Vol 5 Ch 13

“I’m sorry.”

<No, it’s okay.>

Holding the phone, Inseop kept apologizing.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t expect this to happen.”

His grandmother, who had been fine until the morning, suddenly took a turn for the worse.

<Don’t apologize. It’s nothing to be sorry about.>

“…I feel like I keep breaking promises.”

<It’s fine. Really, I don’t mind.>

There was a brief silence.

<How’s your grandmother doing?>

“…I’m not sure.”

<She’ll get better, I’m sure of it.>

Despite the reassurance, Inseop felt strangely lonely. He gripped the phone tighter.

“…Wooyeon, are you alone right now?”

<No, I’m with John.>

The playful answer came back.

“…Not John. I mean, being alone on a day like today.”

It was their first Christmas together since he had come to the US. He felt guilty for leaving Wooyeon alone on such a day.

<Then let’s spend next Christmas together.>

“Yes, we will. No matter what, we will.”

Inseop nodded resolutely as he responded.

<I’ll hang up now.>

Inseop suddenly remembered he hadn’t given a Christmas greeting. He called out urgently, “Wooyeon.”

<Yes, what is it?>

“M-Merry Christmas.”

He heard cheerful laughter through the phone. …He must be smiling like a boy. …he missed him.

<I got it. Merry Christmas. Sleep well.>

After finishing the call, Inseop returned to the hospital room. His grandmother was asleep. He noticed the basket of flowers by the window. Wooyeon had sent it.

Pink roses.

Her favorite flowers. Inseop had mentioned it to Wooyeon in passing once. He never forgot a word Inseop said, always finding a way to remember and reciprocate. Even if it was just a gesture disguised as a formality….

They had promised to spend Christmas together. He must have been upset about it, …he missed him.

Inseop sighed softly as he touched the rose petals.

[Such beautiful flowers.]

He turned around at the sound of his grandmother’s voice. She had woken up and was looking at him.

[You’re awake? How are you feeling?]

[As good as ever, as always.]

Her spirited answer made Inseop laugh. It had been ten years since they found out she had cancer.

‘I’m old, so even the cancer cells spread slowly. It’s a blessing in disguise,’

She had said, smiling bravely. She was the strongest, most courageous person he knew. He truly loved and respected her.

Her health had rapidly declined after his grandfather passed away. Sometimes she lost her memory. Other days, she would clearly recall old events.

[But who sent those flowers? There aren’t any men left who would send me flowers.]

Inseop answered with a shy smile,

[A friend of mine.]

[They are really beautiful.]

[Yes.]

He probably asked for the best flowers to be sent.

Inseop smiled at the blooming roses.

[You like this person, don’t you?]

[What?]

Inseop asked, surprised.

[This ‘friend’ who sent the flowers.]

Her blue eyes were twinkling with a smile. Inseop hesitated, then nodded slightly. She reached out her hand, and he nuzzled his cheek against it like a child.

[My baby has grown up. You have someone you like now.]

Her wrinkled hand gently stroked his cheek.

[What kind of person is he?]

[Just… someone I really like.]

Inseop’s big eyes welled up as he answered.

He liked Wooyeon. Despite the occasional harsh words and incomprehensible actions, …the way he tried to be kind in his own way made Inseop’s heart swell with emotion.

[I need to get better. If I hold on a little longer, I might see a tiny baby, right?]

Inseop couldn’t bring himself to laugh at his grandmother’s joke. He could have just brushed it off or mumbled something vague, but he couldn’t do that.

[…I’m sorry.]

[For what?]

Inseop hung his head, clutching his clothes tightly. It was something he hadn’t been able to say to anyone else. But he didn’t want to deceive his grandmother. The thought of disappointing someone he loved made his hands tremble.

[…For not being able to give you what you want.]

[And what is it that I want?]

Her gentle voice asked again.

[For me to get married, …have children, …and live an ordinary life….]

His throat tightened. Hot tears welled up in his eyes. He hastily wiped away the tear that fell with a splat.

His grandmother playfully flicked the tip of his nose with her finger.

[When did I ever say I wanted that?]

[But earlier….]

[Peter.]

She continued, wiping away her grandson’s tears.

