SWAP 67

Since it was a situation that occurred so suddenly, there was no time to try anything or react.

As the gap was pried open, his lips parted, and in an instant, saliva and tongues became entangled.

Soft, wet masses tangled together so intensely that they pried further inside, causing his shoulders to shudder. The back of his tongue was licked persistently as if the most tender flesh were being sampled, and Seoul, not knowing what to do, peeked his tongue up.

It was an action that came out reflexively, but as the tip of his tongue rubbed sharply against the prominent parts, it felt as though every nerve cord was being scraped. Unable to endure it, he immediately lowered his tongue, and his tongue was sucked down firmly, making his breath hitch in his throat. Desperate for air, he opened his mouth wider. Then, as if waiting for that, the thick tongue entered even deeper, as if it were going to poke all the way down his throat.

What is this?

He couldn’t keep his mind straight in this dizzying sensation.

He knew he was kissing, but it was so different from what he had imagined that his head spun. Of course, given that his partner was Saheon, he hadn’t expected a soft, fluffy atmosphere… but he was flustered because he didn’t know the act of kissing could be this messy.

Well, this reaction was natural, as Lee Seoul was a “natural monument” at the time who had never even seen a common pornographic video. Of course, it was closer to the fact that he didn’t have the time or leisure for it rather than it being by choice. Since his twenty-four hours a day were controlled in hour-long units centered only on acting, he almost never had a moment to be entirely alone.

Even when he finally managed to rest, he spent all that time meeting Saheon, so that says it all.

His disposition itself was quite plain, to the point that even his first nocturnal emission and masturbation only occurred after the infirmary incident.

Thus, the things Seoul had learned were merely actions with a layer of film over them through media. The well-refined kiss scenes and bed scenes in dramas or movies were the limits of what he could imagine, and even then, if he felt the intensity was too high, he filtered and judged them on his own. Originally, the act of creation itself involves a certain amount of illusion being added. When even love and hatred are fabricated, how would skinship be any different?

So he never imagined that he would be bitten and sucked in every corner of his mouth like this, in this manner. One moment his teeth were being swept, the next their tongues were tangled; he couldn’t even swallow his saliva, let alone his breath, and even as he barely managed to gulp, half of it flowed out, which Seo Saheon accepted and drank without leaving a drop. He wanted to say not to eat it because it was dirty, but instead, the large hand rubbed the back of his neck as if demanding more, making his closed eyelids tremble violently.

‘Hh, ah…! Mm-ng.’

I can’t breathe. He tried to pull back an inch while gasping for the lack of oxygen, but it was no use. Held firmly, unable to do this or that while his tongue was sucked, Seoul finally let out a whimpering sound. He couldn’t bring himself to push Saheon away, but he was suddenly terrified. He was already half-dizzy.

Seo Saheon, noticing that state like a ghost, blew a breath in and acted as if to soothe him. The palm that had been fiddling with the back of his neck traced down the side and gently rubbed his soft earlobe with his thumb. It was when Seoul instinctively tilted his cheek at the strange sensation.

Swish. After stroking it gently a few times, Saheon dug his fingernails in just enough not to hurt.

Then he fiddled with the outer ear, and before long, his finger slipped inside the ear.

As one ear was plugged tight, the sound of saliva tangling vibrated explicitly with a hum. The finger didn’t stop there and gently scratched the inside of the sensitive ear. Goosebumps ran down his back in an instant.

His lower abdomen tightened at the unfamiliar sensation. It was clearly his ear being touched, but due to the unexpectedly blooming sexual arousal, tension surged into his thighs. As his body shuddered and he hummed in his throat as if in pain while conscious of the itchy stimulation, the tip of his tongue was bitten. Simultaneously, a tingle, a signal came below his waist.

He realized it only a few seconds later.

Seoul, opening his eyes wide, recoiled in shock and hurriedly pulled his body back.

‘Uh, that, no…’

He could realize for himself that he had turned red up to his neck. It was a moment where he could not continue his words properly and hesitated for a long time on how to make an excuse. Seo Saheon, who was lying on the bed, slowly opened his eyes and looked this way. His gaze swept over the lips he had completely covered in saliva once, and then over Seoul’s lower half, which had become thickly swollen before anyone knew it, and suddenly it was dyed with irritation.

Soon, he roughly rubbed his face with his hand and muttered. It was low, but in a voice with a sharp edge.

‘Ha, fuck… this is shitty…’

…What?

At the sudden outburst of profanity, it felt as though he had been doused with cold water.

He was frozen still, confused about the situation, but Saheon did not look this way and did not add any further words. After being frozen like that for a while, Seoul suddenly stood up with a pale face. Then he fled from Saheon’s room as if escaping.

Opening the gate like a pursued person and entering his own room, Seoul closed the door while huffing and puffing. Perhaps sensing the commotion, not long after, there was a knock, knock on the door. Is something the matter? When the kind voice was heard, Seoul, startled, shook his head hurriedly. Then he answered a beat late. No, nothing’s the matter.

‘…’

‘…’

‘…Right. You must be tired, so go to sleep quickly. Since there’s filming again from the afternoon.’

With those words, the footsteps gradually grew distant. Even after confirming the sound of the door closing in the distance, his heart would not calm down, so he crouched and listened quietly. Even after waiting for a long time, he could no longer feel a sign of a presence.

