JKA 73

“…I have never thought of them as precious.”

“Why would you be curious about something that isn’t precious?”

“…”

“Who would be curious about something that gets kicked underfoot? 1129, I was merely unable to answer your question; I have never once said that it was wrong.”

In the vast world, countless humans were born and died, again and again. Humans were as common as could be, so much so that they could be kicked underfoot, and from a distance, they had no meaning. But when looked at very closely, that was not the case. Each lived with their own meaning and purpose. Nothing could be the right answer, and nothing could be called the wrong answer.

“To give you a late answer, I believe that life has no meaning at all.”

“Why is that?”

“Because it doesn’t have to.”

“…”

“But if you think that a meaningless life is also okay, doesn’t that itself become a meaning? You can’t say that life is only life if you find meaning, and you can’t say that only a meaningful life is life. So if you ask what meaning there is in living, it is not easy to answer.”

1129, what meaning is there in your life? God asked, but 1129 did not answer. Just a moment ago, he had been thinking that it would be better to be annihilated forever than to live like this; what answer could he possibly give to that question?

God slowly rose to his feet. Then, he lifted the hand that had been resting on 1129’s head and turned it so that the palm faced the sky. At that, a crystal, not round but jagged all over, floated up from his hand.

“Take this to the crystal repository.”

With his words, the rough crystal slowly approached 1129’s eyes. Without realizing it, 1129 reached out his hand and received the crystal. Compared to the crystals that emitted all sorts of brilliant light in the crystal repository, it was shabby and small, with a humble shape.

“That is the punishment I bestow upon you.”

“…Are you telling me to go back to the crystal repository?”

“…”

“To keep peeking at the memories of humans who are already dead there?”

1129 shot to his feet, clutching the crystal. The thorn-like edges of the crystal painfully pricked his palm. The thing that should be treated as more precious than anything else was on the verge of being crushed.

“What on earth did you hope I would realize by Myeong Jiwoon’s side? That there is meaning even in a life that I think is meaningless? Life is something that has no meaning at all if you die, so was making me just watch a life lived without meaning the punishment you gave me?”

“…”

“I wanted Myeong Jiwoon to find meaning. I didn’t care what it was. If it turned out to be me, yes. I thought that would be better. As long as that bastard didn’t die… if only that could happen.”

1129’s face crumpled into a mess. All his pain had melted away like snow in front of God, yet he was still being tormented by something of unknown origin. Jiwoon’s face kept shimmering before his eyes. The sight of it was driving him crazy.

“I know he won’t die now. No, he won’t be able to die. Compensation for damages, you say? How can a life where he remembers nothing be compensation? Why must I be the only one with those memories…”

“…”

“Why must I be the only one to live with them?”

He couldn’t bear the fact that the memories he had with Jiwoon were engraved only in him. He couldn’t understand why it had to be this way. Wasn’t there a better farewell? Hadn’t there been moments for it, and had he missed them all? Such thoughts kept coming to him.

“I still can’t understand humans who kill themselves, and I can’t understand all the things that die even if they struggle to live without doing so. Why do you only tell me to watch all those deaths?”

“1129.”

“In the crystal repository, you know, it’s full of only dead people. No matter what light they emit, the end is only death. It doesn’t matter what that human was thinking in their last moment, whether they laughed or cried, whatever. They go too far away, leaving someone behind. To some place where we can never meet again…”

Just like himself, they met their end without being able to convey all the regrets left in their hearts and the gratitude they hadn’t been able to express. 1129 couldn’t bear to be in the middle of all those farewells.

“Leaving me alone here.”

“Are you really going to be okay?”

At Hanbyeol’s question, Jiwoon nodded his head. A worried gaze followed him, but Jiwoon, who pretended not to notice and forced a smile, had his eyes fixed on Egi.

After Jiwoon and Hanbyeol had fled the chicken restaurant, the film club members acted as if nothing had happened that day. Egi was naturally blending in with the members and preparing for the shoot, as if this had been his place from the very beginning.

Jiwoon was also acting as if nothing had happened. Jiwoon, who attended his lecture the day after he collapsed, sat next to Hanbyeol and greeted him with a nonchalant expression. Hanbyeol, who had naturally braced himself for Jiwoon to avoid him, was extremely flustered by the unexpected situation.

Since 17 had said he would only touch the parts related to 1129, most of the memories of what happened at the chicken restaurant should have remained intact. But no matter how much a part of his memory was manipulated, there was no need for him to have such a perfectly okay look on his face.

Because 17 had warned him not to say anything that might make him think of 1129, Hanbyeol could do nothing but accept Jiwoon’s greeting. It was even more so because he couldn’t ask how much he remembered. There was a mountain of things he wanted to ask, like if he was okay and if anything had happened since then, but he couldn’t say a word. He didn’t know what words might become a trigger for Jiwoon.

And so, the weekday flew by, and the weekend arrived. The film club members seemed to have cut out only the part where Jiwoon ran away, remembering that day only as a cheerful gathering. Jiwoon did not bring up the incident of that day first. For Hanbyeol, who remembered everything, this situation was just agonizing.

Is it really okay to leave all of this as it is? That question arose. Hanbyeol had promised to remain silent in front of Jiwoon on the condition that Egi would not approach his family, excluding himself. Even if Jiwoon were to regain his memories and resent him again, he had no choice but to endure it.

It was a choice made with firm resolve, but there was nothing he could do about feeling uneasy. He had to continue to face Jiwoon with a calm expression and attitude, holding a secret with no clear time limit. Hanbyeol felt like his blood was drying up day by day from the overwhelming guilt.

