SWAP 98

“…So I pushed the reservation back to the afternoon for now. I wanted to decide after seeing hyung’s condition. The deadline is today, but still….”

“…….”

My stomach hurts. Ignoring the stinging pain that felt like being pricked by needles, Seoul was barely maintaining his expression. He wanted to rub the area near his solar plexus where it throbbed, but since there were many eyes watching, he only curled his fingertips. This was apart from the fact that cameras were rolling; he simply didn’t want to show his current state.

Glance. Letting all the conversation, which sounded like background noise, drift past him, Seoul stole a look at Saheon sitting next to him. As expected, he wasn’t even looking this way. Though they were sitting on the same sofa, Seoul consciously noted the distance of about two spans between them and tried to steady his mind.

He noticed everything.

The faint suspicion had long since turned into a certainty.

Others might not know, but Seoul, who had spent his whole life with him, could feel it clearly. It was almost laughable how unsure he had been, considering how obviously he was being avoided. They say gut feelings always hit the mark. Having experienced the bitter reality that it wasn’t a mere delusion in just a few hours, Seoul was currently swept up in a state of light despair beyond just being discouraged. If they weren’t filming, he probably would have dug a hole and crawled inside even deeper.

Of course, he understood.

Anyone would be flustered to realize that someone they thought was their best friend was treating them with a completely different set of emotions.

It would be even more awkward if it was an affection that had already been rejected once—one thought to be long finished. Even worse, it was discovered in the most terrible way possible. It was enough to give anyone the creeps, wondering if he had been looking at him with those eyes all along while pretending otherwise.

Saheon was the type to firmly state that not a single person among those who liked him was in their right mind. Seoul felt gloomy because he felt he had finally contributed some credibility to that judgment. If this isn’t a disaster, what is? Since they were in a situation where they were even living together, he feared Saheon might be swallowing sighs as he looked back on his past words and actions that had been passed over as trivial.

It was unfair, but there was no way to make excuses. Therefore, the only thing Seoul could do was treat Saheon, who had begun avoiding him, as normally as possible. He didn’t want to make things difficult by acting strangely. Fortunately, the nausea wasn’t so bad that he had to run to the bathroom immediately, and just as he was clenching his teeth to hide it;

“…So what do you think, hyung? …Hyung?”

“Huh?”

Startled back to reality by Yun Hyeok suddenly approaching him, Seoul answered with a blank voice. Since it was obvious he hadn’t been listening to the long explanation, Yun Hyeok didn’t bother to point it out and kindly explained again while pointing at the phone screen in his hand.

“Pottery. The weekly mission is until today, so I think we should go to the workshop today, but if your condition isn’t great, hyung, I was thinking we could just give it up. We’ve already achieved the other three, so it’s okay if we miss one.”

“Ah….”

On the app screen, the mission period ending today and the pottery item—the only one marked as unachieved—were displayed. Realizing that a week had already flown by, Seoul lifted his head and met the worried gazes of the two people watching him. Thinking that he was making even his younger dongsengs worry with his fake illness, he snapped out of it.

“Sorry, I was thinking about something else for a second. Should we go right now?”

“If you’re overdoing it….”

“No, no. My stomach is fine now. It’s a waste since there’s only one left. It’s something I’ve wanted to try for a long time, so I’d feel regretful if I didn’t go.”

When he gave a faint smile mixed with a bit of sincerity, the hesitating Yun Hyeok nodded. Since the person involved said he was that fine, there was no way to stop him. The house became busy as the next schedule was quickly decided. Perhaps the location had been scouted in advance; after receiving guidance that they could move immediately, Seoul changed his clothes and was about to pick up the car keys when he saw Saheon, who had somehow reached them a beat faster. Seoul hurriedly reached out.

“Ah, I’ll drive….”

“Forget it. I’ll do it.”

Whish. As Saheon turned his body away slightly before Seoul could even touch the keys, Seoul was left behind, slowly lowering his hand that had stopped in mid-air. Does he hate me that much…. He fiddled with his fingertips, trying to hide his embarrassment. He knew it was awkward, but a surge of hurt inevitably rose at the blatant signs of avoidance.

It’s not like I did that on purpose.

I clearly told him to leave, and he’s the one who helped me of his own accord, saying it was fine….

