Vol 6 Ch 15

He ran until he was out of breath. He sprinted from the entrance to the exit, frantically checking every person he passed. There was no sign of Inseop.

“F*ck, seriously…”

Wooyeon wiped the sweat-drenched hair from his forehead.

‘He said the same person appeared in his dreams every night. He couldn’t remember who they were, but he thought it might be someone he used to date. I advised him to meet that person if possible, as it could be related to his memory. I also suggested that visiting places from his dreams could help…’

The day Inseop left the hospital, he asked if he could take him to the aquarium. Without thinking much, he took him to the nearest one. Then, Inseop asked him:

‘Have we been here together before?’

As if he already knew the answer.

Lee Wooyeon immediately drove to the aquarium they had visited together a year ago. It was the only place Choi Inseop could recall. He was convinced that if Inseop was anywhere, it would be there.

But even after running around breathlessly, he couldn’t find Inseop. He felt like he was going to lose his mind. If he lost Inseop now… where would he even begin to search?

“Excuse me, are you Lee Wooyeon by any chance?”

Someone approached the exhausted Lee Wooyeon. He anxiously looked around. Even though the person spoke to him several more times, he didn’t acknowledge them.

“Isn’t that Lee Wooyeon Lee?”

“It really looks like him.”

As the women walked away muttering in annoyance, a memory flashed in Lee Wooyeon’s mind.

He turned and ran, pushing open a metal door marked “Authorized Personnel Only.” Inseop, crouched on the ground, looked up in surprise. His tear-streaked face made Lee Wooyeon realize at that moment that, sooner or later, Inseop would be the death of him.

“What are you doing here? How did you even get here…?”

“…You shouldn’t have come…”

“What?”

“Why are you here…? This isn’t right… it’s not supposed to be like this…”

Inseop sobbed, incoherently rambling. Lee Wooyeon took off his coat and wrapped it around Inseop’s shoulders.

“Let’s stop this. Get up, you’ll catch a cold.”

“…….”

Inseop shook his head. Knowing how stubborn he could be despite his gentle nature, Lee Wooyeon gave up on convincing him. He bent down, wrapped Inseop tightly in his coat, and lifted him up in his arms.

“What are you doing… let me down…”

“Just stay still.”

“Put me down. I can—”

“Stay still, I said!”

Inseop swallowed his breath and shrank back, causing tears to spill from his large eyes. Veins stood out on Lee Wooyeon’s hand as he held Inseop close.

“…Please. Let’s talk in the car.”

Inseop didn’t respond. Lee Wooyeon carried him to the car and gently placed him in the passenger seat before getting into the driver’s side. He turned the heater on high and studied Inseop’s pale face.

“Are you okay? Does anything hurt?”

Inseop pushed his hand away. Lee Wooyeon glanced down at his hand but continued talking, pretending nothing had happened.

“Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

Inseop shook his head. His eyes were swollen and red from crying.

Thinking about Inseop crying alone where no one could see made Lee Wooyeon’s heart ache.

“Why are you crying?”

“…….”

“Is it because of me? Did I do something wrong?”

Inseop kept his lips tightly shut, shaking his head, as if that was all he knew how to do.

Lee Wooyeon’s grip on the steering wheel tightened, and he started the car.

“We’re going to the hospital. You need to get checked…”

“…I don’t need to go.”

“They said it’s natural to feel confused as your memories return. So, let’s just—”

“…I want to go home.”

Inseop’s voice was muffled by tears, but he was clearly stating his intention.

“We promised that if you felt sick, we’d go to the hospital.”

“…I never made that promise. I didn’t… I never did.”

Inseop stammered, then added that he just wanted to go home.

“What the hell…”

Lee Wooyeon noticed Inseop’s trembling hands. In that moment, he realized the “home” Inseop was referring to wasn’t the one they shared.

“…Are you saying you want to go back to the U.S.?”

Inseop quickly nodded.

