JKA 16

If he could, he wanted to become that kind of person. The reason he wanted to die was simply because this was all he amounted to. Therefore, there was no way his brother’s name would be in that encyclopedia-like civil complaint. Besides, what would change if 1129 knew that fact? The fact that he wanted to disappear just like this wouldn’t change.

To be precise, Jiwoon didn’t want to die. He just wanted to disappear. If he died, how devastated would his parents be? If he hadn’t worried about that, he would have done something long before 1129 appeared.

Jiwoon just let out a hollow laugh. The wet towel on his forehead quickly became lukewarm, a sign that he really did have a fever. 1129 watched Jiwoon, who was foolishly laughing to himself and then stopping, before getting up from his seat.

“Seeing you laugh, I guess you have some energy. Still, you have to go to the hospital since it will affect your attendance record. If you go and just say you have body aches from a cold, they’ll probably write you a prescription for something.”

As if he expected Jiwoon to retort, asking how he could possibly say he got sick from having sex all night, 1129 turned his head and spoke while standing in front of the dining table.

“You know this too, but you’re the one who clung to me, not the other way around. Don’t you dare start running your mouth about this and that and then throw a fit saying you’re going to die of embarrassment again.”

At 1129’s words, Jiwoon let out a long, sigh-like breath and closed his eyes. He didn’t particularly feel sleepy. He was also afraid that if he went to sleep, he would have that dream again. His whole body felt as heavy as water-logged cotton. As 1129 said, his body was stick-thin from never exercising, but it wasn’t a weak constitution. He had rarely ever been this sick.

“Hey.”

While he was lost in this and that thought, at 1129’s sudden call, Jiwoon opened his eyes and turned his head slightly. Then he saw 1129, who in that time had set out porridge on the dining table and was holding medicine.

“If you have the energy to laugh, get up and eat.”

“…”

“Surely you’re not asking me to feed you, are you? I don’t want to provide that kind of service, so don’t dawdle and get up.”

1129 showered him with nagging as usual, and in response, Jiwoon gripped the towel on his head and slowly got up. Then he trudged the few steps to the dining table and sat down.

“Just like a nanny, for real.”

1129, sitting across from him, placed a spoon in Jiwoon’s hand. He didn’t have much of an appetite, but Jiwoon did as he was told and started to eat the porridge little by little. Only after seeing that did 1129 get up and open the small refrigerator next to the table.

“While you were sleeping, you were singing a song about ice cream, ice cream, so I bought some on my way to buy cigarettes.”

For a moment, Jiwoon’s eyes went wide as he saw the few ice creams in the freezer. Perhaps because the inside of the short refrigerator was clearly visible, the presence of the few ice creams seemed incredibly large.

“Just eat one. Don’t eat two or three and then whine that you have a stomachache…”

“…”

“What, are you crying?”

At 1129’s words, Jiwoon looked at him. Only then did Jiwoon realize he was crying. He hurriedly tried to wipe away the tears, but for some reason, they wouldn’t stop. Seeing this, 1129, uncharacteristically flustered, even forgot to close the refrigerator door as he spoke.

“Hey, why are you crying over something like this? Fine, eat two or three, eat as many as you damn well please.”

“…I, I’m not eating ice cream.”

“…”

“I ha, hate ice cream.”

At the sight of Jiwoon, still holding the spoon, bursting into sobs, 1129 decided to try and soothe him first, pulling Jiwoon’s head into an embrace.

“You’re not a little kid, really…”

Even while hearing such a rebuke, Jiwoon couldn’t stop crying.

Episode 10

“The bastard who said he hates ice cream is sure eating it well. Is he possessed by the ghost of someone who died without getting to eat?”

1129 said as he watched Jiwoon, with his puffy eyes, devour three ice creams in an instant. The guy had blubbered about not liking ice cream, barely touching the porridge he had gone to the trouble of making—he was a real piece of work.

“You should go to the hospital.”

“I just took medicine…”

Jiwoon looked up at 1129 with an ice cream stick in his mouth, as if asking what he was talking about. Then 1129 poked Jiwoon’s head and said.

“A mental hospital.”

“…”

“The way I see it, to fix you, you’ll need at least three people on the job. Go to a big hospital if you can, don’t go ruining the life of a neighborhood doctor who was living just fine.”

He never had a nice way of putting things. Making porridge, buying ice cream, and even getting medicine from the pharmacy were possible, but speaking kindly seemed to be difficult for him. Well, it wasn’t as if this stemmed from 1129’s goodwill. To use a loose analogy, he was just an office worker with God as his boss, and since he himself was like a petitioner, 1129 was probably just humoring him to a certain extent.