He muttered like that to himself, but in the end, it was just self-justification. He was swallowing his swelling emotions, blaming himself for blaming others again, when he heard a voice calling “Lee Seoul” from the front door. Lifting his gaze, he saw Saheon waiting with the door half-open.

“What are you doing? Come out quickly.”

“…….”

As he approached slowly, he saw his shoes had been turned around toward the inside. Knowing whose work it was, Seoul could only bite his tongue in silence. This is the cruelest part of Seo Saheon. It’s clear he’s awkward and flustered, yet he treats me Dajeong-ly out of habit. Even if he stays two spans away, he never leaves me alone.

Look at him now.

Despite not looking back, Saheon opened the passenger door for him and made him sit right next to him, making Seoul feel like he wanted to run away somewhere. If he were perfectly held in contempt, he might at least be able to let go of his heart, but Saheon pushes him away only to catch and soothe him when it seems he might truly fall, making it impossible to give up.

Thinking that it was the worst kind of Dajeong in the world, he pressed his palm firmly against his stinging solar plexus. After buckling his seatbelt with his own hands, Seoul leaned his head against the window. Closing his eyes in hopes that his churning stomach would settle, the engine started quietly. Unaware that Saheon, with his hands on the steering wheel, was staring at him intently every time the car stopped at a signal, Seoul did not open his eyes until they arrived.

“I wasn’t sure if you were coming, so I’m glad to meet you like this. I am Heo Doae. As you can see, I am a potter. My aptitude matches my name, so you may laugh.”

Heo Doae, Yun Hyeok’s pottery teacher, was a man in his 40s who gave off the impression of “I am an artist” at a single glance. With his long hair reaching past his shoulders roughly tied and held in place with a brush, he greeted the four of them with a benevolent smile. Without any signs of nervousness despite the cameras positioned everywhere, he cleanly explained the content of today’s lesson and led them inside the workshop.

Except for Yun Hyeok, the rest were all beginners, but Heo Doae clapped his hands and suggested that since they were touching clay anyway, they should spin the wheel and try making cups. He began his explanation by handing out lumps of clay that looked like playdough to each person.

Seoul moved his hands, nodding slightly at the instructions to first slap the clay down to make it round, then slam it onto the center of the wheel! After fixing it, he just had to knead and center it. At Heo Doae’s remark that everyone uses automatic wheels these days, Seoul lightly stepped on the pedal, and the round wheel spun rapidly. With a sense of wonder, he fixed the clay he had shaped into a circle and sprayed water, feeling a texture like caramel against his fingertips.

“Wow….”

Blinking in surprise at the unexpected texture, Seoul moved his palms cautiously. Along with the kind explanation to try centering it slowly by pulling it upward and then pushing it back down, Heo Doae showed a demonstration. Looking at the way the clay changed shape easily and looked soft, Seoul tried to follow along diligently, but it was harder than expected, and he struggled.

Unlike Seoul, Ye Juyeol and Seo Saheon centered their clay quite well.

Unlike Ye Juyeol, who was shouting like an elementary schooler, “Teacher, look at this…!” with an excited face, Saheon looked bored even as he gazed down at the perfectly shaped cylinder. Perhaps reading the thought, “I shouldn’t be here doing this kind of thing right now…”, Heo Doae smiled kindly and spoke, saying that from now on is what’s important.

“Now, we are going to poke a hole in the centered clay. Now. Hold the pillar firmly with both hands and slowly, with your fingertips, dig into the inside. Yes, good. Steadily, so it doesn’t shake, you are making a path into the inner part.”

“…….”

It was from about that point that cracks began to appear in Saheon’s expressionless face, which seemed as though not even a needle could penetrate it.

He lifted his head toward Heo Doae, frozen like a person who had just heard profanity on a 9 p.m. children’s public broadcast.

“The center might collapse, so hold it firmly to fix it. Then, put your finger deep into the innermost part. All the way… until it touches the bottom. And then, feeling it stitch by stitch, pull it all the way out. If it’s stiff, you can pour some water, but….”

“…….”

“If it’s too much, it’ll get soggy and won’t work. It’ll just go limp and collapse.”

What the hell is this crazy guy saying right now?

Due to the overly provocative instructions, Saheon’s pillar of clay, which had been standing nicely and upright, shook in an instant.