 

“Later. Right now, you need to rest…”

 

“I, I want to go home. Please… let me go home.”

 

Lee Wooyeon cursed under his breath, slamming the steering wheel. Inseop, terrified, started crying again. Lee Wooyeon gripped the wheel tightly once more.

 

“If you lend me your phone, I’ll ask my parents. I’ll handle it myself, I won’t be a bother…”

 

“Handle what yourself?” Lee Wooyeon snapped coldly. He knew Inseop was watching his every move in fear, but he kept his eyes on the road, driving ahead.

 

“Listen to me for now. We’re going to the hospital first.”

 

“I don’t want to go to the hospital. I want to go home… Please, I’m begging you.”

 

Lee Wooyeon pulled the car over to a quiet spot on the side of the road. Inseop flinched and trembled with fear.

 

“Why are you like this?” Lee Wooyeon asked.

 

“……”

 

“We were doing fine.”

 

When he found Inseop asleep in his home after a night of drinking, conflicting thoughts had run through Lee Wooyeon’s mind. Why did he call Inseop his brother? There was nothing saying he couldn’t be more than that. Maybe the only reason Inseop, or rather Peter, stayed by his side was because he thought of him as a brother.

 

“We were fine. F*ck, what more do you want? What am I supposed to do?”

 

Lee Wooyeon pressed his head, which was now throbbing with pain. The moment he realized that Inseop had disappeared, his head felt like it was going to split open. It wasn’t anger he felt; it was fear and despair. The trust Inseop had in him wasn’t enough to hold him back, and that terrified Lee Wooyeon.

 

“I’m not going to the hospital,” Inseop repeated, his voice shaking. Lee Wooyeon gritted his teeth. His patience was wearing thin. He wanted nothing more than to drag Inseop to the hospital by force and have him admitted.

 

“Why don’t you want to go to the hospital?” Lee Wooyeon asked. Inseop just shook his head again.

 

“Is it because you don’t want your memories back?”

 

Lee Wooyeon voiced the thoughts he had buried deep down. The doctor had said that, at most, it would take two weeks for his memory to return. Since it was a mild concussion, recovery should’ve been quick. Every morning when Lee Wooyeon woke Inseop, he hoped that he would be recognized. But then he started to wonder—maybe Inseop didn’t want to remember.

 

“Would you rather not regain your memory and just go back to the U.S.?”

 

Inseop didn’t answer. Lee Wooyeon let out a short, frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair. He was boiling with anger and irritation.

 

Unbuckling his seatbelt, Lee Wooyeon leaned over toward Inseop, grabbing his shoulders and attempting to kiss him. Inseop, shocked, pushed him away.

 

“No, don’t…”

 

In the darkness, Lee Wooyeon’s eyes gleamed as he pressed his lips against Inseop’s, kissing him forcefully. Inseop struggled to push him away, but it was no use. Lee Wooyeon grabbed his chin, forcing Inseop’s mouth open. The taste of his lips was so sweet that it was enough to drive Lee Wooyeon mad.

 

Just from the kiss alone, Lee Wooyeon felt like he was going to lose control.

 

With a low moan, he pulled Inseop closer. But then—

 

“…!”

 

Lee Wooyeon pulled away, touching his lips. Blood trickled from his lower lip where Inseop had bitten him. Slowly, he licked his lips, tasting the blood, and chuckled softly.

 

“…Stop.”

 

“Why?”

 

Lee Wooyeon asked as he kissed Inseop’s cheek, even as blood stained his lips. Inseop trembled helplessly with every touch. The sight enraged Lee Wooyeon.

 

“Why can’t I?”

 

“You’re my brother…”

 

Lee Wooyeon let out a short laugh.

 

“You don’t see me as a brother.”

 

“……”

 

Inseop looked up at him with wide eyes, as if struck by his words.

 

“A brother? Don’t give me that bullshit. If you really thought of me as your brother…”

 

Lee Wooyeon exhaled slowly, trying to control the anger rising within him.

