Vol 3 Ch 13

Returning home, he threw off his clothes and fell into bed. Out of habit, he reached out and grabbed the vial and twisted off the cap. He swallowed the pills as fast as he could and drank the water. Closing his eyes only sharpened his razor-sharp mind. Eventually, he shook out all the remaining pills in the vial into his palm, swallowed them, and closed his eyes.

 

Through his d**g-fueled consciousness, sleep finally crept in. But as always, it wasn’t a full night’s sleep.

 

Even as he slept, the things around him wore on his nerves.

 

The tedious ticking of the second hand, the sound of the wind outside the window, the subtle smell of fibers rising from the woolen carpet, the sound of breathing, and the sweet smell of sweat on something weak and young….

 

“Are you awake?”

 

The boy asks, his cheeks red with heat from the sun. He reached out to touch it. He reaches out and feels his warm cheek against his fingertips. He felt a tickle in his chest. He twitched his fingertips, and the boy laughed.

 

A white, guttural laugh. It’s an innocent, sweet laugh.

 

“…Why….”

 

The boy looked at him with puzzled eyes. He realized he grabbed his wrist. Their gazes tangle. A nervous thirst rises in him. Slowly, he raised himself and pulled him. Their lips overlapped. Slightly dry lips touched.

 

Chills, goosebumps. The veins in his body pulled taut. Lips that had only touched, shallowly interlocked, rubbing against soft flesh. Their lips moved slowly, like a boy and girl clumsily acknowledging each other’s presence.

 

The boy, frozen in surprise at first by the cautious and secretive behavior, closed his eyes. A small gasp tickled the inside of his mouth. He was dizzy. A lump of desire, so vivid it made his vision go white, rose in his throat.

 

“Ah….”

 

He grabbed the boy’s slender frame and pulled him roughly to his feet, pinning him to the bench. They kissed like they were going to devour each other. Their bodies pressed together, growing hotter and hotter. The boy grunted like a young animal as his body was crushed. Lips parted, tongues darted, bodies pressed together, and all he could think was that it wasn’t enough.

 

***

 

“…….”

 

The alarm he’d set for his early morning workout rang loudly in his room, forcing him to open his eyes and think for a moment about where he was and what he was doing.

 

He slowly pushed himself up. He threw off the sheets, took in the changes in his body with his own eyes, said, “S**t,” swallowed a laugh, and walked to the bathroom. He felt like he needed the cold water to wake him up. He turned on the shower and the water poured in before he had a chance to undress. As his body cooled, the heat beneath him became more and more apparent.

 

“Hahaha.”

 

He laughed lightly, then pulled his pants down. He squeezed the hardened member and began to move his hand. It wasn’t long before the cloudy liquid trickled down to the floor. But the heat didn’t go away. Eventually, he had to rub it over and over again to appease his need. Only one scene replayed in his mind like a video that broke down before the c**max.

 

The boy’s face, white and smiling, standing on the road.

 

“F**k….”

 

It wasn’t until he woke up from the dream that he realized what he wanted, and that it was taken from him before he could have it.

 

He had to stand under the cold stream of water for a long time, long enough for the blood in his body to freeze.

 

***

 

“Oh, hello there. I wanted to wish you a happy birthday, so….”

 

The boy sighed deeply as he stumbled over the words he had practiced for hours.

 

Maybe he should just turn around. No, he’s come all this way, he might as well give him a present. …What the h**l.

 

He’d been standing on the Levin’s porch for thirty minutes now, wondering the same thing, while a dozen people had opened the door and entered the party.

 

The boy pulled out his cell phone.

 

[I’m scared, I,] he typed.

 

His siblings came into the room, and he hastily sent an unfinished message. He tried to send a correction later, but it was too late, so he postponed it until the next day. But when he woke up, resending the message was harder than he thought.

 

Phillip hadn’t responded to the interrupted message. Wondering if he was being self-conscious, he gritted his teeth for the rest of the day and decided that he’d rather talk to him face-to-face.

 

But he didn’t show up at the bench that day. Nor the next day, nor the day after that. He couldn’t even pretend to know him at school, and it was weird to send him a message days later. It was obvious that he wouldn’t care about such a text. Maybe he’d even forgotten that he’d sent him a message. …It was a strange relationship to have in the first place.

 

But he didn’t want to leave things hanging in case there was a misunderstanding, so he decided to come to the party despite Aaron’s protests.

 

“…I guess it’s okay.”

 

The boy muttered to himself as he reflected his neatly ironed clothes and newly purchased shoes on the glass of the entrance. He came dressed as neatly as possible, but he couldn’t help but feel scared. His fingers tightened around the gift wrap as he remembered Fred’s voice scoffing at his invitation to the party, saying that even the dogs and cows were invited.