In the midst of all this, Jiwoon finally decided to appear in the movie the film club was making. By that point, Hanbyeol also found it hard to bear and ended up asking if he had forgotten who was in that movie. To Hanbyeol’s question, Jiwoon answered that he knew.

He had run away and even fainted without being able to properly face him, so he pressed him, asking if that made any sense. How could he, in his right mind, do something like act with a demon who had the face of his dead brother? Hanbyeol couldn’t even imagine it.

According to the members’ plan to reduce the number of shooting days as much as possible to save on the budget, the entire weekend was dedicated to the movie. That meant that Jiwoon and Egi had to be face-to-face all day for two days over the weekend.

Even worse, if that wasn’t enough, they had to make time and face Egi again whenever needed. Hanbyeol had tried to dissuade Jiwoon the whole time, but he couldn’t win against the stubborn Jiwoon in the end. Eventually, Hanbyeol also expressed his intention to participate in the movie and followed Jiwoon. It was because he couldn’t possibly leave him alone.

“Wh-what did you say that d-demon’s name was?”

“Egi.”

“Ah… right. You said they call him Eggi because his name is Egi.”

Jiwoon, who was standing side by side with Hanbyeol a little away from the group, was still following Egi’s movements with his eyes. Then, suddenly, Egi turned his head slightly, and their eyes met. Egi smiled faintly at Jiwoon, and Hanbyeol, who spotted it, let out an annoyed sigh.

“I really hate the sight of him so much I could die.”

“Did you t-talk to him separately? After leaving th-that chicken place.”

“…I did, but.”

Hanbyeol hesitated a little, unable to immediately explain what had happened. That day, he had headed home with heavy feet because 17 said he would stay by the side of the still-unconscious Jiwoon. He had said he wanted to stay until Jiwoon woke up if at all possible, but 17 had refused.

The reason was that he didn’t know when Jiwoon would wake up, and he planned to finish manipulating his memories before he did, so it would be troublesome if Hanbyeol was there as soon as he opened his eyes. He said that if he only erased the memories of 1129, it might seem like that would be enough, but in reality, it wasn’t.

He said that in Jiwoon’s memory, 1129 and Hanbyeol were quite deeply connected, so if he saw Hanbyeol right after his memories were deleted, he might suddenly recall the forgotten memories. He asked him to at least let them meet after he had relayed the story of Myeong Seonwoo.

He was saying that if he overwrote Jiwoon’s memory with the most shocking fact, his priorities would naturally change, so he should wait for that. He was going to make it so that he wouldn’t even have time to retrace the strange, changed memories one by one, which, in short, meant he was going to throw Jiwoon into a different hell.

Anyway, that 17 kept his part of the promise after seeing Hanbyeol meekly leave the emergency room and go home, and also not do anything that might revive Jiwoon’s memories. Egi, who found out about this, suddenly appeared in front of Hanbyeol, who had come home around dawn, and threw all sorts of fits.

‘I’m going to file a formal complaint. This is totally interference with business! Why do those fucking angels butt in and mess things up every single time? Why!’

Egi, still wearing Myeong Seonwoo’s face, was practically jumping up and down as if he couldn’t contain his anger. Whether he did or not, Hanbyeol was extremely tired, so he just flopped down on the bed.

Then, he completely ignored Egi, whether he was chattering away or not, and closed his eyes. Of course, Egi also stuck to his side, whether Hanbyeol was sleeping or not, and grated on his nerves.

‘They’re playing you. If they were going to save you, they should have saved everyone, but is it the right thing for an angel to do to single you out and block them from approaching the rest?’

‘…’

‘And you can sleep after being used like that? What is Myeong Jiwoon to you? There’s something else that’s really important, isn’t there?’

‘…’

‘Hey, Im Hanbyeol!’

As he shrieked, a sudden burst of irritation surged through him when he was already dead tired. Hanbyeol’s closed eyes shot open, and he sat up and glared at Egi.

‘If Myeong Jiwoon wasn’t important to me, would you have dared to show up in front of us with that mug? Think before you speak.’

‘What?’

‘And you know better than anyone that I can make any choice to protect my family. Isn’t that why you stick to my side every day, spouting all sorts of bullshit?’

‘…’

‘Cut the crap. This isn’t helping you at all. If you go back empty-handed, you’re the one who loses in the end, aren’t you? If I were you, I’d be looking for another guy at a time like this.’

Try roaming the streets; there are guys littered all over the place, spouting off that they’d even sell their souls to a demon. Hanbyeol sneered with a sharp voice and then lay back down again. Egi, enraged, screamed like a madman, but it was none of Hanbyeol’s business. Now, all he had to do was endure.

‘This is my job as a demon, and neither the angel nor you has the right to say anything, you know? But it’s true that the two of you ganged up on me and screwed me over!’

‘I did it to protect my own soul, so what’s the problem with that? Please just shut your mouth.’

‘What’s the problem? Everything is the problem, everything! My plan has been completely ruined! I’m going to get revenge. Just you watch!’

‘Revenge? I’m the one who should be getting revenge. Do you even know what you did today? If you were going to mess with someone, you should have only messed with me. Why did you drag in an innocent person?’

‘This face, what, did you think I came here knowing it was that kind of face? There were circumstances…’

‘Whatever, if you’re going to complain, do it in hell or in heaven. Don’t throw a fit at me. Am I your boss? Your master?’