 

He knew what family meant to Inseop. Abandoned because of a heart defect, it was his family who had taken him in. They were the most fragile and precious part of Inseop’s life. That was why Lee Wooyeon had lied to him, saying they were brothers. To a seventeen-year-old boy who had never experienced love, family was everything. Lee Wooyeon had wanted to be a part of that.

 

But he realized now that Inseop had never truly seen him as a brother. If he had, then kind and gentle Choi Inseop would never have left him to go back to the U.S.

 

“You never thought of me as your brother.”

 

At first, Lee Wooyeon had planned to play along, waiting for Inseop’s memories to return. But once he realized that Inseop wouldn’t let him in, his anger boiled over. He felt like he would never be able to break into Inseop’s world.

 

“…I couldn’t…”

 

“What?”

 

“…I did something wrong… I shouldn’t have…”

 

Inseop’s shoulders started to shake, and he began to cry even harder than before.

 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have looked at you like that… I’m so sorry.”

 

Through his tears, Inseop apologized. It drove Lee Wooyeon crazy. He was so pitiful and beautiful that all Lee Wooyeon wanted to do was hold him and kiss him, beg him to stop crying.

 

“I shouldn’t have done that… I was wrong for thinking of you that way…”

 

Inseop, unable to bear the shame any longer, covered his face with his hands. Tears trickled down, slipping through the gaps between his fingers.

 

Even in such a moment, Inseop was apologizing for faults that weren’t even his. The thought of relying on his kindness, while knowing his own cowardice, made him feel unbearably wretched at times.

 

“I’m sorry,” Inseop repeated, his voice thick with tears. Wooyeon sighed as he wiped his face.

 

“Has your memory returned?”

 

Inseop shook his head.

 

“…How did you know?”

 

Without a word, Inseop, trembling, pulled a crumpled photo from his pocket and held it out. In the photo, two people were smiling, arms wrapped around each other, kissing. Anyone who saw it would unmistakably assume they were lovers.

 

“I… I shouldn’t have… I’ll go to hell for this. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have looked for you… I’m so sorry.”

 

Inseop’s voice cracked with sobs as he struggled to breathe between his words.

 

He confessed that he had been the one to seek out Wooyeon in Korea. It was clear to him that the start of this troubled relationship was his fault.

 

Inseop believed he needed to regain his memories. If he had done something wrong, he should apologize and make it right. He had sat in the only familiar place, praying for his memories to return. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t recall anything about the person he had seen in his dreams. All he could remember were feelings — the tenderness, the pounding of his heart, the happiness, and at times, the overwhelming emotion that made his throat burn.

 

And those were the same feelings he had every time he looked at Wooyeon. His chest would tighten, his heart would race painfully, and… he’d feel so nervous and affectionate that he didn’t know what to do.

 

At some point, Wooyeon had told him he had no family here. Inseop thought that he must have taken advantage of that vulnerability, doing something cowardly. It was clear. Even without his memories, he was feeling those same emotions all over again just by looking at Wooyeon.

 

The idea of regaining his memories became terrifying. What if he ruined Wooyeon’s life again? He was scared… so scared.

 

“Do you trust me?”

 

That voice echoed in his mind. Even though he shouldn’t have, Inseop found himself missing Wooyeon. And then, as if summoned by that very thought, Wooyeon appeared, drenched in sweat. The moment he saw the man’s disheveled face, Inseop thought:

 

…I deserve to go to hell.

 

“…I’m sorry. I did something wrong.”

 

Inseop, begging for forgiveness, was met with Wooyeon’s complicated gaze before he spoke.

 

“There’s nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who clung to you because I liked you.”

 

“…What?”

 

Inseop’s tear-filled eyes widened.

 

“Sure, you liked me first. But I was the one who asked you out. I told you I’d die if you didn’t live with me. I cried and begged, forcing you to stay. I held you back and… I forced myself on you. I told you I only had you, and that I wanted to live with you until we died… F*ck.”

