 1129 was surprised and tried to say something, but his body wouldn’t move as he wished. To think that the owner of that crude crystal was Myeong Seonwoo, whose soul had already been annihilated. He couldn’t understand how a trace of him could have remained.

Since the memory remaining in the crystal was a trace of a time that had already passed, no matter that 1129 was an angel, he could not interfere with that memory. 1129 simply looked at Myeong Seonwoo’s face, just as his past self had done.

“Wow, there really is an angel?”

Seonwoo moved around here and there as if fascinated, observing 1129. Then, when he reached for the large wings on his back, 1129 coldly slapped his hand away. Seonwoo seemed surprised and was silent for a moment, then rubbed the back of his hand and smiled.

“Even when you’re dead, pain is still the same. I’ll have to be careful from now on.”

“…”

“Ah, is there no need for that?”

Seonwoo, as a soul, was floating around next to 1129, who had his wings fully spread. Seonwoo was looking down at the ground with a strange expression, and when 1129 followed his gaze, he saw a young boy sitting on the stands of a sports field. Seonwoo couldn’t take his eyes off the boy.

A long shadow was cast over the boy sitting on the steps, unable to join the other children who were chattering and playing together. The boy, who was fidgeting with his fingers from time to time and not moving, kept his gaze fixed on the ground.

At that moment, the past 1129 and the 1129 reading that memory recognized the boy’s identity at the same time. He could tell without seeing his face. In fact, he could recognize him better because his face wasn’t visible. 1129 was all too familiar with that sight.

“If you were that worried, you shouldn’t have died. I said I’d undo it, but you said you didn’t want that.”

“How can a dead person come back to life?”

“Because I can make it so it never happened.”

“If you make it so it never happened, will I not die again?”

“…”

“Definitely not.”

“Still, you shouldn’t have died like that. For his sake.”

The past 1129 rebuked him in a cold voice. That’s true, Seonwoo agreed, smiling weakly. Ever since becoming a soul, Seonwoo had been constantly following the boy, who seemed completely alone and lost in depression after witnessing his death.

Even when told he could live if he turned back time, he just shook his head. To persuade Seonwoo, God had sent 1129 from the memory archive. It wasn’t that 1129 had any brilliant solution, but he was just following Seonwoo around, following the order to persuade him as best he could.

There wasn’t much time. If he delayed any longer here, it would be impossible to turn back, even if he changed his mind. As if he knew this, Myeong Seonwoo kept asking for just a little more time. The boy wasn’t the only one submerged in grief over Seonwoo’s death.

Overwhelmed by immeasurable sorrow, Seonwoo’s parents refused all food and drink, and the same was true for his friends who had to suddenly let him go. But Seonwoo, leaving all that sorrow behind, was dedicating all of his little remaining time to that boy rather than coming back to life.

“The time we spent together was short, so I wanted to watch over him like this, at least. I’m really sorry to Jiwoon, but I don’t have the courage to live again. I didn’t even have the courage to die, so I sold my soul to a devil; I don’t think I’d be okay even if I did come back to life.”

“…”

“What will happen to me now?”

Seonwoo, who had been muttering lowly, slowly turned his head and asked 1129. It was now too late to say that it wasn’t too late. The funeral was over, and adding the time he had been putting things off, it was now impossible to turn back time and save Seonwoo.

1129 could not bring himself to open his mouth. He had to tell him that only hell remained, but for some reason, looking into the eyes of Seonwoo who was watching the boy, he couldn’t bring himself to say it. It was because the final moments of the humans in the countless memory crystals he had read flashed before his eyes.

“…Well.”

1129 gave only a vague answer. It was as clear as day what would happen to Seonwoo after he fell to hell. Souls that had made a contract with a devil originally couldn’t even be reincarnated, but if God arranged it, a chance would be given. However, it didn’t seem like Myeong Seonwoo would accept it. In that case, the result was simply annihilation. To disappear forever.

“I don’t want to be revived, I don’t want to be reincarnated, and I don’t want to go to heaven. If you really want to do something for me, I want to receive a little more time.”

“…”

“Because I want to see Jiwoon smile.”

How can he smile when his brother died right in front of him. 1129 painstakingly swallowed the words that were about to burst out. Then, he spoke to Seonwoo on his own authority.

“Do that.”

“…Is that okay?”

Leaving behind Seonwoo, who was smiling with a bright face, 1129 looked at the boy with his head bowed, Myeong Jiwoon. It was because, for some reason, he too had come to want to see the smile of Jiwoon that Seonwoo had spoken of.

He didn’t know whose name he had muttered unconsciously. With trembling hands, Jiwoon, along with Hanbyeol’s mother, wrote down everything he had witnessed on the statement form the police brought. It was because both Hanbyeol, the party involved, and his father had lost consciousness.

