SWAP 68

Drip, drip.

One or two droplets fall and disappear beneath the surface of the violently rippling water.

Seoul, who had been staring blankly at the sink like someone who had lost their soul, realized only after a long time that the droplets were falling from his own eyes. He had come into the bathroom precisely because he knew this would happen, so it was a relief, in a way. Of course, the fact that he was pathetic remained unchanged.

Why am I always like this?

He found himself ridiculous for having made zero progress over all those years. Even though he had hardened his heart in his own way, he ended up in this state at the slightest provocation. Being delusional alone, worrying alone. Then, in the end, he just takes his anger out on a kid who didn’t even do anything wrong.

And then, to act so needlessly sorrowful behind the scenes like this.

It was a good thing no one was home; he was at a total loss as to what excuse he would have made if he had done this while everyone was together. Was Saheon very angry? When the image of Saheon’s back as he grabbed the car keys and walked out while suppressing his irritation came to mind, worry poured in belatedly. I should have just said nothing. A feeling of apology surged up, as he felt he had acted out of useless stubbornness. He must definitely be drunk.

“Sigh…”

Seoul, unable to hold back a leaking sigh, blinked his eyes mechanically.

Because his skin was the type that would immediately leave marks if he wiped or rubbed with his hands, he tended to just let the tears fall like this. Since it was a method he used often, he even knew the right angle, so it wasn’t difficult. Watching the droplets fall along his eyelashes rather than his cheeks, he felt all his strength drain away.

If he could, he wanted to throw away his heart too.

Whether it was a trash incinerator or a graveyard, he wanted to pour it all into a deep pit and throw dirt over it. He wouldn’t care if he heard any sound coming from beneath the ground after treading it down firmly. It would be his own scream and his own lingering attachment anyway. Such things have no meaning at all. If only he could throw it away cleanly.

But that was so difficult.

He wants to stop liking him, but to this day, he doesn’t even know how.

This feeling couldn’t possibly be normal. It was just as Saheon said.

His stomach churned again, but since he couldn’t afford to vomit here, he just took deep breaths and soothed his insides. Since he would be completely drained of energy once he threw up, Saheon would surely notice immediately. And we have to eat pizza later…. Mumbling like that, he turned the faucet all the way to the right. The lukewarm stream soon became as cold as ice.

Seoul, having filled the sink with it, bowed his head without hesitation.

Holding his breath as if dead, he kept his face submerged in the cold water.

Only after repeating that action several times did he look into the mirror. Confirming that fortunately no part of his face was swollen, Seoul finally turned off the water. After wiping his face with a towel and changing into the clothes he brought in, he stepped out the door. When he checked the time, over an hour had already passed.

Since he had nothing else to do, he was clearing the cluttered table when the front door swung open.

“Oh…”

It was Saheon, holding five pizza boxes in one hand. Tossing his rain-soaked umbrella into the stand as if it were a nuisance, he immediately made a threatening remark toward Seoul, who was holding an empty plate.

“I told you to be prepared.”

“…Did you really make all of that yourself?”

“Yeah. I almost got a job.”

The owner, who had been incessantly admiring Saheon as he spread the dough perfectly without a single hole, eventually talked some nonsense. Despite the offer to pay 1.5 times the hourly wage, Saheon, who had simply piled on toppings with dead eyes, plopped the tiresome pizzas onto the table. Since he had been exchanged for them, he couldn’t even flip them over, and his irritation was no joke. He struggled to suppress the comment that he wanted to grill the owner instead of the dough, as his gaze suddenly turned sharp.

“What is this? What’s wrong with your eyes?”

Before he could be stopped, he grabbed Seoul’s cheeks firmly.

He tried touching the face that was small enough to be completely hidden in Saheon’s hands with both of his hands, and he felt skin that had cooled down excessively.

“Why is your face so cold?”

“…I just washed my face.”

“What, in ice water?”

“No, just in cold water. I was hot… because I drank alcohol.”

It was a relief that he had a decent excuse. Saheon, as if he had expected Seoul to shift back and pull away while giving a vague explanation, stepped even closer and continued to rub the cold cheeks without letting go. Even when Seoul shook his head slightly saying it was fine, Saheon didn’t back down and instead pinched a cheek. Since Saheon’s body temperature was naturally high, the burning heat soon transferred.

Eventually, after fiddling with the face until he was satisfied, Saheon let go. It was as he was putting the plate Seoul had been holding into the sink instead. The front door opened again, and Ye Juyeol and Yun Hyeok came in, noisily bickering.