 

He was afraid if he came here, people would laugh at him.

 

He was used to being laughed at, having been a minority all his life, but he didn’t want to make Phillip feel bad about it. He was different from him. Someone who was always in the center of attention, dazzling, strong, and beautiful.

 

His presence was palpable. He was told that the starting quarterback of the football team, the most popular guy on campus, was Korean.

 

He didn’t dare to feel a sense of identification with him, just curiosity at first. Every time he saw him, his eyes naturally went to him, and before he knew it, he was staring at him. When he rescued him from being disfigured by Fred’s prank and locked in a locker, he was so stunned that he thought his barely-repaired heart would stop beating. They talked and exchanged books afterward, but he was always mindful of the invisible line. Phillip belonged to a different world than his own.

 

The boy looked down at his feet.

 

For the ninety-ninth time, as he debated whether to leave the gift on the porch and go home, or to give it to him face to face, someone tapped him on the shoulder.

 

“What the h**l, I didn’t realize it was you.”

 

It was Ash, his history classmate. Peter said a quick hello.

 

“You’re here too?”

 

“Oh, uh, yeah. I was invited, but I was just going to drop off a gift….”

 

“Then why aren’t you going in?”

 

“I was about to….”

 

“Let’s go in together. I don’t know many people there either.”

 

Ashley Lohan, known for her good nature, casually slipped her arm through the boy’s. The boy was dragged through the front door in between mumbles.

 

There were a lot of people there. Luxurious floor coverings, people dressed in fancy clothes, music blaring and laughter.

 

Ashley walked in with strides, dragging the boy who suddenly entered a strange world with her.

 

“Ash, what took you so long? Nick’s been waiting for you since earlier.”

 

“Thanks. I got stuck in traffic.”

 

“Ash, you look great today.”

 

“You too.”

 

Ashley, who didn’t know many people, was greeted with friendly greetings with every step she took.

 

“There he is.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Ashley led the boy to a couch in the corner of the parlor. There sat Phillip and his friends, the life of the party tonight.

 

“Hey, Phillip. I brought you a stray rabbit.”

 

Phillip turned his head from his deep seat on the couch. When their eyes met, he looked at the little boy for a moment. His eyes were almost dreamy.

 

“…Hello.”

 

The moment the boy said hello, Phillip’s expression instantly changed. The boy froze, clutching the gift wrap, in front of Phillip’s cold expressionless face. He felt like he was being reaffirmed that he had no place at this table.

 

“I thought you were invited?”

 

“…I got it before.”

 

The boy replied in a crawling voice. Looking at the boy’s pitifully white face, Ashley tilted her head affectionately.

 

“If you don’t like it here, why don’t you come with me over there and I’ll get you something to drink.”

 

Phillip’s eyes narrowed as he watched Ashley tug on the boy’s arm.

 

“I’m….”

 

Before the boy could respond, a large hand gripped his shoulder in a vicious grip, pulling him over to the couch.

 

“He’s the guest I invited, thank you.”

 

Phillip said with his trademark elegant smile.

 

“Well, I’ll go over there then. If you get bored, come by the pool.”

 

Ashley gave the boy a quizzical look, then walked away.

 

“Hey.”

 

Phillip greeted with a smile.

 

“…hi.”

 

That was it. There was no further conversation between the two. Phillip talked to the people around him. The boy sat alone, fiddling with his gift wrap, listening to them talk without saying a word.

 

“What is that, a gift?”

 

Kilian asked, sitting across from the boy. Before the boy could answer, he reached out and snatched the package away.

 

“Can I unwrap it?”

 

Killian asked. The boy looked over at Phillip. He hadn’t looked up.

 

“…Yeah.”

 

The boy answered weakly. Peeling back the carefully wrapped paper, Killian burst out laughing.

 

“A flower pot? You didn’t really mean to give this to Phillip, did you?”

 

“A pot? Is it like a really expensive plant?”

 

“No, it’s not expensive. It’s lavender…. It’s supposed to be good for insomnia….”

 

“Insomnia? Who has insomnia, Phillip?”

 

All eyes turned to Phillip. Phillip made eye contact with the boy. He stared at the boy with expressionless eyes, then opened his mouth.

 

“I’ll put it to good use. Thanks.”

 

As he said it, he didn’t even glance at the potted plant the boy had brought. The boy was so depressed that he couldn’t even bring up the topic of the message.

 

The loud conversation resumed. No one was paying attention to the boy anymore.

 

The boy sat still, fiddling with the leaves of the lavender, and thought that it was a good thing he was inconspicuous, so Phillip won’t laugh at him.

 

…But he couldn’t help but wish he had listened to Aaron.