The police asked if they wanted to press charges, and when Hanbyeol’s mother nodded, they took down the personal information of her collapsed ex-husband. Then, a short while later, they said he was wanted for illegal gambling and took the collapsed man into custody. Whether it was because of the alcohol, or because 17 had done something, Hanbyeol’s father wouldn’t regain consciousness no matter how much they tried to wake him.

Haneul seemed to have received a big shock, clinging to her side without saying a word, and Jiwoon stared blankly at Hanbyeol’s blood splattered here and there on his T-shirt and said nothing until the ambulance arrived. Inside the house, which was quiet as if the commotion had never happened, only the sound of Hanbyeol’s mother and Jiwoon writing with ballpoint pens was clear.

Not long after, the ambulance arrived, and a paramedic said someone had to accompany him. At those words, Hanbyeol’s mother shot up from her seat, but then looked at Haneul clinging to her arm with a troubled expression. It was because she couldn’t leave her young daughter alone in the chaotic house.

But she couldn’t take Haneul to the hectic hospital either. While she hesitated for a moment, Hanbyeol, who had lost consciousness, slowly opened his eyes. But as if one eye wouldn’t open properly, he frowned and looked at his mother.

“Hanbyeol!”

As soon as her eyes met Hanbyeol’s, his mother burst into tears she had been holding back. How had things come to this? Her face, unable to even ask her son if he was okay, was contorted and a mess. At her sobs, Jiwoon put down his pen and quickly got up to go to Hanbyeol.

“H-he’ll be okay. D-don’t worry. M-mother. L-let’s go together. I’ll stay w-with Haneul.”

At Jiwoon’s words, Hanbyeol’s mother nodded. While the paramedics took Hanbyeol and moved with her, Jiwoon took the statement form, handed it to the police, and then reached out his hand to Haneul. Haneul, still terrified, seemed to hesitate for a moment before taking Jiwoon’s hand.

*

“H-how old did you say you were?”

Jiwoon got a hot cocoa from the vending machine and handed it to Haneul, who was sitting on a chair. After arriving at the hospital, while Hanbyeol’s mother was busy moving around as the guardian, the two sat side by side in the waiting area set up on one side of the emergency room entrance.

Haneul took the cocoa Jiwoon gave her and answered in a small, mumbling voice.

“Ten.”

“R-right. T-that’s right. I’m twenty-one.”

“I know. You’re the same age as my oppa.”

“Right…”

Jiwoon forced an awkward smile, but Haneul was looking down with a blank expression, clutching the paper cup. An awkward air flowed between them, but Jiwoon tried his best to soothe Haneul. He didn’t know how to do it, but it was also difficult to just sit there in silence.

“Y-your mom will be h-here soon. D-don’t w-worry too much.”

He spoke as calmly as possible, as if it were no big deal, but at the word “mom,” Haneul’s lips quivered and her face looked like she was about to cry. Then, before Jiwoon could do anything, she burst into tears.

“My mom is sick. She’s so sick she can’t even walk properly…!”

Fat tears dripped into the cocoa cup she hadn’t even touched. Seeing Haneul crying her heart out, Jiwoon became restless and looked around, then quickly went into the emergency room, got a handful of tissues, and came back to squat in front of Haneul.

Jiwoon, who was gently wiping away the tears that were pouring out ceaselessly as if from a turned-on faucet, squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them, feeling a lump in his throat. He didn’t know why, but seeing the crying Haneul made his past self overlap with her.

How scared must she have been, how frightened. Jiwoon could understand Haneul. He remembered himself at eight years old, unable to do anything as he watched his brother lose consciousness, bleeding profusely. His young self, who couldn’t even grasp the depth or breadth of it, that is, who didn’t even know it was a sense of loss, had also burst into tears alone like this in a space full of strangers.

His parents, who should have been by his side, were also floundering in the same sense of loss and couldn’t take care of him, and he, being sensitive to their moods, couldn’t even cry properly in their presence. Then, when he was left alone, an unbearable emotion would well up and he would cry sorrowfully.

Perhaps Haneul was like that right now. She must have waited for Hanbyeol, trembling in that chaotic house. But then Hanbyeol collapsed in that state, and her sick mother must have seemed out of her mind. He couldn’t even fathom what a huge burden a child of only ten years old must be carrying in her heart.

“Y-your oppa got a little c-cut here. H-his eye is fine and h-his head is fine too. He just needs a few s-stitches. A-and your mom is not h-hurt anywhere either. I-I asked.”

Jiwoon pointed to his own eyelid and explained as best he could so as not to scare Haneul.

“Th-they said he’s okay. And we’re at the h-hospital. N-nothing will happen. I’ll s-stay with you until y-your mom comes.”

Jiwoon took the paper cup Haneul was holding and placed a wad of tissues in her hand.

“I-it’s okay to cry. W-were you scared?”

At Jiwoon’s words, Haneul nodded and cried even more sorrowfully. He didn’t tell her not to cry. How much must she have wanted to cry? If she were even told not to cry, there would be nothing Haneul could do right now.

“What if my oppa dies?”