Still, it was quite nice to have someone by his side when he was sick. How long had it been since he had eaten ice cream? To Jiwoon, ice cream was like a conglomerate tightly bound with bad memories. Not a trace of sweetness remained.

It was so riddled with regret that just looking at it brought tears to his eyes. When he was a child, it was a snack that was like a reward, but after that day, it could no longer be that. But today, Jiwoon ate ice cream with his own hands. And he did it in front of 1129, who was watching him with a look of disbelief.

‘I’ll let it slide today.’

In truth, there was nothing to let slide or not. Had he ever properly stood up to 1129? Still, Jiwoon felt a little grateful to 1129, enough to be able to endure those nasty words one more time. It was because he felt that someday, when he thought of ice cream, today’s memory might dilute that day’s memory just a little.

Today’s actions were better than any of the things 1129 had done so far, supposedly for his sake. Did he even know that? No, he probably didn’t. That must be why he was teasing him by telling him to go to the hospital.

“I’ll come and wake you, so lie down quietly. Seeing how you ate, you’ll probably get a stomachache too…”

1129 took the ice cream stick that Jiwoon was still holding and spoke as he cleared away all the trash left on the table. Jiwoon blinked, his eyes following 1129’s back.

“Wh, where are you going?”

“Yeah.”

“Where…”

“Do I have to tell you?”

“…”

“Stop talking and lie down and sleep. Don’t play games on your phone, don’t watch anything weird. Don’t turn on your laptop either. Got it?”

After rattling off a stream of nagging like a real parent, 1129 sighed when Jiwoon frowned without answering.

“What, what’s the problem.”

“…”

“Seriously, you’re so damn hard to please.”

Saying that, 1129 swept Jiwoon up in a princess carry. Jiwoon thrashed in surprise, but because the room was small, it wasn’t long before his body was tumbling onto the bed. He was momentarily startled by the sudden drop, but when he whipped his head around to say something, no one was there.

Feeling a bit empty, Jiwoon blinked in his awkward position. Should he say it felt somehow vacant? It was a rather strange feeling. It wasn’t the first time 1129 had vanished in a flash, but this was the first time he felt like he had sadly missed something.

“Even if you say something…”

Jiwoon let all the strength go out of his body and buried his face in the pillow. Do I have to tell you where I’m going? If he asks, can’t he at least give him an answer? He was the one who had pestered him to just say something, say anything, but when he actually asked, he wouldn’t even answer.

Come to think of it, he didn’t even know where 1129 went when he suddenly disappeared. Did he go to heaven? Did he write some kind of report? Things he hadn’t even been curious about until now swirled in his head. And in the meantime, perhaps because the medicine was kicking in, sleep slowly began to wash over him.

It was a completely pitch-black space. It was so vast that you couldn’t tell where it ended or where it began. And floating in between the darkness were round, shining orbs. There were countless of them, shining in various colors.

‘How is it?’

‘I don’t know where I am standing.’

1129, who had just shed his baby angel form and was beginning to grow up a little, was holding his hand. He spoke to 1129, who was constantly looking around.

‘Isn’t it beautiful?’

‘What is?’

‘All these things here.’

‘I don’t really know.’

Is this what people call beautiful? 1129 perceived this space as just orbs floating around in some big, black place. But the one who had brought 1129 here didn’t seem to think so. He let out a small laugh at 1129’s answer. Then he lifted 1129 up and placed him on his shoulders.

‘What is this act?’

Just as he did when he first held his hand, 1129 asked for the reason for this current action. In response, he held 1129’s legs so he wouldn’t fall and slowly walked through the darkness.

‘It’s an act that lets you see high places in a fun way. You’re small, and I’m big, you see.’

‘I have wings, so I can fly high.’

‘It’s tiring to keep flapping your wings.’

‘It’s not tiring.’

‘That’s because you’re used to it. Because flying is more comfortable than walking. What was it like when you first walked?’

1129 thought back to when he had started to grow. Walking for the first time. Yes, that was a little difficult. He had only flown from the moment he was born, so he wasn’t used to using his legs. That was why 1129 often asked why he had to walk. Because he had wings, he questioned why he had to use his legs.

‘It was difficult.’

‘Then how is it now, when you don’t have to walk on your own?’

‘It’s comfortable.’

‘Yes, it’s like that.’

1129 wanted to lower his head to see his face, but he could only see the top of his head, so he narrowed his brow.

‘What does that have to do with this current act? I have accepted the reason why I must walk. Because you said that sometimes we have to blend in with humans.’

‘And?’