[Every rose in our garden was planted by Sean.]

Sean was his grandfather’s American name.

[He was a taciturn man, you know that?]

Inseop nodded. His grandfather had been a quiet and reserved person.

[Even so, he knew I loved roses and always gave them to me. He would hand me flowers every day with a shy smile. The first thing Sean did when we moved into that house was plant rose bushes for me.]

Isn’t that wonderful? Her question made Inseop nod eagerly. His grandfather had loved her throughout his life. And she had loved him just as much. Perhaps that was why, after his passing, it seemed like she had given up on fighting her illness.

[A person who gifts you beautiful flowers is someone you can’t help but love.]

She smiled, looking at the flowers by the window.

My dear. Her tender call made Inseop answer, “Yes.”

[I just want you to be happy.]

Inseop couldn’t say anything. He just buried his head in her lap, tears streaming down like a child.

Young Peter used to confide in his grandmother things he couldn’t tell even his mother. She was his greatest elder and supporter. When he decided to go to Korea, she was the first to support him.

Grandma, the person I like is another man. He does things most people wouldn’t understand and lacks empathy for others. But even so, …I like him so much…. …More than anything else in the world, …so much that nothing else matters….

***

Inseop opened his eyes in the dark.

“…….”

He realized that he had dreamed of his first Christmas in the United States. That day, his grandmother had persistently pushed him to go.

[Christmas is meant to be spent with someone you love.]

[But Grandma….]

[We’ve already spent so much time together, and I’m so grateful for that.]

Holding her hesitant grandson’s hand, she smiled.

[You need to go to the person waiting for you. Eventually, I’ll be doing the same.]

[Don’t say that.]

His grandmother gently kissed his forehead, soothing his tearful grandson.

[I will pray for you. See you again, Peter.]

That was the last coherent conversation they had. He visited her several more times, but her memory was no longer intact. Some days she recognized him, and other days she treated him like a stranger. They never had another conversation as complete as that one.

…Did Grandma reunite with Grandpa?

Inseop turned over and held his breath for a moment when he noticed the man sleeping soundly beside him.

Oh, right. Lee Wooyeon had come to his house, they went out together, and… they got married.

The surreal conclusion made Inseop chuckle quietly. It was the kind of thing drunken young couples might do in Las Vegas.

Most importantly, getting married to Lee Wooyeon.

“…….”

He looked at the man sleeping next to him.

They had had more s*x and then took a shower. Lee Wooyeon had washed Inseop’s hair, kissing him multiple times. Even though soap stung his eyes, Inseop had endured it to keep kissing him. After rinsing the shampoo with lukewarm water, Lee Wooyeon said,

‘You can open your eyes now.’

His voice had been filled with amusement. Slowly, Inseop opened his eyes. Lee Wooyeon, holding the showerhead, was smiling mischievously like a young boy.

Inseop-ah.

When Lee Wooyeon called him like that in the church, Inseop felt his heart drop. He had been praying with his hands clasped, but his mind went blank, filled only with Lee Wooyeon, as if nothing else in the world existed.

Will you marry me today?

He had said yes. Whether it was today, tomorrow, or any other time, he wanted to do that with him.

Inseop gazed at Lee Wooyeon, who was sleeping with his bangs tousled.

…It’s unbelievable.

He thought of pinching his cheek but stopped, worried that any movement might wake Lee Wooyeon.

How will I tell my parents? Wouldn’t this be a burden to Lee Wooyeon? What about his future activities in Korea?

Just as his mind started to fill with these thoughts, Lee Wooyeon opened his eyes.

“Ah….”

Before Inseop could say anything, Lee Wooyeon smiled. It wasn’t a rehearsed smile, but a pure, sleepy expression.

Lee Wooyeon pulled Inseop into his arms and fell back to sleep. Inseop blinked a couple of times before exhaling the breath he had been holding.

Tears welled up, and he quickly closed his eyes against the burning sensation.

[My dear, I want you to be happy.]

His grandmother’s voice echoed in his mind.

I am happy, Grandma. …Unbelievably happy.

He swallowed the words he never got to say and hugged the person he loved most tightly.

It was a night filled with emotions he couldn’t share with anyone else.