“Hey, if a customer hands you a ten-thousand won bill and 300 won, you should obviously just give back 3,000 won in change; why would you give back 2,700 won? Do you have no flexibility?”

“Nooo, I’m saying I didn’t think of that! I just thought they miscalculated!”

“And you call yourself a manager? Quit.”

“Wow. Anyone listening would think you actually treated me like a manager. Waaa, Sunbae-nim…!”

Whatever had happened at the convenience store, Ye Juyeol stopped shouting and, as soon as he made eye contact with Seoul, ran into the living room with a crying face. While moderately soothing him as he began to whine about Yun Hyeok picking on him, Seoul pointed to the table. At that, the moment Juyeol discovered the pizza, his face brightened in one second.

Gazing at him because he truly envied that simplicity, Seoul saw Ye Juyeol, who didn’t know the reason, curling his large body as much as possible while acting cute. Why? Whyyy? Why are you looking at me like that? At the sight of him acting all goofy, Seoul unknowingly smiled back; in that moment, Ye Juyeol, who saw something over Seoul’s shoulder, turned pale rapidly and took a step back. Then he bolted straight for the bathroom, saying he would go wash his hands.

“……?”

Left alone suddenly, Seoul said “Oh,” and was turning his head in the direction Ye Juyeol disappeared. Saheon, appearing from behind, naturally wrapped an arm around his shoulders and asked.

“I’m the one who worked my ass off making pizza, so why is it Ye Juyeol you’re smiling at. I feel wronged, Seoul-ah.”

“It’s just because he’s cute.”

“What?”

“What.”

“You said it was creepy when I said you were cute.”

“That’s true though.”

“Why the discrimination. Do you want to eat pizza?”

…It was an excuse, since he was going to make him eat it anyway. Still, he tried to refuse by saying no, but it was futile. Dragged along to the sofa just like that, Seoul soon had to swallow a slice of pizza with several layers of pepperoni stacked on it along with the fourth movie.

Even that alone was his limit, but because of the promise he had blurted out, he picked up a second slice. As he was nibbling on the crust while pretending to be fine, a large hand reached out from the side and snatched it away.

Turning his gaze in bewilderment, he saw Seo Saheon calmly chewing the pizza he had already put his mouth on. After scaring him by telling him to be prepared to take digestive medicine, he ended up acting like this again. And Seoul… found that kind of kindness from Seo Saheon difficult.

By the time the fifth movie ended, it was already well past midnight.

Just before going to their respective rooms to sleep, Seoul whispered in a low voice in the dark room, just like back then.

“…Sorry about earlier. Actually, you’re right. I just got embarrassed in front of the kids and lied without realizing it.”

“…”

“I haven’t had my first kiss either.”

No answer came back from Saheon.

He seemed to have already fallen asleep, perhaps because he was tired.

Seoul, who had been fidgeting under the blankets for a while, gave a greeting saying, “Goodnight.” Even though he had stayed home all day, it had been more exhausting than any other day, so the god of sleep rushed in as soon as he closed his eyes.

Not long after, the sound of even breathing resonated, and Saheon, who had been lying motionless, slowly sat up. Then, sitting on his bed, he stared at Seoul, who was sleeping in the darkness, for a long time.

“…”

Lied, my ass.

Saheon, who knew Lee Seoul’s liver-sized courage better than anyone, didn’t believe a single bit of what he just said. It seemed he intended to vaguely gloss over it since Saheon was making a fuss, but not a chance. Once filming was over, he intended to find out exactly who that bastard was, even if he had to harrass him for it.

What was he going to do once he found out?

What do you mean what, fuck, I have to erase them from the world.

Isn’t that the natural sentence for a partner who gobbled up that soft-hearted thing and then didn’t even date him? Without even looking, they were just total trash and a lunatic. Rubbing lips as they please like a slut without even taking responsibility….

Thinking up to that point, Seo Saheon paused and corrected himself.

No, fuck. Who do they think they are to take responsibility for Lee Seoul. Responsibility just for rubbing lips once, what, is this the Joseon Dynasty? Don’t put on airs with shitty things and just get the hell out of Lee Seoul’s life, a thousand miles away.

Seo Saheon, who intended to make them get out in various ways if they didn’t do it themselves, spent the whole night spitting on his own face and writing a will like that.

Without knowing that the incident truly capable of turning his stomach upside down would actually occur the very next day.