 

Wooyeon ran his hand through his messy hair, holding back his emotions. Inseop blinked, unable to believe what he was hearing, and shook his head.

 

“That’s a lie…”

 

“It’s not a lie. You don’t know the lengths I went to just to be with you… It’s the truth.”

 

Inseop stared at him in disbelief. The man in front of him, impeccably dressed from head to toe, was looking back at him with sincerity.

 

Inseop shook his head. He couldn’t believe that a man like Wooyeon had cried and begged him.

 

“You’re lying. You tricked me…”

 

Wooyeon grabbed Inseop’s wrist.

 

“Then what would’ve been the right thing to do?”

 

“……”

 

“Should I have just said from the start that we used to sleep together? Would you have believed me if I’d been that honest?”

 

When Inseop couldn’t bring himself to nod, Wooyeon let out a bitter laugh.

 

“I’m sorry for deceiving you. I was scared you’d freak out and leave for America. I thought your memories would come back soon. The doctor said so too, and in movies, people just wake up like nothing happened…”

 

Wooyeon pulled Inseop’s hand to his cheek.

 

“…You won’t believe me, and you won’t see me as a younger brother either. Can’t you just get your memories back?”

 

It was a childish plea. The man who always seemed so composed and untouchable was showing his weakness in the simplest way. Wooyeon rubbed his face against Inseop’s hand. Inseop couldn’t pull away. Wooyeon, who was holding his wrist, looked so pitiful and tender that he couldn’t move.

 

“Inseop… Inseop.”

 

He wasn’t crying, but it looked as if he were. The hand holding Inseop was hot.

 

“…I really can’t do without you… Please.”

 

‘I told you I’d die if you didn’t live with me. I cried and begged, forced you to stay, forced myself on you… Told you I only had you and wanted to live with you until we died.’

 

Memories he didn’t have washed over him. Inseop looked at the hand holding his. Wooyeon’s fingers trembled slightly, just like the day he had pulled him from the lake to check if he was okay.

 

“Please, Inseop. Just remember a little bit. Just a little.”

 

Wooyeon pleaded as he locked eyes with him. Inseop wanted to cry. The tears that had subsided surged up again, choking him. Slowly, Wooyeon reached out and wiped the tears from Inseop’s eyes. More tears kept welling up. Wooyeon persistently, gently wiped them away, tracing the heat from his eyes down his cheek until it reached his lips.

 

“…Don’t cry.”

 

Wooyeon, looking as if he might cry himself, whispered.

 

“If you cry like that… I’ll really lose it.”

 

With a sigh, Wooyeon leaned in, their lips about to touch. As Inseop tried to turn his head, Wooyeon whispered in the space between them, “Just a little. That’s all I need.”

 

There wasn’t even time to think that this was wrong. The man clinging to him, like an abandoned child, was too heartbreaking to ignore. Inseop found himself gazing at him. Their eyes met. And at the same time, their lips connected. A tongue slipped between his parted lips, stealing his breath. Their lips collided, tongues rubbed together, their ragged breaths mixed, and saliva dripped. The lack of air made his vision blur. When Inseop came to his senses, he realized he was hanging onto Wooyeon’s arm.

 

Wooyeon, having pulled away, rested his forehead against Inseop’s and looked down at him. He said nothing. Only the sound of their breathing filled the space.

 

Why?

 

As Inseop stared up at Wooyeon in a daze, he finally realized. Wooyeon was waiting. Waiting for the permission that would follow.

 

What should I do? What should I say? What do I want?

 

“…Inseop.”

 

His name came out in a barely audible whisper. That was all. Yet Inseop could feel how much Wooyeon desired him. The man’s black eyes gleamed with lust and excitement. His gaze was sultry, almost predatory, as it roamed over Inseop’s face. His nose brushed lightly against him before pulling away. It was like an animal’s courting ritual, and the act left Inseop feeling as if his entire being was melting from the heat.

 

Inseop slowly closed his eyes.