Only then did he cover his face with his hands. Nothing’s the matter, my ass. He couldn’t figure out what on earth had happened. His head was a complete mess.

What on earth was so shitty?

He would have rather been blamed for the act of kissing him secretly.

However, because he saw exactly where Seo Saheon’s gaze had stopped, Seoul had no choice but to bite his lip hard. A kiss is possible, but once he confirmed with his own eyes that they were the same gender… he wondered if that was disgusting.

‘…’

When he thought that far, his toes suddenly felt cold.

He tried telling himself that it could happen, but he couldn’t help but feel dejected.

Seoul, slowly lowering the hands that were covering his face, dropped his gaze downward. What was even more miserable was himself, whose heat had still not cooled down despite everything. Since he had never been in trouble for this kind of thing before, he felt wronged and flustered. No matter how much time passed it didn’t subside, so he eventually unbuckled with trembling hands. As he pulled down his bulging underwear, his penis, still halfway erect, revealed itself.

Staring with tearful eyes, he reached out and grabbed the shaft. The light-colored tip was already smeared with thin fluid. Because he hated that so much and was embarrassed, he crouched his body and buried his face in his knees. As he moved his hand back and forth with a clumsy touch since he had only done it a few times, naturally the events of a moment ago filled his head.

The tongue that had rummaged through his mouth as it pleased, and the large hand that had gently swept his neck and earlobe. The lips that had licked and swallowed all the saliva he had spilled… h-euu, a small sound leaked out, and he gritted his teeth. While his waist shuddered along with the wet sounds, tears leaked out and he whimpered.

I don’t want to do this.

Simultaneously with that mumble, the sensation of ejaculation rushed in.

Drip, drip. Watching the pale semen that had fully drenched his palm, Seoul panted for breath, but soon ran to the bathroom in the room at a sudden surge of nausea. He grabbed the toilet and threw up his insides, but since he hadn’t eaten anything, only bile poured out. He couldn’t come out for a long time like that and fell asleep hours later as if collapsing.

‘Ha…’

When he opened his eyes toward the end of the morning, his mood was much better than before he fell asleep. It was because his thoughts had finally started to function properly after getting some sleep. Last night felt like hell, but as he rationally retraced it, Saheon’s condition, who had been bedridden with the flu, belatedly came to mind.

Right, he was sick.

The fever had gone down a bit, but there was no way of knowing if he was in a good state yet.

Maybe he could consider everything that happened last night as a dream.

Fortunately, it was dawn, so no one knew he had visited Saheon. Holding onto that sliver of blooming hope, Seoul prayed fervently without knowing it. He spent the whole day restless with his phone, telling himself to just think he had a nightmare. He didn’t have the confidence to contact him first, but if he received a message like usual, he at least had the confidence to reply as if nothing were wrong. Even if he remembered it all, he deathly hated becoming awkward with Seo Saheon. Wasn’t it possible he talked nonsense because he wasn’t in his right mind due to the fever?

But the text didn’t come.

Not the next day.

Nor the day after that.

One day, a week later, Saheon replied only after a long time to Seoul’s message asking if his cold was all gone. “Yeah, I’m okay now.” Despite never having exceeded an hour before. To the message from that kid, which didn’t even ask how the filming was or if he had eaten, Seoul stared at the screen for a long time. It had never been like this. Truly not even once.

While trying to calm his anxiously beating heart and sending messages a few more times, it was the same. A few hours later, or the next day. Then, realizing that no reply would come at all, Seoul urgently postponed his filming and rushed to Saheon’s house. You remember everything. That’s why you’re keeping your distance. With his insides burning once more, he blindly pressed the bell.

If that’s really it.

If it’s truly that.

He wanted to at least link pinkies and promise never to do it again.

You tried your best too. If it still doesn’t work, then it’s really not it. He wanted to ask for forgiveness, swearing he had no intention of trying anything. If he could only return to how it was before, he was willing to do anything.

‘Oh, Seoul-ah. It’s been so long! You’re very busy lately since you’re filming, right? Did you come to see Saheon? It’s perfect since we were just about to eat. Oh, there’s a guest too. You know her, right? Dajeong. The adults said she got into the same university as Saheon this time…’

Upon entering, there was Seo Saheon, whom he was seeing for the first time in two weeks.

While pulling out the chair opposite that kid, who was sitting side-by-side at the dining table with a small and pretty girl, Seoul had no choice but to keep his mouth shut. How should I put it. It just felt like the answer. Like a person who had suddenly stepped into a place where they weren’t invited, for the first time he felt a familiar sense of alienation in that kid’s house.

He doesn’t remember the conversation well. He only questioned himself endlessly with the feeling of being hit over the head. That perhaps we are in a relationship closer to romance than friendship. Why on earth did he think that? He was so foolish that he just wanted to hit his past self.

As if that kid felt the same, the meal ended without meeting his eyes once. Even after confirming his rice bowl, which hadn’t even been a quarter emptied, Saheon did not say a word. And then catching him as he tried to return, just that one sentence.

‘Lee Seoul. Don’t come to the graduation ceremony, just don’t.’

You should at least have your graduation photos.

Saheon was the one who had made sure to take care of that much, if nothing else.

Seoul, standing still, only nodded like a good child, and eventually, as that kid said, he did not attend the graduation ceremony.

Seo Saheon did not contact him after that either.

Since he ruined it with his own hands, it was unavoidable.

And a long time later, everything went dark.